


Running, Returning

by blueberryscone



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Actor Kylo Ren, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anal Sex, Bodily Harm, Complete, Death, Draw Me Like One of Your French Girls, Edge Play, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, Ex Drama, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Loss of Virginity Mention, Mild Degradation, Morphine, Naked Female Clothed Male, Oral Sex, Phone Sex, Praise Kink, Pregnancy, Protective Kylo Ren, Rooftop Sex, Senator Leia Organa, Sensitive Kylo Ren, Shameless gratuitous smut, Sloooooow Burn, Smut, The smut is here finally, Therapy, Things are heating up, Voyeurism, Wanderlust, Wedding, all the feels and then some more feels, cameo from our favorite Finn and Rey, couture fashion, daddy lets you cum, did I mention lots of fluff, fluffy enough to make your damn eyes bleed, hospital stay, kylo is daddy, rape mention, reader is still on a mission tho, slight DD/LG, will update tags as I go, you're in a cult call your dad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-24
Updated: 2019-01-13
Packaged: 2019-08-07 04:21:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 44
Words: 104,180
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16401230
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blueberryscone/pseuds/blueberryscone
Summary: Just as you were about to walk back towards the front of the cabin the man suddenly grabbed your wrist. You were shocked and looked back at him. He gripped your left wrist painfully rough and continued to look you in the eye. You panicked and tried to jerk away from him. Your fear turned into rage as you leaned forward and spoke directly into his face.“Let go of me. Right. Now.” You said through gritted teeth. You didn’t have to tolerate this kind of inappropriate behavior. His grip remained constant as he finally spoke.“I know who you are……" He said low and menacingly. “He’s been looking for you, whore.” He glanced down at the scar and smirked.





	1. First Class

You carefully pushed the sturdy metal cart down the aisle of the Boeing 747 you were currently servicing, paying attention to not bump into anyone’s elbows. You worked your way down the aisles, offering champagne and hot towels to your first-class passengers. First class traveling always seemed so glamorous to you before you got into this field, but now you were able to see it for what it was – a reprieve for snobby uptight rich people or celebrities who couldn’t be bothered to travel with _regular people…._ god forbid. You rolled your eyes at the thought.

You excelled at your job and even though you were pretty burnt out on constantly waiting hand and foot on everyone else, you pushed past your annoyance and continued to find pleasure in going above and beyond to complete your duties to the best of your abilities. You always gave 100%.

When you finished your time at the flight attendant academy you couldn’t wait to get out into the world. Wanderlust infected your heart at a very young age and the appeal of being paid to travel all over the world is what attracted you towards a career as a flight attendant. Making sure everyone around you knew that you were destined to get out and spread your wings, no one was surprised when you had enrolled in the academy.

You loved your job at the beginning, before it inevitably became just another repetitive chore. At the start, you enjoyed planning sight-seeing trips around the various places that you traveled to around the US. You eventually worked your way up to international flights and were ecstatic to find yourself booked on flights to so many exotic destinations such as Tokyo, Paris, and Milan.

The fast-paced lifestyle kept your mind off of the things you’d rather not think about. Better to throw yourself into your work and traveling.

You looked down at scar on the inside of your left wrist. Laser treatments had faded it some but you still knew it was there. A constant reminder of your past that you could never outrun. Your eyes welled with tears and you quickly pushed the thought out of your head and returned to your work.

“Hot towel, sir?”

“More champagne, miss?”

The lifestyle was glamorous and you enjoyed the fact that you could be a nomad, not really settling in any one place. You were running from your past and your career made it that much easier to do so. You spent the last 8 years hauling your ass all over the globe, but as the days passed you became increasingly aware of a giant void in your life. Your heart ached for connection, to anyone or anything around you, but instead you continued to live each day as disposable as the last. Maybe he was right. Maybe you didn’t deserve happiness after all.

Today was turning out to be as lackluster as the last. The flight you were servicing was a commercial flight from Rome to Los Angeles. It had started out as uneventful as any other. You arrived at Fiumicino Airport at 5:45 AM like clockwork, made your way through security, and then arrived at your terminal. The flight departed at exactly 7:14 AM and so far had been unremarkable, with the exception of a crying baby seated in coach that just wouldn’t stop wailing.

The flight had been going for nearly 13 hours and you were approaching the final part of the journey. You had made your way to the last row of first class passengers and offered amenities to a man in the last seat on your left. You didn’t really pay much attention to him at first – a habit you had developed over the years. They weren’t really people to you anymore. Just ships passing in the night. Disposable, soon to be replaced

“Hello sir, would you like something drink? Perhaps a hot towel?” you asked, mustering the most convincing smile you could. He did not answer you, instead just stared at you with increasing intensity. “Sir?”

He continued to stare at you without saying a word. This wasn’t anything new to you. Men were typically disgusting and would ogle you at every chance, especially in your line at work. You had been groped and poked at for years. It came with the territory.

You were used to the attention. You were an incredibly attractive woman – stacked in every sense of the word. You were taller than the average woman, coming in at five feet eight inches. Your hair was long and was usually styled in an elaborate up-do or swinging in loose, wavy curls. You were blessed with an unbelievable voluptuous figure, with heavy round breasts that hung gingerly on your chest. Your belly was soft and somewhat round, and your thighs were thick and muscular thanks to all of the squats you insisted on doing whenever you found the time to work out. Your ass was just as solid, it swayed back and forth deliciously whenever you walked. Your uniform included a short navy pencil skirt which only enhanced your legs that seemed to go on for days. As much as they hurt your feet you always insisted on wearing heels. You enjoyed building your collection of them and made sure to purchase a different pair in every new place that you would visit. You loved shoes. They were the only part of your uniform that you were allowed to showcase your creativity.

The man continued to stare at you for several seconds but refused to speak a word. You became increasingly uncomfortable and attempted to dismiss yourself. “Nothing for you then? Not a problem. If you change your mind please let me know.”

Just as you were about to walk back towards the front of the cabin the man suddenly grabbed your wrist. You were shocked and looked back at him. He gripped your left wrist painfully rough and continued to look you in the eye. You panicked and tried to jerk away from him. Your fear turned into rage as you leaned forward and spoke directly into his face.

“Let go of me. Right. Now.” You said through gritted teeth. You didn’t have to tolerate this kind of inappropriate behavior. His grip remained constant as he finally spoke.

“I know who you are……" He said low and menacingly. “He’s been looking for you, whore.” He glanced down at the scar and smirked.

Your blood ran cold as his words echoed through your mind. How had he found you? Your attempt to slide out of his grip was unsuccessful as you saw him quickly draw a knife out of the bottom of his shoe. He lunged at you and drove the blade deep into your abdomen and you screamed. His eyes never left yours. He stabbed you again. He was smiling now.

Just as he pulled the knife out and was about to stab forward at you again, someone grabbed you forcefully from behind and moved you out of the way. The tall figure lunged forward at the man and punched him, hard, directly in the middle of the face. The man who had stabbed you proceeded to take the knife and run it deeply across his own neck. Blood began to squirt and spray out all over, covering the seats and floor with the thick crimson liquid. He slumped over in his seat. What the fuck was going on......

Dizzy, you fell into the seat behind you as your eyelids felt increasingly heavy. You fought unconsciousness but lost the battle when you blacked out completely. All you could see was darkness. Were you dead?


	2. Type O Positive

_Beep._ _Beep._ _Beep._ _Beep._

 

Slowly, you opened your eyes. “Fuck…” you muttered to yourself as you tried to pull yourself up. You were in bed? A bed that wasn’t your own. As your eyes became acclimated to the dim light all around you suddenly became aware of pain. Searing and excruciating pain in your abdomen. You panicked at the sensation and scrambled to pull the blankets that covered you and once the layers were removed you saw blood soaked gauze and bandage wrapped all the way around your stomach.

_Beep. Beep. Beep._

Your heart rate increased as you became progressively agitated when you noticed the tubes and IV’s hanging out of your arms, the oxygen being fed into your nose. Fuck. Sudden memories came flooding back into your mind as you recalled what had happened right before you remembered waking up here.

The man’s piercing eyes, the way he held onto you and wouldn’t let go. The way he had run that blade so easily across his throat and the way he smiled when he did it. His words echoed through your mind.

“ _He’s been looking for you…”_

The hairs on your arms and the back of your neck stood on end. Your stomach dropped and you immediately felt like you were going to be sick. You bent over the side of the bed and emptied the contents onto the floor. You needed to get the fuck out of here as quickly as possible. If he had found out where you were then you definitely weren’t safe here.

You began to tear at the tubes and wires and yanked them all out swiftly. You swung your legs over the side of the hospital bed and planted them firmly on the ground. One step at a time.

You placed one foot in front of the other. Each step was accompanied by the most excruciating pain you had ever experienced in your life. You had almost reached the door frame when your legs gave out and you started to fall. You fell limp into pile on the floor as a pool of red began to collect around you. Everything became hazy again as you took shallow breaths. Your hands were grasping at your belly but it didn’t help. You were bleeding out and you didn’t have the strength to cry out.

“NURSE! HELP!” Just then a man you had never seen before rushed through the doorway and bent over next to you. You looked into his eyes. A deep brown with flecks of amber and gold. They were wide and full of worry. He grabbed your head and cradled it. He stroked your cheek.

“Just hang on, you’ll be okay.” He promised you, his eyes never leaving yours. Slowly, everything around you once again went black.

 

_Beep. Beep. Beep._

 

You awoke several hours later, and your awakening was very much a repeat of the first time. You immediately started to panic and tried to pull the tubes out of your arms.

“Hey, hey now, please don’t do that. You’re okay, I promise.” The man from earlier had stood and walked over to you and grabbed your hands. His voice was smooth as honey as he spoke to you. “You’re at Good Samaritan Hospital. You’ve lost a lot of blood. Please calm down.” He released your arms.

Attempting to take a deep breath, you closed your eyes and leaned your head back against the bed.

“I need to get out of here,” You opened your eyes and looked over at him. He had resumed sitting in the wooden chair that was to your right. You looked him up and down, making note of his distinguished nose and freckles that dotted his pale skin. You recognized him from somewhere but you couldn’t remember. “It’s not safe here.”

“You’re not going anywhere. You’re getting a blood transfusion right now. They said you’d die if you didn’t get more into your system.” He spoke calmly and slowly. “Are you in pain? They said they were going to give you more morphine.”

“I guess that explains why I can’t feel anything at all.” You replied as you finally exhaled the breath you didn’t realize you were holding. “Sorry, who exactly are you?”

“I was a passenger on the flight you were on. I saw the man that stabbed you, I jumped in to get him off of you.” You closed your eyes and tried to recall the specifics of what had transpired. You recognized him now, he was the one that had jumped him and moved you out of the way. He had punched the man in the face. He had saved your life. You couldn’t shake the feeling that you knew him from somewhere else, though. It made you nervous.

“Why the hell are you still here?” You replied bluntly. You didn’t trust him. What did he have to gain from staying with you for god only knows how long?

“Uhh excuse me? Why the fuck do you think I’m still here?” He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose between his fingers. “I wanted to make sure you were going to be okay, but I guess if you’d rather I leave then I will.” He stood and grabbed a leather jacket off the back of the chair. He turned and started to walk out of the room.

“Wait, no…please don’t leave…” You yelled over to him meekly. “I’m sorry….I’m just trying to process everything that’s happened. Thank you for saving my life.”

He stopped in his tracks. He didn’t turn around to look at you. “I just did what anyone else would have done. And now you’re okay so my job is done. Goodbye.” And with that he exited the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> reader is kind of a bitch.....sorry!


	3. Kylo fucking Ren

Five days had passed and you were finally discharged. You were crawling out of your skin to get as far away from Los Angeles as quickly as possible. You had called your boss and quit your job. That was nice while it lasted but it was time to start over somewhere new. A new name, a new you. It was the only way to make sure you would stay alive.

The dark and mysterious man who had come to your rescue never left your mind. His piercing eyes continued to haunt you each time tried to calm yourself enough to fall asleep, which was never for more than an hour at a time. You refused to acknowledge the fact that your legs felt like jello every time you imagined him. The nurse at the hospital had given you his phone number before you were released. He had left it with her to reach out to him when he had to leave your side to go to work in case anything happened when he wasn’t there. Why did he care so much?

You hadn’t mustered the courage to ring him yet. Your safety was your main priority right now. Currently, you were holed up in a shitty motel in the middle of nowhere in Missoula, Montana. It had taken you three days to drive here. They’d never think to look for you in Montana. You were biding time until you could figure out what you needed to do next.

You looked down at the crumpled piece of paper that had his phone number scrawled across it. Sighing loudly, you put the piece of paper back into the book you had been reading. _The Immortalists._ Reading was your only escape, a chance for you to be someone else. The only time you could truly let your guard down. Anything to remove yourself from your own terrible reality.

The wounds on your stomach ached and would take several weeks to heal completely. You refused to take any pain medication since you had left the hospital. You needed your senses to be sharp and uninhibited.

The next day you had finally finished formulating your plan. You would leave tomorrow for Fiji. You had a contact with a private plane that could pick you up from an abandoned airstrip a few miles away. He owed you a favor anyways. When you arrived in Fiji you would purchase a small homestead and find a job locally. Money wasn’t an object. You had all the money you needed to start a new life anywhere. You needed to stay under the radar. What would you change your name to this time? You really liked being “Karla” previously but it was time for something different.

 _“Maybe ‘Josephine’…”_ You thought to yourself. It had a nice ring to it.

You pulled the weathered slip of paper out of the book again. As you stared at it another wave of guilt washed over you. You couldn’t wrap your mind about the compulsion you felt to hear his voice again. You pulled the throw-away phone you had just purchased out and quickly dialed the number before you could change your mind. It rang only once before he answered.

“Hello?” You considered hanging up for an instant but spoke instead.

“Hi.”

“Who is this?” He asked from the other end of the line.

“It’s me, the woman from the hospital. Please don’t hang up. Just let me finish.” You began slowly. You knew you didn’t owe him any kind of explanation but for some reason you felt compelled to make sure he understood your reaction and skepticism. You continued to speak.

“I need to apologize for my behavior. I wasn’t in my right mind, but can you really fucking blame me? Someone tried to MURDER me. I didn’t mean to downplay your actions. You didn’t have to intervene to help me but you did anyways….and you stayed with me. You didn’t have to do that either. I’m sorry, okay? I couldn’t go another day without making sure you knew that.”

Silence.

“Hello?” Fuck. He had hung up. You looked down at the phone but the call was still in progress? You lifted the phone back up to your ear and listened. He cleared his throat and finally replied.

“What’s your name?” Your heart was in your throat. You didn’t want to give him some bullshit made up name. He deserved more than that. Slowly, you whispered your real name. Your birth name. The name you had killed many, many years ago. It felt strange and foreign on your lips. He slowly repeated it back to you and it made you shiver.

“I’m Kylo,” An uncommon name. Why did it sound so familiar? “I understand why you reacted the way that you did.” He wanted to tell you how relieved he was that you had finally called him, that you were still alive somewhere. He wanted to tell you how much he wanted to see you again. Instead, he asked you a question. “Do you want to get dinner with me sometime?” He suddenly asked.

“Uhhh that would be kind of difficult at this current juncture…” Just then you realized how sweaty your palms were. “I uh left the state. I’m not in California anymore.”

“Then I’ll come to you.” Was he serious? “Give me the address.” Without thinking you provided the address to the motel you were staying in. Why had you done that? You weren’t even sure if you could trust him yet. What if he knew your secret, knew who you really were? What if Kylo worked for _him_....?

“See you soon.” And with that, the line disconnected.

 

* * *

 

You didn’t expect him to actually show up. You had slept even worse that night than the last. The only two possible outcomes were you would never see him again or he would show up and murder you. No one in their right mind would come all of the way to Montana just to take you out on a date. That kind of motivation had to be driven by something much more unpleasant. Why were you such an idiot? You had been careful for so many years, why did you fuck it up so badly this time?

You rolled over in bed and reached for your book. Your bag was packed and sat next to the door. You gripped a long knife if your right hand, something you slept with every single night. It brought you comfort.

You had to meet the pilot at the airstrip in five hours. Maybe you’d feel relaxed enough to sleep on the plane once you were finally gone. Reading a few lines of text, you quickly snapped it shut. You couldn’t focus. You needed something more mindless to occupy your time. The remote found its way into your hand and you switched the TV on.

An entertainment news broadcast blared through the space. The host spoke about an actress who had just been checked into rehab. You realized then it had been at least 5 years since you had watched TV or media of any kind. You made it a point to avoid it.

“Sources say that it was voluntary. As always, we’ll keep you updated.” He continued. “In other news, it was announced early this morning that production on the new Scorsese film has been halted, due to its lead actor requesting an emergency leave of absence. Kylo Ren’s publicist released a statement this morning that the actor had requested time off due to extenuating circumstances.” Wait, what did he just say? “Scorsese quickly made a statement saying he was not interested in replacing Ren in the production and would halt progress until he was ready to return to filming. Details are still unfolding.”

Suddenly, you finally realized where you knew the mystery man from. Kylo fucking Ren. THE Kylo Ren. As much as you avoided television or films there was no way you could avoided seeing his name everywhere- on movie posters and billboards. Those freckles. You abruptly noted how much more attractive he was in person. How could you have not recognized him? Your head was swimming. A leave of absence?

Suddenly, a knock on the door jolted you out of your thoughts.


	4. Silo

Slowly, you stood and walked over to the door. You gripped the knife firmly behind your back, even if he was a celebrity you couldn’t run the risk of him trying to extinguish your life. You didn’t for a second doubt the power and reach of the people who were after you. Maybe he was one of _them_?

The door slowly opened with a long creak. God. There he was. In the flesh. Standing right in front of you.

His expression was neutral. His long hair was a shaggy mess and hung partially over his sultry eyes. It looked like he hadn’t slept in weeks. Meanwhile, your stomach was turning and twisting, a million somersaults. Kylo Ren flew all the way to Montana to take you out on a date. Or maybe to kill you. Was this really happening?

You both stood there in silence for a moment, neither of you saying a word. It was like you were seeing each other with a fresh set of eyes; these were different circumstances. His eyes never left yours.

While the gesture of him coming all of the way here was not wasted on you, you simply didn’t have time for this right now. In your mind you were trying to convince yourself that seeing him again was the furthest thing from your mind. Full blown panic mode still ensued, right?

You tightened the grip on the blade still hidden behind your back; you knew you couldn’t trust him, you couldn’t afford to trust anyone. You had a plan to start over as someone else and you intended on sticking with it. Maybe you’d settle down someday with a nice cattle farmer in Fiji….an agreeable and uncomplicated life was all you wanted.

“Hi.” Finally, he spoke. His voice was deep and flowed out of him like honey.

“…..you came?” You still couldn’t believe he was actually there. Maybe you were hallucinating.

“Montana? No offense but why the fuck are you in a run-down motel in Montana?” His neutral façade broke momentarily as you saw worry begin to paint itself across his face. “Who are you hiding from? Was it the same people who did that to you?” He pointed towards your stomach.

“Get inside and maybe I’ll talk to you about it.” You moved out of the way and gestured for him to enter. Kylo walked past you and inside of your dingy room. Only one of the lightbulbs worked in the entire place – the one in the bathroom which you left on at all times. The room was mostly dark and you couldn’t help but notice the shadows that the light cast across his face. You’d never admit it but god was he beautiful. You could see what all the fuss was about, not just about him but famous people in general. He looked so…perfect. Unblemished. Like an Adonis, towering beside you.

As he entered he plopped his duffel bag down on the ground with a loud thud that made you jump, dropping the knife on accident. It clattered to the floor, painfully loud, and he stared down at it.

“What exactly is that for?” He said slowly with wide eyes. God damn it. This was it. If he was here to murder you then now was his chance. You swallowed hard. He could sense your uneasiness. “Hey, calm down. Would you please just relax? I’m not going to hurt you.”

Kylo walked over to you and picked up the knife and set it on the table next to the TV. Next, he walked over to the bed and sat, patting the spot next to him as if asking you to come join him.

You exhaled loudly and walked over to him and slowly sat down beside him. You didn’t have to look at him to know that his eyes didn’t leave you the entire time. You tried to wrap your mind around the fact that he might actually just be here because….he wanted to see you again. Maybe he really didn’t have any ulterior motives but you couldn’t be certain quite yet. Something in his eyes drew you in and made you feel compelled to trust him but you couldn’t explain why.

You sat side by side in silence for a few moments; you could tell that he was giving you time to speak when you were ready.

“You know, you didn’t have to come all of the way here. I could have told you over the phone that I’m uhhh…not really _available_ right now.”

“I’m not sure what you mean, trying to let me down easy, eh? Are you trying to tell me that you’re married or something?” You scoffed at him as he finished.

“Well no, that’s not quite it,” You began. Before you could continue speaking he interjected.

“Wait, before you get started I think I’m going to need a drink.” He walked over to his bag and pulled out a huge bottle of bourbon and brought it back over and sat back down next to you. He unscrewed the cap and took a long swig of the smooth amber liquid, then offered the bottle to you.

 

* * *

 

Nearly an hour had passed before you had gotten through you entire life’s story. You had really laid it all out on the line, not omitting a single detail. You told him about how when you were fourteen your parents had died in a car accident and you were put into foster care. You ran away from every foster home until eventually you met a much older man who promised that he would take you under his wing and make sure you would always be taken care of. The man’s name was Hux.

You ended up moving with him into an underground missile silo in Oklahoma with his group of “followers” who put him on a pedestal and praised his ideals. Hux believed in free love and despised any kind of government agency. He believed that it was man’s right to be armed which is how he justified his hundreds of pistols and AR-15’s that were always available within arm’s reach. His disciples would lie, cheat, steal, and kill if it meant furthering his agenda. They would follow him to the ends of the earth if he asked it of them.

Everything was okay for a while when you had first arrived. You were grateful to have somewhere to call home and someone who cared enough about you to take care of you. You weren’t fully aware of all of the terrible things that were happening around you at the beginning, he had sheltered you from it. You couldn’t see it at the time but he had preyed on your vulnerability to get what he wanted. He slowly groomed you and tried to brainwash you, and for the most part you played along but knew in the back of your head that it was all bullshit.

All of the women that also resided in the bunker were his property and he slept with all of them regularly, stating it was for the sole purpose of propagating his superior lineage. Anyone with eyes could see that he was growing an army. He didn’t put his hands on you though…at least at first.

He kept everyone sequestered within the silo and only a select few men were allowed to leave. You had no way of telling how much time was passing outside and the months slowly turned into years. He praised you as being pure and perfect in every way, and on the night of your 18th birthday he forcefully took your virginity. He told you that you were his now, and that everything was going to be okay.

He later revealed his plans to you, he was to impregnate you and make you his wife. He said that the universe had lead you to each other and that together, you would lead his people on the path to create chaos and lack of trust in the government and the establishment. He wanted to tear everything down and start all over.

Every second after that point was complete torture for you. Your skin crawled every time you thought about having to be alone with him again. You knew you were in way too deep and that you’d never be able to get out alive. You had seen way too much to ever be able to just walk away. You never had a chance.

You played the game as best as you could but spent most of your time daydreaming about a life outside of the concrete walls of your “home.” The thing that broke your heart the most was knowing that you didn’t have anyone on the outside missing you. Your parents were all you had and they were gone.

One day, a few weeks after your 19th birthday, one of Hux’s followers pulled you into a closet when nobody else was looking. He told you that he was working undercover for the FBI and that he wanted to help you escape. The man said that he could tell you weren't one of _them_ , that you were dying to break free.

He could tell by the way that you joyfully read every book you could get your hands on and the way you daydreamed when you read the world atlases and looked over each of the maps carefully. He could tell by the look of pure terror every time Hux laid a finger on you that you weren't a willing participant here.

You were too bright and too independent to fall for Hux’s bullshit. He could tell that you were daydreaming about spreading your wings and getting out of there but knew you didn’t have the means to do so. The man had told you that it would jeopardize their entire investigation if anyone found out that he told you his true identity. Instead, he handed you an envelope containing $20K and a fake passport with the name “Karla Lewis.” From that point forward he secretly helped you plan your escape.

In the dead of night he helped you climb all of the way up and out of the missile silo, entering the secret code into the final door that stood between you and the outside world. He wasn’t aware at the time but the door had a failsafe which required two-person authentication and the second he swung the giant steel door open the alarm system started to sound. He made you leave even though it meant almost certain death for him. Hux was never going to let him live after he found out that he had released you.

You still remembered the look in his eyes as he urged you out of the door. Tears pooled in your own whenever you thought about it which wasn’t very often. You had run from the silo across miles of farmland through the night and into the morning. The next day you solemnly purchased a Greyhound ticket to Berkley California and you never looked back.

From that point forward you enrolled in school at UC and took a few classes, but struggled to keep up with the coursework. You were completely riddled with paralyzing fear and disdain for the damage Hux had imparted on you. You felt powerless. You struggled to undo the years of emotional and physical abuse you had weathered during your years in captivity. Most nights were spent either in crying fits or with sleep paralysis.

You hoped and prayed for a release of any kind and had considered suicide on more than one occasion. If it came down to it, you'd never give Hux the satisfaction of ending your life and instead opted for wearing a bracelet containing a cyanide capsule wherever you went. You were meticulous at maintaining your alter-ego and wholeheartedly embraced the "Karla" identity.

One day a flier advertising the flight attendant academy appeared at your feet and it felt like fate. You had acquired a few “friends” at school but they didn’t know you for who you really were. Nobody knew your secrets. It was easy to leave them behind in favor of becoming a stewardess. You were excited to finally see as much of the world as you possibly could. Still, in the back of your mind he always lingered.

You loved your job at first. It was the golden ticket you needed to give you hope and the desire to live again. Every day that past felt as spontaneous as the last and for the first time since your parents had died you were happy. You ate a warm baguette with camembert cheese under the shadow of the Eiffel tower. You marched an excruciating 3,579 steps up Machu Picchu. Moving from place to place made you feel safer; the fact that you never settled anywhere for too long was simply self-preservation.

Many years had since passed and you were incredibly tired of running away. The allure of a perfectly normal, boring life grasped at your soul at every turn. You would see families pile into their seats on their way to some memorable tropical vacation. Mothers holding their babies tightly to their breast. You would never have that and reminded yourself of the fact any time you felt yearning. You walled yourself off from everyone and everything as often as possible and it was starting to get to you.

And then one day a man you had never seen before stabbed you then killed himself in front of you.

The entire time you spoke to Kylo he had remained silent, never asking a single question. He gave you as much time as you needed to empty every single thought out of your head.

“So, to answer your question,” you looked him directly in the eye, “ _that_ is why I am holed up in a shitty motel in Montana.” The intensity in his stare seared through you down into your soul.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, Hux is a cult leader.


	5. The Yearning

He continued to stare at you for several more moments. He looked mortified and perplexed at the same time. You could see the wheels turning in his mind. He was trying to make sense of the information you had just shared so freely with him. Nearly a decade had passed and you yourself were still trying to make sense of it all. Eventually, he spoke.

“Can I see it?” It took you a second before you realized what he was referencing. The scar. The place that Hux had branded you like all of the other women in the compound. It was his way of further labeling you as his property. You nodded at Kylo and pulled up your sleeve, sticking your left wrist out to him. Several sessions of laser resurfacing had only faded the marking slightly. It was still very much visible, unfortunately. In that moment you had never felt so exposed, so vulnerable. You weren’t used to it and it didn’t feel good. Your stomach churned, your wounds throbbed.

The marking was that of an ouroboros – a snake eating its own tail. Kylo gently ran his fingers over the faded scar and his eyes welled with moisture. You quickly looked away. This was all too raw and emotional for your liking. He continued to touch you softly as he finally spoke.

“Come back to California with me. Stay with me. No one needs to know.” He began to plead with you. _What?_ Maybe it was the alcohol but your head was spinning and you started to feel dizzy.

“Don’t take this the wrong way but….why do you want to help me? Why the hell do you care so much?” You asked evenly. You still couldn’t think of a single reason a complete stranger would go to such lengths to aid you. You couldn’t help but remain skeptical. Skepticism after all was what had kept you alive all of these years.

“I….don’t know,” He began, “I can’t explain it but...the image of you so helpless and lifeless in a pool of your own blood is seared into my mind. I haven’t been able to get you, err it, out of my head.” He steadied his breathing. “I don’t expect you to trust me, you don’t know me. But someone who has been through as much as you have deserves………so much more than the world has given you thus far.” You considered his words before you replied.

“How could I ever go with you? Your life is far from lowkey. It’s too dangerous, Kylo. I have to protect myself.”

“Fine, then we don’t have to go to California. We can go anywhere you want.” He quickly replied. His words were slightly slurred. The bourbon was taking its toll on both of you; your eyelids felt heavy. Completely unfolding every minute detail of your life to someone for the first time had left you feeling weightless and more calm than you had in years. 

“Kylo….” You started to reply but before you could speak another word he pulled you into a tight embrace. You rested your head against his chest and let his thick, muscular arms envelope you. The warmth radiating off of him spread throughout your body like wildfire. You closed your eyes and remained in his arms for a while. You felt safe, you couldn't remember the last time you had felt this at peace.

Kylo guided you down and onto the bed and laid behind you on his side, his arms never leaving you. He pulled you tight against his body and nuzzled his head into your hair, taking deep breaths to take as much of you in as he could. You tried to ignore the butterflies that were collecting deep inside your stomach. The steady sounds of his breathing lulled you into a deep, comfortable sleep.

 

* * *

 

The alarm you had set on your phone chimed and caused you to stir from your slumber. You reached over to turn it off as Kylo’s arms gripped you even more tightly in his sleep. You lay there for a few minutes and contemplated the events that had unfolded before you. You wanted so badly to throw caution to the wind and leave with him. You wanted to trust him and yearned to believe that he could protect you, but you knew deep down you’d never be safe as long as Hux was still alive and breathing. Lightly, you began to stroke the skin on Kylo’s arm as you mused. His skin was heavenly. Your heart was beating so loud that you could hear it in your ears. His embrace felt so _right._ You were torn.

He began to stir as his grip around you loosened. You turned over in bed towards him, your face only a few inches away from his. His breath smelled of alcohol and cigarettes. To you, it was delicious. You didn't want to admit it but everything about him so far was delicious. You momentarily daydreamed of a time when this could be your every day reality. The longing you felt for something so carefree and domestic made your heart ache. It wasn't fair. None of what had happened to you was fair.

He began to stroke his hand up and down your side, careful to be gentle in regards to your healing injuries. Slowly, he opened his eyes slightly and a smile began to spread over his face. It melted you from the inside out; you turned into a pool of putty in his hands. Goosebumps covered your entire body. You couldn’t help but reciprocate the gesture as you allowed your cold, hardened facade to break momentarily. You couldn’t remember the last time you had genuinely smiled. You closed your eyes and focused on the wonderful sensation of his hands caressing your body so delicately. This continued for several minutes before you finally broke the silence.

“Kylo….I’m so sorry, but I have to go now. I have a flight to catch.” You spoke gently.

“No, you’re not going anywhere.” He replied hazily through half-lidded eyes.

“C’mon, I know it’s hard but –“ You started to reply but he cut you off before you could finish.

“I have a plan.”


	6. Body of Water

A week had passed since you completely abandoned your plan to move to Fiji in favor of returning to Los Angeles with Kylo. It surprised you how easy it was to scrap your safety in exchange for uncertainty. 

You were unable to describe the feelings developing, emotions elicited from you that had never occurred before in your 27 years of life. You lacked the emotional intelligence to do anything with them, though. 

You tried not to think about it. Instead, you chose to push everything into the deepest reaches of your mind. To be locked up and to throw away the key. You had too many things that were more important to occupy yourself with.

Kylo’s “plan” consisted of you moving in with him in his 19,000 square foot penthouse apartment in LA where you would stay for now. It was large and secure enough to make a good hideout at least for a little while until you figured out what you wanted to do next. It’s not like you ever had to go outside, right? 

He had the best security system money could buy; he even had a panic room, a fact that sadly had excited you most of all. The piece of mind the safety of his home would provide was invaluable to you. For reasons you couldn't explain just being in his presence made you feel safer than you had in years. You were finally starting to relax a bit.

Currently, you were sitting on the end of the king-sized bed in the spacious guest room he had prepared for you. You stared out of the large bay window and down into the city below. You envied the people that bustled about the streets beneath you. How nice it must be to be able to go….anywhere at all. You wondered what a life free of crippling anxiety and paranoia must be like.

Kylo had installed a deadbolt on the inside of your room as a measure to further ease your mind about your safety. If you weren’t a complete neurotic mess you’d probably be able to appreciate just how gorgeous his home really was. It was spacious with high ceilings, massive windows, and a sleek minimalistic style.

The walls were mostly bare, they were painfully white and were adorned with different pieces of artwork he had collected from all over the world. Many of the pieces had large, ornate frames accented with gold and silver trims. Who would have thought that the infamous and temperamental Kylo Ren was such a creative?

When you had revealed to him how much you enjoyed reading he made it a point to order you no less than 30 books off the New York Times best sellers list. He assured you that it was important that you made time to do things that made you feel good. 

The day after you arrived he had installed two tall bookcases in your room and urged you to curate your own personal library. You were continually touched by his constant concern for your wellbeing.

At first Kylo had tried to convince you to go to the police, but you quickly dismissed the idea. Your time in captivity had made you fully aware of the types of people who were involved with Hux and his group and you couldn’t run the risk of outing yourself to the cops. Knowing your luck, you’d end up drugged and in the bottom of a trunk on your way back to Tulsa. You couldn’t risk it.

You decided that the only way out would be for you to take matters into your own hands. You were tired of running, of hiding. Kylo laughed at you when you told him that your end goal was to be strong enough to march into that compound and kill Hux yourself. He didn’t believe that you were actually serious.

If he thought you were insane he certainly didn’t show it. He humored you. He shared that he had spent several years as a marine before pursuing his career as an actor and that he occupied a large amount of his free time now training in mixed martial arts. 

He had his own gym in his apartment and to begin with he would train you several days a week to help you further your skills in self-defense. At least this way you’d be able to defend yourself if someone else tried to hurt you.

Kylo provided you with a laptop the day after you arrived which you mostly used to read up on methods of revenge and to plot out your future. You began looking into the Sons of Old, Hux’s religious group, for the first time in your life but were deeply disturbed when you weren’t able to find any information at all. 

You’d never acknowledge it but you spent an inordinate amount of time Googling Kylo. You wanted to know more about what his motivations might be, but instead all you found were articles reviewing the plethora of critically-acclaimed films and theatrical productions he had been in. You did find one article about how he had punched someone outside of a club who had grabbed a woman’s ass.

Everything you read online painted Kylo as anti-social and moody, someone to not be fucked with. From what you could tell he didn’t have many connections either. He had a failed marriage and lived alone in a gigantic penthouse that he never left. Maybe he felt just as lost and out of place as you did.

For the past week your daily routine consisted of only leaving your room to eat the meals he prepared for you three times a day. You must have thanked him a million times so far but it still didn’t feel like enough. As much as he reassured you that he was happy to take care of you, it all still felt so foreign to you.

The last people who had been kind to you without expecting anything in return were your parents. You tried to remind yourself to not get too attached to him or your currently living situation. It could all be gone in the blink of an eye.

Currently, the time was 1:38 AM and you were too anxious to sleep. Your lessons would finally begin tomorrow and you were more than ready to learn as much as you could. You knew that getting a good night’s rest tonight was important but you couldn’t clear you mind enough to fall sleep.

Your attention snapped to the door when you heard a low, light knock.

“One sec,” you yelled out as you made your way over to the door. You adjusted the sweatpants you were wearing and tugged your t-shirt down that had been riding up your stomach. Your scars were healing nicely but would forever be a constant reminder of the pure terror you had encountered on that airplane.

“It’s me, sorry. Did I wake you?” You unlocked the door and swung it open to find Kylo standing there with a large cardboard box.

“No, you didn’t. I wasn’t asleep yet.” You replied as he entered the room. He walked over to the bed and placed the box on top of the plush, down comforter.

“You’re not sleeping well? Why not?” He replied as he turned to face you. His piercing eyes bore into your soul and made you weak in the knees. You quickly looked out the window and tried to think about something – anything – other than the heat that was pooling in the pit of your stomach.

“Uhh just…anxious I guess.” You stammered.

“I’m sorry to hear that.” He replied lightly. “Hey, if you’re open to leaving your room I would love to show you something. But only if you’re up for it.”

“Yes, please.” You responded quickly. You were going stir-crazy being cooped up in this room; you felt relaxed enough to get out and stretch your legs. Your heart leapt into your throat as he grabbed you by the hand. You made a mental note of the rough callouses that covered the palms on his hands. His hand was nearly twice the size of yours and completely swallowed yours inside of it.

“Come with me.” He led you out of the room gently and took you down a long, winding corridor. You walked in comfortable silence until you reached a large set of double doors. Hopefully your palms weren't noticeably sweaty. He released your hand and slowly opened the doors.

They parted to reveal a huge outdoor deck surrounding a large, pristine pool. Various wooden lounges and colorful umbrellas were scattered here and there. You were on the roof and briefly thanked God you weren’t afraid of heights. The cool, sticky air blew gently through your long, wavy tresses. He grabbed your hand and led you outside and over to the edge of the sparkling water.

“I like to come here to clear my mind. Sometimes it’s nice to swim laps to tire myself out so I can sleep. You’re more than welcome to come here any time you want. It’s private, no one will bother you up here.” He gestured towards the water. “Also, it’s temperature controlled so it’s never too cold.”

You nodded and looked around the area. It was mostly secluded and you enjoyed the sounds filtering up to you from the bustle of the city below you. This oasis was exactly what you needed.

Without giving it a second thought you stripped out of your sweatpants and pulled your t-shirt over your head, revealing your pale pink bralette and white cotton undies underneath. You shivered slightly at the sensation of the wind hitting the newly exposed parts of your body. 

You immediately jumped into the water with a loud splash and sank yourself to the bottom of the water. Silence enveloped you as you emptied the air out of your lungs. Bubbles traveled leisurely up to the surface. 

Meanwhile, Kylo watched you intently from the side of the pool. He momentarily contemplated jumping in after you because he didn’t know if you knew how to swim but quickly changed his mind when you resurfaced above the water. 

He tried not to think about how beautiful you looked at that moment, with beads of water slowly rolling off of your body. You lifted your arms and pushed your hair back and out of your face. God, that face. Kylo quickly diverted his eyes when he noticed how hard your nipples were, begging to break through the thin material of your bra. He pretended not to notice the now-visible dark mass of hair occupying the space where your thighs met.

Up until this point he had completely ignored any feelings he may have lingering in the back of his mind. He wasn’t ready to be in a relationship again anyway, at least that’s what he kept telling himself.

He knew all you wanted or needed from him was stability and he was more than happy to give it to you. He secretly felt honored each time you willingly put your faith in him and he relished in the fulfillment he got out of taking care of you. He wanted you to have someone to lean on. After all you had been through you deserved at least that. He promised himself he would do everything in his power to never let you down.  

He never wanted to make you feel uncomfortable or unwelcome while you were staying with him, but tonight he was failing. He held his hands in front of his pants in an attempt to hide a growing erection. He shifted his weight back and forth from foot to foot.

“Please, stay as long as you want.” Kylo stared at the night sky as he spoke to you, avoiding eye contact. “The box in your room is full of clothes, I guessed your sizes so apologies in advance if they don’t fit properly. Let me know and I can exchange them for a different size. I’m going to sleep now....goodnight...” 

Kylo nodded his head down to take one final look at you before departing. Your cheeks were flushed a deep pink from the contrast between the warm steamy water and the cool breezes of the night. You flashed a smile at him and his breath hitched. Your delicate, sad beauty haunted and intrigued him in a million different ways. 

“Thank you, and goodnight, Kylo.”


	7. Sparring Lesson

The next morning, you arrived at the gym promptly at 8:00 AM for your first lesson in self-defense. You weren’t a stranger to fitness and since you hadn’t been able to work out in some time you were excited to finally be active again. You had spent a lot of time in a gym over the years, but lacked any kind of experience with combat.

When you arrived Kylo had beaten you there and was already warming up. You stopped as you entered and watched him as he took repeated punches at the bag that was swinging from the ceiling. His long dark hair was pulled back into a bun on top of his head.

His hands were covered in tape and he was shirtless, sweat dripping from his chiseled body. You took note of his massive arms, bulging and veiny as if they were about to burst. You were entranced at the sheer power they possessed as he struck them into the punching bag over and over and over again. He looked like a killing machine.

Your gaze moved then to his chest making a mental note of how well-defined it was. You let your eyes trail downward to his stomach and the muscles that covered every inch of it. His body was nothing less than perfect. His skin was glistening and a creamy pale color, with more freckles spattered across his frame. Momentarily, you imagined what they must feel like if you were able to run your hands along his belly, along his beautiful happy trail and on down to his…

“Hey there,” Your train of thought was interrupted by Kylo when he noticed that you had entered the room. God damn it. You sincerely hoped that he didn’t notice you ogling him or the drool that was almost certainly dripping from your open mouth. Heat rushed to your cheeks as you responded to him.

“Fuck. Sorry, I uhhh, I didn’t want to interrupt you...” You looked down at your feet and wondered if it was possible to die from embarrassment. Slowly, you glanced back up at him and he smirked at you. “Don’t look at me like that.”

“It’s alright, I get it a lot.” He replied with a sly smile and looked you up and down. Your blush deepened. “You ready to get started?” You rolled your eyes and walked over to him. “To begin with, I want to spar a little. I want to see what I’m working with.”

“I don’t want you to go easy on me.” You replied with intensity and narrowed your eyes. “I need you to give me all you’ve got. If someone comes for me, they won’t be forgiving.”

“You got it, kid.” He replied enthusiastically, “I hope you’re ready.” He moved away from you to the other side of the room and turned back around to face you. His demeanor completely changed as he crouched down and bent his knees, his eyes narrow and almost pure black with concentration. He looked like a predator ready to pounce on its prey. Maybe you were in over your head. He stared you directly in the eye and you nodded your head.

In the blink of an eye he ran at you at full speed. Quickly, you jumped out of the way and to the side of him, swiftly kicking him in the thigh. Your blow didn’t faze him in the slightest – if he felt it at all he certainly didn’t act like it. He quickly turned around you and grabbed your right arm and roughly twisted it behind your back, holding your body pressed closely to his.

“I’ve got you now, little one…” He softly whispered in your ear. His breath gave you goosebumps as it brushed against your skin. You leaned your head back into his neck and looked up into his eyes.

“Do you?” You smiled up at him and slowly rubbed your ass into him. You felt his breath hitch as he reciprocated the gesture, grinding his hardening dick into your backside. His free hand found its way to your hip as he grabbed you forcefully and pulled your body more tightly against his. The grip on your arm slightly loosened and you had your window of opportunity. You forcefully slammed your right foot down onto his and ran away from him as he doubled over in pain.

“Nice job.” He replied with a wounded expression. “So, you like to play dirty then? Sounds good to me.” He suddenly ran at you again this time, somehow faster than before. The look in his eyes terrified you, your blood ran cold. You tried again to jump out of the way right before he struck you but it didn’t work this time.

He anticipated the move this time and stepped to the side and kicked your legs, causing them to slip out from underneath you. You landed with a thud and a crunch on your back and he jumped on top of you before you could get back up.

He sat on you, pinned his legs on either side of your hips, and held your arms against the floor above your head. You writhed around against him and tried to escape his grip but it didn’t do any good. He had you.

His form towered over you as he leaned forward and down, close to your face. He inched closer to you as his hot breath warmed your face. You stilled yourself and stared intently into his eyes, but not before stealing a glance at his soft, pink lips.

A smile slowly crept over his mouth as he started laughing hysterically and you couldn’t help but to start laughing too. His smile was infectious and every time you saw it (which wasn’t often) it filled you with pure warmth and bliss that you couldn’t explain. Endorphins flooded your body. How did he have the power to make you feel so good, so complete, with just one look?

“You’re enjoying this way too much.” You rolled your eyes at him as he released your arms and leaned back up to a sitting position, still resting on top of you. His wandering gaze traveled over your disheveled figure and down to the strip of skin on your belly that was visible. You glanced down to see what he was staring at. Your scars.

He reached his hands out to touch them but quickly stopped himself, looking at you as if to ask permission. You nodded and he looked back down. He reached his hand out and lightly rubbed his fingers across the dark pink markings, making sure to be as gentle as possible.

His expression slowly transformed into a somber one as he continued to dance his fingers across your stomach. You moved your thighs against each other, seeking friction, any kind of relief for the fire that was growing in between your legs. He finally opened his mouth to speak in a dark, frightening tone.

“We’re gonna get that fucker.”

 


	8. Longing

"AGAIN!" He screamed at you.

"GET. UP." He growled at you though gritted teeth.

You pulled yourself up to your feet and tried to get your bearings. Dizziness clouded your vision as you tried to focus on your target. Kylo. He had downed you for the 15th time that night. Your nose was bleeding and running into your mouth. The warm metallic taste filled your mouth and you tried not to gag. He was trying to provoke you into fighting back harder and it was working. Adrenaline was coursing through your veins as you swayed back and forth.

He didn't give you much time to react as he lunged at you again, but this time you were ready. You anticipated the movement and swerved to the side as his fist flew past your head. You quickly grabbed his arm and twisted it, somehow finding the strength to flip his body over you and onto the floor. Without giving it a second thought you jumped on top of him and began beating him in the face, over and over again in a fury.

You got several hits in before he seized your hands tightly, yelling at you to stop. When you realized what you had done you were horrified at the sight beneath you. Kylo's right eye was already swelling shut and bright red streams of fluid flowed from both of his nostrils. He stared at you, his eyes full of what you initially thought was horror but soon realized was something else. Pride.

Slowly, you lowered your arms and climbed off of him to stare at your hands. Your heart swelled with emotion as you studied your bruised and bloodied knuckles. They throbbed with pain that would most certainly take days to subside. For the first time you had prevailed over Kylo and you couldn't help but feel an immense sense of accomplishment. It finally appeared as though there was hope for you and your developing skills after all.

You had been training with Kylo for two months during which time you had suffered numerous black eyes, two bruised ribs, and a fractured collarbone. The most infuriating things thus far was the fact that he almost always walked away unscathed. Until today. You had finally done it. You felt invincible.

Deep in thought, you were startled when you felt a hand on your shoulder.

“Let me take a look at your nose...” He began.

“I’m so sorry, Kylo. I don’t know what got into me.” You interrupted him, staring at him with pleading eyes as he came close to inspect your face. He used his hand to wipe the blood away from your nostrils.

“Please, don’t apologize. You were…....absolutely incredible.” He looked down at you with amazement and adoration, his deep voice dripping with passion. His breathing was heavy as he continued to stare at you for a few more seconds. “You should go get washed up. I think we’re good for today.”

You reached up to wipe away the last of the blood left on his face. You gently touched his now blackened eye and he flinched. The pride you felt of your triumph was immediately replaced with guilt and regret. You didn’t mean to inflict such carnage; it scared you that you were able to let go to that extent.

You settled for resting your hand against his face as you stroked his cheek with your thumb and gazed lovingly into his rich, chocolate eyes. You knew from the moment you had met him that the eyes truly were the window to the soul; you felt incredibly connected to him anytime you were lucky enough you peer into them.

“Only you could make a black eye look so incredibly sexy.” A huge smile broke out across your face as you poked fun at him. “You look so dreamy now. You’re welcome.” He scoffed at you and snickered.

“Yeah, right.” He retorted. “Hey, I’ll meet you in the kitchen for dinner in about 30 minutes. Does that sound okay?” You nodded at him.

Kylo walked out of the gym, leaving you all alone with your thoughts. You tried to ignore the feelings that were growing deep inside of you from the moment Kylo had come into your life. You weren’t used to feeling anything but indifference for the people around you and what you were experiencing now with Kylo genuinely terrified you. You hadn’t ever been in love but you couldn’t think of any other word to describe the way you felt about him. Daily you found yourself overwhelmed with emotions you didn’t know how to process and it was wearing you down.

You would lay in bed at night and touch yourself, picturing his striking face, with his rough low voice egging you on until you climaxed. You had imagined a hundred times how delicious his hands would feel rubbing all over your soft exposed flesh. It wasn’t just his looks that turned you on, it was everything about him. The glances he stole of you when he thought you weren’t looking, the way he remembered how you liked your steak when he cooked for you. You wanted so badly to rip his clothes off and show him just how appreciative you were of how good he was to you.

It’s not like you hadn’t been in sexual relationships in the past. When you left Hux and the Sons you were on a downward spiral, determined to prove to yourself that he didn’t own you. You spent the first few years on your own picking up men and women in bars, taking them back to your hotel rooms for you to use each other’s bodies for the night.

You had enjoyed yourself and the pleasure you had experienced. The time you took to experiment helped you gain an understanding of yourself and your body, but did not help you mature emotionally. You had “contacts” in different cities all over the globe-people you would hit up whenever you were in town but the time you spent together was purely physical. You had never really “dated” anyone.

To you, everything was fleeting and it didn’t make sense to get too involved with anyone, at least until now. You knew Kylo had gone through a major breakup and you didn’t assume that he wanted anything more than a friendship with you. The last thing you’d ever want to do is put Kylo in an uncomfortable positon. You were his guest and he had been nothing short of amazing to you, never asking for anything in return. He was a genuinely good person from what you could tell. You suddenly remembered the look in his eyes when you had overpowered him and you felt weak in the knees. This was torture.

Even though you knew he was off limits that didn’t mean you couldn’t at least have a little fun. You made it a point to buy the most revealing bikinis you could find online, relishing in the gawking you would receive from him when you would spend time together at the pool. You enjoyed the way his sentences would trail off whenever you pushed your chest and ass out to stretch after an exceptionally difficult training session. The last several weeks consisted of many instances of flirtatious gestures, teasing, and poking fun, but you didn’t take it any further than that.

You tried telling yourself it was because you were trying to stay focused on revenge, but the closer you got to Kylo the less you cared about Hux or his people. Of course you still wanted to follow through and take action because you knew the only way you’d be able to lead a normal life would be to eliminate them as a threat, but your motivations weren’t fueled by hatred or disdain anymore.

You sighed out loud and picked yourself up from the floor, making your way across the apartment to your room. You washed the dried blood off of your face and tried to make your face look as presentable as possible. You stripped out of your sweat-soaked clothes and took a quick shower.

Once you were finished, you skipped a bra and undies and opted for only a flowy cotton sun dress. It was a bright white, with a plunging neckline that perfectly showcased your soft, perky tits. You were proud of the tan you had been working on since you had arrived here. Being locked up underground for five years made you appreciate the sun tremendously, and you made it a point to lay and bask in its rays as much as possible.

You headed towards the kitchen and stopped before entering when you saw Kylo standing in front of the sink, draining the pasta he had prepared. Steam from the water surrounded his shirtless form and for a moment he truly looked like an angel. Your angel.  What had you done to deserve all of this? He turned back around and saw you standing there, ogling him. He flashed you a sly, knowing smile and carried the pasta over to the table.

“I made the pesto you love.” He spoke, breaking the silence. Of course he did. He was always only thinking of you and loved fulfilling your every desire. Well, all of them but one.

“It smells amazing in here, thank you Kylo.” He pulled your chair out for you and you sat down. Next, he walked over and poured you both a glass of chilled white wine. You thanked him and took the glass, sipping on the golden liquid slowly. You didn’t want to think about how expensive it probably was.

You both began to eat, savoring the comfortable silence between you. Everything with him felt so easy, so domestic. This was exactly what you had been missing in your life. Doing even the most menial tasks with him fulfilled you in ways you never knew were imaginable. After a few minutes he finally spoke.

“I need to talk to you about something…” He began. “I got an email from my agent. She’s being really understanding about my leave of absence and hasn’t asked anything of me, until now that is. Apparently I was invited as a guest of honor to this Vanity Fair masquerade ball thing. She really wants me to go, and I don’t feel like I’m in a position to refuse her.”

“You should absolutely go, I’ll be fine here alone.” You reached over and rubbed his arm gently with your hand. “Really, it’ll be fun! You should get out of the house, I feel guilty enough that you’ve put your entire life on hold for me.” You gazed lovingly into his eyes as you imagined how stunning he would look in a tuxedo.

“Well, that’s the part I wanted to talk to you about. I would really love it if you would accompany me…” His voice trailed off. “Your safety is always my number one concern, but I think it would be okay. The security at these things is always insane, and because it’s a masquerade you could cover your face. No one would be able to tell who you were, you wouldn’t have to worry about being photographed; no one would recognize you.

“Please don’t feel obligated to say yes, I just truly think you’d have a good time and it’d be empowering for you to have a normal night out.” You considered his words as he finished speaking, looking down at the few remaining pieces of linguine on your plate.

The idea of being out in the open after what you had been through made you nervous but you knew with Kylo on your arm you would feel completely safe. He would never let anyone hurt you ever again. Your cheeks flushed as you realized that what he was really doing was asking you out on a date.

You looked up at him and flashed a wide, toothy grin as you nodded your head at him.

“You’re so sweet to invite me, thank you so much. I’d love to go.” Just then he reached across the table and took your hand in his, stroking the back of it gently with his delicate fingers. He lifted it up and raised it to his lips, softly planting a kiss on top. He gazed longingly into your eyes, his soft and glossy with emotion.

“You need a dress.”


	9. Spoiled

You were shocked when you exited your room that morning. A week had passed since the invitation and you still hadn’t found anything to wear yet. Guess that wasn’t going to be an issue now.

Numerous clothing racks had consumed Kylo’s living area completely, leaving barely an area wide enough to walk through. Each rack was packed full of extravagant couture gowns, with each section containing a different selection of colors and textures.

You gazed in awe at all the glorious hues of pinks, reds, golds, and greens. There were rhinestones, sequins, and feathers everywhere. Suddenly, Kylo entered the room to greet you.

“Morning sleepyhead.” He walked over to you and stood next to you as your eyes roamed the area. He placed his hand on the small of your back and spoke.

“I hope you don’t mind but I had my stylist send over some dresses for you to choose from.” You were still in shock of the sheer volume of garments enveloping you. 

“Kylo….....this is insane. You REALLY didn’t need to do all of this. God damn it. I was just going to look online for something and have it shipped overnight….” Your voice trailed off as you looked around the room once again in amazement. You wondered how they had wheeled all of these racks in here without waking you up.

“Nonsense. You’re the one that’s doing me a favor.” He gazed into your eyes and everything around you slowly disappeared. The undivided attention he always gave to you made you feel validated and heard.

He had a way of making you feel like the only person in the world that mattered. Your heart swelled with fervor and you thought for a moment that you might cry. You tried to calm yourself and maintain your cool and collected demeanor. 

“Well, I uhh don’t know what to say……” You began. “Thank you so much, Kylo. Really.” You walked over to him and drew him into your arms into a big hug, reveling in the warmth of his embrace all around you. His touch lingered as he gripped you tightly for several seconds, almost as if he was afraid you’d disappear if he let go.

Finally, he released you and pulled back to peer into your eyes once again. They sparkled like beautiful beads of amber at you and you couldn’t help but divert your eyes as he reached up to gently stroke your hair.

“No, thank you. Please, pick out whichever you’d like. There’s shoes in the other room, too. Go crazy, baby.” He said with a smirk and a wink. You felt heat travel straight to your core hearing him refer to you as his baby. Oh god. “I have to run out for a little while today, to get fitted for my tux. Will you be okay?”

“Absolutely. I’ll see you later.” Kylo leaned forward and kissed you on the forehead, something he had never done before. His plump lips lingered for several moments and the damp spot on your skin burned even after he walked away and out the front door.

You quickly adjusted your gaze after he stepped away; you couldn’t contain your emotions from much longer. You were convinced that he could tell just by looking at you what you were hiding just under the surface. Your desire to make him yours. To own him in every way and for him to own you. You wanted to be able to give every deep, delicious part of yourself to him without hesitation. You were tired of denying it to yourself. You needed him. 

You took a deep breath and tried to compose yourself. His increasingly frequent displays of affection led you to believe deep down that maybe he might harbor similar feelings towards you, too.

Maybe he was over his ex-wife. Maybe he was ready to move on. Or at least get his dick sucked.

You indulged your train of thought as you closed your eyes momentarily to imagine how glorious his cock probably was. You mused at the image of him tightly holding your face, mouth agape, as he pumped in and out of it. You’d give anything to feel him empty a hot, heavy load inside of you. 

As many times as you’d fantasized about him pulsing and throbbing in every wet hole in your body, your desires for him stemmed from something much deeper than just that. 

It was becoming more and more difficult to keep your emerging feelings hidden. Each minute that passed in his presence felt as though you were being driven closer and closer to the precipice of something unknown, a line in the sand that you wanted to cross even if it meant you could never go back to the way things were before. The idea of putting yourself out there truly horrified you. You didn’t want to ruin this.

 

* * *

  

You spent the rest of the afternoon trying on dresses, losing count after number 34. You finally decided on a long lilac colored gown with an incredibly revealing, plunging neckline. You almost wondered if it was too revealing given your large chest but decided you were feeling adventurous.

The frock was flowing and had floral applique sprawling from the neckline and down the bodice that continued all the way down the length to the floor. You didn’t know much about designer fashion but you knew a piece this intricate and detailed had to be one of a kind. The thin material felt surprisingly light and comfortable against your skin.

When you finally made your way into the other room you gasped when you saw how many different boxes of shoes were laid out on every available surface. It didn’t take you nearly as long to pick out the ones you adored the most. You had opened only two other boxes before you laid eyes on the most beautiful pair of heels you had ever seen. They were adorned with an elaborate pattern of gold embossed flowers. They were perfect.

You put the heels and dress on and went into your room to look at yourself in the mirror. Silently, you stood and gazed at the sight before you. Never in your life had you ever looked so beautiful, so elegant. Your body looked remarkable, toned yet still thick and sturdy. Because you normally hid yourself under layers of baggy clothing you were genuinely surprised to see how beautiful your figure looked in something so fitted. Months of daily training sessions was paying off.

You didn’t realize it but for the first time since you were attacked you weren’t thinking about Hux anymore. You weren’t thinking about the looming fear of death that you believed was waiting around every corner. Kylo had been responsible for every good thing that had happened to you in the last three months and your adoration and appreciation for him and his thoughtfulness grew more every day.

You heard someone in the other room and quickly slipped out of your dress and shoes, placing them in your bathroom for safe keeping. You wrapped a towel around your body, you wanted to shower after greeting Kylo. When you exited the room you saw him enter the living room with a small, purple velvet box in hand.

“Hey there. Were you able to find something to wear?” He asked you sweetly as he walked over to you. He was smiling so big that you thought his cheeks might split. You were immediately skeptical, he was being coy and you were interested to see where this was going.

“Only the most beautiful gown ever made.” You walked around the couch to meet him in the middle of the room. 

”I did something impulsive and got this for you. I realized on the way home that it might not go with the dress you picked out but the moment I saw it I knew I had to see you in it.”

Slowly, he lifted the box to you and handed it over. Your cheeks immediately reddened at his admission of imagining you wearing the item hidden inside. You delicately lifted the lid and inhaled deeply when you saw it. Your eyes welled with tears when you observed the item, an ornamented baroque masquerade mask covered in diamonds and embellished with gold and sequins. Somehow, he had chosen the most perfect item to accompany the outfit you had picked and you were in awe. Speechless. It was so  _you._

“Oh Kylo, it’s absolutely stunning. I just….it’s perfect. Of course I’ll wear it.” He took the box from your hands and removed the mask, placing the box on a nearby table. He motioned for you to turn around and you obeyed. Carefully, he reached around you, inadvertently brushing your bare shoulders with his warm hands. He positioned the mask on your face and gently tied the ribbon behind your head.

You turned around to face him, no longer able to hide the sentiment that was consuming you. Tears flowed freely down your face, and he quickly reached up to wipe them away. His expression was clouded with concern as he lightly stroked your cheek.

“Please don’t be upset, I understand if you can’t handle this. I don’t want you to feel pressured.” His voice was deep and imploring as he gazed into your watery eyes.

“It’s not that, it’s just…..I haven’t felt this happy and at peace for years.” You looked down at your feet. “I’m constantly struggling to find the words to tell you just how much I appreciate everything you’ve done for me. You never ask for anything in return. I don’t feel like I deserve any of this.”

He roughly gripped your chin and forced your gaze back up to meet his. The worried expression on his face had been replaced with a more serious one. His eyes were wide and glistening with passion and something else you couldn’t put your finger on. He spoke to you slowly and with conviction.

“You deserve everything. Don’t ever forget that.” He closed the distance between you and wrapped his arms around you again, this time more tightly than before. One of his arms snaked up your back to hold your neck, the other gripped your lower back and pulled you closer. The contact on your bare skin made you shudder with pleasure as Kylo buried his face in your hair and whispered in your ear, “I want to be there for you in as many ways as you’ll let me.”

”What if I need you in every way?” You said out loud without thinking. You had to stop yourself from slapping your hands over your mouth.

Kylo pulled his head back from you quickly, as if he couldn’t believe what you just muttered. You bit your lower lip and smiled up at him, waiting for him to make the next move. A blissful grin emerged on his face as he leaned in close to your lips. This was actually happening. 

Suddenly, a loud noise startled the two of you and you both spun around towards the front door. Someone had rung the doorbell. It chimed obnoxiously through the house as your heart began to beat so loudly you could hear it in your ears.

Kylo released you and walked over to the door, looking out the peephole carefully as to not make a sound. When he realized who the visitor was his heart sank and he let out an audible sigh. Fucking hell. He stood still for a moment, contemplating what he should do next. You watched in confusion from across the room. 

He unlocked the deadbolts and disabled the alarm before casually swinging the doors open.

“Hello Joan. What the hell are you doing here?”

 


	10. Night Swimming

“Nice to see you too, Kylo.” The mystery woman scoffed as she entered the apartment. She was tall, thin, and terribly shrill. “I tried my key but I guess you changed the locks.” She pulled him into an awkward embrace and his body remained rigid as she held him tightly. That is, until she caught sight of you, standing across the living area in nothing but a plush white towel. “Oh, now I see why.”

The blonde woman released his body and looked you up and down critically, squeezing her face into a grimace hardly trying to hide her disdain for you. You already hated her. She turned her attention back to Kylo.

“What’s with the dresses?”

“You didn’t answer my question.” Kylo spoke deliberately and enunciated each syllable. “Why are you here?” He was silently clenching and unclenching his fists. You could tell his patience was quickly wearing thin.

“I brought the forms from my attorney that you conveniently haven’t gotten around to signing. It’s about our divorce terms.” She replied smugly.

“I already told you. I don’t owe you anything, not when I’m the one that came home to find you in BED with my BEST FRIEND.” He spat at her, despise dripping off his tongue. “You deserve far worse but I’ll have to settle for watching you die penniless and destitute which is fine by me.”

She rolled her eyes at the accusation and tried approaching him with open arms.

“C’mon baby, don’t be like that. I know you still want me and my body, I know you miss my mouth......" Her voice trailed off as she looked down at his cock. "You know, I’m not the only one to blame.” She reached up to stroke his hair. “Things were going downhill for years; you didn’t care about our marriage. Clearly.” She turned to look you at you again. “It sure didn’t take long for you to move on.”

“You were…..convenient. I thought it was love until I realized I wasn’t even angry when you slept with someone else. I was RELIEVED. You hear that? I was fucking relieved that you weren’t going to be my problem anymore.” He backed away from her and angrily opened the front door. “You need to leave my house. Right now.”

The change in his demeanor was unsettling to you, you hadn’t ever seen him so upset before and it scared you. Would he grow to despise you someday, too? Clearly things weren’t entirely resolved between the two of them. Your vision became cloudy. You were shutting down and immediately regretted what you had said to him before the intrusion. He had too much going on in his own life and you were just a complication. You were being selfish by staying here and making him take care of you.

The screaming match was bringing past drama to the surface and your heart rate was skyrocketing. You needed to get out of there. You turned around and scurried into your bedroom and deadbolted the door, resting your back against it.

Your breathing was heavy and you slid down the door and onto your butt. You took deep breaths and timed them until you finally felt your heart rate begin to slow. Kylo was too consumed by his mounting rage to even notice that you had left.

“Fine, but you can’t keep running forever.” She walked up to him and kissed him hard on the mouth, grabbing his bottom lip in her mouth momentarily. “You haven’t seen the last of me, my love.” And with that she casually waltzed out of the apartment. He slammed the door behind her and hastily secured the locks once again. Kylo often thought of her as a tornado, leaving agony and destruction in her wake wherever she went. 

They had dated in college where she had coerced him into marrying her when she told him she was “pregnant” which, needless to say, never actually came to fruition. She told him she had miscarried but by then it was too late. They were already married and he truly tried to make the most of his life with her, as difficult as she constantly made it. 

He felt for many years that her unhappiness and shrewd behavior was because he was too absent, not a good husband. He always had a sneaking suspicion that she was never really pregnant in the first place but she acted appalled at the accusation when he asked her about it years later.

She was manipulative and spent all of his money at any chance she got. Pretty soon he was purposefully taking on lengthy projects in other areas of the world so he wouldn’t have to see her as often. 

Thinking back he could only think of a handful of times where they had actually been happy together. He now saw her for who she was- a narcissistic, spoiled bitch who had latched onto him the second she realized he would be her meal ticket.

He regretted every second of their 10 years together and wished on many occasions that he could go back in time and take it all back. His negative feelings regarding their relationship were only solidified when he had met you. Everything before your short time together felt so....meaningless. He had dropped everything to take care of you, without giving it a second thought, and he’d happily do it again. 

He turned around to implore you to forgive him for his behavior but was surprised to see that you had left the room. He was immediately deeply ashamed of the fact that he had left Joan get under his skin in such a way. He knew that the whole situation had most likely made you feel uncomfortable and upset and it was eating at him. He wanted to pick up where you had left off but everything was ruined.

He walked over to your door but cautiously paused. He wanted so badly to beg you to come out to him, to let him see you so he could explain things better and get you to understand that he wasn’t normally like this. He had worked incredibly hard at controlling his anger through months of therapy and anger management classes, mostly at the urging of his agency. Most of all, he wanted to tell you that he would do everything in his power to do better for himself and also for you and to never disappoint you again. He raised his hand to knock but paused when he heard the muffled sound of sniffling directly on the another side of the door. He closed his eyes and spoke gently against the barrier in front of him.

“I’m so sorry about this. Please, let me explain.” His voice was solemn and apologetic as he began to plead with you.

“Hey, it’s fine, I’m fine. I totally get it. I’m sorry if I caused any drama. I’m wearing out my welcome here and causing more trouble than I’m worth.” You composed yourself enough to speak surely and with clarity. “I’ll be on my way soon, I promise.”

“Please don’t..” He started to speak but you cut him off. You knew your daydream of living happily ever after with him was abhorently unrealistic. He had a life that he needed to sort out and obviously you were only in the way. You had nothing to offer him.

“Really, Kylo. It’s for the best. I'll figure it out. See you tomorrow night before the party.”

 

* * *

 

Neither of you slept well that night. You quietly exited your room around 2 AM and made your way to the pool, hoping that tiring yourself out physically would help you finally get some rest. You were exhausted but you couldn't clear your mind. You stripped out of your pajamas and jumped, nude, into the warm sparkling water. You were too preoccupied with your own thoughts of where you would go next to hear Kylo when he approached the pool.

He heard you exit your room and had followed you but stopped before exiting the double doors onto the deck when he saw you swimming under the moonlight. He marveled at how ethereal you looked, how flawless you were without even trying. He watched you glide under the water but his heart quickly jumped up into his throat when he realized you didn't have any clothes on. He stared in amazement at your curves, skewed under the rippling surface of the water as he tried to ignore the blood rushing in between his legs.

He wanted so badly to jump in and join you, to take you into his arms and never let you go. To bend you over the side of the pool and fuck you within an inch of your life. But he stopped himself. You had made it pretty clear that your intentions were to depart and embark on the next part of your journey alone. The thought made his heart ache; he couldn't bear the thought of losing you. Turning around to head back to his room, he decided right then and there that he had to find a way to convince you to stay.

When you awoke it was nearly noon, having finally fallen asleep sometime after the sun had already risen. Your stomach was aching with hunger and you decided to sneak out into the kitchen to get something to eat. When you approached you noticed a note on the counter sitting next to a giant vase full of fresh flowers. The arrangement was the largest you had ever seen in your life, overflowing with daisies, hydrangeas, and baby's breath.

_"Hey,_

_I feel terrible about last night. Please don't make up your mind yet. I'll be back to pick you up around 7."_

You set the note back down and sighed. You had already made up your mind. You were considering reverting back to your original plan of starting a new life somewhere off the beaten path. You could continue to train by yourself until you were ready to face Hux.

Seven? That left you just under seven hours to get ready. Hopefully it would be enough time.

You hadn't worn makeup or even thought about doing anything with your hair other than haphazardly throwing it up into a bun in months. Working as a stewardess meant that you well-versed in the arts of aesthetic beauty but you were out of practice. Kylo had tried to convince you to have a professional come over to get you ready but you refused. You could handle this yourself.

Several hours and four different colors of eye shadow later, you were finally ready. You had decided on a natural look for your makeup, accenting your brows and cheekbones. You applied your Becca highlighter in all of the right places to give you a youthful, summer glow. Your fingers and toes were painted a light, shiny nude color. You had arranged your hair in a loose updo, adorning the arrangement with small blooms repurposed from the flower arrangement. After you pulled on your dress and slipped on you shoes, you walked over to admire your handiwork.

Your heart swelled with pride as you took in the sight. Your shimmering skin glowed through the light material of your gown. You were confident that you would fit in splendidly among all of the much more important people who would be present tonight which helped to ease your nerves a bit. You picked the dazzling mask up off of the bathroom counter and placed it onto your face. You looked like a princess.

Nerves were starting to get the best of you as you looked to see what time it was. 6:53. Taking a deep breath, you attempted to collect your thoughts. How could you face Kylo again? Things were much simpler when you thought he might kill you. This entire situation was way too confusing and it was stressing you out. 

You decided to clear your mind and just focus on having a good time tonight. You would make the most of the time you had left together. The front door opened and closed and you knew it was Kylo arriving to pick you up.

You slowly exited your room, walking carefully into the living area to greet him. He entered at the same time and stopped in his tracks when he laid eyes on you. Every doubt left your mind immediately when you saw him; the horrifying events of the previous night quickly faded away. His dark, soft hair was tousled, partially slicked back showcasing his chiseled jaw and striking features. You had almost forgotten just how beautiful and perfect he was. He was wearing a slim black tuxedo, paired with a black shirt underneath. His shiny leather shoes shimmered in the light. You couldn't hide the amazement on your face, and neither could he.

He couldn't contain his excitement as he looked you up and down. He was grinning ear to ear, teeth flashing, as you slowly walked over to him. You couldn't help but smile back at him as you glided over to him. He held out a hand to you and spun you around to take in the full look. He exhaled loudly as he begrudgingly released your hand.

"Holy mother of god. You look fucking incredible..." He mused with wide, dark eyes. He couldn't believe how ridiculously gorgeous you were, now fully aware that all eyes would definitely be fixed on you tonight. You beamed up at him. Even in your heels he was still considerably taller than you.

"You clean up pretty nice yourself." You leaned in closer to him to whisper. "Are you ready?"

 

* * *

 

**Author's note**

Reader's look for the masquerade:

[Gown](https://cs6.livemaster.ru/storage/ec/b1/4fc11e366492ed8fa50b250464ay.jpg)

[Shoes](https://bloomfulblog.files.wordpress.com/2014/09/7f153cf88ef1b67a2be159243434468b.jpg)

[Mask](https://masqueboutique.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/Unique-Luxury-Couture-Expensive-Gold-Baroque-Ornate-Venetian-Masquerade-Mask.jpg)

[Hair](https://i.pinimg.com/originals/81/2b/c9/812bc981bb57f52f77867bdd0941cb59.jpg)

[Makeup](https://looks.tn/wp-content/uploads/2017/08/make-up-summer-look-pinterest-g00dvxbes-%E2%98%BC.jpg)

[Nails](https://keustudio.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/rose-gold-marble-nail-art-beautiful-nail-art-nail-designs-ideas-looks-amp-inspiration-essie-of-rose-gold-marble-nail-art.jpg)


	11. Masquerade

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading and for the comments/kudos!

Kylo grabbed your hand as you exited the elevator and led you out of the penthouse entrance to the front of the building. The sun was setting, painting light warm hues across the sky as you walked out onto the busy street. As you approached the curb you noticed a shiny black limousine in front of you. Releasing your hand, Kylo opened the back door and gestured for you to get in.

“Hey, where’s your mask?” You suddenly realized he wasn’t wearing anything on his face.

“Not wearing one. I don’t feel like it, besides, I don’t like people telling me what to do.” He smirked at you.

The ride to the venue was shared in an electric silence, with each of you stealing glances of the other whenever you got the chance. As you approached your destination, he gently stroked your shoulder to garner your attention.

“This is the part I fucking despise the most. It’ll probably be a little chaotic until we get inside. Just stay close to me, okay?” You nodded at him.

The car came to a stop in front of a giant, historic-looking hotel. You didn’t know anything about LA but you could tell by looking at the restored façade that this was probably one of the oldest buildings in the city. It towered like a giant in front of you, seemingly stretching up into the air for miles. Just then, the driver swiftly opened the door and offered a hand to help you out onto the sidewalk. Kylo followed close behind.

You were immediately blinded by dozens of flashbulbs erupting simultaneously, over and over again, as you exited the car. Kylo stepped out and placed his hand on the small of your back, guiding you along and up the stairs. The flowing train of your dress delicately cascaded behind you. You were overwhelmed with the amount of people yelling at him, desperately trying to get answers out of him before he disappeared inside.

“Kylo! When will you return to filming?”

“Who’s the mystery woman? Kylo! Over here!”

“Sources say you’re retiring, is that true?”

He wrapped his arm around your torso tightly and whispered in your ear. The sensation of his warm breath hitting the bare skin of your neck made you quiver.

“Almost there.”

Nothing could have prepared you for something like this. The response to his arrival was nothing short of astounding. When you were alone together it was easy to forget about who he really was, but not here. He continued to lead you through the massive antique double doors and into the hotel lobby.

A wave of calm washed over you as the doors closed behind you. He released you and turned to face you.

“Are you okay?” He asked with worried eyes. “Do you feel safe?”

“Yeah, I’m good.” You looked up and gazed around at the magnificent architecture that surrounded you. “This place is just wonderful. How old is it?” He leaned into you again and brushed your stray hairs away to speak softly into your ear.

“About 100 years. Listen, we’re only staying for as long as you want to. Just let me know when you’re ready to leave and we’ll get out of here.” He pulled his head away to gaze into your twinkling eyes peering out from behind the gilded mask.  He let out a deep breath. “You’re so beautiful.”

He lowered his face to yours again and kissed you lightly on the reddening flesh of your cheek. Before you could respond someone in a maroon blazer walked up behind you.

“Good evening. Let me show you into the ballroom, Mr. Ren,” He turned to look at you, “Miss.”

Kylo took your arm in his as you followed the usher down a wide hallway to the back of the hotel. He opened the double doors and you entered the massive space. You were immediately in awe of the volume of people occupying the space. The room was decorated in hues of burgundy and gold, with giant crystal chandeliers hanging every few feet. Every woman in attendance was just as made up as you were, wearing their own elaborate gowns and decorative masks.

He gently squeezed your arm, attempting to gauge your level of comfort being surrounded by so many people. Surprisingly, you weren’t anxious at all. It felt like a fever dream as you made your way across the room to a table in the middle. You smiled up at Kylo, reassuring him that you were content. The usher turned and spoke to you both.

“Here are your seats. Please give the wait staff your drink orders and do not hesitate to let us know if you need anything at all.”

“Thank you.” Kylo replied to him as he walked away.

You looked down at the table and saw a small gold card that read _“Mr. Kylo Ren + Guest.”_ The rest of the table was empty, with half-finished drinks scattered about. The other guests were making their way around the room no doubt.

Kylo pulled out a chair for you and you sat down carefully. Just as he sat next to you, an older man with salt and pepper hair approached your table and smiled at you.

“Kylo! Imagine running into you here.” The man approached him and Kylo stood to shake his hand. You started to rise too but he shook his head at you. “No, please stay seated. No need to stand for an old man like me.” Kylo took his hand and shook it firmly.

“Hey Marty, how are you?” Kylo flashed him a genuine smile as he introduced you to the unknown man.

“Very nice to meet you, my dear.” He was beaming. He took your hand and kissed the back of it. He turned back to Kylo and spoke to him once again. “I may or may not have asked them to seat me at your table.”

“Of course you did. I wouldn’t have expected anything less.” He replied with amusement.

“Look, I’m not here to pressure you in any way. I know you’ll come back and finish when you’re ready. I just want you to know that this project will not continue without you. People are saying that you’re quitting and leaving the industry but I know you well enough to know that isn’t true.” Kylo nodded.

“Indeed, you do.” Kylo spoke softly. “I need some time…to figure some things out.” He looked over at you momentarily and smiled. “I hope you can understand.”

“Of course, friend. I do. Just know that we’re ready to go when you are.” He pulled Kylo up out of his seat into a big bear hug. “Now that I’m done ruining your night, I will take my leave. My wife is waiting for me upstairs.” He winked at Kylo and nodded at you. “You both have a great evening. You’re young and life is short. Make the most of it.”

The man walked away leaving you and Kylo alone once again. Kylo turned to face you.

“I’m going to get us drinks. You can stay here, I’ll only be a minute.”

 

* * *

 

Two hours or so had passed and you had consumed a few glasses of champagne. Kylo had introduced you to so many people that you had lost count. Currently, you were sitting next to a woman named Daisy. She was petite and had a smile spread across her face 99% of the time, it was infectious. She was adorable, her light British accent made her all the more likeable. Maybe it was partially the alcohol coursing through your veins but you were having the time of your life.

Daisy had worked with him on a few films previously and was practically giddy as she told you one embarrassing story after another. You were trying hard to not be too loud but you were failing. You slapped your hand across your mouth to try and muffle the boisterous giggle that had escaped your lips. Kylo was standing nearby talking to her boyfriend, John, and turned around to look at you.

He was on cloud nine. Seeing you enjoy yourself was all he hoped to get out of the night and far as he was concerned that mission had been accomplished. He relished in the way you erupted with laughter, seemingly oozing joy out of every pore. He could sense that you were happy and it made him happy.

“So, there we were, in the dead of winter. It was pitch black because they made us film in the middle of the night.” She continued with her story. “Kylo refused to wear socks. He said that the pain of the cold helped him channel the anger of his character better.” She paused for a moment because she was laughing too hard to continue speaking. She finally spoke.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry.” Her eyes were tearing up.

“C’mon, out with it.” You poked her in the ribs. Your cheeks hurt from smiling so much. She wiped under her eye.

“Phew. Okay, so we were out there for so long that after a while he couldn’t feel his feet anymore. But, of course, he didn’t tell anyone. When we were finally finished, he went back to his trailer and took his shoes off and his feet were practically BLACK.” She erupted in another howl of laughter, clearly not caring about appearing “ladylike.”

“Oh god, no way….” You responded to her. Tears were freely streaming down her face at this point as she couldn’t contain her amusement.

“YES. Let me tell you, we had to reschedule two weeks of filming so he could get treatment for frostbite. He almost lost his toes!”

You both exploded in thunderous laughter, doubled over and shaking together. She grabbed your hands in hers as you both continued to roar hysterically.

Kylo looked over at you again and let his gaze linger for a few seconds. He didn’t realize it but whenever you were in his field of vision he couldn’t help but adorn a grand smile. When he turned to look back at John, he was smiling now too.

“So, you seem happy.” He nodded over at you. “So does she.”

“Yeah, I really am. I hope she is, too.” Kylo replied slowly.

“I’ve never seen you smile more in my entire life. It’s kind of eerie.” Kylo punched him in the arm.

“Shut up.”

“When’s the wedding?” John asked with a smirk. Kylo rolled his eyes.

“It’s not like that, we’re just…….friends.” The smile left Kylo’s face as he spoke. “It’s complicated.”

“But it doesn’t have to be. Look, I’m not going to tell you what to do but sometimes taking a risk is worth the payoff.”

“Yeah, yeah, John.” He brushed him off. “Speaking of which, when are you going to propose finally?”

They both looked over at the two of you, still in hysterics. John replied calmly.

“Tonight actually.” He carefully pulled a small black velvet box out of his pocket for a second and showed it to Kylo, before quickly returning it. “Now, your turn to take a chance.”

“Ok, ok, I get it. Listen, congratulations. I want an invite to the wedding.” Kylo flashed him a sincere smile.

“Obviously.” John replied cheerily. “I think we’re going to have to leave soon, though. Got things to take care of if you know what I mean.” He pulled Kylo into a hug and pat his back.

They both walked over to the table and caught the tail end of your conversation.

“Really, I haven’t ever seen him this happy. I’m happy for you two.” You were blushing deeply as Daisy finished speaking. “Here comes trouble.” She said with a grin.

“Come on drunkie. Time to go.” John reached a hand out to her and helped her up from the table. You stood and she pulled you into a tight embrace, kissing your cheek before she stepped away.

“Remember darling, call me anytime. See you soon.” She turned and threw her arms around Kylo. “Hey, she’s a keeper!” She exclaimed as she pointed over to you. For a moment you swore you saw Kylo’s cheeks redden.

“Goodnight you two.” Kylo replied as John pulled her away.

Kylo slid into the seat next to you and slipped his arm around your waist. His gentle touches never ceased to make your body surge with electricity. You looked up into his eyes, catching a glimpse of sweet shades of gold and green as they sparkled in the dim light. He lowered his head and nuzzled it into your neck, causing goosebumps to spread all over your entire body.

“Come with me, I want to show you something.” He grabbed your hand and laced your fingers with his as he stood up from the table. He led you out of the ballroom and back into the hallway, but instead of heading back toward the entrance he went the opposite way until you reached an elevator. Held the door open for you and pressed the button for the top floor. He slipped his hand back into yours and gently stroked his thumb against your palm. Butterflies crowded your stomach as you climbed higher and higher.

When the doors opened he led you down another winding hallway to a stairwell. You followed him up the single flight of stairs to a door that had a sign hanging on it reading “ _ROOF ACCESS-RESTRICTED.”_

He opened the door and let you exit before him. The cool night breeze chilled your exposed skin as you walked out into the open. Kylo walked around you and led you over to the wide ledge of the building. There was a large concrete slab between you and the edge, surely a safety measure to keep anyone from falling accidentally.

Gasping, you gazed out at the city in wonder. You were up much higher than at Kylo’s penthouse; there were only a few buildings taller than this one. You didn’t notice but Kylo wasn’t staring at the view, just at you.

“This is incredible, Kylo.” You spoke as he stepped behind you, pressing his body against yours. He removed your mask and set it aside as he pointed over your shoulder.

“You see that building right there?” He whispered sensually into your ear and pointed to a building on the horizon. “That’s our place. You can see the pool.”

Your heart swelled at him referring to it as “our place.” You leaned back into him and took in his body heat. You shivered and he wrapped his arms around to warm you up. He grabbed hungrily at your curves and pulled you tighter against his muscled form. He leaned down and nuzzled his face into your neck again, smelling your skin and ghosting his nose across it.

You let out a low moan inadvertently, taking in the sensation. You pushed your round ass into him and pressed your thighs together tightly. His hands wandered up and down your sides and then around to hold your belly. The hard, pulsing erection in his pants was hard to ignore as it pressed hungrily against you. He whispered to you again.

“You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me.” He gripped you tighter and nipped your ear with his teeth. “I can’t lose you.” He snaked his hands up to palm at your breasts through your dress, carefully taking each one into his hands and massaging them gently. You pushed your chest out and closed your eyes, savoring the feeling of his skin against yours. “I want to take care of you, if you’ll let me.”

You were practically trembling at his touch as you leaned your head back to peer into his eyes. They were round and full of apprehension, his fear of your refusal painted all over his face. You were lightheaded and couldn’t believe this was actually happening. Every fantasy in your mind paled in comparison to this moment. Your carnal desires were igniting and you needed him to be inside of you so badly. Having forgone underwear tonight, your bare pussy was already dripping down your legs underneath your dress.

You turned your body around to face him, taking his face into your hands. You coyly licked your lips before crashing them against his. You kissed him with passion as he drew his hands up to grab your ass and press you more tightly against him. His lips were soft as he kissed you with increasing urgency. His tongue darted out of his mouth and slid along your teeth as you tangled your hands up into his hair. You gathered a bunch of it into your hand and pulled on it, hard, as you drew his face away from yours. His eyes were dark and crazy with lust as he stared down at you, watching to see what you would do next. You spoke in a low, almost animalistic voice

“Kylo, I’m yours….” You proclaimed as your eyes welled with tears. “I need you, right now.”

A sinister looking smile spread across his face as he moved back in to kiss you once again. He sucked your bottom lip into his mouth and bit it gently, still gripping your ass tightly, pulling you harder against his taut body. His lips moved down to the bare skin of your neck as he kissed and licked at it, sucking bits of it into his mouth to thoroughly taste you.

His hands slid around your body as he fumbled with the zipper on your dress. You helped him get it all of the way down as he slid the gown off of your shoulders, exposing your chest before him. He stared at you for a moment, finally drinking in the parts of you he had been dreaming about. He lowered his head to your right breast and grabbed it roughly, sucking your nipple into his mouth.

You tossed your head back in delight as he continued his assault on your tender flesh. He sucked and bit at your sensitive nub while massaging the other in between his fingers. He bit it hard in between his teeth which sent an electric wave of pleasure straight down in between your thighs. You continued to run your hands through his hair as he moved to take your other nipple into his mouth. He licked his flat tongue across it as you trembled against him.

He removed his mouth from your skin and stood back to remove his jacket, throwing it onto the concrete next to you. Reaching out to you, he pulled your dress the rest of the way down and it softly fell to the ground. His eyes immediately bulged out of his head when realized that you were completely bare under your gown. He looked hungrily at your pussy, noticing how visibly wet you already were.

“You’re such a dirty little girl…” He moaned as he lowered himself to his knees in front of you.

He guided your back against the ledge of the building before burying his face inside of your wet folds. He expertly lapped at your delicious juices, sucking them into his mouth while snaking his tongue around your hardening clit. You gasped as he sucked it up into his mouth delicately, bringing a hand up to spread your legs further. He pulled your legs on top of his shoulders and leaned you once again into the ledge to give himself added access to your sweet, wet core.

His tongue darted in and out of your pussy hole as his hands roughly massaged your ass, taking a finger and pressing it against your soft, puckered asshole. Meanwhile, you were overcome with the sheer pleasure he was imparting on you. Moans and cries of delight filtered freely through the air, and the fleeting thoughts of getting caught were only egging both of you on.

Kylo’s attack continued on you until you felt that familiar tightening in your stomach. It didn’t take much longer before you threw your head back against the concrete and screamed out in desire.

“Fuck, Kylo I….I’m gonna cum….” You were barely able to make out the words before your orgasm washed over you. You bucked your hips against his face and he continued to fuck you with his tongue as you rode out the waves of pleasure consuming your body. He licked at your wet folds until you finally stilled, your body falling limp momentarily as he lowered your legs down and onto the ground. You barely had time to compose yourself when you realized he was unbuckling his belt and lowering his pants to his ankles.

“God baby, you taste so good.” He murmured as he lowered his boxers and his giant, pulsing cock sprang free into the cold air. You stared with wide eyes, marveling at the sheer mass of the organ hanging in between his legs. It was practically standing out at a 90 degree angle, with delicious beads of precum dripping off the tip.

 _“God, I hope it’ll fit…”_ You thought to yourself but he must have read your mind because just then he spoke.

“I promise I’ll go slow, angel.” He walked over and pressed his body against yours, your back still flush against the edge. He kissed you sloppily and you savored the taste of yourself on his tongue. You tasted so good together.

He pulled his head away and turned your body around, leaning you on top of the ledge as he spread your legs apart. You looked out into the bustling city below you and got a surge of excitement at how exposed you both were, out in the open for anyone to see.

Kylo lined himself up with your entrance as you turned your head around to look at him, your eyes hazy with lust and desire. You stared directly into his eyes as he slowly pressed himself into your hot, pulsing core. He bit his bottom lip and hissed as he slid himself into you carefully. He groaned at the sensation of his throbbing member slowly stretching out your clenching walls around him.

You turned your head back around and rested it on the ledge, closing your eyes to take in the sensation of being split wide open. You had definitely never had something so massive inside of you before and the feeling almost had you cumming again immediately.

“Fuck, you’re so tight…” He muttered as he finally pressed his length all of the way inside of you. He stilled himself for a moment, giving you a chance to adjust to the size of his massive cock before he gently pulled out again. Steadily, he worked himself in and out of your sopping cunt, burying himself deeply every few strokes as he slid against your g-spot.

The wet sounds emanating from in between your legs was turning you on like no other, and slowly you began to grind your ass back into his pelvis, meeting his every thrust. His hands gripped your hips roughly as he began to increase his speed, plunging into you again and again. You enjoyed the delicious sounds he was making, moaning and grunting as he bounced in and out of you. He was coming undone and you were relishing in every moment of it. You needed his cum inside of you.

He reached around you and buried his hand between your legs, aggressively stroking your clit with each thrust. You were practically seeing stars as he rammed his cock in and out of your wet, hot hole. Before you knew it, another orgasm threatened to overtake you as you flung your head back in delight. He sensed your impending explosion and stepped forward to press you harder into the surface as he crashed into you.

You screamed his name out into the night as you came hard around his throbbing dick. Your pussy clenched and gripped his thick length as he found his own release. He grasped onto your body roughly and shuddered, spewing thick spurts of cum inside of you. He continued to pump in and out for several seconds, hissing and moaning, until his cock had finally finished twitching inside of you.

He was trembling in the aftermath of the most intense climax of his life. He gently leaned himself over your back and peppered kisses all over your exposed skin, eliciting more lewd sounds from you.

Slowly, he pulled himself out of you and you felt your mixed juices gush out and run down your leg. Your head was still resting on the cold, concrete as you basked in the pure bliss that was overtaking you. Your body felt like it weighed a thousand pounds and you were beginning to wonder how you would ever find the strength to move again.

You felt Kylo approach you from behind as he lifted you up and wrapped his arms around your nude form and held you tightly against his body. He lightly kissed the skin right behind your ear and you nuzzled against him.

“Let’s go home.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, most of this chapter was written while listening to Ariana Grande and Led Zeppelin. Lmao.


	12. Bliss

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, looking back I know I really wrote Kylo more like I would imagine Adam to actually be.....not as moody necessarily and a little more expressive. IDK! I am married myself but in a different universe I like to think about what it would be like to be with Adam lol. I feel like a lot of us probably do that. No shade at all to his wife, I'm sure she's lovely (and incredibly LUCKY.) And yes, my husband is well aware of my obsession with Adam and fully supports me hahaha.
> 
> ANYWAYS sorry in advance if you don't like they way I've written him. I was just going with what felt right in the story line/what reader needs him to be for her. So, lots of fluff because why the hell not.
> 
> I am open to critique/suggestions as I am new to all of this.
> 
> As always, thanks for reading.

Rays of soft sunlight filtered through the sheer curtains and into your eyes, stirring you from your comfortable slumber. Slowly, you peeked them open and momentarily didn’t recognize your surroundings. You were in a soft, plush California king-sized bed, with bedding made up of black and grey hues. Specks of light danced against the dark charcoal walls as the curtains moved with the breeze filtering through the open balcony doors. When you lifted you head and looked beneath you, you found pale freckled skin upon which you had been sleeping. Fuck. Kylo.

Abruptly, the events of the previous evening unfolded before your eyes. The masquerade. Daisy and John. _The roof…_

Blood rushed into your cheeks as you recalled the feeling of Kylo’s hands grasping your hips tightly as if to ensure you were really there, as if all of it was actually real. You lifted the blanket to examine your body and were impressed to see small, finger-sized contusions that covered your hip bones, each one a trophy and memory of the best night of your life. Small, circular bruises also adorned your chest, an additional reminder of the bits of skin Kylo had nibbled and sucked on so lovingly until you were putty in his hands.

After finishing your tryst on the roof, the two of you returned home immediately to retire for the evening, but not without an encore in the kitchen on the granite countertop. Honestly, you were wondering how either of you were going to be able to get anything done at all anymore now that the seal had been broken on the lid containing each of your own carnal desires. Kylo’s skin had felt so divine against your own; you never wanted to be without it.

Carefully, you rolled off of him, laid on your back next to him, and closed your eyes to try to get some more rest. Instead of sleep you found more memories swirling around your head, such as the feeling of his tongue lapping hungrily between your dripping folds, or the feeling of being so completely full when he had finally impaled you. His cock was so deliciously massive and wide, its pink flesh and throbbing veins only adding to its appeal. You could honestly say it was the nicest, largest cock you had ever seen or had inside of you.

You sat up and lifted up the blanket again, but this time so you could take a look at the member resting between Kylo’s legs. Even non-erect he was absolutely gigantic. Moving down and under the blanket, you positioned yourself next to it and breathed on it lightly causing it to twitch up and towards your face. Blood was already rushing into him as he began to stiffen before your very eyes. A sly smile spread across your face as you dipped your head down to place a chaste kiss on the head and when you did so, Kylo’s entire body shuddered in its sleep.

In your lifetime you had experienced your fair share of cocks but nothing compared to the sensation of his being sheathed inside of you. The emotions elicited from you as you were screaming his name over and over again had brought you immeasurable pleasure, greater than you had ever experienced from a sexual encounter alone. What you felt for him, even before last night, could not yet be described with words. Of all of the uncertainty in your life, Kylo felt _certain…_ real, tangible, forever?

And now that you knew that he felt the same way about you, these feelings didn’t scare you anymore. Instead, they made you feel powerful. Like you were finally in control of your destiny for the first time in your life. Kylo was the only thing you were absolutely sure of and you couldn't wait to show him just how much he meant to you every day for the rest of your life.

Slowly, you dipped your head down and took the tip of his dick into your mouth. You swirled your tongue around it, lapping at it as if it were a lollipop. You carefully ran your tongue over the entire head, committing each delicious area to memory. You must have fantasized about having him inside of your mouth at least a few dozen times, but nothing could have prepared you for how satisfying and delectable he was. It quickly hardened completely as you continued your ministrations.

You grabbed the base with your hand and moved your head down on it further, taking as much of it into your mouth as you could. You prided yourself in your skills in the art of cocksucking but even then you couldn’t get more than half of the length into your mouth. The girth kept you from getting it any further down your throat.

You relaxed further and eased even more of his length into you, releasing the air out of your lungs. Kylo's hips jerked as he lunged up into your mouth, reacting to the sensation of being nearly completely swallowed. He let out a breathless moan in his sleep as you slid your head back up and let him out of your mouth with a pop. Even in sleep his attraction and need for your body was apparent, a fact that was delighting you immensely.

You took him back into your mouth and began to bob your head up and down in slow, even strokes, each time getting more and more of him to fit into your mouth. The whole ordeal was making you drip with desire, and you couldn't help it when your free hand found its way down in between your legs. Slowly, you began to rub circles on your hardened clit in time with your mouth, closing your eyes and taking in the pleasure of feeling so filled up.

You increased your pace as you began to suck him into your mouth faster, taking your time to lightly stroke your sensitive nub in between your fingers. You moaned onto his cock as you dipped a finger into your soft core. Your pussy was aching with need and clenched tightly around the digit. When you dipped a second finger inside of yourself you couldn't stifle the low, throaty moan that escaped your mouth as you pulled your head back and off of his cock, saliva now covering his entire length.

The sound caused Kylo to finally stir from his sleep and he was awakened by the most glorious sight of his life. He looked down to see his hard length being consumed by your hungry mouth, your head plunging down onto his hardened member nearly all the way. He had to suppress the urge to cum immediately when he noticed your other hand pumping itself furiously in and out of your glistening folds. He continued to watch you suck him with fervor, unable to quiet himself as he moaned your name. Your eyes shot open as you looked up at him, cock still buried deep inside of your mouth. You moaned loudly as he smiled at you with tired eyes.

"Fuck baby, your pretty little mouth feels so good." He said in a deep, raspy voice. His eyes were full of lust as he looked down at your hand plunging in and out. "If you keep going like that I won't be able to last much longer."

Little did he know that your own climax was approaching rapidly, but you wouldn't let go until you could feel him come undone inside of you. You began to suck even harder and faster- you didn't want him to last. You wanted him to use your mouth, to empty himself into you so you could lap up every drop. Kylo reached down and gently held the back of your head, bobbing your head even further down until his entire length was buried inside of you. You suppressed the urge to gag as you held him inside of you, wanting to show him just how dedicated you were to giving him pleasure. The gesture was not wasted on Kylo; he yelled out in surprise as you swallowed him.

"God damn....yeah baby, take the whole thing..." You slowly moved your head back up until he plopped out of your mouth. Kylo thew his head back as he moaned and reached down to tightly grip the sheets with his palms. You whispered to him.

"I need your cum....please...." You said timidly. You needed to taste him and you needed it now. Having given him permission, he allowed himself to come undone, grabbing your head again, taking a handful of your hair, and roughly shoving you down onto his throbbing member. Your head only bobbed a few more times before he screamed out your name as he exploded into your mouth, continuing to push your head up and down his length. He shuddered as rope after rope of his hot load spewed into your hungry, wanting mouth. You happily sucked up every drop of his delicious seed as he continued to guide you along his length. The sensation of him emptying himself into you completely sent you over the edge as well.

Your hips jerked as you found your own orgasm, continuing to fuck your gushing pussy with two fingers. You found your clit once again and stroked it hard as you rode out the waves of pleasure that were overtaking your body. Your body writhed as your fluids flowed freely out of your warm center. You finally released his softening dick from your mouth and looked up at him, licking your lips.

“God, you’re so amazing….” He finally spoke through lidded eyes. He stroked your hair as he gazed into your eyes. “Come here.”

You obeyed as you crawled up the bed and into his arms. He wrapped them around you as you laid your head on his chest once again. He took your hand and hungrily sucked your juices off of it, attempting to take in as much of your as he could. He reached behind you lightly dragged his fingers across the bare skin of your back as he pressed countless kisses to the top of your head, whispering words of worship in between them.

_“You’re so sexy…”_

_"You're so beautiful..."_

_"You make me feel so good….”_

With eyes closed you relished in the adoration he was showering you with, your heart swelled in your chest as you clenched him tighter against you. You never wanted this to end, never wanted to leave his bed. Unfortunately, you knew that wasn’t possible. You realized that the void inside of you wasn't there anymore. Everything you had been searching for was right in front of you. You peeked up at him to find him smiling down at you and your heart fluttered.

“I’m hungry…..feed me.” He chuckled at you as he once again stroked your hair with his hand. He reached down and grabbed your chin and brought your face close to his, gently placing his soft lips against yours. You moaned at the sensation and the surge of electricity felt between your skin and his.

“Let’s go, I’ll make your favorite – french toast.”

 

* * *

 

Later that afternoon, you asked Kylo to have another training session with you. It had been several days since your last session and you were ready to get back into the gym. You needed to learn more than just taking someone down. When the time came, you wanted to be able to eliminate the threat completely. You had too much to lose now; you couldn't run the risk of anyone coming between you and the future you envisioned with Kylo.

Currently, Kylo was standing across from you stretching his hamstrings. He had forgone a shirt again this time and you tried to keep your mind from wandering but it wasn't really working. Your eyes wandered up and down his solid form as you imagined it pressed firmly against you. His wavy hair swung freely as he bounced from foot to foot, warming up his muscles. You closed your eyes and tried to focus.

"I want you to teach me how to kill." Kylo nearly choked as he looked over at you.

"Excuse me?"

"C'mon Kylo, I know you don't want to think about it but if the time comes I need to be able to do more than just disarm someone." He rolled his eyes at you as you continued to speak. "You were in the military. I know you know how to do it."

"I think you're severely underestimating just how much strength it takes to strangle the life out of someone." He said bluntly. "Besides, I'll always be here to protect you. If it comes to that, I can do it myself."

"That's not realistic, Kylo. Yeah, in an ideal world you will always be right next to me, ready to protect me. But not planning for the worst case scenario is just ignorant."

Kylo leaned his head back and exhaled loudly. He knew you were right, but he didn't like the idea of you engaged in hand to hand combat with someone who would likely be double your size. He looked you in the eye as a serious expression took over his face.

"Fine. We're getting you a gun."


	13. Three Meaningful Words

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> P mushy but I’m a sap so deal with it. Better enjoy it while you can. The honeymoon can’t last forever....

“You’re going to have to dress differently if you want to make it through dinner without me fucking you on top of the table.” Kylo looked down at your exposed chest and you smiled devilishly. You two had just sat down to eat- salmon with a caesar salad. Kyo had even made his own croutons. You couldn’t believe what a food nerd he was, but you never complained because you got to eat every delicious concoction. You would never get tired of the normalcy of sitting down together to share meals. You cherished every moment.

Currently, you were wearing a lacy white robe, tied in the middle, with nothing else on underneath. Your large breasts were almost spilling out of it and, of course, you had dressed like this on purpose. Anything to get a rise of out of him. Seductively, you reached your hand up and pulled the robe down your shoulders, just barely exposing your pale, pink nipples to him.

“I’m not sure I know what you mean…..it’s just a robe, Kylo. Have you no self-control?” Your hand traveled down the soft flesh of your chest and found its way to your right nipple, hardening quickly as you delicately stroked it. You closed your eyes and leaned your head against the back of the chair, moaning slightly at the sensation.

You opened your eyes and flashed him a cheeky smile. His eyes were fixed on your every move, watching you as you slowly pulled the robe back up to conceal your skin once more. Disappointment spread over his face as he shifted in his seat, grabbing at the hardening member in between his legs.

“You’re such a fucking tease.”

“What?” You replied with a coy smile as he chuckled. You loved the way his eyes scrunched up whenever he smiled at you, and lately he had been smiling more and more. It felt like an accomplishment of sorts any time you were able to break down his cool, hard exterior.

“Hey, I actually need to talk to you about something.” Kylo spoke with uncertainty as his expression changed to one of worry.

“Of course, what’s up?” You responded after swallowing the wine in your mouth.

“Before I ask, please know that I will understand if you don’t feel comfortable, but…..John and Daisy want to come over. For dinner.” Kylo spoke as he piled salad onto your plate. “To celebrate their engagement.” You choked on your drink.

“Oh my god! That’s so amazing; when did they get engaged?” You asked excitedly.

“The night of the masquerade actually, after they left the party.” You flashed him a huge grin at the mention of the masquerade. “Seems like they had a pretty exciting night.”

“I bet it wasn’t as exciting as ours, though.” You replied as you reached your hand across the table to rest it on top of his. Surprisingly, his cheeks reddened, a gesture that was usually reserved for you. You loved it when he got flustered. “Of course I don’t care if they come over. I trust you and I trust them. If you think that they’re good people then I do, too. Besides, I loved talking to Daisy. I would love to spend time with them again.”

“Of course I trust them. They’re the only two people that I really regularly keep in contact with, which is why they’ve been giving me shit for not having them over for a while. John accused me of hiding you from them.” He looked down at his plate.

“Kylo, I’m so sorry. I know having me here has completely disrupted your life. I would never want to come in between you and your loved ones.” Your heart ached at the realization of just how much you had changed his routine. His personal relationships were suffering and that was never your intention. You craved a life where you could have longtime friends, too. Or any kind of lasting connection, really.

“You’re my loved one.” He replied slowly and your heart swelled. “I’d do anything for you, you know that. Stop feeling guilty. I want you to be here more than anything.” He looked into your eyes as he continued. “We usually have a weekly dinner at my place but I put it on hold a while ago. Would you be open to…resuming that tradition?”

The idea thrilled you instantly. You couldn’t think of anything nicer than having a weekly dinner date with your two new friends. You responded joyfully.

“I think that sounds great! Truly, I would absolutely love that, Kylo.” He sighed in relief as you answered. “I do think we should talk to them about my current.....situation. I don’t know them as well as you do obviously but I think we should ask them to use discretion about me being here. I don’t want the wrong people to find out. Does that make sense?” Kylo nodded in agreeance.

“Absolutely. It’s your decision but I agree, I think we should probably be honest with them about everything. I know they’ll understand.” He shoved a big bite into this mouth. “I made a cayenne glaze for the salmon. Do you like it?” You nodded and smiled at him again as he chomped happily.

“It’s really delicious. Super spicy just how I like it.” You winked at him. “Maybe one of these days I’ll let you show me some things so I can actually cook for you sometimes.” You took another bite before you spoke again.  “Can we go swimming after dinner? No laps, just for fun. Pretty please?” You asked with pleading eyes.  

“Of course, baby.” He responded cheerily without hesitation. It never ceased to amaze you how easily he was able to make the butterflies return to your stomach. You felt like a giddy schoolgirl whenever you were within 50 feet of him. No person on earth had ever made you feel so loved, so cherished.

Thirty minutes later, you walked to the pool alone as Kylo finished clearing the table after dinner. As you approached the water you removed your robe and tossed it onto the ground. You took the ponytail out of your hair and let your long tresses flow in the evening breeze. In the sky above you was a bright, full moon. You walked over to turn off the lights surrounding the pool. The moonlight was bright enough.

You dove into the warm water and let the sensation envelop you. You loved the way the water was always kept close to your body temperature, and whenever you were immersed you felt like you were floating in space or something. When you resurfaced you saw Kylo exit and walk out onto the deck.

You stood to reveal your bare skin to him which glistened in the moonlight. His breath hitched as he walked over to the side of the pool and sat down, removing his shirt as he lowered himself. His strong, muscular chest was finally exposed; it made you weak in the knees every time.

He slid off his pants and set them on the edge of the pool near the shallow end when you immediately noticed his half-hard cock bobbing in between his legs.

You swam over to him and he leaned down to kiss you slowly on the lips. You rested your hands on his knees as he took your face in his, pulling you in deeper to the kiss. His tongue quickly found the inside of your mouth as it lapped at you hungrily. Expertly, he swirled his tongue around yours as he gripped your face even harder.

You gasped when he nipped at your bottom lip and sucked it into his mouth. Moaning, you opened your mouth wider to him as he continued his assault. He kissed you with increasing intensity as he pulled you up and out of the water to meet him. He finally slowed his movements as he lowered you back into the water below.

Breathless, you moved away from his face to look up into his eyes. The beautiful brown orbs gazed at you with complete adoration and lust. Kylo opened his mouth to say something but changed his mind.

"What?" You asked with an emerging smile. "Tell me!" He sighed heavily and pulled your face into another deep, passionate kiss. When he released your face he slid down and into the pool next to you, quickly pulling you into his arms. He pressed his bare skin against yours and kissed the top of your wet hair. Quietly, he spoke.

"I want to talk about my ex. I want to get better about....expressing myself. I feel guilty that you're always so open with me but I haven't necessarily been with you." He took a deep breath. "I want you to know it all. Even if it's hard for me to talk about..." His voice trailed off.

"Please, I want to know everything. I'll always listen. Tell me." You responded as your arms reached around his body to gently stroke the muscled skin on his back. Kylo shivered at the sensation as you continued to lightly drag your fingernails against him.

"I met her in college. We dated, but it wasn't anything serious. All of my friends tried to tell me how unpredictable and crazy she was but I didn't listen. I was thinking with my dick, not with my mind." He began unfolding the tale to you. "After a few months of hooking up, she came to me and told me she was pregnant. I was absolutely shocked, especially considering she told me was on the pill. I talked to my mother about it and she said that I had made my bed and I needed to lay in it, that the best thing to do would be to make an honest woman out of Joan. So, I proposed and we got married.

"She didn't tell me until after the wedding that she had miscarried. I would be lying if I said I wasn't resentful of her from that moment on. Part of me still thinks that she lied about the pregnancy to trap me, but my mom was right. I made my bed and I had to lay in it. And I did, for ten fucking years." He raised his voice as he began to speak with anger behind his words. "Ten years I gave to that woman, trying my best to make it work. Even in ten years of marriage our relationship was very shallow. Every conversation was like making small talk, there was never anything of substance. She didn't care about me or my feelings and I guess I really didn't care about hers either." He took a deep breath to calm himself before he continued. "Because of my work I traveled around a lot but she never wanted to come with me, which never bothered me. When she cheated on me I truly felt nothing but relief. I was grateful for an excuse to remove her from my life forever. I still feel a lot of guilt about that. I feel guilty that I wasn't honest with her from the beginning, that I wasted a decade of my life trying to convince myself that this was as good as it was going to get. That all marriages were like this. That is, until I met you." He pulled away from you to look you in the eyes.

"I didn't know what real affection felt like until I met you. I didn't know it was possible to feel so strongly about someone, to feel the urge to put their needs and wants above my own, above everything else. This is going to sound crazy but...even from the moment I saw you on that airplane, smiling and swaying your hips back and forth as you pushed that drink cart around, I felt connected to you. Like the universe meant for us to be on that plane together."

"Well yeah, if you weren't there I would have died." You interjected as your eyes began to well with tears. "I owe you everything." Kylo continued speaking as he stroked your lower back with his fingertips.

"No, I owe you...so much. This time we've had together has shown me many things, nothing has ever made me feel as happy or fulfilled. For weeks I have been trying to find the words to express what you mean to me, and the word that keeps flashing in my mind is..." He swallowed hard. "Love." His voice lowered as he whispered your name. "You are the love of my life. I... I love you."

Your stomach was immediately in your throat as the words delicately slipped from his mouth. Tears were now freely streaming down your face as you began to sob. The euphoria sweeping over your body was consuming you. The last person to tell you they loved you was...Hux. But that wasn't love. That was control. Kylo gripped you tighter in his embrace as you cried. 

"Oh Kylo, I love you too....so much it hurts sometimes." You said in between sniffles. He reached up to wipe the tears from under your eyes with his fingertips. "I only want you, for the rest of my life....I need you."

A smile spread across his face as he listened to you, his heart too swelled with pure joy and elation at the realization that you felt the same way about him that he did about you. He grabbed your face again as his lips smashed against yours.

He kissed you deeply and with passion as you wound your hands around his waist to pull him in closer. He broke the kiss and moved his head down to your neck and rested it there for a moment. He was breathing heavily as he began to pepper kisses down your neck. Gently, he sucked your skin into this mouth and nibbled it between his teeth. You pushed out your bare chest in response, closing your eyes to appreciate the feeling and the fire that was building deep, inside of you.

Kylo reached around and grabbed your ass with each of his hands, gripping you tightly under the water and squeezing the soft flesh roughly. Just then he bit your neck hard and you squealed in response. He sucked the skin into his mouth and held it there, ensuring a large bruise would remain when he pulled his head away. He lifted you up above the water as you wrapped your legs against his waist and wound your arms around his neck and buried your hands into his hair. You shuddered as you felt his fully erect member brush against your exposed pussy underneath.

His pure strength was made apparent as he carried you over to the side of the pool and sat you on the edge, nestling himself in between your legs. His hard cock brushed against your soft folds as you heard Kylo moan low in his throat.

You put your hands behind your back on the deck and pushed your chest out towards his face. He understood as he leaned over to cover your breasts in wet, open-mouthed kisses. He took your nipple into his mouth and enthusiastically ran his tongue all over it.

Your pussy clenched when he abruptly bit the tender bud in between his teeth and held it there. His other hand was roughly massaging your other nipple as he rolled it in between his fingers. Your breathy moans oozed through the cool, night air as he continued the onslaught on your tender flesh. Your moans were pleading at this point but Kylo wasn't going any further. He wanted you to beg for it.

He removed his mouth, leaving your hardened nipple chilled in the breeze at its absence. He stepped away from you to take in the sight. The look in his eyes was purely carnal and animalistic as he glanced down at your pussy, spread wide open and dripping before him.

"Please Kylo...." You began to plead with him as he continued to look you up and down, his gaze lingering on your glistening slit. He flashed a mischievous smile as he answered you.

"Please what, baby? Tell me what you need." He said with authority. You wouldn't give in that easy. Slowly, your hand snaked down in between your legs and rested on top of your exposed heat. You lazily slipped a single finger inside and threw your head back in exaggerated ecstasy as you moaned. You got off on being watched and loved putting on a show for him.

Kylo couldn't wait any longer as he advanced on you and grabbed your hips. You removed your hand as he quickly sheathed himself inside of you, nearly to the hilt. Your wetness was so immense that he slipped in with ease. You gasped as he filled you completely with his throbbing, hard cock, but you were immediately frustrated when he didn't pull out. Instead, he stilled himself and remained immersed inside of you as he held on tight to your hips, refusing to let you wiggle or move even an inch to get any relief. You whined and pouted at him.

"This is what you get for not listening to me. Now, I’m going to ask you again. Tell me....what do you need?" He purred into your ear. Fucker. You weren't in the mood to put it off any longer. You’d let him win this time.

"I need you to fuck me, Kylo, please. I need your cum inside of me......more than anything." You mumbled between labored breaths. Just as soon as the words left your mouth he pulled his legnth out deliciously slow and rammed it back into you.

"Say it again." He commanded you, stilling himself again. His self-control was fading fast. "I need to hear you say it again."

"Fuck me Kylo, please." He immediately rammed into your sopping, wanting hole again as you cried out in pleasure as he struck your cervix with the end of his dick. His grip on your hips tightened as he continued to ram himself into you at a desperate pace. He wanted to own you, to ruin your body in every way, to show you just how much he needed you. He continued to fuck you into oblivion as you ground your clit against him with each thrust. Your walls continued to clench against him as he pumped in and out of you. 

You reached your hands up to grab and pull at his hair, you needed him to watch you cum. You pulled his head back as you ground against his thick, pulsing member. He watched your movements through lidded eyes as you began to push your hips out with increasing rhythm. He looked down to admire your fat, bouncing tits beneath him, glowing in the moonlight. The sounds echoing through the air were obscene and only pushed you both closer to the edge.

Kylo followed your lead as he quickened his thrusts, his own release steadily approaching. He moved a hand from your hip and reached down in between your bodies to roughly massage your hardened clit in between his fingers.

”Cum for me baby, please.” He commanded as you came unraveled before him. His words were all it took as you shuddered in front of him, your legs wrapped around him to pull him even deeper inside of you. You moaned a low guttural sound and continued to ride his cock as he started cumming as well. 

He grabbed your hips again with both hands as he emptied himself inside of you with a low groan, pumping his thick member in and out of your soft, wet folds. He continued to pump in and out as he pulsed inside of your spasming pussy walls until he was completely spent. 

“Fuck...” He hissed through gritted teeth as he slowly removed his length from you. His cum and yours rushed out of you and down the side of the pool. Kylo stood back to observe your ruined form before him. Legs still spread open, you leaned back on your palms and relished in the way his eyes hungrily roamed your body. You dipped your fingers back down in between your legs to gather some of the fluids, and then raised the fingers up to your mouth and sucked them clean. Kylo’s eyes darkened as he watched the lewd gesture. You were awakening carnal desires in him that could no longer be contained or controlled. He needed you deeply, now and forever.  


	14. Pearl

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a longer one. I never understand when authors on here apologize before posting a long chapter because the long ones are always my favorite. Feedback is appreciated.
> 
> Also, finding out that Adam has secretly been a dad for two years is really making me think about how cute Adam babies would be. Ahhhhh.

Slowly, you pulled the string from the around the brown cardboard box you found sitting on the edge of the counter when you emerged that morning. There was a short note attached.

_“Please be careful. I can teach you how to use it later. Had to take care of something. I'll pick up dinner on the way home. I love you. -K”_

He always had a habit of waking up much earlier than you but he never woke you unless absolutely necessary which was something you were very thankful for. Being able to sleep in was one of the few luxuries you sincerely enjoyed in life and Kylo understood that. He accepted from early on that you definitely weren’t a morning person which was another incentive to leave you sleeping.

You removed the string holding the package together and lifted the lid to reveal a small, silver pistol with a pearl handle inside. Your eyes went wide as you reached down to hold it in your hand. The cool, hard steel felt heavy in your palm as you studied it intently. Kylo didn’t realize it but you had plenty of experience handling weapons. Living in the compound ensured that you were no stranger to firearms or weapons in general, not that you felt entirely comfortable handling them. You knew what you were doing.

You pulled the magazine out of the bottom to see that it was already full of bullets. Shoving it back into the pistol, you breathed a sigh of relief as you set it back down into the box. Just having it within arm’s reach was already bringing you an immense amount of security and comfort.

Just then, you noticed something else in the bottom of the box. You pulled it out to observe it when you realized that it was a holster for the weapon. It was made of a dark, tan leather with an intricate fleur design stamped into it. You held it around your waist and realized that it was the kind of holster that goes on the inside of your pants so one could hold the weapon against the small of their back- a perfect way to keep it hidden. Kylo really did think of everything. You latched it around your waist, noting how perfectly it fit, and you slid the pistol securely into the holder. You pulled your shirt down to cover it and walked over to the mirror to make sure it wasn't visible. Perfect. Now that you had an ideal place to store it you decided that you didn't want to take it off ever, no matter how insane the thought was.

 

* * *

 

Several hours later, a loud knock on the front door interrupted your current mini-session of meditation. You were attempting to calm your nerves in anticipation of the evening ahead of you. Standing, you made you way over to the doors and peeked out the peephole revealing two smiling faces. John and Daisy. Frenzied, you swung the door open to greet them happily.

"Why hello there!" You spoke as Daisy immediately pulled you into a large bear hug. She gripped you tightly around your middle and for a split second you remembered the weapon stashed in the back of your pants and sincerely hoped she couldn't feel it. As she pulled away she replied.

"Darling, I've missed you so! How have you been?" She asked. You turned to John and gave him a tight squeeze as well, making a mental note of how good he smelled.

"I've been really great actually. Trying to keep busy. What about you guys? I hear congratulations are in order!" You exclaimed as you reached down to look at her left hand. The ring that adorned her finger was nothing short of incredible. The giant stone sparkled and shined in the light as she moved. You had never seen a diamond this big in real life before and you tried to subdue your amazement, although it wasn't working. She read the wonderment on your face as she spoke.

"I know, I know. I told him we should return it for something less flashy but the stone was actually his grandmother's. It's an heirloom, he had it put into a new setting for me. I love that it has a history."

"It's absolutely lovely," you replied as you released her palm. "I am so happy for you two!" You were gleaming. "Please, come inside. Kylo isn't home yet but he should here be any minute.”

Daisy and John followed you into the apartment as you locked and secured the door behind them. You twisted the two deadbolts with a loud clank as they both turned to face you.

“Those are new…” John said as he gestured to the locking mechanisms. You swallowed hard.

“Yeah, you can never be too careful, you know.” You replied with a weak smile. You wanted them to know that there was actually good reason for your paranoia but not yet. Kylo needed to be here for that conversation. This wasn’t a talk you wanted to have without him.

“Wine?” They both nodded as you walked over to the kitchen and got four wine glasses out of the cabinet. You gestured to the charcuterie platter on the coffee table, containing assorted cheeses, grapes, crackers, and jams. John walked over and began to cut himself a slice of cheese. As you poured the crimson liquid, John spoke.

“Thanks for having us over. We were starting to think that our weekly dinners were a thing of the past.” You walked over and handed a glass to him and a glass to Daisy.

“I feel so guilty about that. It’s not that Kylo was hiding anything from you two, it’s just…..really complicated.” You responded as you took a large gulp of your own wine. It burned your throat as you swallowed it down. Your heart was beating loudly in your chest. You genuinely hoped that Kylo would get there soon.

“You don’t have to explain, it’s fine. John didn’t mean to sound rude. We’re just really happy to be here, and especially happy to be spending more time with you. Kylo is one of our dearest friends and seeing him so happy with you is such a relief to us.” Daisy walked over to you and placed her hand on your shoulder. “I’ve known him for almost 10 years and I’ve never seen him like this. I’ve never seen him look at someone the way he looks at you.”

Your cheeks burned as she finished her sentence. You turned to her and gave her a sincere grin as she rubbed your shoulder. You were barely able to choke out a response.

“I hope he knows that he makes me feel the same way…” Your voice cracked and you couldn’t continue. Tears welled your eyes and you had to look away before you completely lost it. Typically you were not an emotional person; you were usually able to contain your feelings but for some reason whenever you thought about Kylo and the way he made you feel made you instantly want to cry.

He was your weak spot in the best possible way. Except he didn’t make you feel weak at all. With him by your side you knew you’d be able to accomplish anything you set your mind to. Consistently, you struggled finding a way to express it to him or to somehow thank him for causing you to finally feel complete. You grinned even harder as you realized that you’d happily spend the rest of your life trying to do just that.

Yet, no matter what amount of contentment you achieved, the looming inevitability of conflict with your past always haunted you. Self-preservation was always your biggest priority but you longed for a time when things could be simpler, a time when you could freely lead a completely boring and uneventful life with your soulmate. When you first decided to fight back, your main goal was always to see Hux dead, to see the Sons of Old in shambles, and to end it with a smile on your face.

But now your motivations were different. Your endgame was still the same but you were fighting for different reasons. You were striving for peace, for a time where you could focus on the rest of your life with the love of your life. Before you met Kylo you never considered a future where you could actually be a mother or a married woman but now it was all you thought about. You wanted your fairytale ending and you would stop at nothing to achieve just that.

Tears were now freely streaming down your face. Fuck. You had to say something; you didn’t want Daisy to think that she upset you when in fact, she had done the opposite.

“I’m so sorry, it’s just that I’m really happy here….with him.” You began to speak but Daisy interrupted you.

“OH! That reminds me. Did you see this yet?” She left your side and walked over to her brown leather messenger bag and removed a folded up newspaper. She walked over to you, turned to the “Arts” section, and lifted it to your face. Your eyes went wide as you took in the image plastered all over the front page.

It was a candid photo snapped of Kylo and you from the masquerade. He was holding your hand and leading you inside the building, a huge grin covering his face. All of the blood in your body rushed to your face when you remembered the evening and how perfect it had been, how happy he had made you, and how happy he looked in the photo. The headline read “ _The Enigmatic Ren Enjoying His New Love at Vanity Fair Gala.”_

Your joy and elation was instantly replaced with grim terror as you looked down at your hand in the photo that was attached to his. You realized immediately that your scar was completely visible- on display for everyone to see. There it was displayed, clearly splayed across the tender flesh on your wrist. God damn it. How could you have been so careless? Your eyes, wide with fear and regret, began to water again instantly as you backed away from Daisy in silence. Her expression changed to one of worry as she tried to approach you.

“What’s wrong, sweetheart? I only showed you because I wanted you to see how happy you both look.” She spoke softly to you, her eyes now pleading. “I didn’t mean to upset you.”

Before you could respond you were deafened and blown off of your feet by a loud explosion originating from the front door. The force of the detonation sent you and Daisy falling backwards and onto each other on the floor. Debris catapulted through the air, with white, flowing smoke quickly filling the room. Everything seemed to be moving in slow motion. Your instincts immediately kicked in as you jumped to your feet. You rushed through the fragments of wood and glass towards the gaping hole in the front of the apartment.

As you approached in a crouched stance, a dark figure lunged at you through the haze and tackled you to the ground and pinned you between their legs. Startled, you looked up into the eyes of the intruder. Searching for recognition on your face, he stared back at you intensely until it finally hit you. He was a man you hadn’t seen in many, many years and definitely one you never expected to see again.

Thomas.

The man from the FBI. The man who had provided you papers and passage out of the compound nearly a decade earlier. The man who had saved your life. But how was he alive? Surely Hux would have murdered him as soon as he found out that you had been released.

You tried to maintain a vicious façade and to hide the surprise on your face but he saw straight through you. Defiantly, you spit up into his face but he just continued to smile maniacally as he wiped it away. He leaned over and whispered your name directly into your ear.

“My my, what a little hellion you’ve become.” You shivered as he spoke. “I bet you’re wondering what I’m doing here. Why don’t you have a seat? We have a lot of catching up to do.” Slowly, he climbed off of you but not before retrieving a pistol from inside his waistband. He pointed it at you as you gracefully rose to your feet and attempted to steady yourself.

By this time you noticed that Thomas had not arrived there alone. Two other intruders stood behind him, each holding their own assault rifles in hand. You recognized one of them as the main security guard for Kylo’s building and your stomach sank. Suddenly, one of the men fired his weapon near the ground behind you and you turned to see John frozen directly in his tracks.

“Don’t be stupid.” Thomas replied. “One of the perks of living in the penthouse is that you’re completely insulated from the rest of the building. There’s nowhere to run or escape to. And don’t try to scream. No one can hear you.”  You looked into John’s eyes, he looked devastated as he spoke to you.

“Are you okay?” He asked with great concern.

“Yes. I’m great, actually.” You replied as you turned back to face Thomas. He gestured to the couch with the end of his gun and you reluctantly abided. He walked with you over to the sofa and sat down next to you. The two others entered the apartment further, all the while keeping their weapons pointed directly at Daisy and John. Inhaling a large, greedy breath, Thomas glanced at you and began to speak.

“After you left I had to leverage my position in the FBI to save myself. Not my proudest moment, I’ll admit it, but I have no regrets. I convinced Hux that I was working from the inside, that releasing a hostage was my only way of proving to them that I wasn’t indoctrinated. Which isn’t entirely a lie. They were beginning to doubt my allegiance and questioned my lack of progress when I had already spent so many years undercover.” He paused to reach for the spilled bottle of wine on the coffee table. He picked it up and took a swig of the remaining liquid before he continued. You shifted in your seat as you attempted to think of a way to grab your pistol without getting shot first.

“Now, many years later, I don’t have to pretend anymore. It didn’t take long for me to come to see the light. To realize that deep in the hearts of men lies greed and anger. Abuse of power comes as no surprise, and the FBI is no exception to the rule. The more time I spent with Hux the more his words began to resonate with me.” He reached out to stroke your cheek with palm of his hand. You maintained your self-control and held steady as his rough, calloused skin met yours.

“He’s been pining for you, so badly. He will be so pleased to see you alive again, granted our instructions were to return you to him by any means necessary, even if it meant butchering you in the process.  If you could only have seen his face when he saw you in the newspaper.” He removed his hand and took another drink from the green bottle. He lowered the bottle and ran his hand through his curly black hair. “You’ve aged like a fine wine.” Your stomach churned as he looked you up and down, reaching out a hand to stroke your right breast through the thin material of your shirt.

“Who are you? What do you want with her?” John yelled from behind you, rebelliously.

Thomas’ cool, composed exterior broke for a moment as rage spread across his face.

“This doesn’t fucking concern you.” He screamed through gritted teeth. “Another word from you and I’ll have no choice other than to kill you. It’s not our intent for you two to meet your demise but please do not tempt me, boy.” John grit his teeth and clenched his fists as Thomas returned his attention to you to speak once again.

“Now, you’re going to come with me like the good little girl that you are. That is, if you want your _friends_ to live to see another day.” He smiled at you again as you nodded your head. You had to act fast.

You softened your eyes as you reached your hand out to him, slowly reaching toward him. Pleased, he reached for you but just as he did you grabbed his wrist and twisted it, hard, and somehow managed to pull it behind his back while simultaneously grabbing the knife off of the cheese platter on the coffee table. You pressed the knife firmly into his throat as he finally stilled himself, realizing that he no longer had the advantage. Slowly, you stood with him and pulled his body up against yours, holding the blade flush against his skin.

“I’d go back to that monster in a body bag before you’d ever take me alive, asshole. Tell your men to drop their weapons.” This time, you spoke directly into his ear. “If your past behavior tells me anything it’s that you really only care about yourself. Something…tells me that you’re not willing to die for his cause.” You took a chance as the words spilled angrily from your mouth.

Thomas was sweating bullets now as he swallowed hard. He paused for a moment and then reluctantly nodded to the two men standing across from you and they bent over to lay their rifles onto the ground. Adrenaline was pulsing through your veins as you continued to speak.

“Living nearly 30 years on this planet has taught me many, many things. The most important of these lessons is that men will only disappoint you.” Well, most men. “You, unsurprisingly, are no exception to the rule. Farewell, Thomas. I’ll see you in hell.” And with that you harshly ran the blade across his neck, causing streams of blood to spurt from the gaping wound and down your arm.

You dropped the body and rapidly reached for the pistol concealed in the back of your jeans. Just as the two others attempted to bend to grab their own weapons you shot the first one in the head. He fell to the floor with a thud, but as you quickly turned your attention to the other he fired his rifle at you, piercing you in the left arm, nearly missing your heart.

You shot back simultaneously, burying a bullet into his right cheek which promptly exited through the back of his skull. Brain matter and blood spatter spread across the white barren walls behind them.

The sound of glass breaking brought your attention over to the gaping hole where the front door used to be. Kylo had dropped all of the grocery bags he had been carrying into a crumpled pile on the floor. Confused, he glanced from the bodies in front of him and back to the gun in your hand, his eyes wide and full of surprise.

His view shifted to the wound in your arm and then to your eyes when you noticed that he wasn’t alone. Standing next to him was a short, impressive woman, her greying hair tucked neatly in two braids behind her head. The adrenaline must have finally wore off as relief consumed you, sighing as you collapsed into a heap onto to the ground. Darkness spread all around you.


	15. Family

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! Sorry for being MIA. I've been visiting family in Illinois for Thanksgiving and have been SO SICK. I have walking pneumonia. Yay! 
> 
> I hope you enjoy this chapter and of course, thanks for reading and please let me know what you think.

Side note- for anyone who was wondering, the name of this work was inspired by [this song.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kIGwLguW2Cw)

 

* * *

 

Frenzied, you awoke in an ambulance and immediately tried to pull yourself to your feet, but the EMT seated next to you would not allow it. He grabbed your arm as he spoke loudly over the humming of the engine and the wailing of the sirens above.

“Ma’am, you’re going to have to sit down. You’ve lost a lot of blood.” You closed your eyes and forced yourself to take a deep breath when you felt a hand tightly squeeze your thigh. Your eyes shot open. Kylo.

You looked over into his honeyed gaze and he gave you a reassuring smile, although it was tainted with concern and apprehension. You reached down to rest your hand on top of his. He leaned over and whispered to you.

“Everything is going to be OK. We’re almost there.” He reassured you and squeezed your thigh again. Your head was swimming and suddenly your felt incredibly exhausted, the adrenaline from the previous events wearing off. Your eyelids suddenly felt very heavy as you laid back down onto the stretcher. You closed them and tried to focus on your breathing to keep yourself from having a panic attack.

Even though you had been shot, the pain in your bicep was not what was currently troubling you. Three people were dead because of you and that fact was weighing heavy on your soul. No amount of training or drills could have ever prepared you for what it would feel like to be responsible for exterminating a life, even if that life was trying to kill you. Your stomach churned as you battled the urge to expel the contents of your stomach.

You weren’t sure how long you had been laying there with your eyes closed before you dozed as you   were being wheeled back into Good Samaritan hospital by the medical techs. Several months had passed since your last visit here and you had hoped you would never have to return.

Several hours later, you had awoken to the familiar sight of many tubes and wires jutting out of your skin. The nurses took the time to explain to you what had transpired. You had been stabilized and were admitted for observation and moved into a private room. Apparently, the bullet had passed clean through your flesh which thankfully meant that you would not require surgery, a fact for which you were incredibly thankful.

The idea of being put under anesthesia again made you sick to your stomach. If you couldn’t trust anyone before you absolutely wouldn’t be able to now. You didn’t want to be knocked out, your life in the hands of someone else. No thank you. You’d take any alternative over that if you could help it.

When the last nurse finally exited your room you were alone with Kylo at last. He stood up from the chair across the room and walked over to the hospital bed and sat on the edge. You scooted over so he could lie down next to you. He rest beside you and wrapped his arms around you carefully, pulling you snuggly against his body.

Nestling his head into your neck, he took a deep breath and kissed the soft exposed flesh tenderly as goosebumps spread over your skin. You exhaled deeply and tried to relax to no avail. You were mentally and physically exhausted but the thoughts running through your mind would not allow you any rest.

A knock on the door startled you both as you sat up. Both of you watched with wide eyes as a short, stately woman wearing a blue button down shirt and a police badge clipped to her belt entered the room. Her dark, raven locks were pulled back into a low pony tail and she was carrying a small, worn notebook in her hands. She smiled warmly as she entered then introduced herself.

“I hope I’m not intruding. My name is detective Ansley Blake.” She addressed you and Kylo by name. “If you’re feeling up to it, I’d like to talk about what happened at the penthouse.” You nodded at her as you leaned your head back against the bed and exhaled again. You knew you couldn’t keep running, especially from the police. You had to put it all on the table and trust that they would actually be able to help you. You didn’t have a choice anymore. You were a murderer.

Over an hour later, you had taken the liberty of completely unloading your entire life story on her as she furiously scribbled away at her notes.

“How long ago was the gala?” She asked.

“A couple of weeks ago. I don’t think it took them very long to find me after the photos were published.” She nodded at you as you spoke. Kylo had not left your side the entire time, making sure to give you reassuring squeezes and looks whenever he sensed that you needed them.

“And during the attack, you had acquaintances present, correct?” Blake asked.

Fuck. John and Daisy. How had you completely forgotten about your new friends? Blood rushed to your cheeks as the heart-rate monitor attached to your finger began to beep furiously. Kylo squeezed you tightly.

“They’re fine, I promise. They’re coming to visit you later, if you’re up to it.” He said tenderly as you took in a deep, greedy breath.

“Yeah, our friends, Daisy and John. Sorry, everything still feels like such a blur…” You closed your eyes again and reached up the squeeze the bridge of your nose between your thumb and forefinger.

Detective Blake swiftly closed her notebook and stuffed it into her pocket as she approached you from across the room. She gently sat in the chair seated next to your bed, leaned over, and took your left hand into hers.

“Look, I know it’s not easy to put your faith in something, especially when you’ve had your trust broken so many times. I appreciate you being open and honest with me.” She squeezed your hand tightly. You looked over and Kylo and he mustered a small smile. Blake continued to speak.

“I haven’t been completely honest with you yet. It isn’t just by chance that I was the one to come down here and interview you. I’ve been leading a taskforce within the FBI that’s been investigating Hux and the Sons of Old. Thomas was my old partner, before he went undercover. He played the game really well. I’ve been kicking myself all day at the realization that I couldn’t even tell that he had gotten sucked into all of this…” Her voice trailed off as she looked down at your hand in hers. “I just made contact with him a week ago. I could lose my job for telling you this but our taskforce was planning on raiding their compound soon. After nearly a decade we finally had enough evidence to take them down once and for all. Now I am sure that they are fully aware of our plans, of how much we know.”

“I’m not sure if it matters but I don’t think Thomas was necessarily one of…. _them._ I think he was just serving his own interests.” You began to speak but she cut you off.

“It doesn’t matter. He clearly wasn’t who we thought he was…who I thought he was.” You could swear you saw her eyes begin to gather moisture but she quickly composed herself. “I understand why you did what you did. You may want to consider seeing a professional…to talk about what happened. Taking a life isn’t easy, let alone three, even if you didn’t have a choice. Once you’re feeling better we can get your official statement but right now your safety is what’s most important. Do you have somewhere you can go? Somewhere outside of LA?” Kylo chimed in before you even had a chance to respond.

“My family has a house upstate, in the woods. Mill Valley.” He spoke with authority. “My mother has already offered to let us stay there as long as we need to. The property is registered under a pseudonym so I don’t think there’s any way of it being traced back to me or my family.” He looked down and into your eyes. “You’ll be safe there until we figure out what happens next.”

You knew he was referring to your own plans of moving on the compound but now that you knew the feds were already planning on raiding it, you weren’t exactly sure what that meant for you and your plot. Detective Blake released your hand and stood as she spoke.

“Great. I think it’d be wise to stay put until you hear from us. In the meantime, we’ll have an officer posted outside your room until you’re well enough to leave. Which by the looks of it should hopefully be very soon.” She reached into her pocket and pulled out a business card. “Here’s my number. If you remember anything else of importance please let me know.”

“Thank you, for everything. And I will.” Blake nodded at you as she exited the room. You quickly directed your attention back to Kylo. You were trying desperately to make sense of the whole situation.

“Your mother? You haven’t ever talked to me about your family before.” You said with confusion. “I had assumed they weren’t in your life anymore?”

The door clunked shut as you heard an unknown woman’s voice ring out and fill the small, sterile room.

“If Ben had it his way, that’d probably be the case.” You looked over to see an older woman enter your room. Clouded memories came rushing back to you as you immediately recognized her as the woman Kylo had brought home to his apartment right after the attack. You couldn’t shake the feeling that you actually knew her from somewhere else. Her silver hair still hung gracefully into a neat braid behind her head. She walked over to you as Kylo’s posture stiffened.

“Hello dear, I’m Leia, Ben’s mother. It’s a pleasure to meet you, although I wish it had been under different circumstances.” She reached a hand out to shake yours tightly. She must have read the confusion on your face as she spoke again. “I’m not offended that he didn’t mention me. Things have been…quite distant for some time.”

Leia released your hand and sat down in the chair that detective Blake had previously occupied. She relaxed into the seat and removed her long, tan camelhair coat. Just as she reached up to remove her scarf you came to a striking revelation. Leia. Leia Organa-Solo. She was a senator. Kylo’s mother was a fucking senator. Your mind was spinning as you opened your mouth to speak but no words came out. Ben? Now it all made sense. No wonder Kylo had changed his name. Having a mother as accomplished as she was would certainly make for a tough act to follow.

You didn’t pay attention to current events or pop culture in the slightest but even you couldn’t avoid hearing of her exploits, her numerous filibusters on the senate floor calling for gun control. Her joining in protests for Planned Parenthood. Her outcry when the president passed an executive order separating immigrant families. She was a god damn powerhouse, a saint. She was beloved by all, even outside of California. Your eyes grew large.

“You….you’re….” You stammered.

“Yes dear, I am. Please don’t let my career choice cloud your judgement of me. I swear I’m one of the good ones.” She retorted with a sly wink. Her glossy eyes twinkled in the low fluorescent lights. You looked up and back into Kylo’s eyes, trying to make sure that he was okay. Although visibly uncomfortable, he shot you a reassuring glance as you looked back over to Leia.

“I hope my presence here isn’t unwanted. I saw the spread in the arts section about my dear son and his new love interest and I immediately hopped on a plane. I didn’t bother calling until I got here otherwise he would have talked me out of coming. Never in my life had I seen him look so…happy. I needed to meet the source of that. Even if Ben would prefer that I stay away.” She glanced away from you and over to Kylo and smiled warmly at him. “He’s always been a fiercely private person. And for the most part I do respect that. But I couldn’t help myself.” Kylo interrupted her with an angry huff.

“I didn’t want to stress you out. She called me yesterday morning and I invited her to dinner with the gang. I figured it would be a good chance for you both to finally meet. Please don’t be upset with me. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you she was in town.” He spoke to you with imploring eyes. Reaching a hand delicately up to his face, you stroked his cheek as his eyes fluttered shut.

“Why would I be upset? You wanted me to meet you mother…I’m honored.” You looked back over to Leia. “I’m so sorry to have dragged both of you into this. If it were up to me none of this would have happened. If it were up to me, I would have chosen a normal life.” Leia leaned over and looked you directly into the eyes.

“Sometimes, my dear, the universe has different plans for us. Sometimes, the universe provides us with the experiences we need to grow into the best possible versions of ourselves. Do not apologize for circumstances which are beyond your control. Instead, embrace them and grow from them.” Her eyes filled with a fiery tenacity as she continued to speak. “My son is in love with you, and for me, that is more than enough of a reason to welcome you into our family with open arms.”  A huge smile spread across her face. “And nobody messes with my family and lives to talk about it.”

She reached a hand out and grabbed yours in it. Emotions were consuming you as you looked down to see her stroke the back of your hand with her thumb. You mused momentarily, processing her words. Family. Maybe finally, you could feel what it was like to be a part of a real family again.


	16. Visiting

The hospital physician hadn’t returned to discharge you yet and you were passing the time in the best way you could given the circumstances. You had since changed back into your normal clothes and were seated on the bed, legs crossed underneath you.  

Several hours had passed, all of them having been spent talking with Kylo’s mother. You were amazed at the passion with which she spoke of her work and her ambitions, although she was quick to steer the conversation away from herself. It appeared as though her main focus was learning all there was to know about you. 

You couldn’t help but finally become relaxed as time ticked by, Leia’s positive and powerful energy somehow flowing out and into you. 

“Well, I told him it wasn’t going to work but he was oh, so determined! He walked over to the edge of the deck and jumped off, handmade cape in tow. It fluttered behind him as he hit the ground...face first.” Leia was barely able to choke the words out before giggles consumed her. “My apologies. You must think I’m a terrible mother but I’m not.”

Her eyes glistened with moisture. You were laughing just as hard as she, imagining the sight of a young Kylo attempting to take flight like a superhero but ending up with a mouthful of grass.

“I know you’re not a terrible mother, I think Kylo turned out pretty great actually.” You flashed Leia a toothy grin as she smiled back at you, both of you then turning your heads to look at Kylo who momentarily glanced up from his work. 

“Gee, thanks a lot.” He said sarcastically with an emerging smile. The two of you beamed at him, neither of you able to contain your love and adoration for the man. 

The visiting went on for some time as you continued to relax more and more. Leia told you quietly about how she hadn’t ever seen Kylo talk about anyone the way he had spoken to her about you. She told you about how shocked she was to hear him tell her that he was in love with you, mainly because he had never used the word “love” once when talking to Leia about his ex-wife. 

Leia reassured you that she and her family would do everything in their power to ensure your safety. The house upstate was secluded on several acres of land, equipped with a tall wall surrounding the premises.

She also told you multiple times that she was incredibly happy to be spending this time with you, and thanked you for making her melancholic son experience joy again. 

Her words were not wasted on you. You took in every little morsel of information you could, trying to learn as much about Kylo and his family as possible. Her openness about their history and her willingness to reassure and comfort you was overwhelming. You could now see so much of Kylo in her and were silently thankful for the impact she had on raising the man of your dreams. 

Surprisingly, during the time spent waiting there was little interruption from Kylo, who instead sat in the chair on the opposite side of the room pretending to read a script to himself quietly to pass the time. In reality, he watched in awe at the conversation unfolding in front of him, stealing glances at your radiant smile and occasional laugh at every opportunity. Hearing his mother laugh again had him over the moon and feeling more at peace than he had been in years. 

He relished in the way your eyes lit up whenever his mother would make an embarrassing joke at his expense. He hadn’t seen his mom so relaxed and at ease since his father had died. Seeing the two of you get along so well made him realize that he really missed having a relationship with his family.

In that moment he realized that the reason he had drifted away from them had been mostly due to the fact that Leia and Joan hated each other and couldn’t stand to be around one another for more than 5 minutes at a time.

Leia consistently accused Joan of being a money-hungry wolf in sheep’s clothing but Kylo never listened. Leia joked constantly that it was just like her son to want to learn the hard way. It had been easier for Kylo to avoid conflict and confrontation by staying away from them entirely in his own little bubble. 

Kylo suddenly resented Joan even more as he now realized she had singlehandedly created a wall between his family and him. He had gotten used to being alone with her, closed off and emotionally independent.

She had manipulated him into slowly cutting them out of their lives, and now Kylo was ashamed to admit that her attempts had been successful. He felt like such a coward and an idiot. 

Observing the love of his life enjoying herself with his mother had him beaming. All he could think of in that moment was how great of a grandmother Leia would be someday.

Kylo’s cheeks flushed as he glanced up at you, the idea of making you a mother was almost too much to bear. His heart felt so full as if it might burst. It was so difficult to let himself get to this point. To embrace the emotion and process it. And to think, how he had almost lost you. How easily your life could have ended last night. The thought made him sick to his stomach. 

He needed to get some air and clear his head. A low knock on the door instantly garnered everyone’s attention. 

“Come in!” You yelled out from across the room. 

Just then, John entered the room carrying the biggest blue vase full of flowers you had ever seen. The arrangement stood well over John’s head as he entered the room, Daisy following close behind him. Carefully, he sat them down on the table next to your bed as Daisy squealed. 

“Oh my god!” She ran over to you and threw her arms around your waist, careful to avoid your injured arm. “Boy am I glad to see that you’re okay. I’ve never been more afraid in my life.” She sat next to you but her grip on your waist never loosened. She directed her gaze over to Kylo’s mother and her face lit up even further. 

“MRS. ORGANA!” She hooped off the bed and ran over to Leia who was smiling brightly, throwing her arms around her neck as she squeezed her tightly. “Oh, I’ve missed you so. It’s been far too long. How are you doing?!” The released each other as Leia responded. 

“I’ve been damn near great. And you look amazing, honey. Johnny, get over here. I hear that congratulations are in order for you two.” John walked over to her as she pulled him into a tight embrace. “I was ecstatic when Ben told me earlier that you had proposed. I’ll be expecting an invitation to the engagement party.” 

“Of course, you’re like a mother to me.” John was gushing at this point, barely able to contain his excitement for being reunited with Kylo’s mother again. Being Kylo’s oldest and best friends, it wasn’t a surprise how close John, Daisy, and Leia has grown over the years.

Even if Kylo hadn’t maintained a good relationship with his mother, these two sure had. You looked over at them standing together and smiled. John then directed his attention over to you. 

“Damn, everyone, let’s take a look at the champ. Took down three cult members and barely a scratch on her.” He smiled at you as he approached your bed. You stood to greet him, pulling him in with the arm that wasn’t currently contained within a sling.

“I’m sorry for putting you two in danger, please, let me explain.” Regret dripped from your words as you spoke, your brow furrowed with worry, but just then he interrupted you. 

“Kylo’s already told us everything, you don’t need to explain anything, and you have nothing to be sorry for.” John replied cooly, attempting to ease your anxiety. “You were just.....incredible in there. Really, I’ve never seen anything like it before in my life.” Your face burned as he continued to speak. “You have a real talent. The way you handled yourself was nothing short of amazing. It was like a scene out of a film or something.” 

You diverted your attention down to your feet as your cheeks continued to throb. You managed to muster out a small “thank you” before you felt Kylo’s arms wrap around your waist from behind. He nestled his head down and onto your shoulder as he spoke. 

“That’s my girl.” He said with seriousness and sincerity, pride laced within every word. John, Daisy, and Leia beamed over at the two of you. 

You closed your eyes and focused on the sparks you felt as his grip tightened around you, unable to ignore the pulsing, hardened length poking into your backside. He gently ground it against you. He turned his head to whisper quietly in your ear, making sure no one else could hear. 

“Can’t wait to show you how proud I am of you.” He breathed softly into your ear as you held back a shiver. He released you and spun you around to face him, grabbing your hands against his chest. His gaze seared into your soul and for a moment everything around you disappeared. All you could see was his intense worry and fear of losing you painted all over his face. 

You released one of your hands and reached up to hold his face in your palm. Slowly, you smiled up at him as you stroked his cheek with your thumb. 

“I’m not going anywhere, I promise.” You said quietly as you leaned up to plant a firm kiss on his other cheek. He reached down and wrapped his arms around your waist once again, this time hoisting you up and wrapping your legs around his waist as you giggled.

He held you tightly for several seconds, never wanting to let go. He enjoyed holding you this way the most because of the sheer amount of contact he was able to feel. Apprehensively, he lowered you back down onto the ground in front of him. 

“Doesn’t it just make you want to puke?” John said as a giant smile broke out across his face. Daisy punched him in the arm as Kylo retorted. 

“Shut the hell up.”


	17. Punishment

You stared out the window into the passing landscape. An ancient tree or two, an abandoned burger joint. The drive would take about 5 hours, and currently you were about halfway up the coast on the I-5. 

The two of you had opted to leave in the dead of night, hoping for a clear and empty freeway to lay ahead of you. You were in the passenger seat, struggling to keep your eyelids open. 

As soon as you were released in the evening from Good Samaritan you and Kylo immediately departed for the Organa-Solo cabin, not even stopping at the apartment to gather any belongings. It was too dangerous to go back there right now.

Leia had bid you farewell, making sure to give each of your cheeks a kiss. She needed to get back to DC for an important senate vote, but vowed she would meet you both at the Mill Valley lodge as soon as she could. 

You continued to gaze out the window, not really looking at anything in particular, rather buried deep inside your thoughts. You rested your chin in your palm as you nervously chewed the piece of sour apple gum in your mouth. Kylo’s smooth voice, deep with disuse, broke your train of thought.

“You’re amazing.” You looked over to see him eyeing you, hungrily. His bottom lip twitched as he looked you up and down, taking in your form sprawled out in the seat next to him. You were wearing a baggy striped t-shirt hastily tucked into light wash, high-waisted jean shorts. 

Your thick thighs didn’t deter you from wearing the incredibly revealing bottoms. They cut high on your leg and exposed the very bottom of your ass cheeks which was coincidentally the main reason you had purchased them, just a few weeks ago. 

Wearing them around Kylo drove him crazy and you were fully aware of the fact. You exploited it every chance you got, especially before you had finally gotten together as a couple. Teasing him was your favorite pastime.

You smiled over at him with big doe eyes at his praise for you. Shifting in your seat, you scooted back in the seat and bent your knees, resting either of your bare feet up on the dashboard. 

Legs spread open further revealing the very narrow strip of material covering your now pulsating pussy, you looked over at him again and gathered your gum in the front of your mouth. Never breaking eye contact, you blew out and formed a large bubble in between your lips. Kylo’s breath hitched. 

He didn’t know if there such a thing as a fetish for gum chewing but now he was a believer. He nearly lost control of the vehicle as he looked over again, this time catching a glimpse of you swiping your finger up to the bubble and slipping the gum back into your mouth, delicately sucking the sticky substance back into your warm, wet mouth. 

The car slightly jerked as he regained control, tightening his knuckles on the steering wheel as he returned his eyes back to the road. You rolled down the window and tossed your gum outside. Kylo shifted uncomfortably in his seat and you looked down to see the hardon growing in between his thick, muscular thighs. 

The swelling tissue strained within the confines of his jeans as he reached down to rub it roughly in his hand. Your eyes never left him.

Gently, you pulled down your shirt to expose your bare, soft tits. Massive and fleshy, they bounced gently as the car made its way down the rough pavement. Being more careful this time, Kylo began once again to steal glances of you putting on a show for him. 

He was practically leaking into his boxers. Somehow you possessed the ability to make him feel like a weak teenager again. He was now so worked up that he was certain there was a possibility he would cum immediately at even the slightest touch. He couldn’t believe what a little exhibitionist slut you were being, exposing yourself to any other driver who might happen to pass you by. 

“You shouldn’t do that, little one. It’s dangerous.” The sternness and authority in Kylo’s voice momentarily startled you and sent a jot of red-hot electricity straight down and in between your thighs. You discovered immediately that you liked it when he bossed you around.

Your core ached to be exposed and touched. You needed the comfort and attention of his massive, dripping cock. A small moan escaped your lips as you reached your hands up to cup your mounds roughly in your palms. 

“Hmmm what do you mean, Kylo?” You asked as you rubbed each nipple intensely in between your fingers. “I’m just sitting here...” You removed your hands and lowered them to the button of your shorts, hastily undoing the closure. 

You dipped your right hand beneath the thin band of your underwear and slowly began to run your already swollen clit. Kylo’s eyes darted between the road and the unbelievable scene unfolding next to him. 

Closing your eyes, you enjoyed the sensation with exaggerated pleasure as you moaned loudly into your touch. You were going to milk this for all that it was worth. You slipped a finger into your wet center with ease, moving it in and out as your juices began to coat your hand.  

The quietness of the car added to the impact of the wet, lewd noises that were now echoing around you both. You were soaking wet and he could hear every delicious detail of it. His heated cock twitched in his pants as he gripped the wheel tighter, fighting back the urge to find friction. 

A large pool of precum had now collected down the front of his jeans. You continued to fuck yourself slowly, spreading your legs to even further reveal your hidden parts to him. You briefly removed your feet from the dashboard to quickly slide your shorts and underwear off and onto the floor. 

Replacing your feet back into the dashboard, Kylo glanced down to see you now fully exposed to him and all passersby. The full moon cast a beautiful pale light down which illuminated your slick, puffy folds. 

You reached back down and began to touch yourself again, this time more quickly than before. You could feel your orgasm building in your stomach and you greedily continued to rub your engorged, sensitive nub. You traced circles around it as your hips jerked forward at the friction. 

You felt yourself clench around two fingers as you hungrily shoved them all the way inside of you.  Kylo’s breathing was heavy and labored as he continued to hastily peer back and forth between your pussy and the empty interstate in front of him. 

You threw your head back against the leather seat as you focused on the immense pleasure consuming you at this current moment. Kylo peered down at the mess you were making all over the smooth, cool material beneath you. 

“Stop it, right now. I’m warning you.” Kylo said sternly but his voice cracked at the end. He was almost coming unraveled. Suddenly, he jerked his gaze back to the road and gripped the wheel tightly as he momentarily lost control of the car again, this time narrowly avoiding swerving completely off the road. 

Your pleasure turned to pure panic as you removed your hands from yourself and braced yourself on the seat. Adrenaline flooded your senses as you realized that you hard nearly caused him to crash. 

You breathed deep, greedy breaths as Kylo maintained control of the vehicle still barreling down the road. His eyes never left the road as he spoke to you, anger dripping off his tongue.

“What did I tell you?” He scolded you behind gritted teeth. “You just couldn’t help but be a fucking little slut, could you?” His gaze refused to meet yours as shame and confusion overpowered your arousal. He took the next exit ramp off of the highway and continued driving. 

You weren't sure why he would have taken this exit, considering there wasn’t a single building or business to be seen and you were still many miles away from your destination. You took a long breath and began to speak but Kylo immediately cut you off. 

“No, you don’t get to talk right now.” He growled at you. “You’re a bad fucking girl. You need to be taught a lesson.” Your heart fluttered at the words as they rolled off of his tongue. 

He continued driving in silence for another mile or so, until you found yourselves situated on a desolate back road nestled between two abandoned cattle pastures. He pulled the car off onto the side of the road and turned off the engine, eyes still fixed straight ahead of him into the night. 

“Take your shirt off and get out of the car.” He demanded harshly. You were genuinely scared now. Hesitating momentarily, you cautiously reached up and pulled your shirt swiftly up and over your head. Now completely bare, you pulled open the door and exited the car. Your heavy breasts swayed as you moved. 

The dew on the grass beneath your feet sent a cool chill through your body, causing your exposed nipples to harden instantly. Everything around you both was silent save for the crickets and cicadas chirping loudly in the distance. The full moon cast enough light for you to see Kylo exit the car on the other side.

He walked to the hood and gestured for you to join him. Your heart was beating furiously in your chest as you looked into his eyes, noting the animalistic way in which he spoke to you. Like a predator seeking out its prey.

When you reached the front of the car he roughly grabbed your neck and bent you over and onto your elbows, creamy ass sticking up into the air. The cool metal clanked beneath your skin as you inhaled loudly. 

A gentle breeze blew against your exposed folds and your pussy involuntarily spasmed around nothing. You were dripping wet at this point, your slick now running freely down and onto each thigh. You whimpered in anticipation. Kylo reached out and gripped your hips into each of his hands. 

“You just couldn’t help yourself, could you?” He removed one hand and drew it back, swinging his open palm forward and making contact with the jiggling flesh of your ass. “You could have killed us both, but you just couldn't listen.” The harsh contact stung and you lunged forward and further into the metal beneath you. 

He drew his hand back again and delivered another slap to your other cheek. You pressed your thighs together tightly as sparks of electricity traveled all over your body. Being bent over, so exposed and out in the open, was driving you insane.  

He slapped your ass again, this time a bit harder than before, and you squealed out into the brisk, night air. When he hit you again tears began to well in the corners of your eyes. The walls of your soft wet core once again clenched inside of you. You needed him inside of you so badly that you could barely formulate a coherent thought. 

“Tell me you’re sorry, baby. That you’re sorry you disobeyed me.” He leaned over and cooed into your ear. He delivered another painful slap to the tender flesh of your ass. At that moment you would have done anything asked of you if it meant finally getting some relief. The words could not escape your lips fast enough. 

“I’m so sorry, daddy. I didn’t mean to disobey. I’ve been so bad, please forgive me...” You pleaded with eyes tightly closed. “Please.”

Kylo held in a deep breath as the word “daddy” flowed off your tongue. He liked the way it sounded when you said it, words dripping with desperation and lust. He could no longer ignore the straining bulge inside his pants. He needed to bury himself inside of you.

“Very good, little one. You beg so good for me.” His voice mellowed out as he loosened the grip on your hips and began to stroke the reddened skin of your tender flesh beneath his palms. You mewled and the warmth of his skin delicately caressing your own.

He softly danced his fingers across your flesh, carefully stroking a single finger down your exposed slit in front of him. “Now, since you’re being so good, I think it’s time to show you how you made me feel yesterday. The way you handled yourself without hesitation...” He momentarily lost his train of thought as he swiftly shoved a single finger inside of your gushing cunt and began to pump it in and out. You whimpered beneath him as you savored the feeling of the digit entering and exiting you.

“The way you looked when I came into the apartment. Triumphant and...carnal. Independent. Self-sufficient. I can’t explain why but seeing you exude such power and authority really did something to me.” You writhed underneath him, shoving your ass back into his hand and praying for him to use more than just his fingers on you. 

You heard him begin to fumble with the buckle on his belt behind you. He reached down and spread your legs open further, cherishing the sight of your oozing wetness exposed before him. He knew he would be able to sheath himself inside of you with ease. 

Hungrily, he grabbed at your hips again as he aligned himself with your entrance. Your head was still rested against the cool metal of the car. You opened your eyes and looked back and up into his face. His pupils were dark and urgent with need, the need to fill you up, to make you understand just how much you turned him on.

With a quick, swift thrust he rutted himself into you, burying himself to the hilt on the first try. The sensation of being stretched and stuffed so suddenly caused your eyes to roll back and up into your head. Your pushed your ass back into his center and he slowly pulled his length out, quickly burying it inside of you once more. His grip on your hips tightened as his dick twitched inside of you. 

“Christ, I’m almost cumming already.” He hissed through gritted teeth. “Can you feel what you do to me?” He asked as you nodded your head and moaned at him. He slid his entire length out, this time deliciously slow, letting you feel every bulging vein pull and stretch at your tight little hole.

“Tell daddy how you want it. Be a good little girl.” His words had you melting around his cock. You weren’t sure what had gotten into him but you were reveling in every moment of it. 

You spread your legs even further and arched your back, giving him even deeper access to your aching center. The new angle allowed him to plunge into you with ease, lightly stroking your cervix with the dripping head of his member with every stroke. Finally, you found the words to speak.

“Mmmmmm, I want you to cum inside my asshole, Kylo.” You didn’t realize what you wanted until the words came spilling out of you. As soon as the words had escaped your lips Kylo snapped his hips forward, filling you instantly once again with his throbbing member. 

He stilled himself, filling you to the brim with his cock buried deep inside of you.

Precum was now leaking out of him, his gripped tightened as he held back the urge to milk himself dry within you.  

“Are you sure, baby?” He asked with apprehension as you moaned his name into the night. Gingerly, he removed his length from inside of you. It plopped out as a rush of fluids surged out and down your legs. Your pussy was unbelievably wet now. “I’ll be gentle. I promise.” He cooed sweetly as he rubbed his soaking cock up and down the length of your spread ass, coating you with your fluids in an attempt to enter you without resistance. 

He gripped either of your cheeks tightly as he gently pressed the head of his dick against your tight, puckered hole. Slowly, you stretched to accommodate the intrusion until Kylo had buried his entire head inside. You exhaled loudly and whimpered at the sensation. You already felt so full, you were unsure of how you could take anything more. 

You closed your eyes once again and focused on the pleasure you were experiencing, reaching a hand down into the apex of your thighs. You buried two fingers inside of your cunt as Kylo once again began to ease more of his length inside of you. 

The intense pleasure of feeling so full had you on the brink of climax. You removed your fingers and slowly rubbed at your clit, taking it in between your fingers and leisurely stroking it.

“Fuck, you feel so good. So tight for me...” A deep, guttural moan escaped his lips as he sank even more of himself down, stretching you out as he did so. He had only buried about half of himself inside of you before you had to ask him not to go any further, you couldn’t take any more of him, the feeling was just too much. 

Even more slowly that before, he began to slide out of you, but not before reaching down and gathering your delicious juices onto his finger and slathering them onto your stretched asshole and his cock. At this point you were moaning deep, throaty words of encouragement, barely able to contain the fire that was steadily building down in your belly.

He slid himself back down and into you, this time a little quicker than before down to the same depth as before. Your hand was now furiously rubbing at your soft, delicate folds, fingers burying themselves inside of your needy hole once more. You couldn’t contain the animalistic moans and grunts escaping your lips as Kylo began to increase his pace. 

He was now plunging in and out of you steadily as his grip on either one of your hips tightened, ensuring bruises would lie in their wake in the morning. You threw your head back and moaned his name, no longer able to hold back. He pounded your hole, greedily moving himself in and out freely. You couldn’t hold on any further. Imainging how you must look, bent over the hood of an expensive car while getting your asshole pounded sent you over the edge.

Your orgasm exploded over you as you jerked yourself back into him, causing even more of his length to suddenly disappear inside of you. Your pussy walls clenched around the three fingers you now had buried inside. Your hips jerked and spasmed as the white hot pleasure consumed you.

Kylo couldn’t hold back any longer either. He began to climax as well, jutting his hips forward and nearly burying himself fully inside of you. His thick, throbbing cock began to spill inside of your delicious opening, the tightness and suction sending him over the edge. He yelled out into the silence as his rod spasmed inside of you. 

“Fuck, oh fuckk.....” He exclaimed as he rammed his length in and out of you. You arched your back further to take in as much of him as possible, still riding out the final waves of your own pleasure. He thrust in and out of you as rope after rope of his hot seed coated your insides until he was spent.  

He bent over you and rested his forehead on your back, nearly all of his length still hidden deep within you. You breathed deeply and stilled your fingers, feeling the final twitching of his sensitive cock pulsating into you.

Kylo gently pressed his soft, full lips against the bare skin of your spine, peppering kisses up and down the length of it. Slowly, he removed himself from you, with an audible pop when he had finally pulled the last of himself out.

He leaned back to admire your form, your ruined body spread open like a goddamn animal in front of him. He took the fleshy mounds of your asscheeks into his hands and spread them apart, watching your pink hole gape slightly as his seed began to rush out and drip down and into your pussy. He thought to himself that he hadn’t ever seen a more beautiful sight, the shared fluids sparkling in the pale moonlight.

“I know you can handle yourself, just....be careful.” He broke the silence. “I can’t lose you.” You looked back into his eyes to see them glistening with moisture. You raised yourself up and pressed yourself against his chest as he wrapped his arms around to hold you close. 

“You have me, now and forever. I’m not going anywhere.” You whispered, choking back a sob as the final words left your tongue. You had chosen not to truly consider just how close you came to dying when they had stormed the apartment. You couldn’t ignore it any longer and the emotions of the previous 48 hours flooded your body as you began to cry into his shirt. 

He rubbed your back delicately with his hands, comforting you as you continued to wretch below him. He planted a rough kiss on top of your head as he pulled you in tightly against his body. 


	18. Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lots of fluff and feelings here!

The rest of the drive up the coast was mostly uneventful, primarily due to the fact that you had passed out immediately while Kylo did all the driving. He cursed his idiocy when he couldn’t help but steal glances of you while you lay next to him, fast asleep with pink tear-stained cheeks, clothes hastily put back on. Just your t-shirt and undies.

The sun was just beginning to rise on the horizon. The soft orange morning light illuminated your soft, freckled skin. 

How he wished he could take away all of your pain and anguish. He wanted so badly to be done with it all, to be able to give you a normal and perfect existence, to give you the life that you deserved. But there was always a dark cloud, a looming threat of death around every corner. A shadow neither of you could outrun. 

While it did feel somewhat foolish to become involved with the police, the fact that you and Kylo weren’t alone in dealing with this threat gave him a little piece of mind. You both needed their tools and resources in order to be able to eliminate Hux and his people once and for all. 

Kylo sat and stared at the exit approaching, a sight he had experienced many, many times as a child. He entered the security code to the iron gate and it slowly opened before him, towering high above in the air. A 20 foot retaining wall surrounded the entire property thanks to his parents having it installed several years ago. His father was always the paranoid type. 

He hadn’t been to the summer house for several years and the wave of nostalgia that hit him when he made his way up the winding gravel driveway nearly made him nauseas.  

He avoided this place for many years because it made him feel vulnerable, small. Like a kid again. Powerless, angry, confused. So many “firsts” had happened at this place. Kylo’s first broken bone, first kiss, first heartbreak. The first place he came to immediately after he finished his deployment. All through his childhood and teenage years he had spent every single summer here. 

This place was magical to him, words could not explain how much being back here with you meant to him. He had only brought his ex here once, and even then it didn’t feel right. It was during their first year of dating in college, a visit which coincidentally was the first time Joan had met his parents. It was a complete disaster, just as the rest of their interactions were.

Kylo smirked to himself. His parents could always see right though her. If only he wouldn’t have been so damn stubborn and would have just listened to them when they told her that she was trouble. He sighed out loud. 

He tried to blame his lack of contact with his family on his ex but deep down he knew part of the reason was that he was closing himself off, numbing himself so he didn’t have to feel anything at all. But since you entered his life he felt ready. For the first time in his life, he wasn’t scared to acknowledge the emotions flowing out of him. 

He didn’t want to run and hide any longer. Being with you made him want to conquer all of the parts of himself he kept buried down deep inside.  

Kylo hadn’t been back to this house since before his father died. The emotions consuming him as the house came into view were regret, sadness, and joy- all simultaneously. Regret for having not spent more time with Han, sadness thinking about how Han would never be able to meet you, his soulmate.  Immense happiness that soon he’d be able to share this private and sacred place with you. 

The house stood at the top of a hill, surrounded by dense forest comprised mostly of redwood trees. Everyone referred to this place as the “cabin,” but it was far from the image that comes to mind when one hears that word.

The fact that the walls were composed of wood was the only similarity to an actual cabin. The walls stood three stories high, with giant glass pane windows stretching up the entire length of the house. Every side of the building was covered in windows, with a wide winding deck surrounding the perimeter. 

Being this high up in the mountains really allowed for the most amazing views, with beautiful landscape and scenery visible no matter which direction you looked in. 

The interior was rustic yet modern, with square leather sofas, fur blankets, and mid-century modern furnishings. Except for Kylo’s room which looked the same as it had since he was 10 years old, with baseball wallpaper and a short twin-sized bed. 

The back deck was Kylo’s favorite part of the house, mostly because of the giant hot tub built in back there. He would come to spend many nights there unwinding after training in the gym in the basement. 

As he pulled the car up to the garage, he reached over and gently rubbed the skin on the top of your arm to rouse you from your slumber. Groggily, you opened your eyes and sat up in your seat.

“Hey, we’re here.” Kylo spoke quietly as he moved his hand up to stroke the back of your hair. A large yawn escaped your mouth as you pulled your hand up to cover it. Kylo smiled down at you and leaned over into your face. 

Resting his hand on the back of your neck, he pulled you in and sweetly pressed his lips against yours. His tongue momentarily darted into your mouth and stroked against your one tongue. You absentmindedly moaned into him as he gripped your neck tighter and deepened the kiss. 

He pulled away from your face as your eyes flickered closed and a smile broke out across your mouth. You leaned to rest your head against the headrest as Kylo moved his hand to cup the side of your face. He stroked your cheek with his thumb for several seconds as your breathing slowed. You had fallen back asleep. 

Releasing your face, Kylo exited the car and walked around to the passenger’s side. He quietly opened the door and scooped you into his arms, gently shutting the door behind him. He walked up the walkway and the stairs leading to the front deck that surrounded the house. He entered the code on the door to enter the house and the lock unlatched. 

Carefully, he carried you over the threshold and into the house, quietly shutting the large wooden door behind him. The smell of the wood and leather overpowered him as soon as he entered. He looked to his left and saw that the embarrassing photos of him as a toddler in the clawfoot bathtub still hung proudly above the entryway table. He smiled to himself as he continued forward and into the house.

He climbed the large open staircase up to the empty guest room on the right, bypassing his bedroom completely. He walked your sleeping form over and sat you carefully down on top of the numerous blankets. He walked over to the dresser on the opposite side of the room and picked up the picture frame that was sitting there.  

The frame itself was one that Kylo had made for his mother out of popsicle sticks. It had macaroni noodles glued all over it and was decorated obnoxiously with yellow, blue, and red paint. 

The photo inside the frame depicted Han and Kylo, cutting down a Christmas tree together. Kylo was about 10 years old, carefully holding the side of the tree as Han sawed at the base. They were up to their knees in snow, mainly because Kylo had insisted they get their tree out of the forest themselves like real men would. Only the weak would dare purchase their Christmas tree at a store. 

The next day a squirrel ran out of that tree and nearly scared Leia half to death. Kylo chuckled to himself as he recalled the screams he heard from the other room as his mother had chased the animal around the house. He thought about how hard he and his father had laughed at her from the sidelines as she fussed about.  

He didn’t feel the tears that were now streaming freely down his cheeks, only realizing he was crying when the drops began to fall onto frame below him. He wiped it on his shirt and put it back on top of the dresser. Fuck, this was hard. Running at his eyes, he took a deep breath and tried to compose himself when he heard you rustling behind him. 

Turning around, he saw your eyes flutter open and he stared intently into them. You began to sit up but he gestured for you to stay lying down. He walked over to you and pulled his shirt off over his head. Climbing down into bed with you, he pulled you flush against his chest and held you tightly against him. 

The warmth of his body heat nearly instantly lulled you back to sleep. Kylo lay there holding you as he stared up at the ceiling, tracing circles on the skin under your shirt on your back. Quietly, he whispered to you. 

“Welcome home.”


	19. There is no spoon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been having some writer's block for the last week or so. Any tips on how you combat it would be greatly appreciated. 
> 
> Just want to say thank you so much for continuing to follow along with me. Your support means so much to me. I have the rest of the chapters mapped out. Our story will be wrapping up soon. 
> 
> As always, thanks for reading!

The smell of bacon and coffee wafting upstairs is what caused you to finally stir from the deep, sound sleep that had incapacitated you for the last several hours. You rustled around the bed, reaching out subconsciously for Kylo. You realized as you became fully awakened that he wasn’t in bed with you.

Rolling over, you threw your legs over the side of the bed and sat up, lazily wrapping the fluffy comforter around your half-nude body. You slowly ventured out of the bedroom and wandered around, trying to follow the wonderful smells surrounding you to the kitchen. You stopped in your tracks when your stomach growled loudly and painfully. You hadn’t realized until that exact moment just how starving you were.

A long, wide hallway stood in front of you, and you noticed stairs leading down at the end of it. You made your way down the hall, taking a moment to stop and glance at the various framed pictures adorning the elongated dark walls. The drawings varied in style from simple stick figures to more elaborate sketches, including many detailed and intricate portraits of unknown people. You slowly traced your finger along the edge of one of the frames.

You studied each piece in awe and silence, noticing markings at the bottom of each work. Ben ’89 – a crayon piece featuring a blob which you deduced was most likely a duckling next to a mountain. Ben ’95 – a drawing of a turtle. Ben ’06 – a detailed charcoal sketch of Leia in a garden. Ben ’07 – A nearly photorealistic portrait of a handsome gentleman you didn’t recognize.

The sound of Kylo shouting downstairs distracted you as you turned your head to listen to the commotion. You quickly made your way down the hallway towards the stairs but paused before making your way down. He was talking to someone on speakerphone, or arguing rather.

“What do you mean you don’t know? I saw your apartment building on the news. They said that someone had blown up the penthouse.” A woman on the other line shrilly exclaimed.

“Stop being dramatic. They didn’t blow it up, just the front door.” She gasped. “And I actually don’t want to talk about it at all, particularly not with you, so if you’ll excuse me.” Kylo huffed at her, so intensely that you could hear him all the way up at the top of the stairs.

“Wait, don’t hang up. Kylo, we need to talk about the papers.” Kylo interrupted her before she could finish speaking.

“Yeah, you’re right, we do. I’ll sign them. I just really don’t care anymore. You can have whatever you want. Send them to my lawyer as soon as possible.” He curtly replied. Joan. He was talking to Joan. There was a long pause before she responded.

“So that’s it? Why did you change your mind?” She replied, sounding uncharacteristically timid. Kylo sighed loudly.

“Because, I’m going to marry someone else.” You gasped as you quickly placed your hand over your mouth. He didn’t give Joan time to respond. “Listen, there’s no hard feelings, really. I just want you out of my life. I hope you find what you’re looking for.” And with a loud thud he set his phone down on the marble countertop. You stayed standing there at the top of the steps for several minutes, staring straight ahead trying to make sense of his words.

Kylo wanted to marry you. He wanted you to be his wife. Kylo Ren, the sexy, mysterious, selfless, famous actor wanted to spend the rest of his life with you. Your skin felt clammy and you got lightheaded, lowering yourself to sit on the top step, blanket still wrapped tightly around you. Did he want kids? Did you want kids? The reason you got a birth control implant last year was to avoid exactly that.

Up until this point you hadn’t ever considered the possibility that you would get married or have a family. That sort of outcome seemed entirely too farfetched to have even considered. You also didn’t know the first thing about being anyone’s wife. You pondered once again if maybe someday he’d grow to resent you, too.

“ _Snap out of it.”_ You calmly spoke to yourself internally. You closed your eyes and took a deep breath, exhaling it slowly through shaky lips. Your heart was racing. Rising to your feet, you quietly made your way down the stairs.

When you reached the bottom, you walked around a corner and saw a large expansive living area. At other end of the huge common room was an open kitchen, which included a large hanging pot rack full of variously sized copper pots and pans. You were starting to realize where Kylo probably got his love of cooking from. Briefly, you imagined him working with Leia in the kitchen, preparing family meals here. How domestic.

You could see Kylo standing on the other end of the house in the kitchen, leaning over onto the island. He was shirtless and in a pair of tight, black boxer briefs. Your heart fluttered at the sight of him, effortlessly resting with his chin in his palm with his headphones plugged in. Whatever he was listening to was so loud that you could hear its hum from across the room.

You approached, careful not to make a sound. You observed your surroundings, taking note of the beautiful space around you. The architecture was absolutely incredible. The high, angled ceilings extended far above and were covered entirely in windows that continued all the way down to the floor. The amount of natural light filtering into the area was overwhelming this early in the morning. Squinting and glancing out the window, you were overcome with the lush forest that completely surrounded you. There were trees so thick and tall that you were sure they’d completely dwarf you if you were standing next to them. You felt so…exposed. It was exhilarating.

Turning your attention back to Kylo, you continued across the span of the floor, ditching the comforter onto one of the couches. You walked up behind him and delicately wrapped your arms around his waist, resting your head on the warm, bare skin of his back. He straightened himself and reached down to hold your arms, stroking your skin gently under the rough pads of his fingers. He turned himself to look down at you.

You knew you probably looked like a complete mess but you didn’t care. His eyes were wide, full of emotion and pupils dilated. He reached up to move stray hairs behind your ear. You closed your eyes and relished in the gesture, reaching up to rest your hand on top of his as it stilled on your cheek. He craned his neck down to you and planted a gentle kiss onto your lips. Your eyes fluttered closed as his lips met yours. You leaned into him and moved your hands to his chest, feeling the muscles that resided there. When he pulled away, you were smiling and hummed at him in approval.

“I love you.” He broke the silence. Hearing him say those words to you never ceased to make you feel immensely whole and overwhelmed. No matter how many times you heard them they would never lose their significance.

“I know.” You replied with a smirk. He poked you in the side and you doubled over, laughing. Suddenly, he grabbed your waist roughly and hoisted you up into his arms. You wrapped your legs and arms around him, nuzzling your nose into his neck and burying your face in his hair. He smelled heavenly and you took a deep breath, taking in as much of it as you could.

“I want to show you something.” He said in a serious tone. He carried you out of the kitchen and into a hallway nearby. He entered the first door on the left and lowered you back to the ground. When you turned around, you gasped at the sight.

You were standing in the middle of the biggest library you had ever seen someone have in their own house. Each wall was covered, floor to ceiling, with built-in bookcases. There was even one of those sliding ladders so you could reach the top shelves. In the center of the room were various armchairs and couches with throw blankets and pillows. The perfect place to get lost in a good book. You also noticed one corner of the room that contained a few different easels and different paints and brushes. One of the easels had a white cloth over it. There weren’t any windows in this room, surprisingly. All of the light in the room stemmed from the different lamps strategically placed around.

You looked on in awe and moved closer to one of the shelves to take a closer look. Upon further inspection you realized each section contained a different type of literature. You walked along the walls. Non-Fiction, Alt-Lit, Biographies, Reference Materials, Poetry, Novellas, Science Fiction. You were in heaven.

“I know how much you like reading and…given everything that’s been going on lately…you haven’t exactly had a lot of time to do it. We can still keep training when we’re here if you want, there’s a gym downstairs. But I really hope you take time to do other things, too. Things that you enjoy and things that make you happy.” You turned to look at him, still standing near the door.

“This is incredible, Kylo. I don’t even know what to say.” You walked back across the room and over to him. “Thank you…” Tears were welling in your eyes at his thoughtfulness. You couldn’t explain why you were so emotional lately. Approaching him, you reached up and wrapped your hands around his neck again, pulling his face down to yours. You planted a warm, wet kiss on his cheek and he exhaled contentedly. You pulled away to look back into his eyes which glowed warmly in the dim light. His sultry gaze was killing you.

“Why don’t you hang out in here and I’ll bring you breakfast?” He asked sweetly. How could you say no?

“Oh my god, yes please.” You replied with a huge smile spreading across your face. “You know, I must have been really good in a past life to have ended up where I am now, huh? I used to think that I was cursed, a bad person, that there must be a reason for all of the shitty stuff that kept happening to me. Since I’ve met you I am starting to think maybe that isn’t the case.” You leaned in a rested your head against his chest. He ghosted his fingers across your back. Kylo inhaled and opened his mouth to say something, but changed his mind. “What? C’mon, you can tell me. No holding back, remember?” Kylo nodded his head and paused for a moment before he finally spoke.

“I keep thinking that all of this is a dream and I am going to wake up and it’ll all be gone…It’s all so surreal. I’ve never felt this way before and it scares the hell out of me.” He reached up and ran his fingers through his hair. God, you loved it when he did that. “Because I’m afraid to lose you, I’m afraid to know a life without you in it. You’ve had so many close calls. The anxiety of losing you is…consuming me.” He said sadly, apprehension resounding in his words. You reached up and grabbed his chin in your hands, forcing his gaze to meet yours once again.

“Look at me and listen to the words that are coming out of my mouth. I will be with you, always. Here but also in here.” You pointed a finger and tapped on his chest. “You have me, now and forever. I am yours, Kylo Ren.” Your words were ripe with emotion and you stuttered to get the last few syllables out. “Even as uncertain as things in my life are right now, there is one thing I am sure about. You.” He closed his eyes as you finished speaking, inhaling deeply as he reached down you wrap his arms around your waist again. He hugged you tightly against his chest, not wanting to let you go.

After a few moments he finally released you. “I’ll be right back with breakfast.” He said with a small smile. You nodded and he exited the room.

Turning your attention back to all of the books around you, you began to make your way around the room once again. The idea of having to decide on one book to read was beginning to overwhelm you. _“I’ll just have to pick out a few then.”_ You thought to yourself. When you had walked the entire perimeter of the room a small section at the bottom of the last shelf caught your eye. It was labeled “Yearbooks.”

You excitedly bent over on the shelf to grab the first one you saw. _Tatooine District High School, 2002-2003_. You took the book into your hands and made you way over to the closest couch. Sitting down, you opened the book and rushed to look inside. You thumbed leisurely through the pages, attempting to find any old photos of Kylo that you could. If you did the math correctly then this must have been Kylo’s senior year of high school. When you finally found his senior portrait you nearly shrieked at the image. You got a rush of excitement, seeing him at such a young age in such a different context. You could tell just by looking at the image that Leia was probably not very happy with his photo. He was seated on a park bench, shaggy hair hanging and nearly obscuring his entire face. _Ben Organa-Solo._ His senior quote made you smile.

_“There is no spoon.”_

A line from _The Matrix_. What an angsty teen he must have been. You were almost giddy at this point. You continued thumbing through the book until you got to the section for the arts. There were different pages for each of the different clubs, like Spanish Club, Drama Club, Photography Club.

You studied the pages to see if you could spot Kylo in any of the candid photos. You caught a glimpse of him in a photo on the page for the Drama Club. He was sitting on the edge of a stage, hair still shaggy as ever, a small smile adorning his lips. The image made your heart flutter. Your joy was immediately transformed into pure terror when you realized who was seated directly next to him on the stage.

Hux.

The man who was trying to kill you.

Even though he was much younger, there was no mistaking it. It was him.

Maybe your eyes were playing tricks on you. You blinked several times and looked back down at the image. His eyes were piercing into your soul. You read the caption next to the photo. _“Ben Organa-Solo, Domhnall Gleeson. Co-Directors.”_

You slowly looked up from the page as the book slipped from your hands and fell to the floor. Kylo and Hux knew each other. Why didn’t he tell you? What was he hiding?


	20. Land of Confusion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh shit!

You were panicking, a million different thoughts simultaneously racing through your mind. Who were you really in love with? Was Kylo in on this the entire time? How had it been so easy for him to lie right to your face about his feelings for you?

You immediately thought that this was way too big of a coincidence to have just been a random connection. What were the odds that they just so happened to be old high school friends? Was Leia in on this too? Why did you ever let your guard down enough to trust him in the first place? Sweat was dripping down your forehead at this point, you had to think fast.

You quietly slipped out of the library and tiptoed your way back up the stairs. You needed to find your duffel bag as quickly as possible. When you reached the guest room your frantically looked around for your bag, and were relieved to have found it sitting in a corner behind the door. You quickly unzipped it and began to rummage inside.

You threw clothes out all over the floor until you finally found what you were looking for- your pistol. You inspected it to make sure that it was loaded and much to your relief, it was.

Your hands were shaky as you gripped the weapon between both hands, slowly making your way back out of the room and down the stairs. You snuck back into the library and tried to calm yourself. Deciding to take a seat in the leather armchair that was facing the entrance, you sat quietly and waited anxiously for his return. You took deep, deliberate breaths in an attempt to steady your heart rate.

Just a minute later Kylo came stumbling into the room, using his elbow to open the handle since his hands were full with the tray and pitcher of orange juice he was holding. As soon as he entered his eyes met you and were immediately riddled with confusion, taking in the sight of you sitting silently and holding a pistol in your lap. A pistol that was, in fact, pointed directly at him. His brain tried to make sense of what he was seeing but he was utterly confused. You spoke in a voice that was low and menacing. 

“Put that down and sit over there. Now.” You said between gritted teeth. Kylo stood there, completely flabbergasted at the scene that was unfolding in front of him. His mouth was hanging open at this point. 

“Uhhhh,” was all he could muster as a response. You raised your voice at him. 

“Don’t make me ask you again.” You replied forcefully.

Kylo, still searching for answers in his mind, slowly walked over to the couch you had been sitting on previously. He set the tray and juice down on the coffee table nearby and sat rigidly on the sofa. He said your name quietly and you shivered.

“What’s going on? Please talk to me.” He said pleadingly as he turned his head to look at you. You slowly rose from the chair and walked over to stand in front of him, never lowering your weapon the entire time. Once you were positioned in front of him you finally spoke. 

“Pick that up.” You demanded as you gestured down to the yearbook discarded near his feet. He looked down, still thoroughly confused, and reached to pick it up. In all honesty he hadn’t looked at or thought about his yearbooks since he had graduated high school. He looked down at the page that was displayed before him. It was the extracurricular section, displaying photos from some of the different arts programs and clubs. He looked down at the photo of him from drama club and flinched. God, that hair was terrible. He remembered that day like it was just yesterday. He had directed the senior play and they had just wrapped after their final show. It had felt like such an accomplishment at the time because it had been a huge undertaking, directing and guiding his peers. He was even more confused now.

“Are you working for him?” Kylo was jolted out of his thoughts when you spoke. “ANSWER ME.” You nearly screamed as you jabbed the pistol in the air at him. You were sick to your stomach immediately and couldn’t help it when you bent over and wretched, dry heaving stomach acid onto the ground. It burned your eyes as you quickly expelled the contents of your empty stomach onto the hardwood floor. Kylo dropped the book and started to get up to come over and help you but you stopped him. 

“Stay right where you are. Not another move or I’ll blow your fucking head off.” You were coming more and more unhinged by the second. 

Kylo flinched and stopped in his tracks, walking backwards to the couch and sitting down solemnly once again. You gestured with the weapon down to the book for him to open it again. Slowly, he found the page in question. You walked over to him and looked down at it. You pointed to Hux and asked him again. 

“Are you working for him? Did you help me on that plane as a way to gain my trust? That guy fucking smiled at you before he slit his own throat. Did you know each other?” You were frantic at this point and began pacing around the room. “Did you mean any of the things you said to me or was all of this a lie?” Your voice choked at that moment, your tough exterior crumbling. “God, I’m such a fucking idiot. Why did I ever ignore my instincts in the first place, I should have never trusted you,” Kylo cut you off before you could continue.

“I don’t have the slightest idea what you’re talking about,” he began. You looked back over to him to see tears begin to stream down his face, a look of panic and defeat in his eyes. “That’s just some asshole I went to high school with. I haven’t seen or heard from him since we graduated. What’s going on? Please, please talk to me. You’re scaring me.” He was almost sobbing at this point, feeling helpless and accepting the fact that the situation was completely out of his control. 

You made your way back over to Kylo and pointed back down at the photo. “That’s him. That’s Hux...” You replied softly as you peered down at the image. “How can you expect me to believe that you’re not involved in this?” 

You looked up at Kylo’s face to see it flooded with shock and surprise. He looked up at you and then back down at the photo, studying it for several seconds. He looked up again and stared directly into your eyes. 

“You have to believe me, I had no idea this was the same guy you’ve been talking about. I swear to you that I haven’t seen him since graduation.” Kylo began to plead. “I absolutely hated him, he was a total dickhead. Completely full of himself, a true narcissist in every sense of the word. He loved being the center of attention and was outgoing enough to get most of our classmates to buy into his bullshit but I could always see right through him. Fake. Heartless. Sociopathic. He convinced my girlfriend since freshman year to fuck him at our senior class party and then rubbed it in my face. I despised him.” Kylo said, spite and hatred lacing his words. 

He stared intently into your eyes as he searched for your reaction. You were still frowning and pointing the gun at him. “I know it’s really hard and you’re really scared right now, but you have to trust me. Please, put the gun down so we can talk about this.” 

You looked down at him, hunched over in front of you, nearly sobbing at this point. You wanted so badly to believe the words that were coming out of his mouth but every fiber of your being was telling you not to.

“Little one, listen to me. I love you with all of my heart.” He paused and took a deep, long breath. “I’ve never known real love until you came crashing into my life. Please, trust me when I say that I love you with all of my heart and soul, and that I’d never do anything to intentionally hurt or betray you. These words...of affection do not come easy to me, but with you I will always push myself out of my comfort zone if it means making sure you know exactly how I feel about you. Please believe me when I say that I had no idea that he was behind all of this.” 

You ruminated over his words momentarily, thinking about what he had said. It would make sense that he didn’t know Hux was the same person as his classmate because you didn’t think he had ever actually seen a picture of him before. If Hux really was as charismatic and full of himself as Kylo described then it would definitely make sense that he ended up leading a cult after high school. 

And Kylo was right, he hadn’t ever done anything to hurt you or make you feel anything less than 100% content and comfortable. He doted on you hand and foot and always ensured you were happy and taken care of. You had been staying with him for several months, if he wanted to return you to Hux he could have easily drugged you with all of the food he was constantly preparing for you. You were torn and even more uncertain now than you were before. 

Your hands inadvertently began to shake as you lowered the pistol to the ground, lowering your eyes with it. You choked on a sob as your eyes became flooded with fresh, hot tears that streamed down your cheeks. The rush of emotions of the last 10 minutes was catching up to you. You collapsed into a heap onto the floor in front of him, now sobbing and convulsing as you cried intensely. 

He quickly jumped up from the couch to meet you at the floor, scooping you up into his lap, leaving the pistol behind on the floor. He wrapped his arms around you tightly and brought you into his chest as you continued to sob even harder than before. You were a complete mess, with moisture and snot now flowing freely out of your heaving face. His grip on you never wavered as he pressed you tightly against his muscular form. 

“I’m so sorry,” you finally choked out in between sobs. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I am tired of running, I can’t do this anymore.” You managed to get the words out after several more seconds of sobbing. You were completely broken.

“Shhhhh, it’s okay. You have nothing to be sorry about.” Kylo cooed at you. He held you there in his lap on the floor for several minutes until you had tired yourself out from crying. Your eyes were puffy and nearly bloodshot. You reached up to your face and tried to wipe the mess away as best as you could. 

Kylo looked down at you with worried eyes. Seeing you being so conflicted was tearing him apart inside. “I didn’t think it was possible to hate the man who did all of this to you more than I already do but I was wrong.” He leaned down and brushed his nose against yours. “We have to call Blake and tell her about this. Maybe there’s some kind of connection. I don’t know...” his voice trailed off. 

You looked into his eyes and didn’t say a word, you just stared at him and wondered if you’d ever be able to have a normal, happy life together. You really were cursed, and it was selfish for you to have dragged him into all of this. 

“He used to put me down, tell me that I wasn’t good enough for anyone else. That I was damaged and he was the only one who could fix me.” You spoke quietly. “I believe him. Look at us, all I’ve done since I met you is turn your life upside down. I pulled a fucking gun on you for christ’s sake.” You were ashamed of yourself. “You deserve a life without me in it. I think I should leave.”

“Oh no, you’re not going anywhere. I won’t lose you.” Kylo reached up and gripped the back of your neck to pull your face back in towards his. “Please, stay here and let me protect you. You’re safe here, no one knows about this place except for my friends and family.” He gripped you tighter in his arms as he continued to speak. “We’re going to finish this together, even if we have to spend the rest of our lives it will be worthwhile. We will see him get the justice he deserves.” 

You involuntarily began to sob again as the words left his mouth. You felt completely exhausted and terrified and hopeful all at the same time. You decided right then and there that you weren’t going to let Hux win. You weren’t going to let him destroy every good thing in your life, you wouldn’t give him that kind of power. You were going to be happy and there was not a damn thing he could do about it. 


	21. Question

Several hours had passed since the incident in the library. Currently, you were curled up into a ball in the bed in the guest room upstairs. Your brain was completely fried.

Kylo rested behind you, holding you closely against his muscled form. It was hard to ignore how perfectly your bodies nestled together, your curves fitting snuggly against his. Your breathing was slow, as was Kylo’s. You thought he might be asleep but you couldn’t be sure. You needed to pee but you didn’t want to wake him up.

Kylo had spent the last 3 hours listening to you cry, reassuring you, talking out theories with you, daydreaming about your futures, kissing you all over. It was the most in-depth and vulnerable conversation either of you had ever had together. Neither of you held anything back.

You learned further about Hux’s true nature and demeanor when Kylo knew him. He manipulated every person in his life, so much so that he had every professor in their school eating out of the palm of his hand. His smooth, charismatic demeanor gave him an advantage over his peers. 

Kylo had bumped heads with him many, many times and was livid to find out that they’d have to direct a theatrical production together. Hux was domineering and constantly tortured Kylo, trying more than once to get him expelled. Kylo did his best to forget all about him once he finally graduated and moved away. 

He enlisted in the military and never looked back. You admired his determination at making his dreams happen after the marines. He enrolled at Juilliard and took classes, putting in the hard work to elevate himself to the status he was at today. He spoke candidly about the Scorsese film that was on hiatus because of him. You tried to convince him that he should go and resume filming but he vehemently declined. 

You also realized during your talk that Hux was the same age as Kylo. During your time with Hux, you had no idea how old he actually was. No one knew because he didn’t want anyone to know just how young he was. When you met him when you were 15 he was only eight years older than you. 23 years old. It had been so easy for him to convince you to run away with him. How young a man he was to have formulated such evil intentions and putrid plans. 

Kylo also spoke a lot about how clearly he could imagine your future together. He spent time convincing you just how real your connection was, that what you experienced for each other was a once in a lifetime love and he’d do anything in his power to protect it. He talked about how from the moment he met you he was certain that you were the person he was destined to be with. His words moved you as he spoke, because you knew in your heart that he was right. 

Hearing him reciprocate all of the same feelings that you were already having for him elicited a visceral reaction from you, your hormones getting the best of you. You burst into tears several times, the plethora of emotions simultaneously spilling out of you completely overwhelmed you. Your eyes watered whenever he’d say something particularly saccharine. He held you and comforted you whenever you grew upset.

Kylo also told you that when he lies awake at night, trying to fall to sleep, he had developed the habit of thinking about the future he wanted to build with you. He thought about how exciting it would be to buy a home together, how badly he wanted to make you his wife and make a mother out of you. He had never felt any compulsion towards having children with Joan, and had assumed for years that he’d never be a father. He told you about how hard it was to lose his own father, about how complicated their relationship was.

You talked to him freely about your fear of not being good enough to be a good mother or wife, your insecurities about your shortcomings as a human. He held you and told you over and over again how amazing you were and how proud he’d be to be your husband someday. 

The entire ordeal had completely exhausted you to your core. As tired and spent as you were, you had not been able to find the sweet release of sleep. You felt relief at knowing that everything was out on the table and that you and Kylo were on the same page. In an ideal world, you wanted the same things. But you were living in a place that was far from an ideal world. And as badly as you wanted to believe that you could really have it all, you couldn’t bring yourself to let go of all of the doubt and uncertainty that would more than likely plague your future.

You inhaled again and shifted in place, attempting to shift from under his arms. You carefully got up and walked out into the hall, wandering around in an attempt to find the bathroom. The closest room was the master bedroom and when you entered you saw the door to the master bathroom in the back of the room.

You walked past the large jacuzzi tub and over to the toilet and sat down. You noticed that there was a huge glass shower in the back of the room, and the outside walls of this room were also windows, just like the living area downstairs. A person would be completely exposed to the outside in that shower. The fleeting thought of being watched in such a way made your belly warm. The view was breathtaking, now able to take in the surrounding woodlands from higher up since you were on the second floor. This place was unbelievable. 

You washed your hands in the sink, appreciating how good the rose handsoap smelled on your skin. You stripped off your clothes and walked over to the shower, bending slightly to turn the water on. You hopped under the stream of water without giving it any time to warm up. The cool water covered you and shocked your body into becoming fully awake; a cold chill ran up your spine. You stared down at the shower floor and watched the water swirl down the drain. You let your mind empty and tried to focus on your body. 

As the water began to warm, you slowly felt the tension in your shoulders and neck begin to dissipate. You stretched your body up and let the comfort overtake you. You walked over to the wall of the shower that was shared with the outside world. It almost felt like you were out there in the woods right now. You placed your hands up on the glass and leaned over, closing your eyes and taking in the pleasures of the steam that surrounded you.

Straightening your body, you turned and grabbed a bottle of body wash that was sitting on a shelf. You squeezed a good amount of it into your hands and worked into a lather, rubbing the bubbles all over your taut body. Your massaged the suds all over your breasts, paying extra attention to your nipples which by this time were completely hardened. You imagined what it’d feel like to be watched from up here, so vulnerable and exposed with nowhere to hide. 

You indulged your wandering mind as you walked up to the window once again and but this time you pressed your soapy tits firmly against the glass. You held them there, the cool glass contrasting sharply against the warm, steamy air around you. You closed your eyes again and moaned slightly at the sensation, a rush of electricity shooting through your body and ending in between your legs.

Suddenly, you felt another body pressed firmly against yours from behind, with wide strong hands reaching around to wedge themselves between your chest and the glass. The hands kneaded your tits roughly, squeezing them while pressing you even harder into the glass. You absentmindedly stuck your chest out and arched your back, causing the smooth curve of your ass to grind back into his thick, hardening member. His cock twitched as it bucked up and rubbed between your soaking, slippery ass cheeks.

Kylo then captured each of your nipples in between his fingers, gingerly rolling each of the buds with increasing pressure. You whimpered and the sound echoed through the bathroom. The noise that rang from your lips was painfully wanton and desperate in nature. 

He took his time, expertly massaging each of your sensitive peaks in circles. You squeezed your legs together and whined, but as soon as you did, Kylo reached down and spread your legs apart so they were no longer touching. His hands snaked their way back up your body and rested once again on the tender flesh of your breasts.

“Ah, not so fast little one.” Kylo cooed into your ear, nuzzling his mouth directly behind your ear. He leaned in and ran his tongue over the sensitive flesh there, moving his warm, wet mouth painfully slow. “Patience is a virtue.” 

He skillfully moved his hands from your chest and slid them down to your belly, taking his time to tenderly rub his fingers along the warm flesh there. He rested both of his hands on the sensitive skin beneath your belly button and above your pussy and held them there, taking in the heat that was radiating from the inside of your body. Your hands remained on the glass above you, your chest still pressed flush against the surface in front of you.

His hands remained in that same tender spot as he began to grind himself into your backside again, this time taking his time to rub his pulsating erection all over your ass. He groaned at the contact, feeling himself climbing close to the edge even without having entered you yet. 

The feeling of your bodyheat and skin melting into his was driving him absolutely insane. He needed your pussy and he needed it now. You tipped your head back and leaned against his bare chest, your wet hair clinging to the skin there. 

Carefully, he pulled you away from the window and walked you backwards until you were both positioned under the stream of warm water falling from the ceiling. He continued to rub his body against against yours as the water washed the remnants of soap from your skin. 

One of his hands snaked up to grab at your chest again while the other traveled painfully slow down to the apex of your thighs. Once again he took your nipple in between his fingertips and flicked at it, meanwhile the other hand finally came to rest on your pubic mound. 

“I love this pussy.” He proclaimed as he squeezed it. You cheeks flushed at this words as you smiled to yourself. Your heart fluttered in your chest. 

He cupped your sex in his hand and pulled your body into him, nearly lifting your feet off the ground as he tipped you back and into him. Your head still against his chest, you tilted your head back and allowed him to kiss you, passionately, as the drops of hot water continued to beat down against your bodies. 

He bent over to kiss you possessively as his tongue explored your mouth. His hands were precise but his mind was all over the place. After you had finished speaking earlier and you were laying together in silence, the only thing he could think about was Hux. How Hux had treated you, how much he harmed you, about how he was the one who took your virginity from you.  

There were many emotions flooding his senses- grief, pain, empathy, sadness, joy. But currently all he could focus on was his jealousy. Jealousy about how Hux had his cock inside of you, about how you had almost married the man. Even if it was against your will. Kylo resented Hux even more now knowing that he had been privy to the most delicate and private parts of you. 

The persistent need to own you, fill you, was consuming him. A fire was spreading throughout him from his head all the way down to his toes. 

He gripped your body tighter as he deepened his kiss, his tongue gently massaging the roof of your mouth. You moaned loudly into him as he slipped a single finger in between your glistening folds. Softly, he rubbed it against your clit and you leaned into his touch. 

You were already dripping into his hand, and he felt a gush of warm fluid when he slipped the finger inside of you. He removed his hand and raised it up to your mouth, which you opened obediently. He stuck the finger inside of you and you hungrily sucked your warm juices off of it, lapping up every last bit.

“Good girl.” He praised you, lowering his hand back down to delve into your velvet center once again. You moaned his name out and quivered to his touch.  

“You feel so good.” You whimpered into his neck. He inserted two fingers Inside of your tight opening and began slowly pumping them in and out of you, twisting his wrist slightly with each plunge. You continued to grind your fat, fleshy ass into his rock hard cock, your pussy walls already clenching against his digits inside of you. 

Without warning, Kylo released you and you groaned at his fingers leaving you. Before you could argue his hands were on your hips leading you back over to the glass window. He turned you around and positioned your back against the glass, beginning another assault on your lips. He grabbed your bottom lip in between his teeth and bit down hard, causing your body to convulse underneath him. 

He reached down and grabbed under your left knee, pulling it up to his waist. You squeezed him tightly, attempting to pull him closer into you. His heavy cock bobbed and rubbed against yours lips, making you arch your back when it slid across your emerging clit. Kylo reached down with his free hand and rubbed your pussy gently, circling your tender bud before slowly curling a finger up inside of you. Feeling for your g-spot, he brushed his finger against the rough spot and your knees nearly gave out beneath you. 

“Mmm this is my pussy.” He growled aggressively as he began to work his finger in and out of you, each time going a bit deeper in an attempt to more firmly brush that tender spot inside of you. He added another finger and by this time, your mind was completely empty, only registering the immense white-hot pleasure that was building down in your belly. All you could muster out was a deep, throaty moan as he continued to rub you. 

“Say it. Tell me that this is all mine.” He huffed at you through heavily-lidded eyes. Precum leaked down your leg when the tip of his cock grazed your thigh. His cock twitched as he stilled himself, focusing on keeping himself from exploding all over your bottom half right then and there. You were incoherent but managed to muster out the words he was waiting for. 

“Nnngggh Kylo, this tight little hole...is yours....mmmmm...” You mewled as he withdrew his hand and began stroking your swollen clit again. Your hips bucked up into him and his dick nearly slid inside. Kylo gripped your thigh tightly and reached down with his other hand to grab his length. He ran it up and down against your slit, coating himself in the mess of juices that were currently spilling from you. Looking down into your eyes, Kylo admired the flush of your cheeks and the rosy color of your nose. Your eyes were large and full of fire. 

He pressed the head of his cock against your entrance and leaned himself forward, pitting you even harder against the window. He slid into your soaking wet folds easily, and you threw your head back against the glass as he bottomed out. He stilled himself there and pressed his body against yours, nearly smothering you with the force. He rested his head in the crook of your neck, sucking in the skin and holding it in his mouth.

“Fuck Kylo, fuckkk..” You gripped his back tightly and ran your nails across the exposed flesh there. He responded by pressing even more deeply into you, causing you to groan into him. Reaching down to grab your other thigh into his hand, he quickly hoisted you up and pinned you on the wall. You gripped at his biceps, completely flexed at holding up your weight. The muscles bulged in your hands as you grabbed him tightly, grinding your hips against him in attempt to find friction. You were greedy and felt your release quickly approaching. 

Having balanced you against the wall, he pulled his legnth out and harshly slammed it back into you, rubbing your budding clit with his pelvis when he did so. He started slow and pumped himself in and out of you, hands gripping the bottoms of your thigh tightly as he closed his eyes and focused on the feeling of your warm walls clenching around him. He fucked you into oblivion, increasing his pace as he continued to climb to his peak. You moved your head to look into his eyes, they were bright and the rich color of honey. You reached up and grabbed the back of his head, taking a huge handful of his hair into your hand.

“This cunt is yours, forever..” Your words were breathy and punctuated by his thrusts in and out of you. You felt Kylo’s throbbing member twitch inside of you and that was all it took to send you crashing over the edge. Your climax overwhelmed you as you continued to pull on his hair and buck your hips into him, pussy clenching at him like you never wanted it to end. His eyes never left yours as you rode out the waves of pleasure, sucking your bottom lip into your mouth and holding it there. 

Kylo bent over and captured your left nipple into his mouth, still pumping furiously into you. He sucked the hard nub in bit it in between his teeth. The gesture made you cry out as another orgasm suddenly washed over you. You hadn’t ever came again so soon and the thrill of achieving another climax so quickly caused you to buck wildly and wrap your legs tightly around Kylo’s waist. 

Feeling your pulsating cunt come for a second time on his length was all it took for him to follow suit. Kylo pulled out and rammed into you one more time, cum suddenly exploding out of him deep within your pussy. He shuddered against you, groaning deeply as he gripped your ass hard, your tight, spasming pussy milking every last drop out of his sensitive cock. 

He continued to slide in and out of you, his head now sunken on your shoulder. He stilled himself inside of you and held you there in silence, both of you breathing heavily listening to the sound of the water hitting the tile floor of the shower. 

Slowly, he lowered you so you could plant your feet on the ground once more. A rush of cum flowed out of you as his half-hard member carefully slid out. You held onto him tightly as your legs were now noticeably wobbly. Kylo pulled you in and hugged your body against his, snaking one hand up to rest behind your head. You rested your hands on his hips and pulled him into you.

Without saying a word he released you and exited the shower, leaving you alone and confused at his sudden absence. Before you could worry too much he returned with a white washcloth in hand. He let the shower run over the cloth and then walked over to you, bending over at your waist. He spread your legs with his hands and cleaned your pussy gently, wiping away your shared fluids delicately with the cloth. He wiped all up and down your thighs, taking the time to ensure that you were completely cleaned.

He dropped the cloth onto the floor and turned the water off. Steam had gathered in the room and clouded the glass and mirrors. Kylo stepped to you and scooped you up into his arms, smiling to himself at the startled noise you made when he hoisted you in the air. You rested your head against his chest and shivered at the cold air conditioning hitting your skin. 

He carried you out of the bathroom and back into the guest room, gently setting you down on the bed. He pulled back the down comforter and you snuggled underneath it, allowing it to absorb the moisture off your body. 

Kylo didn’t climb into bed with you, instead he walked across the room and grabbed his backpack. You propped yourself up on one elbow and looked over at him, curious as to what he was searching for. He stood and turned around, heading back over to the other side of the bed. He climbed in and scooted over to you, pulling you all the way under the blankets with him. 

You each lay on your side, facing one other and stared silently into each other’s eyes. There was a soft and vulnerable look in Kylo’s eyes and it was hurting your heart. You reached up and pressed your palm gently against his cheek. He sighed and began to speak.

“You’re so beautiful. Inside and out.” He muttered your name and your heart swelled. “I bought this a week after you moved in with me. I saw it in a shop window and immediately knew that I had to give it to you someday.” He lifted his hand up and handed you something. You looked down at it and your eyes went wide. You were shocked.

It was a ring. 

A giant flawless diamond surrounded by innumerable smaller diamonds. You gasped at the sight of it, somehow sparkling brightly even when obstructed from light under the blanket. It was the biggest diamond you had ever laid your eyes on. Your mouth was hanging open, your trembling hand nearly accidentally dropping it onto the bed. You were speechless and looked back over into Kylo’s eyes. 

“Our souls were forged together many years ago and now that we are together it feels as though I’ve known you for a lifetime. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, protecting you, giving you everything you need. Seeing you give yourself everything you need, too. I love watching you grow stronger every day, conquering every obstacle in front of you.” He leaned in and pressed his lips against yours sweetly, holding himself there for several seconds before backing away. 

“Will you marry me?”

 

* * *

 

Author’s note:

The [ring](https://goo.gl/images/169nVt).

 


	22. The Answer

Blinking your eyes, which were now immediately welled with tears, you stared at Kylo and his apprehensive expression, anticipating your response. You opened your mouth to say something, anything, but you were at a loss for words. 

You knew you wanted to spend the rest of your life with him but you didn’t expect him to propose so soon. A rush of a million different emotions was washing over you. You were so incredibly happy to be reaching this milestone in your life, a milestone you had only hoped for. You were elated at the realization that you’d become Kylo’s wife and quite possibly a mother. You were sad that your parents would never be able to see you marry the man of your dreams. You tried not to think about them very much because you just couldn’t stomach the pain, but the realization that they’d never get to meet Kylo practically had you weeping immediately. 

Kylo lowered his eyebrows, slowly processing your tears and silence for rejection as his expression changed to one of sadness and confusion. Had he really misread the entire situation? He thought you were on the same page. 

You reached over to his chin and held it up in your hand, forcing him to meet your gaze. You blinked your eyes and big fat tears now streamed freely down your face. A giant, toothy smile spread across your face as you began to shake your head up and down excitedly. 

“Really?” He asked cautiously and you continued to nod happily. Relief spread across his face as he quickly leaned into your and pressed a firm kiss against your lips, barely able to contain his excitement and relief. His warm, full lips felt so lovely pressed tightly against yours. As he pulled away, you finally spoke. 

“Kylo, I love you. More than words could ever explain...I just...” You stared deep into his eyes, amazed at how they always possessed the ability to give you butterflies in your stomach. You admired his long, fluttering eyelashes as a grin spread across his face so large that his eyes squinted. He didn’t give you time to say anything further as he pulled your nude form against his own. 

He wrapped his limbs around you and pulled you in as close to him as he possibly could. His warm, taut skin was heavenly against yours. You rested against his chest as you tucked your head under his chin. Gripping you tightly, he pressed kisses to the top of your scalp.

“I love you, I love you.” He murmured between pecks. “I love you, I love you, I love you. Forever.”

* * *

A little over a week had passed since you arrived at The Organa-Solo cabin. Leia was due back soon, and you were both nervous and excited to see her again. Kylo hadn’t told her about the engagement yet, you wanted to be there to tell her together. 

Your insecurities were rearing their ugly heads as you found yourself having fleeting thoughts of Leia feeling like you weren’t good enough for her only child. After all, what did you really have to offer him? 

You were damaged in every sense of the word. Baggage? You had about 100 suitcases and a carry-on’s worth of it to bring to the table. And since you left behind your career as a flight attendant you didn’t have a job now either.  

Your only hopes and dreams currently were to see Hux dead or behind bars. You were tired of feeling like your life couldn’t begin until that happened. You didn’t want Hux to have that kind of power over you but that’s exactly what was happening. 

You kept thinking about what Kylo had said earlier, about making time to do things that made you happy. You needed to focus on planning your future together, making plans and setting goals. Planning a wedding? Holy shit. The idea of a huge wedding terrified you, mainly because you knew you didn’t have anyone to invite to it. Maybe you could convince Kylo to elope... 

Meeting Kylo had given you a whole new lease on life, there were so many things you wanted to experience with him. You wanted to be adventurous again. You wanted to travel but with him by your side.

As nervous and anxious as you were, you didn’t let Kylo see it. You knew he must be feeling the same exact way and you didn’t want to add to his stress. In the past week the two of you had spent nearly every morning together in the gym. He continued to train you in the art of self-defense, but he was also showing you combat moves too. 

I guess getting shot was enough of a wake-up call for him to realize that you should be able to fight back, too. The fact that you had expertly handled yourself in that situation had impressed Kylo so much that he no longer had doubts about your abilities as a fighter. You were now sparring together, giving and receiving punches but making sure not to be too rough. 

You had also been meditating together. Kylo told you that meditation was the key to pushing past the pain of being injured. He told you that if you worked at it long enough that it’s become easier and easier for you to dissociate yourself from physical pain, that it’d be easier to defend yourself if you could do just that. You happily heeded his advice and did everything exactly the way he showed you. 

You felt silly for having doubted his intentions earlier, but you still couldn’t get the fact that he and Hux went to high school together out of your mind. It had been incredibly jarring and traumatic for you to see them seated together in that photo. It was like seeing two worlds overlap that should never have, and whenever you thought about it you were left with a huge pit in your stomach.

You had called and talked to Detective Blake about it at length, but she seemed to come to the conclusion that it really was just a huge coincidence. She told you that they were getting closer to the point where they were going to move on the compound, and that she’d let you know before they finally did. 

Hearing her reassure you that she’d get justice for you and the others who were being held in the compound gave you a huge piece of mind and made it feel as though a huge weight had been lifted off your shoulders. You often thought about the children who had been born into such a horrible world, never knowing of the beautiful place that existed just outside of its walls.

Even though you were all over the place emotionally over the past week, training had helped you keep focused and calm. The time spent in the hot tub afterwards definitely helped to relax you physically as well.

Now, after a particularly grueling training session, you lay in a heaving pile on the floor. Your back was pressed against the mat as you took deep, greedy breaths in and out. Sweat covered your entire body, causing your thin white t-shirt to cling impossibly tight against your body. 

“I’ve been meaning to ask you,” Kylo began speaking. “Where’d you learn to handle a gun like that?” 

“I’ll give you one guess.” You said dryly, sitting up to look into his eyes. You raised a hand up and wiped the sweat from your brow with the back of it. “I suppose I can’t say he didn’t teach me anything. Silver lining, I guess.” You took a deep breath in and exhaled. Kylo scooted closer to you on the mat, leaning over to rest his head against your shoulder.  

“It was....incredibly sexy. Sorry but, seeing you standing there, so triumphant. It made me...feel things.” You scoffed. “No, really. It’s just like seeing you pull half-guard and nearly choke me to death makes me feel. I guess I never realized before how much powerful women turn me on.” You turned your face to look into his eyes once again. They were dark and round and full of heat. He reached over and captured your hand in his, guiding it over to rest on top of the hardon in between his legs. 

“Hate to break it to you Ren, but according to Freud that’s because men want to fuck someone who’s most like their mother.” You couldn’t help yourself. You erupted in laughter as Kylo recoiled in disgust and moved away from you, batting your hand away from him. 

“I hate you.” He said as he stood up and walked away towards the door leading out and upstairs.

“No! Wait. I’m sorry, don’t leave...” He turned around to look at you, a small smirk on his lips. 

“C’mon asshole, it’s time for the hot tub.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I should have another chapter out soon, with another appearance from our favorites- Daisy and John. 
> 
> As excited as I am to share the rest of the story I have planned with you guys, part of me just wants to milk this part of their relationship together. Mainly because I’m a hopeless romantic who could spend an eternity writing fluff so fluffy it’ll make your eyes bleed. And smut. Give me all the smut.
> 
> Maybe I’ll indulge myself a little but, alas, all things must come to an end. Have no fear, there are plenty of bombs to be dropped and asses to be kicked (and licked lmao.) Hell, maybe they’ll get their happy ending after all? Or maybe it’ll all just blow up in their faces. Who knows?
> 
> Love u guys, and thanks for following along with me in this story. Your support means the world to me!


	23. Hot

“Mmmmmm..” You moaned audibly as you dipped your foot under the surface of the bubbling water. Slowly shifting the rest of your weight into the water, you sank down and covered yourself so only the top half of your head was showing.

Kylo emerged with two glasses of wine in hand, smiling at the image of only your eyeballs sticking out of the water. Reaching up to plug your nose, you lowered the rest of your head under the bubbling surface and let the warmth envelop you. The tension and pain in your muscles began to melt away. You popped your head back up above the water to see Kylo lowering his nude body into the hot tub right beside you. 

“I’m excited to spend time with your mom but I’m kind of bummed that I’ll have to wear clothes all the time now.” You leaned towards him and nestled into his lap, pressing your back against his chest. “Naked hot tub time has been the bomb.” 

“Who says you can’t be naked around my mom?” Kylo responded and you elbowed him playfully in the ribs.

“Shut up.” Kylo reached over and handed you a glass of wine. You took a deep sip and let the flavors meld with your mouth. It was fragrant with hints of cherry and citrus.  

“I’m glad at least one of us is excited to spend time with her.” Kylo spoke solemnly as he wrapped his arms around your body, pulling you tighter against his. You reached over and set your glass back onto the wooden deck surrounding the hot tub. You frowned at hearing his words.

“I know it’s been tough between you guys for a long time, especially since your dad passed, but this time together is going to be great for you two. I just know it.” You leaned your head back into the crook of his neck. “You’re her only son, she needs you in her life. She loves you. She misses you.” 

“I know, I know.” Kylo took a deep breath. “I just feel like too much time has passed, things are so different now. I’m...afraid that it’ll never be the way it used to be.” You turned yourself around in the water and straddled his lap, resting yourself on top of him to look him in the eyes as you spoke.

“Things change, people change. Change is a good thing, that’s what you have to remind yourself. The more time you spend getting to know each other again, the more your relationship can change for the better. Trust me, okay? 

“I feel like an idiot for giving you any kind of relationship advice considering the only long-term friend I’ve had over the decade is a pilot that I only see once a year. But just...trust me.” You pressed a delicate kiss against the tip of his nose. The pale emerging moonlight cast a light shadow over his features. He was so beautiful.  

“When you daydream about family and what it’d be like to still have a relationship with them, you think about all the possibilities of that. I’ve thought a million times about what I’d say to mom if I could just talk to her again, even for only a minute.” You took another deep breath and tried to maintain your composure. “Please just...say all the things you want to say to the people you love while they’re still around.”  

Kylo slowly nodded his head as he reached up to stroke your cheek. You leaned forward and pressed your chest against his, pulling him into an embrace. He reached around and drug his strong, calloused hands against the soft skin of your back. 

“I bet your parents were great.” Kylo said quietly as you shifted in his lap. Your heart ached and you sighed heavily. 

“They really were...” You started to speak but stopped yourself. You thought about them every single day of your life, but right now you were too exhausted mentally to go there. You had the rest of your life to tell Kylo every incredible detail about the humans who raised you, for the first part of your life at least.  

“Wait a second, I want to hear more about this pilot friend.” Kylo spoke suddenly, stilling his hands momentarily. You leaned back to look at him again as a sly smile spread across your face. 

“Oh uhh, I’ve mentioned him before, remember? I met him working for the airline. He left shortly after I started working there to start his own private jet charter service, but we always stayed in touch. He was the one who was going to take me to Fiji, that is, before you convinced me to run away with you instead.”  

“Ahhh right, right.” He nodded his head. “So you see each other once a year, huh?” You could tell Kylo was trying to pry for more information so you happily indulged him. You didn’t have anything to hide.

“Yeah, but usually just to catch up. And sometimes to ease the pain of each other’s loneliness.” His eyes widened at that last statement. “We never dated or anything like that.” He cleared his throat. “Yes, we had sex. Many, many times. But I didn’t love him and I still don’t. And obviously that isn’t going to continue now.” You couldn’t help but smile at Kylo becoming so flustered at you divulging the details of your past love affair. “Oh my god, you’re so jealous.” You nearly squealed as you spoke. Kylo’s cheeks turned a deep red.

“I am not. It’d be completely ridiculous to be jealous of him.” He said cooly, avoiding eye contact.  

“Riiiiight.” You replied coyly, reaching up to grasp his burning cheeks in your hands. You forced him to meet your gaze. 

“I’m yours, remember?” His expression softened as he hummed in response. You leaned forward and gingerly pressed your lips against his, still holding onto the sides of his face. He relaxed into the kiss and moved his arms back around to your back. Pulling away, you smiled brightly at him and dipped your head back down to lean against his chest. 

Kylo continued to stroke the skin on your back gently as the warm water bubbled all around your bodies. The cool evening air contrasted starkly against the temperate fluid rushing around you. Each night felt a little cooler, certainly due to the fact that summer was coming to an end and fall was quickly approaching.

“I bet it’s so beautiful out here in autumn.” You murmured to yourself as Kylo deepened his touch, now gently massaging the muscles on your back. He hummed in agreement.

“It really is. Depending on how long we’re holed up here you may just get to see the leaves change. That’s my favorite part. I miss it.”

You ruminated on his words for a moment. You really had no idea how long you’d be here or even what you’d be doing in six months time. Everything felt so uncertain and up in the air all of the time and the uneasiness was eating you alive. You felt a pit begin to form in the bottom of your stomach and tried to clear your mind.  

Kylo’s touch increased as he was now fully massaging your muscles. You leaned against him and relaxed completely, closing your eyes and focusing on the wonderful sensations assaulting your senses. 

His hands roamed more freely as he lowered them to massage the tender flesh of your bare ass as well. You moaned as he expertly kneaded your cheeks in his large hands, his long fingers just barely grazing the exposed skin of your pussy. You shivered and inadvertently clenched yourself, unaware that he could feel the sensation. 

His cock slowly began to harden underneath you as he continued his assault on your bottom, now aggressively kneading and rubbing the flesh hungrily in his hands. 

“Your body feels so nice.” He cooed sweetly in your ear. “It drives me insane.”  

You arched your back and stuck your ass out further in an attempt to give him more access. Your breathing was slowly becoming more labored as you began to grind your hips into his lap. Your emerging clit slightly rubbed against his lower belly and you closed your eyes again and threw your head back. You could now feel his bulging erection beneath you in the water, bobbing up and brushing your soft exposed folds.  

Kylo gripped your ass hard one last time and lifted his hips up, surprising you by guiding your pussy down onto his rock hard length with ease. Even in the water he could feel how wet you already were for him. You moaned deeply as he slipped into you.

“Fuckk...you’re so tight.” He grunted as he lifted your ass and lowered it back down, relishing in the sensation of your warm, wet walls already clenching around him. His voice was deep and full of lust. “Ride me, baby, please.”

You happily obliged as you lifted yourself up and began to grind your wet slit up and down his deliciously long and thick member. His hands moved from your ass to your hips as he leaned back in the hot tub to take in the sight of you in the evening light. He watched in awe as you used his dick to pleasure yourself, riding him slowly at first and then steadily increasing your pace.

Your tits now bounced in front of him, bobbing up and down with each movement of your hips. His cock twitched slightly inside of you as you removed a hand from around his neck and snaked it down under the water to rub on your clit. Once again, you were putting on a show for him and loving every second of it. 

“Use my cock to make yourself cum.” He demanded with dark, thirsty eyes. Hearing him say the words made your pussy tingle and had you immediately nearing the edge. You moaned deeply and held your bottom lip between your teeth, looking at him through squinted eyes. The immense pleasure of him impaling you was flooding your body.

You quickened your pace further as you bounced up and down on him, harshly smacking your body up and down against his lap with reckless abandon. You continued to rub circles over your clit, able to feel the slick oozing out of your cunt with each thrust. 

You removed your other hand from his neck and reached up to grab your right breast, gripping it tightly in your palm. Your fingers went towards your hardened nipple as you took it in between your fingers and pinched it, sending a shockwave of pleasure throughout your body. It was all you needed to send you over the edge. You screamed his name out into the night as you came on him, continuing to bounce your pussy up and down on his length.

As you were climaxing Kylo tightened his grip on your hips and began to meet your every thrust, lifting his ass off the seat in the hot tub in an effort to bury himself more deeply inside of you. 

“Yeah, cum for me,” He rammed into your tight hole as you continued to clench and spasm around him. “Oh fuck....” he exclaimed as he too had reached his orgasm, bucking his hips wildly into you. His cock exploded inside of you and began to coat your walls with thick, hot spurts of cum. He gripped your thighs tightly as he groaned and emptied himself inside of your sweet slickened hole.

You rode out the final waves of pleasure as you began to slow your pace, his dick twitching a few more times inside of you. You leaned forward and stilled yourself, his half-hard cock still sheathed inside of you. Kylo reached around you and you smiled when he resumed his ministrations on your skin. You were completely spent. You closed your eyes and lowered your head to rest on his shoulder. 

“I could live like this. I could live life with my dick buried inside of you and I’d be the happiest person alive.” Kylo’s deep voice rumbled in his chest and you giggled gleefully. God. You were incredibly content and happy.


	24. Mother

“It’s so big. I’m afraid to wear it.” You stared down at your hand, admiring the large diamond adorning it. Kylo shook his head as he walked over to you sitting on a stool across from him in the kitchen. The room was filled with delicious smells of garlic and onion.

“Why are you afraid?” He asked sweetly. “It’s perfect just like you.” He reached down and pinched your ass between his fingers which made you squeal in surprise, nearly falling off the stool. He laughed to himself as he walked back over to the stove to stir the pasta sauce he was preparing. 

“I’m afraid it’s so big and heavy that it’ll fall off my finger when I’m not paying attention. What if I lose it?” What you really wanted to tell him was that there was too much pressure wearing a piece of jewelry that cost as much as a small house. 

“I should buy you a chain to wear it around your neck then.” Kylo retorted. You looked up from your hand and over at him to see him wearing a goofy grin on his face. “Like Lil Wayne or something.” God. He really was cracking himself up.

“You’re terrible, you know that?” You sounded exasperated but really you loved it when he allowed himself to act like a goofball. He was chucking loudly to himself.

“Oh, I have good news. I got a phone call from my lawyer this morning. I’m officially legally divorced.” The elation and relief dripped from his words as he finished his sentence. He was smiling brightly and proudly as he spoke. No wonder he was so giddy today. You smiled back at him. 

“Congratulations. Just in time to get married to someone else.” You teased as he nodded his head in agreement.

“Damn straight.” 

“I’m nervous to tell your mom about our engagement. She doesn’t know me yet. All I’ve done is make a mess of her son’s life.” 

“Don’t be silly. She already loves you, she told me herself at the hospital. She said she could tell from the moment she saw the way I looked at you that we were in love. She’s also glad Joan is out of the picture I think.” You smirked at his admission. “She just wants me to be happy. Her old age is making her...softer.”

“I hope you’re right otherwise things are going to be pretty awkward.” You said quietly, unsure if Kylo heard you.

“I’m still so relieved you said yes. I had been waiting for the perfect moment.” Kylo turned back around to tend to the meal he was preparing.

“I guess the perfect moment is right after you’ve made me cum.” He looked over his shoulder to see the shit-eating grin you were wearing as the words left your mouth. You stuck your tongue out at him. 

“Can’t wait to tell our kids that story someday.” He replied casually. You rolled your eyes at him and looked back down at your hand as you spoke.

“Nah, we’ll just have to come up with a different story to tell them. How about you saved me from falling off a ski lift? Or maybe we met in the wine aisle at Whole Foods when we both reached for the last bottle of Cherry merlot?”

“No way. My kids are getting the truth, always. No matter how much it sucks.” He continued to stir the deep red sauce with a wooden spoon. “My parents lied to me all the time when I was growing up. They kept a lot of the truth from me. I don’t want to do that.”

You stood from the stool and walked over to join him at the stove, slipping an arm around his waist when you reached his side. You leaned your head against his shoulder and watched him move the liquid around in the pan. 

“Okay. No lying.” You said softly as he reached for a handful of freshly chopped parsley. He sprinkled it into the sauce and resumed stirring. “When I think about the future, everything seems fuzzy and uncertain except for you and our family. I’m...afraid to be a mother...but I think with you by my side I could get through anything.” Kylo set down the spoon and turned to you, grabbing your shoulders in his hands. 

“Why are you afraid of being a mother?” He asked with mounting concern in his eyes. “You’re going to make an amazing mom someday.” He began to rub his hands up and down your arms gently, attempting to reassure you. “All you do is radiate warmth and love. They’ll be lucky to have you.”  

Out of nowhere you started sobbing, tears immediately streaming down your face. Your body was heaving as he pulled you into his arms and held you tightly against his chest. You continued to cry for a minute or so before you were able to steady your breathing. Lately you felt like you didn’t have any control of your emotions.

“It’s just, I never got to learn anything from my mom. When you have a baby your mom is supposed to be there, to teach you all of the things you need to know. I don’t fucking know anything about being a wife or a mother and she’s not here and it just kills me.” Your voice cracked. “I stopped dreaming about having a family a long time ago because it was easier to just settle for the fact that it wasn’t in the cards for me. She and my dad weren’t missing anything. But now that it’s becoming a reality it crushes me that they won’t get to be here for it.” 

Another wave of sobs hit you as your body shuddered against his. He continued to hold you tightly against his chest, your face making a mess of his t-shirt as you cried into it. He moved his hands from around you and reached up to grip a hand on each of your pink, flushed cheeks. Looking deep into your eyes he spoke smoothly and with conviction. 

“Listen. I’m so sorry that they’re not here anymore, but that doesn’t mean you’re not going to be the best fucking wife and mother the world has ever seen.” He moved one of his hands to wipe underneath your eyes. You closed them and listened as his words filled your heart. “Someday, you’re going to see how all of the nasty shit you’ve been through has made you into the tough son of a bitch you are today. Our children will have an amazing role model and fighter to look up to. I, for one, can’t wait to see that.” You opened your eyes to see him smiling brightly at you. “As for the babies part, well that’s what the internet is for anyways.” 

His smile cracked as he let out a hearty laugh in your face, nearly doubling over. You were smiling now too, not just because of his cheesy jokes but mostly because of how genuinely happy and sure he looked whenever he talked about your future together. Maybe, for now, he could believe in you enough for the both of you. You pulled him in close for a hug and he wrapped his arms around your waist once again.

“Thank you, Kylo.” You whispered into his ear as you nestled your head into the crook of his neck, reaching your hands up to play in his long raven locks. You absentmindedly tangled your fingers through their softness for a few seconds before Kylo broke the silence.

“Hey, I think my mom is here. I just heard the garage door open.” As he finished his sentence you felt his muscles tense slightly, his posture straightening. You pulled your head back and saw the anxiety painted all over his face.

“It’ll be okay, Kylo. I promise. Just have fun.” You raised your hand up to stroke his cheek and he nodded his head. You stood up on your tip toes to plant a slow and deliberate kiss on his lips. 

Just as you drew your head back you heard a voice behind you. 

“Hey kids, we’re here!” It was Leia entering the main living area from the door that led to the garage. We? As you turned to see her making her way inside you were amazed to see that Daisy and John were following close behind her, luggage and duffel bags in tow. Joy and elation flooded your senses as you released Kylo and ran over to them. 

Leia pulled you into a huge hug first, dropping her bags and wrapping her arms firmly around you. She held you tightly in a warm embrace before releasing you, smiling cheerfully at you as you pulled away. 

“You look lovely, like you’re glowing. I’m glad you’re doing better than the last time I saw you.” She held onto your hands as she spoke. 

“Thank you so much, for everything. I’m so grateful to be here and I’m excited to spend time with you.” You replied earnestly, gripping onto her hands tightly. She was beaming at you at this point.

“Me too, dear. And of course, you’re always welcome here. Even if he’s ever out of the picture.” She nodded over to Kylo and winked at you. Releasing your hands from hers, she left you and started walking over to  greet Kylo. 

You directed your attention to John and Daisy who had been patiently waiting behind Leia to see you. Daisy nearly jumped into your arms as you pulled her into a big bear hug, gripping her so tightly she almost couldn’t breathe. 

“Im so happy to see you, you have no idea.” She said cheerily, hugging you back just as hard. “I’m so glad you’re safe. Leia invited us to spend the week here with you guys. I hope you don’t mind.” You let go of Daisy to look into her eyes. They were sparkling in the dim natural light. The sun was setting and cast a delicate warm glow around the room.

“Of course we don’t mind. I can’t wait to spend the week together.” You smiled at her as you released her arms, moving past her to greet John. He pulled you into an embrace against his chest, greeting you by name as he did. 

“Very nice to see you.” He spoke as you pulled away from him. He looked down at your hands. 

“Hey, what’s that?” He said as he stared down at your finger. The ring. Oh shit.


	25. Crazy

“What ring?” Leia asked from across the room. God damn it. It wasn’t supposed to happen like this. She was supposed to find out later during dinner after she had a few glasses of wine in her. You could feel your heart pounding in your throat. You were panicking but Kylo spoke up. 

“I asked her to marry me, and she said yes.” You turned your head to take in Leia’s reaction, your stomach dropping to your feet. It felt like a huge weight had been lifted off your shoulders when she threw her hand up to her mouth and gasped gleefully. Daisy squealed out as she looked down at your hand.

“Oh my god, really?” Leia exclaimed and you nodded your head. She nearly jumped up in the air as she dashed across the room to you. She wrapped her arms around you and pulled you in, nearly smothering you in her embrace. You breathed a huge sigh of relief as she rocked you back and forth. “That is just wonderful. I’m so ecstatic. I’m finally going to have a daughter.” Your heart could have exploded at that moment. She leaned away from you and looked down at the item, marveling at its exquisite and timeless beauty. “Wow, that’s a looker.” She looked back up at your face. “You picked out a good one.” 

“I didn’t pick it out.” You shook your head. “Kylo did.” Leia, Daisy, and John all turned their attention to Kylo across the room in unison. There was an awkward moment of silence.

“He did?” John asked with a confused look on his face. You nodded and he looked back at Kylo. “You hate picking out jewelry. At least I thought you did...” His voice trailed off. Leia shrugged.

“My turn to hug the lucky girl.” Daisy interjected as she pulled you in for a hug as well. “Your ring is just exquisite. Kylo did a bloody good job.” 

“I know, he really did.” You were glancing around at everyone, a radiant smile adorned your face. The grin was so grand in size that your cheeks were starting to ache. You then looked over at Kylo, who looked completely relaxed and had his eyes locked on you. 

“Congratulations you two. I think we should celebrate.” John suggested as he walked up and wrapped his arm around your shoulders. “Welcome to the family.”

 

* * *

 

An hour later the five of you were nearing the end of the amazing three course meal Kylo had prepared for you. There was an appetizer of a creamy potato gnocchi soup, with the main course being homemade linguine with a garlic tomato meat sauce. For dessert he had made his mother’s favorite - tiramisu.  

Everyone was gathered around the table finishing their dessert, currently swapping stories about times each of them had been caught lying to their parents in high school. Even Leia had divulged a story about how she had snuck out in the middle of the night by climbing down the trellis outside her window, only for it to break when she was climbing back up to sneak back inside. She fell from nearly the very top and ended up with a broken leg; her parents promptly grounded her for a whole year the next day.

“Ben tries to act like Han and I were so restrictive but in reality he had it easy.” Everyone was smiling and laughing and having the time of their lives. You glanced next to you at Kylo every so often to make sure he was having a good time. He was on his 4th glass of wine and appeared as though he didn’t have a care in the world. 

“What about you?” John asked, turning his attention to you. “Do you have any funny high school stories?” Everyone was staring intently at you now, adding to the stress of having been put on the spot. 

“Uhhh, I don’t really have any. I didn’t go to high school. I got my GED when I was 19.” You replied slowly, struggling to choke out every syllable. “Kind of hard to attend high school when you’re hidden underground for 5 years I guess.” You added with a forced, nervous chuckle. You looked down at the napkin folded neatly in your lap. You suddenly felt very out of place. Anxiety flooded your veins and made your stomach churn, almost audibly. “Excuse me, I need to use the restroom.” 

Nobody said a word as you raised to your feet and quickly exited the room, making b-line for the bathroom off of the kitchen. You hurried inside and promptly closed the door behind you, securing the lock as you did. You leaned your door against the back and tried to even your breathing with deep, deliberate breaths. Nausea was beginning to overwhelm your senses as you stumbled forward and leaned over the toilet, expelling the contents of your stomach inside. 

You continued to heave for a few seconds until you had completely emptied it. You were leaning with your head on the seat, eyes closed thinking about how fucked up you were. You felt incredibly out of place and wondered what Kylo even saw in you. His mother was a fucking senator for god’s sake. How could she stand to see him with someone like you?

You didn’t realize until that exact moment that tears were dripping silently from your eyes, the warm liquid sliding down your cheeks. You leaned down and used the fabric of your sundress to wipe them away. You stood up and walked over to the sink, turned on the water, and splashed some of the cool liquid onto your face. As you were patting your cheeks dry you heard a quiet knock on the door. 

“Sweetheart, can I come in?” It was Leia. Her voice was soft and loving. You walked over to the door and unlocked it, mustering a forced smile as you swung it open. 

“Sorry, I guess I’m not feeling well.” You muttered as she entered the restroom and closed the door behind her. 

“I’m sorry if we made you uncomfortable, that was absolutely not the intention of the conversation.” She said as you began to shake your head.

“No, no. It’s not that at all. It’s me.” You exhaled a huge breath you had been absentmindedly holding in before you continued. “I’m...going to have to learn to work through my issues eventually.” 

“I’d love to give you the names of some good therapists in the area. I really think talking to someone could help you work towards processing things.” She leaned forward and grabbed your hand in hers tightly. “You deserve happiness, too, my dear. Not to mention how happy you make my son and seemingly everyone around you.” You were holding back tears at this point. You slowly shook your head in agreement.

“I’d love to get the names of those doctors. Thank you, Leia.” She leaned forward and pulled you into another hug, gripping you tightly in her arms.

“And please trust me when I say that you are always welcome here, and into our family. I will always welcome you with open arms and without judgement. I do not care about your past, sweet girl. All you can do is find the strength to move forward. And for that, Ben and I will be here for you. We are your family now.” You gripped her tightly as you took in her meaningful words, tears falling freely once again. 

“Thank you.” Was all you could muster out without completely losing your composure. You weren’t ready to ugly cry in front of your mother in-law yet.

“Now come, lets get back to dessert.” She replied as she looped her arm around yours, leading you back out and into the dining area. 

 

* * *

 

The following day, Daisy and you decided to go on a small hike through the woods that encompassed the Organa-Solo property. John and Kylo stayed behind to get some training time in the gym together. You soon discovered that John also trained at an MMA gym and used to spar often with Kylo in the past. Leia was busy in the kitchen making Christmas cookies even though it was the end of September. 

A downed tree lie in the distance, and given the fact that you were so tired, you asked Daisy if she wouldn’t mind sitting down with you for a little bit.  

“I’m sorry, I don’t know why but I’ve been so exhausted lately.” You apologized as you sat down next to her on the hard surface. You reached into your backpack and pulled out your water bottle. The bottle rattled as you unscrewed the lid, tipping the wide mouth up and gulping the crisp liquid greedily down.  

“It’s perfectly fine, darling. I was ready for a break, too.” She looked around in awe at your surroundings. “I always forget how gorgeous it is up here until we come back to visit. It really is breathtaking.” You hummed as you took another swig of water.

“It’s like a paradise.” You replied earnestly as you set your pack onto the ground in front of you.

“How have you been lately? Are you settling in nicely?” Daisy asked as she turned to face you, swinging her leg around to straddle the tree trunk. 

“Yeah, things have been good. I feel like Kylo and I grow closer every day. Somehow he’s managed to put up with all of these mood swings I’ve been having lately.” You smiled at daisy and she reciprocated.

“I know I must sound like a broken record but he really is smitten with you. John made that comment about the jewelry because Kylo kind of has a reputation for avoiding gift giving. At least with Joan. She was incredibly picky. He didn’t even pick out her engagement ring. She did.”  

“Oh...I didn’t know that.” You replied with confusion in your voice. Your stomach suddenly soured as you immediately bent over to heave the water you had just consumed onto the ground in front of you. Daisy leaped up to come to your aid, holding back your hair as you convulsed and heaved. Once you had finished, you used the back of your hand to wipe away your mouth. Daisy was rubbing your back. 

“Are you alright?”

“Yeah, probably just drank too much water too quickly. My stomach has been really weak lately.” You replied as you took in a deep breath. She continued to stroke the skin on your back in an attempt to soothe you.

“Hmmm, that’s odd.” She said with intrigue.

“What is?” 

“Well, you said you’ve been having mood swings lately? And you’re more tired than usual?”

“Yeah, mostly just finding myself becoming really emotional all the time. Not being able to keep myself from crying. I’ve been sleeping a lot more than I normally do.” 

“And you’ve been getting sick often, too?” You nodded. Daisy’s expression suddenly changed as her eyes went wide as she came to a realization. “Call me crazy, but I think you might be pregnant.” 


	26. The Test(s)

“Excuse me?” You almost couldn’t believe your ears. Daisy shrugged at you and you allowed your mind to wander. You began to remember all of the times you had burst into tears for no reason, the times people around you had told you how refreshed and glowing you looked lately. 

And the nausea. You had thought of it as a visceral reaction to all of the horrible events in your recent life but maybe it wasn't. You recalled how off you had been feeling lately but hadn’t been able to pinpoint the reason why.  

And as you continued you think back, you realized that the onset of all of these things had been right around the time Kylo and you had finally become intimate together. Your palms were suddenly very clammy as you began to shake your head back and forth. 

“No...it can’t be, not yet...I have a fucking birth control implant. What the fuck?” you whispered. 

Daisy, sensing your impending freak out attempted to save you from yourself. “Hey, Hey now. It’ll be okay. You don’t know anything for sure right?” You nodded at her. “Then there’s no reason to worry just yet.” You continued to nod at her as you stared off into the distance. 

Your mind was going a million miles a minute. This was all happening too fast. You weren’t ready for this, not when your main focus had to be on Hux and how to eliminate him as a threat in your life so you could finally be free. You shuddered at the thought of facing him while you were growing a life inside of you, a fact that he would almost certainly exploit and use against you if he ever found out. 

“It’s not safe yet, this can’t be happening. How am I supposed to protect my baby?” You turned your head and looked at her. Her expression was rife with concern and apprehension. 

“I don’t know, but we can figure that out later. We should go into town, to get a test. Just to be sure.” 

“Yeah, let’s do that. Like, right now.” You said as you both stood. “Thanks, Daisy. So much.” She grabbed your hand and held it tightly in yours as you both began to walk back down the trail to the house. 

When you reached the property, Daisy quickly rushed inside to retrieve her purse and the car keys. She told Leia that the two of you were popping into town for a bit to get some toiletries and asked her if she needed anything. 

When Daisy returned, she handed you a long sleeved sweater which you happily put on. This area was small and close-knit, but you couldn’t be too careful. You couldn’t risk someone recognizing you from your brand again.

The drive to the pharmacy was silent, but not inside your head. Daisy was going well over the speed limit but it wasn’t fast enough for you. Your stomach continued to churn as you ran through every possible scenario in your head. You needed to call Blake to get an update on their progress, hoping desperately that she would tell you that they were ready to strike. You were ready for this chapter of your life to come to a conclusion so you could begin the next. 

The only thing that kept you from going completely insane was imagining the look on Kylo’s face when you told him. You imagined him jumping up and down for joy at hearing he was going to be a father, him lifting you up into his arms and joyfully embracing you. You knew no matter the outcome of the test that you’d have the full support of the people around you. 

When you arrived at the pharmacy, you and Daisy parted ways as she searched for the pregnancy tests. Still in a haze, you wandered aimlessly and stopped near the section with all of the magazines. Your mind was still preoccupied but went blank when your eyes rested on the cover of the latest issue of People Magazine. 

“ _Kylo_ _Ren’s_ _Secret_ _and_ _Tumultuous_ _Love_ _Affair”_

You grabbed the periodical as fast as you possibly could and began to thumb through the pages erratically, attempting to locate the article that was referenced on the cover. You finally located it on page 27. 

The full page spread featured several photos of you and Kylo form the masquerade, most of them images you had already seen in the newspaper previously. Your eyes lingered on them as you allowed yourself to remember how magical that night had been. As you worked your way down the page you saw other photos, like one of Kylo leaving Harry Winston with a small bag. The day he had bought your engagement ring many weeks ago the paparazzi must have seen him leaving and snapped a few photos of him.  

There was also a shot of him leaving a florist’s shop with a giant vase full of flowers, the same arrangement he had given you after the incident with Joan at his apartment.  The last photo on the page was of the police standing outside his apartment right after the incident with the explosion. They noted in the article that Kylo had not returned to filming yet. The tag line of the article haunted you. 

“So, who is she? What is it that is preoccupying Ren? Everyone is dying to know.” You shivered because that was literally the case. You had blood on your hands because of people dying to find you. You had been insulated enough from the reality of Kylo’s public life but after seeing this you grew more and more unsettled at the fact that you’d probably never be able to have a private life. If Hux was out of the picture did you really even care? You decided not really, as long as you had Kylo you knew you could deal with any other facet of his public life and career. With him by your side, nothing else mattered.

You slowly set the magazine back down on the rack and closed your eyes, taking in a deep breath before exhaling it slowly. You wandered some more to find Daisy holding two different tests in her hands, looking back and forth at them. 

“I have no idea what I’m doing. These two are the most expensive, I think we should get them both.” You nodded in agreement as you both walked up to the cashier at the front of the store. She set them down on the counter and the cashier looked excitedly at Daisy.

“Ms. Ridley, it’s such an honor.” The cashier was a young girl, probably no more than 18 years of age. Her bright red hair was pulled back into a messy ponytail. She was absolutely beaming, nearly showing every tooth in her mouth with the size of the smile plastered across her face. “I’m such a huge fan.” Daisy smiled at her and reached out to shake her hand.

“Thank you, dear. I really appreciate it.” She said cheerfully. Wow, she was really good at this. You were grateful that the young woman was so star-struck that she didn’t even give you a second glance. You tried to maintain your cool as the cashier continued to speak.

“Congratulations on your engagement, I couldn’t be happier. When I heard that you and he were going to be married I was ecstatic. I’ve been a huge fan of yours, ever since your first indie film years ago.” 

“That means a lot to me, darling. I appreciate your support.” The girl couldn’t contain her excitement as she nodded back at her. The cashier then directed her attention down to the items resting on the counter below. Her eyes went wide when she realized what they were. She stared at them for a moment and then back up at Daisy who smiled back at her. 

“Oh, uhhh.” She scanned the two tests and placed them carefully inside a brown paper bag and handed it to Daisy. “Your total comes to $41.87.” She replied cautiously, a nervous smile now adorning her face. Fuck.

Daisy handed her a $50 bill and bid her farewell, quickly ushering you out of the store and back into the car. 

“I’m so sorry Daisy. God damn it. I should have been the one to buy those. There’s going to be pregnancy rumors circulating before we even make it back to the house.” You buckled your seatbelt and rested your head in your hands, elbows propped up on your knees.

“Oh please, no apologies necessary. I’m used to it. People will say and think what they want, besides, I’d rather the focus be on me than them piecing together who these tests are actually for.” She smiled over at you, trying to reassure you that everything would be okay. “Besides, it’s going to be hilarious to see John’s reaction if hears that I was seen buying pregnancy tests without him. God, the look on his face, I can’t wait.” She chuckled to herself as she shifted the car into reverse and made her way out of the pharmacy parking lot. 

Thirty minutes later you were currently seated on the toilet, trying to pee on the stick without getting it all over yourself. Daisy was on the other side of the bathroom, leaning against the counter reading the detailed instructions that accompanied the test. 

You finished and replaced the cap, moving to set it over on the counter. You grabbed the other test and made your way back to the toilet. You finished and set that test next to the other one. Daisy looked up from the paper and at you. 

“You okay?” 

“Yeah.” 

“Okay, so now all we have to do is wait. Here, give me all the trash. I’ll hide it in my bag so one will see it.” She grabbed the empty boxes and lose wrappers and folded them up, stashing them in her back pocket. 

“How long is it supposed to take?” You asked anxiously. 

“I think only a few minutes.” You walked over to her and wrapped your arms around her waist, pulling her into a deep hug.  

“Thank you, Daisy. You have no idea how much all of this means to me.” She squeezed you tightly as she hummed in response.

“That’s what friends are for, dear.” She replied lovingly. “No matter what the results are, just know that everything will be okay. You will always have the full support of the people around you. And you’re safe here, trust me.” You released her and looked into her eyes.

“I sure hope you’re right.” You said solemnly. “Please don’t tell anyone about this. I already know what the test is going to say. I can feel it in my bones. I want to wait for the right time to tell Kylo.” She nodded at you and reached up to grab your face, resting a hand on either of your cheeks. She moved her face up to plant a big kiss in the middle of your forehead. 

“You’re going to be an incredible mum.” She said quietly, making your heart swell with emotion. 

“Thank you for saying that.” You replied sweetly as your eyes began to well with tears. She stroked your cheek lightly with her thumb and then lowered her hands.

“Hey, I think they’re ready.” She said, turning her attention back to the two tests sitting next to you. You walked over and glanced down at them, your heart immediately flooded with immense joy mixed with crippling anxiety.  

There were two dark pink lines. Fuck.


	27. My Light

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is 80% smut and I ain’t even mad about it.

You spent the next week trying to find the right time to spill the beans to Kylo. You were incredibly anxious but you weren’t entirely sure why. You knew he’d be ecstatic and over the moon but you just couldn’t bring yourself to tell him. Daisy helped you sneak out to see a local physician to get a real pregnancy test which, obviously, came back positive. 

The doctor told you that your IUD had most likely come dislodged at some point. Even with testing they couldn’t find it anywhere. She assured you that your baby was healthy and safe, estimating that you were only about 8 weeks along, which gave you plenty of time to tell Kylo. They did an ultrasound too but, much to your disappointment, you couldn’t really see anything.  

It was nearing the end of John and Daisy’s stay and you were sad to see them go, especially given how much closer you had grown to Daisy over the last week. You had been spending plenty of time with Leia too, which had been incredible, but with Daisy gone there was no one else around who knew your secret.  

On their final day, you were all seated down for a final meal. Kylo had prepared an extensive brunch spread, and second guessed you when you refused a strawberry mimosa. He dropped the subject when you told him you felt dehydrated and just wanted to stick with water. You decided you’d wait until the two of them were gone to tell Kylo and his mother about the pregnancy. 

John and Daisy departed, leaving Leia, Kylo, and you alone in the home. Leia spent a lot of her free time outside in her garden or doing landscaping, which was apparently a hobby she had enjoyed for many years to keep herself calm and occupied. The next day, you found yourself seated in the library reading Tolstoy in the dim light. You were anxious because you had finally scheduled an appointment with a therapist for the following day. You were nervously twisting a stand of your hand around your finger when your phone rang. It was Blake on the other end.

“Hey there, how are you?” She asked you cheerfully. “Is everything going okay?” 

“Yeah, we’re doing well. Just waiting to hear back from you. Any progress on the case?”

“I can’t really say a lot but I think we finally have all of the warrants we need. We’re working it out with local authorities in Oklahoma but we should be ready to move forward in a few weeks or so. This is the highest profile case of our careers so of course we want to make sure we have all of our ducks in a row.” You liked how close you and she had become, and how she allowed herself to speak candidly around you. It made you feel like she respected you and your experiences enough to tell you the truth and you appreciated it immensely.

“I’m really happy to hear that, and I completely understand.” You replied reassuringly. “Just do me a favor and let me know before it happens.” 

“Of course, I’ll always keep you informed. You sure you’re okay out there?” She asked apprehensively. “You know, I’m only one phone call away if you ever need anything. When we bring this sick fuck down we’re going to need you to testify. I need you to be ready for that. Without your testimony I don’t think we can convict.” You took in a deep breath and exhaled before responding.

“I’ll be ready, don’t worry.” Your words contained more determination and certainty than you actually felt. You didn’t want to let her down. You were ready for this to be over.

“Okay, good. Call me anytime. I’ll talk to you soon.” And with that she disconnected the call. You sighed as you lowered your phone to your lap. You were still using the prepaid phone you got in Montana. It was archaic, didn’t even have a colored screen, but you loved its simplicity. You held it in your palm, feeling the heaviness of it as you looked down at the buttons, lost in thought. 

Would you be ready when the time came to testify? Could you face him again? 

You had hoped initially that the next time you saw Hux it would be right before you murdered him with your bare hands, but the idea of him rotting behind bars for the rest of his life had an appeal, too. You consistently thought about the look in his eyes when they dragged him out of the compound in handcuffs. It was the only thing that brought you of piece of mind.  

You were just ready for it to be over. You didn’t want the new life growing inside of you to experience your feelings of revenge and violence. All you craved now was peace. Hux would face his judgment someday, and it didn’t have to be by your hands. The American criminal justice system could take care of him.

Just then you lost your train of thought when Kylo entered the library, closing and locking the door behind him. He walked over to the sofa you were seated on and sat down, handing you a small hand-made bouquet of flowers he had collected from his mother’s garden. Your cheeks immediately flushed at the gesture as you studied the wildflowers. He had used a small piece of ribbon to secure them. It was lilac in color and as soft as velvet. How was he always so thoughtful? 

Smiling, you turned your head to greet him, planting a soft deliberate kiss on his lips. He slipped an arm around you and pulled you in closely. 

“I want to elope.” You said suddenly. Kylo’s breath hitched. 

“Really?”

“Yeah. I really don’t want a big wedding. I just want it to be me and you. And your mom too. That’s all I need.” You explained, pausing to give him time to respond. “If you want the whole pomp and circumstance I understand, but it’s just not what I want.” Kylo was silent for a moment but the he finally replied. 

“Okay. We’ll elope.” 

“Really? You agree? Just like that?” You asked, slightly confused. 

“Yeah, just like that.” He leaned over to you and rested his head on your shoulder, moving his arm up and down against your back. He smelled heavenly, radiating scents of the trees and fresh air from outside. “I don’t care how it happens. All I care about is making you my wife.” 

You hummed in response as you murmured. “Thank you, Kylo.”

He squeezed you tighter against him moved his head from your shoulder to your neck, planting a wet kiss against the exposed skin there. You shivered in response as he peppered another kiss, this time lower and near your collarbone.

“When do you want to do it?” He asked in between kisses.

“As soon as possible.” 

“Okay.” He planted one final kiss, sucking some of your tender flesh into his mouth, eliciting a small quiet moan from you as he removed himself. You contemplated telling him about the baby but stopped yourself. You couldn’t stop thinking about how his ex wife had told him she was pregnant and forced him into marrying her. That obviously wasn’t the case with you two but you decided right then and there that you would tell him after you were married. That way, he could be sure he wanted to marry you without the pressure of a child involved. It felt like the right thing to do.

“I actually need to talk to you about something.” He said, this time apprehension lacing his words. You stiffened and sat up straight, turning to look into his eyes. His brow was crinkled and you could tell he had something serious on his mind. “I just talked to my agency. They worked out a deal with Martin. They were able to compress the rest of my scenes into a two week shooting schedule. If I can leave tomorrow I can be back before the end of the month.” He spoke quickly and nervously, trying to get all of the information out before you responded. 

“And I told them I wasn’t sure but I’d have to let them know later tonight. Because I wanted to talk to you about it first. I’d only go if you were 100% comfortable with it. You’d be safe here with my mother, safer than if you came with me and hid in a hotel room the entire time. At least here you’d have more freedom to do what you want here. And I’d really only be gone for two weeks, not a second longer.” 

His eyes were glistening as he pleaded with you. “I don’t want you to feel pressured to say yes, but I’d have to leave in the morning. It’s just, I like to keep my word and I’d love to finish this project and be done with it. I’d love to make good on my word to Marty. But if you’re not comfortable with me being gone then they’ll just have to figure something else out.” He finished and exhaled loudly, looking deep into your eyes, anticipating your response.

“Of course that’d be okay. You should absolutely go.” You said without hesitation. “I’ve disrupted your life enough as it is. You take care of whatever you need to. I’ll be here waiting for you to get back.” As nervous as you were to be alone without him for the first time in months, you knew it needed to be done. You were safe here with Leia. You knew it’d be fine. “Can we elope when you get back?” 

Relief spread across Kylo’s face as he nodded his head and leaned over to take your face into his hands, pulling your lips flush against his. He gripped the back of your neck tightly, pulling you in deeper to his kiss. His tongue darted inside your mouth as you opened it further, attempting to take in more of him. His tongue grazed against yours as he moaned sweetly into your mouth.

Your hands found their way up to his chest, and you played with the exposed skin that peeked out of the top unbuttoned part of his shirt. Every moment with him somehow felt like you were in a romance novel. He pulled you up into his lap and you straddled his thighs with your own, settling your bare pussy underneath your dress against him. His body was taut and radiated heat as he pulled you on top of him hungrily.

He reached around to lower the thin straps of your dress down your arms, causing your breasts to spill out of their confines and hang heavily on your chest. Goosebumps spread across your skin, causing you to shiver at his touch. You arched your back, nearly shoving your chest into Kylo’s face, as his hands found their way to the small of your back. Leaning his head in, he captured one of your hardened nipples into his mouth and sucked on it gently, delicately squeezing the peak between his teeth. You instinctively ground down into his lap and felt his hardon begging for release from his pants.

He removed his mouth and with lust in his eyes, he spoke to you in a deep voice. “Can I draw you?” You opened your eyes and looked down at him. “Please.” You nodded shyly at him. “I haven’t drawn in years, I haven’t felt the creativity. But I’ve been itching to sketch you for a while now.” He leaned forward and captured your other nipple into his warm, wet mouth, eliciting another lewd moan. You threw your head back to relish in the sensation of him broadly licking his tongue across the sensitive spot.

“I’ve never modeled before, you’re going to have to show me what to do.” You replied breathily, feeling your slit already dripping in anticipation. Kylo released your back and helped you off of his lap, guiding you over to the chaise lounge in the corner near where all of the easels and art supplies were.

“Take your clothes off.” Your cheeks reddened immediately at hearing his words. Kylo walked over to a stool and sat down in front on an easel, securing a piece of large paper on top of it. He looked over at you standing cautiously in front of him. His gaze always had a way of burning straight through to your soul.

Silently, you pulled your dress the rest of the way down your body, fully exposing yourself to him. He noticed right away that you hadn’t been wearing any panties, a realization that made his cock stiffen even further in between his legs. 

“Wow...” Was all he could mutter as you tossed your clothing onto the floor beside you. You walked backwards to sit down on the chaise, the cool leather slightly startling you as you rested against it. “Make yourself comfortable. You can lay down if you want.” He said, shifting in his seat in an attempt to relieve some of the tension in his pants.

Carefully, you moved your legs to the side and laid down on the lounge. You moved around a bit until you found a comfortable position, ending with your head propped up on the arm of the chaise and your legs bent slightly showcasing a small peak of your perfect hairy pussy. 

You draped one arm above your head and the other lay down at your side, with fingers slightly gripping the edge of the lounge. You looked like a goddess, glowing beautifully in the pale lamp light of the library. Kylo inhaled and exhaled deeply. 

“How’s this?” You asked, shifting slightly in position. A surge of electricity moved through your veins as you thought about how you must look, naked and exposed in front of him. Laid out like a beautiful fruit, ripe for the picking. Exhilarated, your heart was racing. 

“Prefect.” He hummed, momentarily turning his attention to the charcoal next to him in search of the perfect piece with which to begin. He grabbed a piece and looked back up at you, glancing between your form and the paper in front of him. Slowly, he began to make small lines on the paper, allowing himself time to take in every minute detail of your glowing body spread before him. You pretended not to notice when he would momentarily reach down to adjust his member in his jeans. 

After several minutes of this, you had become more comfortable with being drawn and felt yourself becoming a bit more brazen. 

“I think it’d make me more comfortable if you were naked too.” You said suddenly, the words causing Kylo’s stomach to drop. Heat rushed into his cheeks as he nearly dropped the piece of charcoal in his hands. He looked over into your eyes to see a small smirk on your lips. He smiled coyly back at you, standing to his feet. 

With one swift motion he pulled his button-down over his head and tossed it onto the table next to him. Next, he unbuckled his belt and slowly lowered his jeans and boxer briefs to the ground, bending over to remove them from his feet. 

When he stood your eyes gravitated towards the giant, dripping cock in between his legs. It was at full attention and the tip glistened in the pale light. You loved seeing the effect you had on him. Just the sight of him so incredibly turned on caused your knees to shake momentarily. You felt yourself growing more wet with each passing second. The anticipation and suspense only added fuel to the fire. 

Kylo sat back down onto the stool and resumed sketching you, still ensuring to take the time to memorize every single detail of your body with his eyes before looking back at the page to transcribe it. He drew the smooth curve of your hips, the shadows under your exposed breasts that rested beautifully before him. 

He took extra time capturing the essence of your delicious center, making sure to scribble every pubic hair with exquisite detail. Occasionally his eye line would meet yours and your heart would skip a beat, his hungry gaze nearly knocking the wind out of you.

The sexual tension in the room could be cut with a knife, and as he neared the end of his sketching he couldn’t help it when his free hand snaked between his legs to rub itself up and down his length a few times. He couldn’t help himself, you just looked so deliciously wanton and heavenly to him. He made eye contact with you as he continued to stroke his cock slowly, accidentally letting a low moan escape his lips at finally experiencing friction. 

“You drive me wild.” He said, eyes nearly closed and overcome with attraction. “Whenever I see you naked I feel like a mad man.” He stood from his spot and released his dick which bounced freely and resumed its previous position of sticking straight out from him. He grabbed the paper off of the easel and walked over to you, turning it around for you to see. 

When your eyes took in the sight on the paper you were nearly shocked at what you saw. Every deliberate line, blended together to capture the very essence of your being. Somehow he had captured you perfectly in just a few short minutes, he even drew the stray hairs that fell around your head. He had perfectly captured the light in your eyes. It was breathtaking. 

“My god, you’re so talented.” You replied in awe. “This is incredible, Kylo. It’s beautiful.”  

“You’re beautiful.” He replied quietly as he took the paper and set it down on the table behind him. He walked back over to you and stood in front of you, still spread out for him on the lounge. Just as he was about to lower himself to you, you swung your legs over the side and seated yourself in front of him, gripping each of his hips in your hands. He stood in front of you, his cock now pointing perfectly in line with your face. You reached one hand and wrapped it delicately around his hardnened length, gripping it tightly in your hand as you looked up at him. 

He looked down at you through hooded eyes, his shaggy hair falling gracefully around his face. His eyes were full of desire and fire, and he closed them tightly when you leaned forward and took his cock into your warm, wanting mouth. 

You slowly slid your mouth down the length of him, sucking as much of it as possible. Once you had as much of him inside of you as you could, you stilled yourself and looked up into his eyes. He shuddered and moved his hands to hold your shoulders, trying hard to resist the urge to grab the back of your head and face-fuck you into another dimension.

You had one hand at the base of his dick as the other hand snaked around to grip the meat of his ass tightly. You kneaded his flesh in your hand, making a mental note of how deliciously hardened his muscles there were.

Kylo’s hips bucked accidentally, forcing even more of his length through your mouth and into your throat. 

You choked at the reflex of him bottoming out, but when he tried to pull himself out to see if you were okay, you didn’t allow it. Instead, you exhaled deeply and somehow managed to get the remainder of him inside of you. You moaned at feeling so incredibly full of cock, and Kylo whispered your name. You felt a bead of precum drip from him and slide down your throat. He was nearly coming undone already. 

Finally, you slid your mouth back and removed him from your throat, but not from your mouth completely. You moved a hand to cup and massage his balls as you began to move your head slowly up and down on his length. Kylo moaned deeply as you began to set your pace, sucking him harshly in your mouth, creating a delicious suction in your throat as he plunged into you.  

Every few strokes or so you would shove your face down as far as you could, each time getting closer and closer to taking him completely into you. His hands quickly moved from your shoulders and tangled into your hair, helping to guide you up and down his pulsating cock.

His dick twitched as his hips bucked into your face, causing you to choke and shudder again around him. He was fucking your face with reckless abandon now, grunting loudly with each thrust. He stilled himself when he felt himself come to the precipice of his orgasm, holding your head tightly to keep you from moving. Feeling mischievous, you attempted to suck him deeper into your mouth but he held you tightly and didn’t allow it. Slowly, he removed himself from your mouth with an audible pop, a stream of saliva stretched from your mouth to the tip of his cock.

“Naughty girl.” He said breathlessly, attempting to regain his composure. He held out a hand and you grabbed it, allowing him to pull you to your feet. He pressed himself against you, sucking your bottom lip into his mouth greedily as his hands began to roam your naked form. He grabbed your ass and hoisted you into the air, all the while his lips never left yours. 

He continued to make out with you, sucking and licking every inch of your mouth that he could. He turned around and sat down on the lounge, situating you onto his lap. Just as he had lifted your ass up to position himself at your entrance, you stopped him, lifting yourself to your feet. You turned yourself around and lowered yourself onto his lap, reached in between your legs to guide his rock hard cock into your soaking wet folds. He sank into you slowly, filling up every nook and cranny with his deliciously stiff member. You stilled yourself on him as you adjusted to his massive size that was currently stretching you wide open. You placed your feet firmly onto the ground in front of you on either side of his own. 

Slowly, you began to raise and lower yourself on him, grinding your ass up and down. Kylo reached forward and gripped your hips tightly, marveling in the sight of his cock plunging in and out of the sweet space below your bouncing ass. You leaned forward further to give him an even better view of his cock entering and exiting your hole. He reached around and pulled you tightly against him, grabbing your breasts into his hands as he pressed your back against his now glistening chest and abs. 

He moved his hands to hold the bottoms of your thighs as he started to piston in and out of you, holding you right above his dick. You moaned out in ecstasy as he increased his pace, how slamming himself roughly and harshly into your wanting slit. He released your thighs and lowered you back onto his lap, reaching one hand back up to cup your tits as the other moved in between your legs to find your wet, swollen clit. You continued to grind on him as he slowly rubbed at you, delicately stroking circles around your pulsating bud. 

“Cum for me baby, please.” He said through tight lips. He was coming undone and you could hear the desperation in his voice. “Cum all over daddy’s cock.” Your pussy clenched at his demand as you began to grind on him more furiously, bouncing yourself up and down with increased urgency. 

Your body began to spasm as you leaned back against his chest, closing your eyes and allowing yourself to succumb to the pleasure that was overwhelming your senses. Kylo leaned down and sucked the tender flesh of your neck into his mouth once more, biting it in between his teeth as he continued to rub your clit furiously between this fingers. His other hand suddenly pinched your nipple, hard, and all of a sudden you began to buck your hips wildly. 

You screamed out his name as you came all over his cock, your pussy walls clenching and spasming around his cock as it pumped in and out of your wet center.

He continued to ram in and out of you, his fingers never stilling as he continued to rub your sensitive nub with fervor.  

Through gritted teeth he hissed as he too found his climax. His hips bucked wildly as you continued to move up and down on his length. He rammed himself into you over and over again as he spasmed inside of you, emptying himself completely. He bottomed out and held you still against his chest as he allowed himself to twitch and squirt inside of you. Slowly, he pulled himself out and inside again, riding out the final waves of the strongest orgasm of his life. He reached under your hips again, this time raising you completely off of him. His dick slid out of you and fell back between his legs as he lowered you back onto his lap. His breathing was heavy as you rested against his chest again, his hands stilled at your hips. 

Suddenly, he guided you back up to your feet and stood behind you, moving in front and guiding you back down to sit on the lounge. 

“I need to see you cum again. I won’t be able to see this pussy for two weeks. I need more.” He said hungrily as he moved your hips so they were seated on the edge of the chaise. He leaned down to his knees in front of your ruined cunt and spread your legs wide, moving them to rest on either of his shoulders.

He moved his face in to your center and you shuddered as he ran his tongue broadly against the outside of your slit. He parted your lips with the tip of his nose and began to hungrily lap at the mess that was spilling out of you. You started to buck your hips wildly into his face as he licked at your walls, gathering every drop of your shared juices that he could. He moved his tongue to rest on your hardened, sensitive nub and began to lick circles around it deliciously slow.

“Fuck, Kylo. You make me so wet.” You said, exasperated and abashedly. “You eat my pussy so good, daddy.” He moaned in contentment as he continued his assault on your center, expertly sucking and licking between your clit and your gushing hole beneath. 

He stuck his tongue deep inside of you and brushed your tender nub with the tip of his nose. Your hips bucked one last time as you reached down to grab his hair in your hands. You ground your wet center on his face as you felt your second orgasm shoot through you, seemingly traveling from your feet all of the way up to your chest. Your body convulsed and exploded as you moaned loudly, grinding your hips into his face, covering him in your sweet cum. He continued to lap and eat you until it was almost painful. Sensitivity overcame you as you pulled on his hair to still him from assaulting your tender center any further. 

Carefully, he lowered your legs from his shoulders and planted your feet back onto the ground. He crawled up to join you on the seat, laying down and pulling your form tight against him. He lay behind you, your ass nestled perfectly into his groin as he slowly started to rub the exposed, sticky skin on your side. He danced light fingertips across you for several minutes until you couldn’t keep your eyes open anymore, wrapping one arm around your side to rest underneath your breasts, he pulled you in tightly against him while burying his face in your hair.

Just as you were dozing off you heard him whispering to you.

“You are my light.” 


	28. Progress

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi there! This one’s a little bit of a filler chapter to move the plot along. I want to take a little time to focus on reader and Leia’s relationship. 
> 
> Don’t worry, I have some nice dirty things coming for you in the next chapter. 
> 
> Also, a new surprise character is introduced in this one. I think you’ll all be happy to see her.
> 
> I made a tumblr recently, it’s @dreamingofadam. Come say hi or request something. Love u guys.

You didn’t remember how but you woke up in the spare room, figuring Kylo must have carried you from the library. He woke you at 4 AM to say goodbye, he had an early flight to catch. 

“Good luck in therapy today, baby. I’ll call you later tonight. They sent a car to take me to the airport so I’ll leave mine here for you to use. I hope you have a nice time with Leia.” He was leaning over the side of the bed, resting his upper body next to yours as he brushed the stray hairs away from your eyes. He leaned forward and kissed each of your eyelids gently. 

“Mom.” You replied in a groggy haze.

“What?” 

“Mom. You should call her mom. Pretty soon she’ll be my mom too and that’s what I’m gonna call her.” You sat up in and propped yourself up on your elbows, opening your mouth wide with a loud obnoxious yawn. Kylo snickered at you. 

“Right, right. Well, I hope you have a nice time with mom.” He leaned forward again to kiss you sweetly on the lips, hovering in front of your face to savor the sensation. “I have something for you.” He said, reaching down and into his pocket. “I was going to wait and give it to you but I’m too impatient. I want you to have it now.” 

He pulled out a small red velvet bag with a drawstring. Slowly, he released the string and dumped the contents of it into his palm. It was a stunning rose-gold necklace, featuring two links connected in the middle. Each of the links were covered in diamonds which dazzled and shimmered even in the dimly lit room around you. 

You gasped as he held it up in front of you. It was flawless and perfect.

“Kylo, you really didn’t have to do that...” You could tell that it had been an expensive gift.

“I picked it out for you. I want you to wear it when I’m gone and every time you look down at it, I want you to think of me.” Your heart swelled. 

If any other man on the planet would have said that to you, you would have rolled your eyes. But the sincerity with which Kylo always spoke to you melted your cold calloused heart every time. You would never get over just how much he cared for you and wanted to make you happy. Even though he knew you didn’t need lavish gifts to make you happy, he showered you with them nonetheless.

He took the clasp in his hands and reached down to place the chain around your neck. You sat up, holding your hair off your neck with your hands to give him access. When he closed the clasp you let your hair fall down and back onto your shoulders, looking down at the sparkly pendant that hung around your neck.

“It’s perfect.” You said quietly, reaching up to grab it in between your fingers. The metal felt cool and smooth as your rubbed at it. “Thank you so much...” You raised your eyes back up to see that he was already staring at you intently. “You’d never lie to me, right?” 

Blindsided, Kylo’s eyes widened. “Of course not.” He reassured you, reaching out to gently stroke your bicep. “Is this about the yearbook?” You slowly nodded your head. 

“Every part of my brain tells me that I shouldn't trust you, or anyone for that matter.” You laid your head back on the pillow and stared up at the ceiling. “I’m sorry...”

“You don’t have anything to apologize for. Your skepticism is understandable. But please, believe me when I say that I don’t know him now and am not involved with any of this. It kills me, what they’ve done to you...what he did to you.” Kylo’s hand absentmindedly gripped the comforter into his fist. “I’d never do anything to hurt you or cause you pain. You are everything to me.” His voice became quiet as he gazed down longingly into your glossy eyes. Tears welled and grab to spill over when you closed your eyes and stared into the darkness for a moment. 

“I know that, Kylo. I just...I love you. Thank you for always being so patient with me.” He leaned his head over and rested his forehead against yours.

“I’m going to miss you like crazy.” He whispered to you, so quietly that you almost missed it. 

“Give me your phone.” You suddenly demanded, starkly confusing Kylo. He reached into his pocket without hesitation and handed it to you. You opened the camera app and with the other hand you moved he blanket down to reveal your nude body underneath. 

You then snapped several pictures of yourself, including a few photos of you smiling seductively and a few of your nimble body. The cold morning air caused your nipples to perk up which you decided looked great on camera. Kylo watched in emerging amusement as you flooded his phone with a flurry of memorable pictures, quietly sighing to himself as he marveled at your effortless and captivating beauty. You were the most beautiful thing he had ever laid his eyes upon, you didn’t even have to try. 

You snapped one last photo, a picture of just your exposed stomach, of your baby that Kylo didn’t know about. A seemingly unassuming picture. It would merely appear as a random snapshot of the tender lower part of your belly. You wanted to reveal his fatherhood so badly but you just couldn’t bring yourself to do it, not yet. 

Satisfied with the collection of photos you had amassed, you handed his phone back over to him with a cheesy grin on your face.

“There you go.” You said with a sense of accomplishment. “That should tide you over.” Kylo couldn’t contain his laughter as he leaned forward to plant one last kiss on your smiling lips, chuckling as he did so. 

“God, you’re too much sometimes.” He noticed your goosebumps and reached down to pull the comforter back over your body. “Goodbye weirdo.” He said softly as he pulled away from you and rose to his feet. You smiled up at him brightly.

“You love it.”

“That’s very true.”

“Goodbye my love. My sun and stars. My baby koala bear. My gooey cinnamon roll. Have a safe trip.” You replied sweetly, spitting out the most absurd nicknames you could think come up with. 

“You’re obscene.” Kylo breathed and grinned at you stupidly, blew you a kiss, then exited the room. 

You directed your attention once more to the ceiling and listened to him as he moved down the hall and down the stairs. Your heart already ached at his absence and he hadn’t even left the house yet. You sighed deeply, rolling over onto your side. Slowly, you drifted back to sleep and darkness overtook you.

 

* * *

 

Several hours later you awoke to rays of sun beaming into your room. You peeled your eyes open to take in the immense amount of natural light that was filling the room. 

You got up and readied yourself for the day, taking your time in the shower and with getting ready. You pulled on a loose, light blue cotton sundress and pulled on a pair of white high top converse sneakers. You grabbed your old worn jean jacket just in case it got chilly. You hadn’t packed all of your clothes from Kylo’s apartment but you made sure to grab all of your favorite pieces.

Your hair was still damp and you threw it up into a messy bun on top of your head. You stared at yourself in the mirror, admiring the way the necklace looked nestled between the slightly swollen curve of your breasts. You never wanted to take it off. You reached up to hold it in your hand as your mind went back to Kylo. The gaping void left by his absence was only growing and growing and he hadn't even been gone for more than a day yet. How were you ever going to survive?

You placed your right palm against your belly and thought about the life that was growing in there. A perfect meld of Kylo’s and your DNA. You were making a human being, creating something so magnificent out of nothing. The idea of if terrified you. 

You continued to stare at yourself and take note of the other subtle changes to your body, like the increasing thickness of your thighs or the barely noticeable ruddy glow forever present in your puffy cheeks. You walked up to the mirror to put on a thin layer of sparkly, clear lipgloss.

Satisfied with your look, you exited the spare room and made you way downstairs to the living area to find Leia. You found her sitting quietly at the kitchen counter, engrossed and typing away at her laptop. You walked up behind her and rested your arm across her shoulders. 

“Oh, good morning my dear!” She exclaimed, startled as she turned in her seat to pull you into a loving hug. “I made coffee, please help yourself.” She removed her arms from you. “So, what’s on the agenda for today?” She asked you, pulling out the stool to the right for you to sit down beside her.

“Well, I have a therapy appointment in about an hour or so. And then I’ll be back here to do absolutely nothing, unless you have somE better ideas.” You replied as you seated yourself comfortably next to her. Her eyebrows raised slightly at you mentioning your counseling appointment.

“You made an appointment? Oh that’s such wonderful news. Which doctor did you end up going with?” She asked you excitedly. 

“Dr. Phasma.” 

“Oh, she’s great. I’ve heard a lot of good things about her.” She furrowed her brow and collected her thoughts. “She’s with the First Order Clinic, right? Just inside town?” You nodded. “My friend Karen’s son went to see her for a while last year, he had a gambling problem. I hear that she’s very thorough and wise even though she’s fairly young.”  

“She sounded nice on the phone.” You added. Leia nodded in approval, her eyes softening. 

“I’m so proud of you for going, kiddo. I know it can seem daunting but with as much as you’ve been through, it’ll be nice to be able to have the opportunity to process some things.” She reached out and placed her right hand gently on your knee. “Here, have some breakfast before you head out.” She said gesturing to the plate of blueberry muffins sitting in front of you on the counter. “I made them fresh this morning. Ben told me that blueberry was your favorite flavor.” She smiled at as she spoke, her caring demeanor enveloping you with warmth. Being around her made you miss your own mom even more.

You grabbed one off the plate and raised it to your mouth, taking in a large bite as you began to chew it slowly. You weren’t exaggerating when you decided that it was the best blueberry muffin you had ever tasted. The large, tart berries mixed with the fluffiness of the muffin, harmonizing perfectly with the soft and subtle flavor of something you couldn’t quite put your finger on.

“Mmmmm.” You hummed as you swallowed the bite. “The flavors are so good. What is that?” You asked, curious. 

“That’s the  fresh vanilla bean my dear. My secret ingredient. It gives them a little something extra, I feel.” You nodded in approval as you took another bite, this time large and greedy. You chewed hungrily and smiled at Leia. 

“This is so amazing, like mind-blowing.” Leia chuckled at you. “Thank you for thinking of me.” You reached your free hand over and rubbed her arm, smiling at her once again.

“Of course.” She returned your smile with a dazzling one of her own. “So, about your appointment. Are you good to go or do you want me to come with you? I can stay in the waiting room of course, for moral support if you need me.” Wow. She’d really do that for you?

As much as you appreciated the offer you knew you’d be okay on your own. “No thank you, that’s okay. I’ll be fine.” She reached over and grabbed your hands in hers, turning her body all of the way around in the stool to face you completely. 

“Please, call me if you need anything at all. I’ll have dinner ready for us when you return. I’m going to get some work done now so we can spend some time together when you get back, if that’s okay?” You nodded excitedly at her words. 

Of course that’d be okay. It was all you wanted. To feel connected to someone, especially when that someone was a person who’d be a part of your life indefinitely. You longed for strengthening your connection to her. Besides Kylo, she was the only stable person you had in your life now.

“I would absolutely love that, Leia.” You said as you squeezed her hands in yours. “I’ll see you later.” You slowly stood to your feet and released her hands, making your way over to your purse that sat in the armchair next to the door that led into the garage. Just as you were about to exit, you turned to say one more thing to her. “Thank you again for everything. I really appreciate everything you’ve done for us, for me.” You said graciously. “I’m so grateful.” She looked you in the eyes and hers sparkled back at you.

“No need to thank me, honey. That’s what family is for.” Your heart swelled as she smiled to you and waved you off. Family. A real family. Finally.

 

* * *

 

You walked up to the door of a very small unassuming house. The front porch was painted blue and there were several flower pots scattered around. A set of delicate windchimes quietly rustled in the soft cool breeze. You raised your hand and knocked gently on the door.  

A few seconds later a very tall, striking woman opened the door wide. She stood nearly a foot taller than you and had a short, bleached blonde blunt haircut. Her hair was pushed back and she was wearing see-through acetate frames on her face.  

She was strikingly young, you figured there was no way she was a day over 30. Her expression was warm and inviting. You immediately felt relaxed in her presence. As soon as she saw you she greeted you by name. 

“Please, come in.” She moved out of the way and gestured for you to enter the house. You walked inside and looked around at the minimalistic yet eclectic style that surrounded you. The floors were covered in reclaimed hardwood and were covered in bright, Turkish rugs. The textiles were some of the most beautiful you had ever seen despite the fact that you’d actually been to Turkey at least three different times in the past. The rugs that lined her floors were indescribable. 

She led you into a room that was right off of the main entryway. You entered and noticed a large dark brown leather sofa on one side of the room. Instinctively, you made your way over to it and gently sat down and removed your jean jacket. You set it next to you and rested your hands nervously in your lap.

“It’s nice to meet you Dr. Phasma. Thanks for getting me in on such short notice.” She nodded at you as she made her way to the large, plush armchair diagonal from where you were currently sitting. 

“Please, call me Phas.” She gave you a small, reserved smile as she spoke. 

“Okay.” You smiled at her and relaxed slightly. 

“So, before we get started, I’d just like to give a little introduction.” She began, mustering a more serious look in her face. She leaned back in her seat. “Of course, anything we talk about here is completely confidential. I’m not sure if this is your first time talking to a therapist but the way that I practice is...a little less than traditional.” You perked up at her confession.

“Oh really? How so?” You asked as you leaned over and rested your chin in your palm, listening to her intently. 

“Well, lets just say that I’ve lost quite a few patients who weren’t really into my style of counseling. I tend to be a little blunt and tell people what they don’t care to hear. But trust me, it is always for the greater good. 

“Sometimes, we as people need to hear the truth, even if it hurts and it’s not something we want to accept. I find that with my patients, a lot of what helps with growth is learning acceptance. I don’t like to sugarcoat anything.” You were silent for a moment, considering her warning. You were willing to give it a try, you could handle the truth. 

“That all sounds good to me.” You finally replied as you shifted in your seat. 

“Okay then, let’s begin.” She uncrossed her legs and leaned forward towards you. “Why are you so unhappy?” She narrowed her eyes at you and you tried to hide your surprise.

“What do you mean?” You said defensively. “How would you know if I’m not happy?”

“I can tell by the way you’re carrying yourself and your posture. From the second you arrived. Something is bothering you. Let’s talk about it.” 

“Well, how much time do you have?” You laughed nervously as you clenched your hands together in your lap once again, diverting your gaze to the window. She nodded and hummed.

“As much time as you need.” She replied sincerely, her eyes large and full of understanding. 

“I’m not sure where to start but the main thing that’s plaguing my mind lately is finding out that my fiancé used to go to high school with my ex-fiancé who is actually a cult leader and is trying to kill me.” You turned your eyes to meet her gaze. Her eyes were wide and stared intensely at you. She cleared her throat and rose to her feet. 

“Excuse me for a moment, I’m going to call my next appointment to reschedule. We’re going to be here for a while.” 

 

* * *

 

Author’s note:

The [necklace](https://www.cartier.com/en-us/collections/jewelry/categories/necklaces/love/b7224528-love-necklace.html).

 


	29. Little Flower

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing this chapter meant a lot to me. Just doing my part to normalize and end the stigma about mental health/therapy. If you’re suffering from these kinds of issues please know that you are not alone and that you are loved.

“Do you feel safe where you’re staying right now?” Phasma was leaning forward, on the edge of her seat as you finished spilling your guts out to her. You shook your head up and down at her.

“I really do.” 

“Okay, good then.” She shifted in her seat and steered the conversation in a different direction. “Do you feel that your safety is important to you?”

“The most important.” You answered her quickly and without hesitation.

“Are you sure about that?” She replied calmly.

“What exactly are you getting at?” You huffed at her, unable to hide your growing annoyance. You were mentally exhausted. You had already been there for almost two hours. 

“Well, you say protecting yourself is what you cherish the most, yet without hesitation you left to go live with a complete stranger. You immediately gave up your plans of safety to be with Ben.” You had given her Kylo’s birth name. “Why do you think that is?” 

“I...don’t know.” You began slowly, considering her words. “Look, I know that I probably seem childish and immature...”

“If you think that I’m judging your choices in any way then you’re gravely mistaken. I’m simply asking you to think about why it might have been so easy for you to change the course of your future, and also to think about why you might be getting defensive about it right now.” Ouch. Yeah. She had a  valid point.

The truth of the matter was that you didn’t know why it had been so easy. Every self-preservation instinct had been overridden with one pleading look in Kylo’s eyes. That’s all it took. You left with him and never looked back. Why were you really so defensive about it?

“I just...I don’t know, okay?” You finally spoke, your tone exasperated. “I can’t explain it with words, why I went with him, trusted him. And as for me being defensive about it...maybe it’s because I still feel so insecure. Even though it was a decision that I made willingly, my fear and anxiety still creep back into the forefront of my mind causing me to do crazy shit like pull a gun on Ben when I find a yearbook picture of him and the man who’s trying to kill me.”

Phasma’s eyes went wide as she spoke. “I’m going to pretend like I didn’t hear the last part.” She swallowed hard.

“I just, I haven’t felt certainty in my life since before my parents died. And with Ben I finally felt...sure of something again. When he reached a hand out to help me I gladly took it because no one had done that for me with good intentions since I was a kid. I wanted to believe that he meant well because I needed that so badly. I needed to believe that not all people were selfish and greedy by design.” You sighed loudly.

“I understand. And thus far, do you feel like Ben has held up to that standard?” She asked evenly, leaning back in her chair to cross her legs again.

“That and then some. He’s by far exceeded my expectations time and time again. He’s kind, gentle, he takes care of me. He only wants to see me happy.” You lost your train of thought as you turned to look out the window, thinking about all of the generosity he had shown you over the past few months. 

“Then what’s the problem?” Phasma’s voice was calm and warm. 

“The problem is that there’s still a man out there who wants to see me dead, and because that’s always looming over my head I don’t feel like I can be present in my life or completely let go.” Wow. So that was it. The words spilled out of you like a dam breaking.

“Is that why you haven’t told Ben that you’re pregnant yet? Because if you tell him then it becomes real and therefor something else that could possibly be taken from you?” Your cheeks became flushed as her words struck a nerve with you. “I know you said earlier that you didn’t want to tell him until after the wedding, because of how things went with his ex-wife, but I think that’s bullshit.” You gasped at her. “I think the circumstances between you and him are completely different, I think you know that he’ll be over the moon when he finds out and that you haven’t told him yet because you’re deeply afraid that it could all be ripped away from you in an instant.” 

Instantaneously, tears began to spring from your eyes. You bent over in your seat and began to sob into your hands, your emotions running wild and nearly consuming you. Tears flowed freely from your eyes and down your face as you began to wretch and sob even louder.

She was absolutely right. You knew that Kylo had proposed to you because he wanted to spend the rest of his life with you, that he had only proposed to his ex because she tricked him into thinking she was pregnant. You knew that things were different. But somehow your brain tricked you into believing that it was the same situation. 

“Yes.” You replied slowly as you took a tissue from the box Phasma was offering you. “You’re right. I’m afraid of losing it all.”

“I know it’s difficult to acknowledge our fears, but shedding light on them and being aware of them takes away the power they can hold over you.” She placed the box of tissues down on the couch next to you. “If you can train your brain to recognize those thoughts and feelings when they begin, you can make it so you don’t dwell on them, or live in them, for too long. You have the power to have autonomy over your emotions. You have the power to live a happy, productive life. Right now. Not later, not after Hux is dead someday, but right now.”  

Her words caused you to begin sobbing again, as if another dam was breaking. She was completely right about everything, you knew what needed to be done now. You knew that in order for you to experience happiness in life that you had to move forward without fear or hesitation. That whatever was going to happen would happen, and that you’d just have to roll with the punches as they came. Coming to these realizations left you feeling as though a gigantic weight had been lifted off your shoulders. 

Phasma moved from her chair and sat next to you on the sofa, offering you yet another tissue from the box. You gladly accepted it and used it to wipe away the snot that was sneaking out of your nostrils. 

“You’re right.” You sniffled at her. “Thank you.” She rubbed a hand gently across the top part of your back, comforting you. 

“I hope you can take what you learned here today and use it. Pregnancy is a beautiful thing, and I can tell you want to enjoy it. So, go enjoy it. Go enjoy life.” You raised your chin to look over into her eyes which were large, glossy, and full of emotion.  

* * *

You arrived home some time later, but not before stopping at the corner store to purchase a huge bouquet of flowers for Leia.  You entered the house and set your purse back down by the door. Leia had obviously been cooking again because the smells emanating from the kitchen were consuming you. Your stomach growled loudly.

Flowers in hand, you walked around the house in search of her. You found her in the library, fast asleep on one of the sofas with a book folded over in her lap. 

She looked so peaceful and serene and you didn’t want to disturb her. You slowly backed your way out of the room but just as you turned the doorknob she stirred from her slumber, noticing you about to leave.

“Oh, hello dear. You don’t have to leave, I’m awake. Please, come over and sit with me.” She sat up and gestured for you to join her on the couch. Walking over slowly, you held up the bouquet and gave it to her as you sat down.

“These are absolutely breathtaking. Did you get them at Greene’s?” She asked as you nodded. “I could tell, they have the most beautiful hydrangeas in the area.” She held them up to her face and took in a deep breath, taking in the fragrant aroma in front of her. “Thank you so much, but you didn’t have to get me anything.” You shook your head at her. Taking in a deep, deliberate breath, you exhaled and finally spoke.

“I want to tell you something..no, need to tell you something. It’s something even Kylo doesn’t know yet, but I couldn’t keep it from you any longer...” You were digging deep in search of finding the nerve to continue your sentence when Leia spoke instead.

“You’re pregnant.” She said as she smiled at you, reaching out a hand to rest it on your arm. Your eyes went wide.

“Wait, how did you know?” You asked her imploringly.

“Kiddo, when you’ve been around as long as I have to tend to be able to pick up on these things. I can see the subtle changes in you, and not to mention the fact that out of nowhere you began to refuse any and all forms of alcohol.” A small smile started to emerge from your face as she continued to speak. “Honey, I’m so happy you felt comfortable enough to talk to me about it. I’m so ecstatic for you!” She exclaimed as she leaned forward and pulled you into a warm embrace. She wrapped her arms around you tightly as you closed your eyes and relished in the waves of love and joy that were radiating from her.

“Thank you Leia. I’m sorry I didn’t say anything sooner I just...wasn’t ready yet. Kylo doesn’t even know yet.” 

“I can’t believe you told me before Ben. He’s going to be so happy when he finds out that he won’t have a chance to be pissy about it.” She laughed heartily. “Do you need me to take you to a doctor?” 

“No, Daisy took me when she was here. They said I’m about 12 weeks along now at this point.” She nodded her head at you in approval.

“What made you change your mind, about telling me and telling Ben?” She asked imploringly, gently taking your hand in hers. 

“Therapy.” You chuckled at her. “It helped, a lot. I’m going to try and see her again next week. She really opened my eyes to a lot of things. Mainly about how I keep myself from being happy. But not anymore. I’m ready to embrace the future instead of hiding from it.” You spoke clearly and with conviction. 

Leia’s eyes swelled with pride as you spoke to her, moisture accumulating in the corners of her eyes. Slowly tears began to run down her cheeks. You removed your hand from her and reached up to rub her shoulder. You could tell they were happy tears. 

“I’m just, over the moon for you right now. I love you, dear. Please know that you’ll always be a part of this family, now and forever, no matter what happens.” She sniffled. “I can’t believe I’m finally going to be a grandmother!” She suddenly squealed, causing you to break into laughter.

“And a great one at that.” You smiled brightly at her. 

“When are you going to tell Ben?”

“Well, I was hoping you could help me with that...” You began slowly.

* * *

Kylo looked down at his phone to see that you still hadn’t called him back yet. He had returned to his hotel room a couple of hours ago and called you at least 4 times. He needed to hear your voice badly, you hadn’t been apart for more than 24 hours and he felt like he was suffocating. Worried, he was trying hard to not panic but his mind was running wild. He went to his contact list and dialed his mother’s number. It rang a few times before Leia answered.

“Hello?”

“Hey mom, it’s me.” Her heart swelled with joy at hearing him refer to her as mom again. He spoke your name.

“Hey kiddo, is everything okay?”

“Yeah, I’m just a little worried. Is she around? Can I talk to her?”

“Oh dear, I’m sorry but I’m not sure where she’s gone to right now. I think she might be in her room for the night, it is getting late. I can definitely have her call you in the morning.” Leia spoke calmly.

“No, mom, please. Can you go check on her? I need to make sure she’s okay.” His words were now filled with panic as he spoke.

“It’s okay honey, I don’t want to wake her. I promise I’ll have her call you first thing in the morning.” Just as Leia had finished speaking Kylo heard a loud knock on the front door to his hotel room. 

“One second, there’s someone at the door.” Kylo walked over to the door and looked out the peephole, but all he saw was darkness. “Hey, I’m gonna have to call you back.” He said as he ended the call and placed the phone back into his pocket.

Apprehensively, he unlatched the deadbolt and removed the chain. He slowly swung the door open to reveal you standing quietly on the other side. A huge smile broke out across his face the moment he realized it was you.

He lunged forward and scooped you up into his arms, squeezing you tightly against his chest and carrying you inside. He closed the heavy door behind you and walked you over to the king sized bed, setting you gently on top of the dark comforter. He laid down beside you and pulled you back into his arms and pressed his plump pink lips against yours. His hands snaked up to tangle in your messy hair.

“What are you doing here?” He said excitedly. “I’m thrilled that you came, don’t get me wrong, but you didn’t have to.” You swallowed hard and took in a deep breath. You looked into his eyes and admired the way the warm glow of light in his room made them shimmer, with specks of amber and gold. He looked like an angel. You exhaled deeply and took his face tenderly in your hands, stroking his cheeks with the soft pads of your thumbs. You spoke without hesitation.

“Kylo, I’m pregnant.”

“What?” He said in utter disbelief, his expression immediately wrought with confusion. Your anxiety was now at level 1000.

“I’m pregnant, Kylo...we’re going to have a baby.” You said slowly, fearful for his reaction. He took in your words with huge eyes that began to roam all over your face, his brain certainly ensuring that this wasn’t some kind of cruel joke. Pure elation began to spread over his face as he reached up to also hold your face in his hands too.

“Really?” He asked with hesitation. You nodded and smiled a big, toothy grin at him. He reciprocated your expression and pure joy began to flow throughout his body. Kylo was now grinning stupidly as he pulled your face into his, planting several kisses along your mouth and all over your face. 

“I can’t believe this...” He said in between kisses. “My little baby is carrying my baby.” He moved your body to lay your back against the bed as he moved his hands down to touch and rub at your stomach. You pulled your dress up to give him better access as he begin to rub his calloused hands across the delicate skin there. His eyes lingered on the lacy white underwear that barely covered the sweet spot in between your delicious thighs. 

The rush of emotions overtook him as he couldn’t hold back any longer. His eyes suddenly began to full with tears and he began to sob in front of you, smiling in disbelief the entire time. He looked down at you into your eyes and it felt like the wind had been knocked out of you. No one on earth had ever looked at you with such respect, love, and admiration as Kylo was emanating right now. His gaze bore into your core as his eyes never left yours. Your knees went weak and you felt the tingle of arousal in between your legs.

“I’m so happy.” He spoke quietly, his voice trailing off at the end.

You watched his expression slowly morph into a more serious one as his eyes focused on your lips. He moved himself on the bed so he was now laying on top of you, his hard, hot body pressed firmly against your own. He moved his face to lay his lips against yours again, at first tenderly but then with increasing urgency. He sucked your bottom lip into his mouth, hard, causing your body to buck up into his. You heard a deep, guttural moan escape his throat when your body rubbed against his.

His eyes were growing dark and wide and his need to consume you and your body was slowly beginning to overtake him. He was trying hard to maintain his composure and control but he felt like an animal, he needed you in every way and he needed you right now.

He reached down and began to run his hands all over your body as he continued to kiss you passionately, greedily sucking and nipping at your tongue and lips. Your hands came to rest of his chest and neck, pulling him deeper into the kisses he was aggressively giving you.

He sat up momentarily to pull your dress the rest of the way up and off your body, revealing your bare chest to him underneath. He grabbed each of your swollen tits into his hands and massaged them wildly, grabbing and squishing the flesh in between his fingers.

You arched your back and pushed yourself up to meet his movements. He leaned down to capture one of your nipples into his mouth and bit it harshly in between his teeth. You gasped and moaned loudly when he sucked it into his mouth and gave it a broad tongue lick across. He pulled your body up to situate himself between your thighs, you felt the straining length of his erection inside his pants as he pressed against you.

“Please....Kylo.” You whimpered. Every inch of your skin was blazing hot and covered in moisture. You needed to feel him inside of you, filling you up, consuming you.

“Use your words, my little flower.” He quickly slid down your underwear and pulled them off your legs, grabbing your bare ass and sliding you down so that your center was near his crotch again. He stared down at you, spread open and glistening before him. You moaned again as you spoke.

“Please daddy...put your cock in my pussy. I need it...” Blood rushed to his cheeks at hearing you speak so vulgarly. He leaned over and kissed you sweetly on the lips.

“My baby sounds so good when she asks so sweetly.” Without warning he moved a hand down and slid his fingers against your wet folds, moving two fingers to immediately buried them inside your wet hole. Your juices coated his hand as he reached it back up and held the fingers to your mouth. You graciously accepted the digits and sucked at your essence, hungrily lapping at the sweet nectar that covered them.

“Good girl.” He praised you, causing your hips to buck up into him involuntarily once again. He sat up on his knees and hastily unbuckled his black jeans, pulling them down on his thighs just enough for his massive cock to spring free. You looked down at his bobbing up and down above your cunt, already able to feel the heat radiating from it. Using one hand, he pressed himself down and ran the tip of his cock against your slit, coating himself in the slick that was basically now oozing out of you. When he rubbed himself around your hardened clit your hips moved again, almost causing his length to slip inside of you.

“Not so fast, little one. You don’t get anything until I say so.” He said, his words teasing but his tone anything but. His eyes were growing darker by the second as they continued to roam your trembling body beneath him. You whined at him, the anticipation of feeling him finally sliding inside of you was causing you to become unhinged.

Kylo released his cock and reached up to pull his shirt off and over his head. His tight, muscular body never ceased to make you immediately weak in the knees on sight. You hungrily took in his chest and stomach, his thick strong arms that reached down to hold your hips still beneath him. You were practically panting at this point.

“Please, please fuck me. I need you so badly..” You cooed sweetly at him as he moved one hand to grip the base of his cock. Your hands reached up to hold each of your breasts, pinching and rubbing at your tender pink nipples.

“Do you want to feel what you do to me?” You nodded your head up and down coyly and bit your lower lip as you felt him begin to rub his length up and down your slit again. You sucked in a deep breath as he unexpectedly pressed his entire length inside of you to the hilt, stilling himself as he leaned down to whisper into your ear. “So hard for you. I’m not going to be able to last long.”

“Use me...” You mewled at him, feeling your words cause him to twitch slightly inside of you. He sucked your ear lobe into his mouth and bit it roughly between his teeth, causing you to buck up into his hips wildly. He began to slide in and out of your wet center, painfully slow at first. He moved his length in and out, relishing in the feeling of your tight walls wrapped snuggly around him. Your cheeks were flushed and you were growing impatient.

You wrapped your thighs around him tightly and pushed yourself off the bed, moving so that you were now the one in control, seated on top of him, his entire length still completely sheathed inside of you.

He smiled devilishly at you and moved his hands to rest at your hips as you began to ride him. You moved yourself up and down, allowing his stiff cock to slide in and out of you. He looked down to watch it slide out only to disappear again immediately after. Your juices were flowing and covered him entirely. The view of you above him, using his cock to get yourself off was the hottest thing he had ever seen.

You moaned loudly as you steadily approached your peak, grinding your hips down into his deliciously over and over again. You leaned back and grabbed at your tits again, squeezing the tender flesh, once again putting on a show for your lover. He too was quickly approaching his release as he began to lift his hips off the bed to meet your every thrust.

He reached his hands down and held your ass to give himself more leverage as he began to increase the speed at which he plunged in an out of you. Each movement would fill you to the brim with cock, the tip of it rubbing gently against your g-spot each time. You were bucking yourself wildly now, with reckless abandon.

“Unngghh Kylo I’m gonna cum on your cock...” You looked down and into his eyes as you moved one of your hands from your breast and snaked it down between your legs to rub hungrily at your swollen clit. Kylo’s pupils were blown with lust as he watched you bring yourself to orgasm while using his cock.

You continued to rub circles on your nub as he plunged in and out of your sweet, wet hole. Your climax shot through your body like white hot lightning, causing you to scream a loud, throaty moan out and into the room. You bucked wildly as Kylo held you up and continued to move himself in and out of you. He felt your pussy spasm and clench at his dick, causing him to feel a wonderful familiar tightening in his balls. 

He moaned your name like an animal and without warning he suddenly felt himself explode inside of you, your ministrations sending him over the edge into the abyss. His entire body shuddered along with yours as he emptied himself inside of you, reaching his hands back up to rest on your hips as he moved himself in and out of you.

Your orgasm seemed to last an eternity as you rode him, relishing in the feeling of him filing you to the brim with his hot seed. Kylo’s toes curled as he felt the spasming in your pussy begin to subside. His body twitched a few last times as you stilled yourself on top of him, leaning down to rest your tired body on top of his. Both of you were sweaty and heaving loudly in silence. Kylo reached up and began to drag his fingertips across the exposed skin on your back, causing you to moan into his neck. Quietly, you spoke. 

“That feels so good.” You hummed at him.

“You feel so good.” He breathed at you, his words causing your cheeks to flush once again. He kept himself buried inside of you, softening, as he continued to dance his fingers lightly against your back. Several seconds of silence passed before he spoke again. “You’re going to be an amazing mother. I love you, little flower.”

His words made your heart swell with pride and your eyes began to swell with tears. You were finally beginning to believe it yourself. You could do this. You would be the best mom the world has ever seen.


	30. Photo Album

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y’all. I had to split this chapter into two because it was getting too long. Expect some juicy stuff in the next one. 
> 
> This chapter I wanted to use as an opportunity to have reader and Leia connect a little. It’s pretty mushy but I wanted to lean into their relationship because I think reader needs the connection. 
> 
> Thanks for reading :-)

The alarm clock next to the bed read 3:25 AM. Neither you nor Kylo had slept yet. Instead, you had spent the better part of the evening talking about the future and ordering room service. You were both naked, lounging in bed against the tall, tufted headboard. Kylo had turned off the lights and drawn open all of the curtains in the suite exposing the city lights that surrounded you. A pillar candle burned brightly from the bedside table. Seattle was beautiful.

“What about names?” He asked casually as he lowered a red maraschino cherry down into your open mouth. You chewed it slowly as he studied your movements intently. You took a bite of your bowl of mint chocolate chip ice cream and thought about your response for a few seconds. You shrugged your shoulders.

“I dunno.” He smiled at your honesty.

“Good. Me neither.” He reached down and grabbed the cold spoon from your hand, stealing a giant bite of your ice cream. When a drip of the melting substance fell and landed on his chest you happily obliged by leaning forward and slowly licking it off, leaving his skin wet and hot beneath your tongue. He shuddered slightly as you pulled away from him, a smirk emerging on your face. 

“You’re welcome.” You stated. Kylo raised his eyebrows as he smiled brightly down at you. 

“Yeah, thanks for that. Really.” You poked him with your index finger in the ribs as he bent over and tried to keep himself from laughing. Your cheeks became flushed as a heat wave overtook your body, certainly due to the hormones that were running wild inside of you currently. You moved the comforter away from your body and immediately found yourself covered in goosebumps the second the cool air brushed past your skin.  

Meanwhile, Kylo was watching you attempt to make yourself comfortable. He grabbed the tray of food off the bed and moved it to the bedside table. He scooted closer to you and did not try to hide he fact that his gaze was fixed to your body. 

His eyes leisurely moved from your large rosy breasts down to your belly. He stared at it, eyes roaming the ever-fading scars that decorated it. A constant reminder of how he had almost lost you. About how had met you. He sighed contentedly as his eyes traveled back up to your face. Your head was now leaned back against the headboard, your eyes closed and a small resting smile upon your lips. 

He stared at you for a few minutes, taking in every square inch of your face, attempting to commit it to memory. Your eyes fluttered open to catch Kylo staring at you, his gaze never faltering not even after he had been caught. The look in his eyes was dark and consuming. You slowly closed your eyes again, losing your battle with the encroaching sleep that was threatening to overtake you. 

“Creep.” You broke the deafening silence as a smile crept on your lips, eyes still closed.

“So it would seem.” He lowered himself to lay flat on the bed beside you, resting his head in your lap and wrapping his arm around your midsection. You took this as an invitation to bury your hands in his soft, tousled hair as he breathed deeply below you. “How was therapy?” 

“Really good.” You answered sincerely. “I’m going to see her again next week.” Kylo hummed in response. 

“Next week? So I take it you’re not staying here with me then?” He tried to hide the disappointment in his voice as he spoke, his heart felt strained at the realization that you’d have to be apart again so soon. You moved one of your hands from his hair and began to stroke the stubbly skin on his cheek.

“I’m sorry Kylo, but I should get back. Your mom is all alone. And you’ve got a lot to do here, I’ll just distract you.”

“That’s not true.” He began to speak but you gently interrupted. 

“It’s almost 4 AM, dude. When is call time today?” You looked down into his eyes, waiting for his response. He hesitated before he begrudgingly replied.

“Five.” 

Your eyes went wide.

“God damn it Kylo why didn’t you say anything? You didn’t get any sleep...” You bit the inside of your cheek absentmindedly. 

“So what?” You looked down to see that he was now staring up at you, a huge, mischievous grin on his lips. You sighed and shook your head at him.  

“I’m leaving. You have work to do.” He groaned at you as you attempted to stand from the bed. He gripped your thighs tightly and wouldn’t let you budge from the spot you were currently occupying. He was much stronger than you, and your intense wiggling was to no avail. You continued to fight and move from his grasp but it didn’t work. 

You were too tired to move any longer as you submitted to his grip, shimmying yourself down to lay flat on the bed beside him. He pulled your nude form against his and nestled his face into your neck as he held you from behind. His fingers moved to dance across your side as you suddenly got deja vu, remembering the time you had been in the exact same position with him in that shitty motel in Montana. God, how much things had changed in just a few short months. You almost couldn’t believe it. 

Your eyelids grew heavy as his fingers continued to dance across your skin, the soothing warmth of his touch lulling you into a deep, comfortable sleep.  

You awoke in a daze an hour later to the sound of Kylo exiting the shower. He walked over to you on the bed and lowered his lips and puckered them, resting them against your forehead.

“I have to leave, little one. You can stay here until your flight leaves, I left you a key on the table over there.” He gestured to the entryway. “I’m so glad you came. Time will pass quickly, my flower. We will be together again soon.” You blinked your tired eyes at him and nodded your head. He leaned forward down onto the bed and planted another kiss, this time on your lips. His plush soft lips pressed against yours with fervor, his arms reaching down to wrap you up tightly. You moaned into his imploring kiss as he held you there in front of  him. He pulled his head away to look down into your eyes, his gaze soft and saccharine.

“I told your mom already.” You admitted suddenly, you had forgotten about it until this exact moment. Kylo smiled and began to chuckle at you. 

“That’s good.” 

“I love you so..much it hurts...” You mumbled at him as sleep once again threatened to consume you. Your eyelids, much too heavy now, fluttered closed as he continued to hold you tight against his chest.

* * *

“Leia, I’m home!” You yelled out into the house as you closed the side door behind you. When she didn’t immediately respond you made your way through the living area and into the library. You found her seated comfortably on the floor with boxes and boxes of photos and albums strewn all around. She turned to look at the door as you entered.

“You’re back! I didn’t think you’d be home for a couple of days.” You walked over to her and sat down on the cool hardwood next to her. “How did it go?” Her brow was furrowed.

“Great.” You replied with a big smile. “I came right back so he could get to work.” She hummed at you. “Gotta crack the whip, you know.” She smirked at you. 

“Atta girl. I talked to Ben this morning on his way to work. He was over the moon.” Her face was warm and joyful as she spoke to you. “I was overjoyed that he called me to talk about it. He never calls me. I’m so happy for your two, I could just cry.”

“Please don’t because then I definitely will.” You deadpanned. She laughed at you as she directed your attention down the album resting on the floor in front of her. 

“I was hoping to have more time to get some things together for you. I was putting together an album for you two, full of photos of Ben and our family over the years.” You moved your eyes to look at the page below. 

The photo was of Kylo, he couldn’t have been more than 5 years old. He was seated next to the man you had come to realize was his father. They were sitting on the edge of a dock and Kylo was holding a miniature fishing pole. He looked so...innocent. Pure. Unblemished. Seeing him in such a young and vulnerable state, clearly happy to just be spending time with his father, nearly had you in tears. 

“That was actually near here, at the lake. Han loved taking Ben there, most summers they would spend the whole day there.” You lifted the photo to hold it closer to your face, taking in the minute details of Kylo’s red sweater and the blush in his father’s cheeks. “Never really caught any damn fish though.” She gave a small laugh, her expression was pained though as she recalled the memory.

“I’m sorry he can’t be here for all of this...” Your voice trailed off as you moved your hand absentmindedly to your abdomen. Leia reached over to rest her hand lovingly on your shoulder, squeezing tightly.

“I am too.” Her eyes were now welling with tears. “I know he and Ben had their differences but they really loved each other. Even if neither one of them said it enough.” She choked up and couldn’t continue to speak. You moved to sit closer to her and pulled her into your arms, resting her head on your shoulder. You rubbed her back and held her there, trying to comfort her as much as you could. When she pulled away from you her cheeks were red and wet.

“I know he loves both of you dearly.” You told her as you rested a hand on her knee. Leia reached up and wiped her cheeks with her hands and tried to muster a small smile. 

“If he’s not good at showing emotion or talking about how he feels then that’s entirely our fault.” She took a deep breath and tried to compose herself. “Han and I were always preoccupied with our own lives, our goals. Ben spent so much of his time at boarding school and tutoring and summer camps. We only wanted the best for him. He always had a temper but most boys do. Now, as I get older, I realize my shortcomings as a mother. When I see him struggle to connect emotionally, I see where I have failed him.” You mused on her words. You were shocked to hear that she felt like Kylo had difficulties connecting emotionally when you felt nothing but connected to him from the very beginning. 

“I don’t think you’ve failed him at all.” You began slowly. “He has taken every opportunity to make me feel heard and to make sure that I know how he feels about me.” Her eyes widened as she listened to you. “Maybe he wasn’t able to connect in the past but I really don’t think that’s the case anymore. He’s growing and trying.” She reached out and grabbed your hands in hers.

“If that’s true then I think that all the credit is due to you.” Your heart swelled. “The way he speaks about you, looks at you. I’ve never seen him care about anything as much. Not me, not his father, nor his career.” She choked back another sob, reaching up to hold her hand over her mouth. “Thank you for loving my son.” She couldn’t hold back her tears any longer, she began to sob in front of you. 

You too began to wretch at her words as you ruminated on them and the deepness of their meaning. You reached out to hold her in an embrace again, grateful for her opening up to you in such a vulnerable way. After several moments you pulled away and wiped your face. 

“Okay! That’s it, no more blubbering. We should be celebrating!” She exclaimed happily. “I want to focus only the good things in life. Like my beautiful new daughter and future grandbaby. I couldn’t be happier.” Her tear-soaked eyes shined brightly as she looked at you. You felt joy radiate from her as she rose to her feet and walked over to the sofa. “Come, I want to show you some more photos.” 

Your heart swelled with elation as you stood and walked over to her.


	31. Voyeur

After dinner you made your way back up to your room when you noticed that an unassuming brown cardboard box had appeared on the bed. It was addressed to Mrs. Kylo Ren with the cabin’s address listed underneath. 

When you opened it you found an iPhone box inside with a note that read:

_“Please join us in the 21st century and get rid of that god awful fossil you’ve been using since I met you.”_

Sighing out loud, yet with a smile on your lips, you opened the box and powered the phone on. It’s not like it was hard to figure out how to use, you’d been exposed to smartphones plenty in your adult years but you never ended up getting one for yourself. You didn’t hate technology but tended to stay away from it, instead preferring the feeling of a crisp paperback in your hands as a form of entertainment.

You went to the contacts app to see that Kylo’s number was already programmed into it. You checked the time. 8:45 PM. You contemplated whether he’d be back to his hotel room yet. You selected his name and placed the call, holding the phone up to your ear and listened to the rings. One ring. Two tings. And then three.

Finally, he answered. You could barely tell that it was him, though. The background noise was blaring so much so that you had to pull the phone several inches away from your face. 

“Oh my god, hi.” You could deduce almost immediately that he was completely drunk. He was nearly yelling and his speech was sloppy, slurred. “I’m so glad you called me. Do you like the phone?” You smiled at how goofy he sounded on the other end. You were glad he was taking time to have fun while away at work. You gathered from his demeanor and work ethic that he probably didn’t allow himself very many opportunities to do so when he was working. 

“Yeah, I love it. Thanks...” You answered. He breathed heavily into the phone as the voices around him began to slowly fade and become quieter. 

“Okay, I went outside.” He mumbled. “Sorry about that. We all decided to go out. We’re celebrating! I’m going to be a dad!” He exclaimed cheerfully. He words were full of emotion. “Fucking Christ. They made me do it. I’m so sorry.” He was rambling on and on and you found it entirely too entertaining to interrupt him. “Hey, your pussy is so bomb, momma.” The comment caught you off guard as you burst into laughter. “I just love the way it tastes on my tongue mmmmmm...” You nearly dropped the phone. 

“God, you’re so fucked up right now.” You managed to choke out in between laughs. “This is so funny. How drunk are you?” 

“THEY MADE ME DO IT!” He yelled at you. 

“Oh my god stop screaming.” Your cheeks hurt from smiling at how ridiculous he was behaving. “I wish I was there, I’d pay money to see how unraveled you are right now...” He began to laugh at you. “Remind me to get you really drunk when you come home. I gotta see wasted Kylo for myself.” He hummed in approval. 

“Anything you want, it’s yours. I’m gonna give it to you.” He said in a lowered voice, trying to quiet himself. “God what I’d do to that pretty little body of yours if you were here. I’d tear you in half.” You inhaled sharply and felt a familiar tingle in between your legs. He sighed, exasperated, and continued. “Why did you have to leave me?”  

“Because, absence makes the heart grow fonder dummy.” You replied sweetly.

“You’re incredible. Do you know that? God damn it everything about you is just remarkable. Mind body soul. You give it all to me without hesitating. Every delicious part. I can’t believe how lucky I am.” He then lowered the phone and yelled to someone in the background. 

“I’m the lucky one.” You replied quietly as you closed your eyes. 

“Give me a minute, I’m about to walk back to my hotel. Can I call you when I get there?” He didn’t wait for you to answer and abruptly disconnected.

Fifteen minutes went by during which time you changed into one of Kylo’s oversized T-shirt’s. You were laying under the blankets, reading the fifth chapter of “In Cold Blood” when the phone began to ring. 

“Hey.” Your voice cracked slightly and you cleared your throat. 

“Touch yourself for me.” Kylo breathed heavily into the phone, his dark voice causing your stomach to do a somersault. 

“Excuse me?” You asked, surprised. 

“I need to hear you cum.” Kylo’s voice was breathy and strained, his speech was still a bit slurred. “Please.” He pleaded with you, desperation in his tone. Your heart was racing with excitement.  

“Okay...” You whispered as you reached your hand down and dipped your fingers below the waistband of your underwear. 

“I thought about you all day long...” He began slowly. You could tell from the sounds filtering through the phone that his hand was almost certainly fisting at his cock already. “You make me feel like a teenager. Completely without control.”  

You rested your hand on top of your bare mound and responded coyly. “Really? Tell me how.” 

“My cock gets achingly hard whenever even the smallest thought of you pops into my head.” He admitted with a small moan escaping his lips at the end. “Do you know how embarrassing it is to have to excuse yourself to go to the bathroom five times a day because you have a boner?” You snickered at him. “All because I thought about your thighs. It’s criminal.” 

His words caused a surge of anticipation and pleasure to spread throughout your body. You imagined him on set, stroking his cock in between takes in the bathroom, pleasuring himself at the thought of you. Even the idea of him now, laying naked in his hotel room hundreds of miles away, rubbing himself all for you had your head spinning. 

“I’m so sorry baby, that sounds really tough.” You cooed at him, now slipping two fingers into your folds and resting them atop your hardening clit. “Please forgive me...” 

Kylo interrupted you.

“I hope you don’t take this the wrong way but...I really would love to see someone fuck you within an inch of your life.” Your cheeks burned immediately at his confession. “I’ve never been into the idea of sharing before but for some reason, earlier today I fantasized about sitting in a corner and watching as someone pounded your wet pussy from behind and just the idea of it was almost enough to make me cum.” 

“Fuck Kylo, that’s so god damn dirty.” Your cunt was practically gushing already. “I get it, I’m into it too...the idea of being watched has always been a big turn on for me.” Kylo sighed loudly, your voice was low and sensual. “I’d love to cum on another man’s cock while you watched.” Your brazen words struck a nerve in Kylo, a switch had been flipped as he allowed his carnal urges to overtake him.

“You’re such a dirty little slut aren’t you?” You hummed at him. “You like what you do to me, don’t you? You like the way your mouthwatering pussy makes me so hard?” 

“Mmmm yeah I do, I really need you so badly right now.” You whined at him as you tilted your hips up to give yourself better access to your wet core. You began to run your fingers over your slit and around your sensitive nub. “God you’re so dirty when you’re drunk.”

“I’m dirty only for you, little one.” He exhaled deeply and his voice was shaky. “Christ, my dick is already leaking. If I were there I’d be buried all of the way inside of you. I had you spread open in this bed less than 24 hours ago and it still feels like too long.” You moaned as you began to increase the pace at which you were rubbing circles over your clit, trying to quiet yourself for fear of being heard. “You sound sexy baby.” 

“My pussy is so wet for you, Kylo...” You said as you moved two fingers down to your hole and swiftly shoved them inside. “Mmmmm I’m fucking myself and imagining that it’s your thick throbbing cock.” Kylo grunted at you and then spoke. 

“Call me Ben, please.” He said, his words catching you off guard. Your heart was in your throat as you moved your fingers out to circle your pulsating nub once again. “Fuck yourself while you call me Ben.” 

Without missing a beat you spoke. “I want you to suck on my huge swollen tits, Ben...” A loud uncontrollable moan escaped your lips as your hips jerked up into your hand. 

“Fuck.” Kylo said under his breath, pumping himself faster in his hand. “It sounds amazing when you say it.”

“I love the way your hands feel all over my body.” You reached your other hand up and grabbed your breast roughly, pinching your hardened nipple in between your fingers. Another wave of hot pleasure surged through your veins, causing your eyes to flutter shut momentarily. 

You were coming more and more undone as each word slipped off your tongue. “Oh fuck, Ben, you’re gonna make me cum...” Kylo moaned deeply at your words.  

“Cum for me baby, cum all over my cock.” He groaned at you. “I need to hear it.”

Mewling at his request, your knees began to shake. You continued to rub yourself with fury as you suddenly came violently all over your hand, shoving your fingers back inside your spasming hole. You moaned loudly into the phone as your hips bucked wildly. “Oh Bennn nnnngghhh.” Your body jerked and spasmed as you rode out the waves of pleasure, still moaning and panting into his ear.

“Fuck, baby. Yeah, cum for me.” He demanded as he furiously rubbed his length.  “Shit, eat my fucking cum you slut.” He managed to choke out as he found his own release. The sounds of you screaming his name out as you climaxed sent him right over the edge. Your entire body tingled as you listened to his orgasm.

He pumped his dick in his hand as ropes of thick, white seed spewed out and into his lap. He groaned as he continued to rub himself, easing the last bit of cum out of the tip of his length. He moaned as he emptied himself completely, picturing your ruined body as he did so. His hand stilled, still wrapped around his softening length.

You lay in post-orgasm bliss, your hand still buried halfway inside your cunt. Kylo’s heavy breathing echoed into your ear as you both lay in comfortable silence.  

“You’re a dirty little shit, you know that?” You breathed at him, earning chuckle from Kylo on the other end.  

“Yeah, sorry about that.”  

“Don’t apologize. I love it.” You whispered to him as you finally removed your hand and moved to lay on your side, suddenly aware of how exhausted you were. “Would you rather I call you Ben all the time?” 

“Nah, I like the name I picked. It’s just nice to hear my old one sometimes I guess.” He said, his speech still slurring slightly. You hummed in acknowledgement. He used the sheets to clean himself before he settled underneath the comforter, his eyelids growing heavy. 

“I love you, Ben.” You cooed at him sweetly, causing his heart to swell. He closed his eyes and let your words consume him. 

“I love you, Karla.” He couldn’t contain the laugh that escaped his lips as he spoke. He chuckled heartily, clearly proud of himself. Drunk Kylo was so cute. 

“Fucker, I’m surprised you even remember that.” You said, feigning annoyance as a smile spread across your face. 

“I still remember the EMTs taking your ID out of your wallet. I remember thinking that you didn’t look like anything at all like a Karla...” His voice trailed off as he got lost in the memories of the events that had brought you together. He whispered your real name slowly. The sound of it caused goosebumps to spread all over your body. 

You closed your eyes and listened to the sounds of Kylo breathing begin to slow on the other end of the phone. You lay together like that until you couldn’t keep yourself awake any longer,  allowing a deep sleep to overtake you.


	32. Reunited

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only a few more chapters remain. I just want to say thanks so much for following me on this journey. Thanks as always for your kudos, comments, feedback etc. 
> 
> Love u guys.

Nearly two weeks had passed and finally came the time for Kylo’s return. Only one more day of filming stood between you being reunited with your other half. You would finally feel whole again and the idea of it exhilarated and excited you inexplicably. You thought often of how the two of you had agreed to get married when he returned. Your body was constantly humming in anticipation. 

Meanwhile, you had spent most of your time over these last couple of weeks with Leia, looking through photo albums and family memorabilia, learning how to make Kylo’s favorite foods, and asking her every possible question you could think of about motherhood and pregnancy. 

The bond between the two of you grew delicately, like a thread slowly being tightened around each of you, binding you closer and closer together. Learning all about their family and their history made you feel even more connected. You were desperate to learn as much as you could so that you could some day bestow the knowledge upon the unborn life slowly blossoming inside of you. 

Leia showed you a map of their family tree, spending quite a good deal of time on her parents (Kylo’s grandparents.) You learned that Leia’s mother had died during childbirth and that Leia actually has a twin brother who was currently living in Asia, has a sixth-degree black belt, and spends his time teaching and mastering martial arts.  

Kylo’s obsession with mixed martial arts was beginning to make a little more sense to you, as Leia explained that Kylo had spent a great deal of time in his adolescence training under Luke. They had a falling out when Kylo was a teenager and hadn’t seen each other since, a fact that very much disappointed Leia to no end.  

She explained that now that Han wasn’t around her brother was the only real family Kylo had left and that she wished that they could let bygones be bygones and reconcile their relationship once and for all. You made a mental note to bring it up to him later.

One night Kylo’s mother had summoned you into her bedroom just before bed. When you entered you immediately noticed a giant off-white box placed neatly on top of her blankets. The box itself was old and discolored, clearly having withstood the rest of time and many years of abuse. When you came close to her she removed the lid, exposing a vintage beaded wedding gown inside. She lifted the garment up and held it in her hands, explaining to you that the dress had belonged to her own mother, and that she felt in her heart that it was time to pass it along to you. 

In awe, you picked it up and held it against your frame, walking over to her floor-length mirror to gaze at it in all of its intricate glory. Your eyes were the size of flying saucers as you became _speechless,_ marveling in utter disbelief at its beauty. The beading and appliqué were remarkable, perfection clearly having took someone countless hours to achieve. Leia walked up behind you and placed an equally stunning veil delicately over your head. You gazed at your reflection and felt your stomach flip when you realized just how much you looked like a _bride_. You were going to be _Ben’s bride_. 

“Thank you Leia, it’s just...amazing.” Was all you could muster as your eyes welled with moisture. You didn’t have the heart to tell her that Kylo and you had decided to elope and forgo an actual ceremony.

“She would have loved you, kiddo.” Your heart swelled, somehow filling even more. You finally felt like you belonged somewhere, your past feelings of loneliness and longing to be a part of something faded more and more each day. 

Leia breathed as she stood behind you, gently resting her hands on either of your shoulders. “Don’t worry, depending on when the ceremony takes place we can get it tailored to fit perfectly.” She said, referencing your form.

You felt your body slowly changing every day and you did your best to embrace it. In the mirror before your showers you would catch yourself admiring and studying your ever-evolving form, taking in the widening slope of your hips, the slight swelling of your chest. 

Free time that wasn’t spent with Leia consisted of reading or training alone in the basement. You took full advantage of your new phone and used it to find resources about modified exercises you could do while pregnant. Sweat and tears were shed while spending countless hours pummeling Kylo’s old punching bag in silence. You were focused, determined. Unstoppable. You pushed yourself as hard as you could. Pregnant or not, you wanted to be ready to protect yourself at all times.

You also spent a great deal of time meditating down there. You would clear your mind and focus on your breathing, focus on spreading positive energy throughout your body which would in turn resonate through your womb. Pure and unadulterated love was all you wanted for your unborn child.

Still, lingering in the back of your mind was _him._ Hux _._ Your inevitable reunion _._ But you didn’t let it consume you any longer. You accepted it as a reality and didn’t let it have any hold over you. Your ability to do so was largely due to the help that you were receiving from therapy. When you met him again, you knew you’d be ready.

Phas had worked with you for countless hours. She allowed you to make your own schedule and come and go as you saw fit. Whenever you were ready to talk about something she was there for you. Even when you would call her in the middle of the night when a new fear or trouble would pop into your head, she would always answer promptly to listen to you, followed closely by “Now why do you think that is?” 

You knew it was irrational but you were starting to think of her somewhat as a friend, even though that couldn’t actually be the case. The consistency of her presence brought you an immense amount of comfort and you were incredibly thankful for that. 

Every night Kylo would call you when he made his way back to his hotel room. Yes, sometimes your conversations would consist of him egging you on to yet another mind-blowing explosion of pleasure, your fingers buried deep inside your warm center. But sometimes you would just fall asleep discussing things. 

You would tell him all about your experiences and the things you were learning about him from his mother. You failed to mention Luke though, not wanting to stir up any bad blood while Kylo was away. You would talk about how filming was going, about how eager and ready he was to come back to California to be with you again. It all felt so...easy. It was easy to fall into a routine here because for the first time since you could remember, you were truly happy. Comfortable. You felt at _home_.

On this particular day, you were alone, trying to keep yourself busy and distracted from the excitement bubbling inside of you. You couldn’t wait to be reunited with Kylo again. Leia had left you the previous day to return briefly to DC, joking that a “senator’s work is never done.”

You had spent the day in the kitchen, following Leia’s recipe for her peanut butter chocolate chunk cookies, which she told you were Kylo’s favorite. Three batches were made and you felt a slight sense of accomplishment that you had somehow managed to not burn the entire house down in the process. 

You couldn’t get him out of your head all day. Your mind wandered constantly as you daydreamed about finally feeling his skin against yours again the next day. Your body was hot. Sweltering. You needed him on an instinctual and carnal level. 

It was getting late and you were getting sleepy, waiting for Kylo to call you before bed. You were laying, nude, under the massive down comforter on your bed, wiggling your toes to try to make them warmer. The weather was cooling down considerably and you couldn’t leave the house without a jacket on. Winter was quickly approaching.

You shivered and snuggled yourself deeper under the blanket, feeling your eyelids grow heavier with each passing moment. The feeling of your phone vibrating next to you jolted you awake as you reached over and answered it.

“Hello?” Your voice was deep and rough with disuse. You heard Kylo greet you on the other end.

“Hey baby.” He spoke gently. “I’m sorry it’s so late, did I wake you?” 

“No, I’m just laying in bed.” He hummed in response. “I’m naked.” Kylo’s heart jumped into his throat. He swallowed hard. Your skin flushed and heat rushed through your cheeks.

“Really? Is that so...” There was a mischievous tone to his voice as he answered. You, brazen with courage and unresolved sexual tension, continued to antagonize him. You were trying to get a _rise_ out of him. Your body was starved for his touch. These late night phone trysts just weren’t cutting it anymore.

“Yeah. And I’m all alone, your mom went to Washington.” You moaned softly as your right hand quickly found its way to your exposed center. Hearing his voice alone was enough to stir up the dormant lust that bubbled under your surface at any given moment. Kylo shuddered. 

“I know, she told me.” 

“All alone with no need to contain myself.” You let out another moan, this time much more exaggerated and deliberate as you slipped a single finger between your glistening folds. “No one to hear me touch myself. It’s freeing.”  

Kylo’s heart was racing as he realized what you were doing on the other end of the line. Without provocation. You were leading the dance this time and it excited him immediately. He felt blood rush in between his legs and his vision blurred momentarily. His cheeks reddened involuntarily as he continued to listen to the sweet sounds emanating from the other end of the phone.

“Yes, how liberating for you.” His voice cracked and a smile found its way to your lips. Thirty seconds in and he was already coming unraveled. He reached down to palm at his hardening member. The power you held over him nearly made you dizzy. 

“It excites me.” You slid another finger inside of yourself and began to slowly rub your delicate clit, keeping your pace excruciatingly slow. You gently ground your hips up into your hand. You wanted to take your time. “I’ve been thinking about you all day, Ben.” His breath hitched. A slow whine emanated from deep within your throat as you closed your eyes and recalled your fantasy from earlier that day. 

You had been in living area, sitting and waiting for your cookies to finish baking. Your mind wandered, as it often does when left to your own devices.  Desperate with need, you leaned back on the couch and closed your eyes, imagining him there with you, his need to consume you radiating from his body. Being able to physically feel his desire for you. You needed that.

Your brain conjured up the image of being forcibly stripped out of your clothing, his hands moving furiously to finally rid you of its confines. You imagined him bending you over the side of the couch and shoving his cock swiftly inside of you with little warning. You imagined his rough large hands holding you exactly where he wanted you. 

What you wouldn’t give for that exact thing to happen in this moment. 

Kylo interrupted your train of thought when he spoke. “Really now? Can’t say I’m surprised a dirty little thing like you spent the entire day thinking about dick.” He smirked to himself, enraptured by the power he held on you, even from afar. You wanted _him_. And he wanted to give himself to you. 

You mewled at him. “I know, I just couldn’t behave myself. I ended up spreading myself open and touching myself right then and there on the couch.” Your fingers had now increased their speed as your heart began to beat quickly in your chest. The spectacle you were making as you sensually moaned and breathed heavily into the phone was driving Kylo absolutely mad. “I came all over my fingers thinking about you ruining me.” A low groan escaped Kylo’s lips upon hearing your confession. 

Your skin was completely inflamed at this point, the chill you felt earlier was long gone. Your skin was perspiring secondary to the heat that spread rapidly throughout your veins. You swiftly tossed the comforter off of you and shivered when the cold air kissed your flesh. It was exhilarating. 

Still rubbing yourself with increasing urgency, your eyes were still closed tightly as your brain continued to run wild.  

“You’re close to coming already, my little flower. I can hear it in your voice.” Kylo groaned lowly at you, now nearly speaking at a whisper. His tone was animalistic and drenched in lust. 

You arched your back and mewled in acknowledgment at him, reaching down to shove your digits inside your leaking hole at last. You gasped out into the night as you curled your fingers up to stroke your sweet hidden spot inside. You were completely unhinged at this point, your carnal desire to reach your peak was fueling your motions as your hands continued to tease and stroke at your throbbing flesh. Your legs were quite literally shaking with anticipation as you climbed closer and closer to your peak. 

“Yeah, fuck, I need your cock inside of me, Ben.” You breathed loudly into the phone, your fingers working their way back to your pulsating clit. Your hand was coated in your sweet juices as you rubbed them harder and harder into yourself. 

When you finally pushed yourself over the edge, your entire body began to shudder and spasm as the searing white hot pleasure shot like a cannon throughout your body. You panted and moaned like an animal as you fucked your hand passionately, imagining in that moment that it were Kylo’s dick instead. You continued to rub yourself through wave after wave of intensity, finding yourself moaning “Ben” repeatedly as you climaxed. 

Your hand finally stilled as you lay there, taking deep greedy breaths with your eyes still closed. You suddenly jerked your attention to the door when you heard someone speak.

“Jesus fucking Christ.” Kylo stood there, phone at his side, watching you as you gave yourself a mind-blowing orgasm right in front of him. His pupils were large and blown, not a shred of light visible in his passionate stare. 


	33. Yes Sir, No Sir

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was unplanned but I had a really good romp with my hubby last night and I was feeling inspired. Warning- this chapter is 100% smut and 100% sinfully delicious. Think of it as a Christmas Gift. Haha.

In a matter of seconds both his body and his lips were on planted firmly on top of yours. He wrapped his long arms around you and held your body up close to his, pressing his weight into you and pinning you tightly onto the bed.  

Your legs were wrapped around his waist, clenching him as closely to you as humanly possible. When he moved against you the first thing you noticed was how hard he already was. Watching you pleasure yourself and cry out his name had apparently had quite the impact on him. 

His thick, broad cock radiated warmth through his pants and into your center. You ground your exposed clit against his straining bulge, generously coating the front of his black pants in your juices.  

Fuck. This was hot.  

Your skin being connected again at last had both of your hearts ringing. You hadn’t realized just how different you felt on a _chemical_ level when he was far away from you. Smelling, tasting, feeling him again had you feeling more like yourself than you had since he left. You felt harmony.

He kissed you roughly, expertly, slowly taking your lips and tongue into his mouth. He nibbled on your top lip and slid his tongue slowly inside of your mouth, eliciting a deep moan from within your throat. 

The sound was so primal that it nearly startled Kylo when he heard it. He released your mouth and pulled his face away from yours, allowing himself to briefly take in your disheveled form beneath him. Your hair was frizzed, spread out around your head, your cheeks and lips were flushed a deep pink. Your eyes were bright and full of light and warmth. You looked like a goddess.    

“I...” Kylo began to speak but couldn’t go on. As he looked down at you he saw everything he’d ever worked for in life. He saw every decision, every choice he’d made along the way. Every small event that had to take place for him to end up here with you. The life that was being nurtured inside of you. The gravity of it all was overwhelming him, and before he knew it his eyes welled with moisture. 

His awestruck gaze as he looked down at you made your head spin. His dark messy curls hung around his face, framing the expression of joy and disbelief radiating from his features. It was all too good to be true.  

“Ben, I love you.” You whispered up at him, breath still heaving, your eyes never leaving his. His heart could have shattered at your declaration. You loved him, the real him. The moody, stubborn, downright perverted Ben Solo. Even if he wasn’t a famous actor he knew deep down that you’d still love him. Even if he worked at a fish market and came home covered in blood and guts every day, your love for him would never wane. 

The feelings you possessed for each other were ages old. Your shared love was eternal, and would continue to burn brightly long after your physical forms on this planet ceased to exist. It was forever.

He didn’t have to say anything back to you, his expression said everything he couldn’t say with words. His gaze once again pierced down into your soul, you felt raw and exposed beneath him. He gingerly moved his large eyes along your features, memorizing your face once again, committing the sight of you to memory. He never wanted this moment to end. 

Tears dripped down from his eyes and onto your cheeks as he moved his lips back down close to yours. He pressed them against you, but this time moving much less frantically and more methodically. He wanted to take his time. He wanted to make you scream and beg him for a release. He wanted to _torture_ you. To own you. To watch you come undone with the snap of his fingers, to bring you to the edge and back so many times that your brain would short circuit. He was going to enjoy this. 

A light smirk spread across his lips as his eyes darkened. He bit your bottom lip between his teeth, hard, eliciting a squeal from you and an involuntary bucking of your hips up into his groin. Your bulging clit once again rubbed against his pants and you moaned wildly, finding a brief moment of pleasure in the contact. His hands moved from your body and down to your hips, stilling you beneath him. 

“Not so fast, little one.” He whispered into your ear, his hot breath causing goosebumps to spread like wildfire all over your body. “You’ll take what I give you and not a drop more.” His demanding and serious tone had another rush of heat pooling in your stomach. 

He lifted his head away from your neck to peer into your eyes, his expression twisted and sinister in nature. Your pussy clenched around nothing. You were dripping onto the sheets at this point, purely consumed by the intense heat radiating throughout your veins. 

Kylo moved off of you and stood to his feet and moved towards the door, his back turned to you, his tone was menacing. “Come. Now.” Without hesitation you jumped out of the bed and followed him out of the room.  

He led you down the stairs and into the wide open living area, making his way down to the large leather armchair that sat in the middle of the room. He walked over to it and sat down, now facing you. You walked timidly across the room and stood right in front of him, still naked as the day you were born, still dripping slick down your thighs. 

You pressed your legs together to relieve the mounting pressure but he quickly remedied this, reaching out and roughly spreading your legs wide apart. He leaned back in the chair and looked you up and down, letting his eyes roam slowly over the creamy flesh of your body. His gaze lingered the longest at the wetness pooling in the apex of your thighs. You shuttered. The anticipation was murdering you. After several seconds of excruciating silence, he finally spoke. 

“Is this the couch?” He pointed at the sofa to his left.

“What?”

“I expect you to answer me with ‘yes sir’ or ‘no sir.’ You don’t get to ask the questions right now. I do.” Once again your cunt clenched around nothing, sending another rush of your fluids out and down your thighs. You closed your eyes momentarily and tried to regain your composure. When you opened them he was staring directly into them. “Now, answer me, girl. Is this the couch you laid on when you pleasured yourself?” 

You reluctantly nodded and he jerked up in his seat. He motioned for you to turn around and you complied. As soon as your backside was turned to him you were startled when one of his giant palms was thrust against the bare flesh of your ass with a loud SMACK.

“What did I tell you?” His voice was low, dark, dripping with lust. Unexpectedly he thrust another palm against your other asscheek and you clenched your eyes shut. “Don’t make me tell you again.” You couldn’t answer fast enough. 

“Yes, sir. That’s the couch.” You managed to squeak out. The cool air circulating in the room breezed past the stinging flesh of your ass and caused you to shudder again. 

“Good girl. Now go sit over there.” Hearing his praise sent another jolt of pleasure straight down to your core as your knees began to wobble. Kylo smirked again to himself as he watched you timidly make your way over to the sofa. Slowly, you sat down, your posture straight as a rod. You looked straight ahead, afraid to meet his gaze for you were certain it’d kill you in a million different ways. You were _desperate_ with need, you had to play your cards right if you wanted him to give you the release you so desperately sought.  

“Touch yourself. Like you did before.” He demanded, his tone harsh and angry unlike you’d ever heard before. Uncertain, you sat back and leaned against the pillows, putting on a show for your master. You spread your knees open wide to expose your dripping center to him.  

Even from across the room he could see with his own two eyes just how needy you were for him. Another rush of blood surged into his cock which somehow got even harder that it was before. It was throbbing painfully inside his pants but he left it there for now, afraid to touch himself for fear that he would cum all over himself immediately. 

Legs spread, you finally met his gaze as you slowly moved your right hand down your belly and over your cunt. You mewled as you began to rub two fingers over the screaming bundle of nerves that lie at the top, your hips bucking up into your hand as you did so. You barely had to apply any pressure at all before you felt yourself already close to the edge of another incredible climax. Your heart leapt into your throat when Kylo raised his voice at you.

“Don’t you dare fucking cum until I say so.” He barked at you behind hooded eyes. You knew better than to disobey so you eased up on your ministrations. “Don’t stop.” 

This was torture. You were so close to losing control but every time you slowed your touch he would yell at you to keep going. This continued for several minutes, the process of you stroking and rubbing yourself to the precipice of an orgasm, stilling your fingers inside of you, only for him to yell at you to continue. 

Your brain was frenzied with  wanton lust and a primal need. You were barely coherent at this point, certain that you’d do anything he asked of you if it only meant you could finally have your release.

Kylo watched you from the chair, his heart racing in his chest as he watched the reddened glow deepen in your cheeks. You were the most beautiful thing he had ever seen, groaning and writhing around for his pleasure alone, obeying his commands and fulfilling his wishes like the good little slut that you were. Precum now oozed out of the tip of his dick, still pressed hard against the front of his jeans. He needed to feel your mouth wrapped around him. 

“Come over here and get on your knees.” He commanded you as your fingers stilled inside of you. You removed the two digits that were previously shoved inside of you to feel another gush of your fluids flow onto your hand. 

“Sir, may I please clean myself?” You asked quietly, apprehension dripping from your words. Kylo tried to maintain a composed expression but inside he was on fire, hearing you ask so sweetly had him spinning like a top. His cock throbbed again and he shuddered slightly, trying the hardest he ever had in his life to stop himself from ejaculating right there on the spot. 

“You may.” He answered darkly and nodded. You raised the fingers to your mouth and swiftly shoved them inside, greedily sucking and licking your essence off of them. His heart ached with the need to bend you over the side of the couch and fuck your brains out, but he stopped himself. He needed to feel your velvety mouth and throat swallowing his manhood right now. 

After you finished cleaning yourself, you stood slowly to your feet and walked back over towards him. He reached behind himself and pulled out a pillow and sat it down on the ground in front of him. The fact that he was still fully clothed while you were completely bare was exhilarating to you. He gestured down to the pillow and you lowered your knees to it, placing either of your hands on his muscular thighs. Your eyes were immediately glued to the straining bulge in front of you, already able to feel the heat radiating from it.  

“Unbuckle my belt.” He demanded and you obliged, trying hard to distract yourself from the aching need you felt between your legs. You removed his belt entirely and then moved your hands to unbuckle his jeans. You slid them partially down his thighs as he lifted his ass off the chair to allow you better access. He wasn’t wearing any underwear, so when you shifted the pants down his cock unexpectedly sprang free and you nearly gasped at the sight. His entire cock was reddened, every vein bulging and completely visible merely inches away from your face. Your eyes never moved from it as Kylo spoke.

“Suck it.”

Your face couldn’t move forward fast enough as you gleefully took his length into your mouth. You sucked as much of it down into your throat as you could, but his massive girth made it difficult to get very much of it inside. He groaned when you forcefully sank even more of him down into your throat, the velvet softness of your wet hole causing his body to shudder beneath you.

”So willing, so eager.” He mewled at you and your heart swelled. 

Your hands moved to grip him at the base and to cup his balls. You gently massaged them as you began to moved your mouth up and down his member. He looked down at you, expertly sucking his manhood like a needy little whore and blood rushed to his cheeks. You offered a broad tongue lick, beginning down under his balls and all of the way up his length before sucking his head into your mouth.

His defenses weakening, he let a wild moan escape his lips which was all the fuel you needed. You sucked him harder and began to move your mouth up and down him even faster, craving the feeling of him shuddering and emptying himself into your mouth. He finally moved his hands from the arms of the chair and wrapped them into your hair, grabbing fistfuls of it between his fingers. Your pussy was drenched at this point, you felt your slick leaking out onto the pillow below you. 

He guided your head along with your movements as you continued to suck him with fervor. He bucked his hips up and off the chair and shoved nearly all of his length unexpectedly into your throat, causing you to gag and choke on his cock. 

“Fuck, you’re such a good little slut.” He hissed at you between gritted teeth. “You were born to suck dick.” He closed his eyes and relished in the warmth and suction inside of your mouth. He was coming undone and he needed to act fast.  

He pulled your hair harshly to still your movements as he focused on keeping himself from spilling into you. He hissed as he slid your head all of the way off his length, admiring the strings of spit that hung between his dick and your mouth. Your cheeks were beet red and your eyes were watering, a look of pure carnal need plastered all over your face. 

“You’ve been so good.” He cooed at you sweetly, releasing your hair and reaching a hand up to gently stroke your cheek. “Come here and get yourself off on my cock.” No sooner than the words left his mouth were you on your feet and climbing onto his lap. You aligned his length with your entrance and swiftly seated yourself on him, your moist center giving him little to no resistance. 

He filled you so perfectly and completely, every crevice was expertly stretched to accommodate his massive size. You groaned at the sensation of finally having his hot member buried deep inside of you. The anticipation of the last two weeks apart broke open as you began to ride him, using his durasteel length to get yourself off. 

You rested your hands on either side of his head on the back of the chair and began to piston yourself up and down, feeling his throbbing manhood stretch and pull you wider open with every thrust. Kylo matched your movements as he bucked up into you, his hands placed firmly on your hips, feeling your warm wet walls begin to spasm around him. The animalistic sounds the both of you were making filtered though the silence of the room, resounding deliciously through the air, egging both of you on. 

“Fuck, you feel so good...” You moaned into his ear as he continued to plow into you. Kylo responded by snaking one of his hands down to run circles over your sensitive clit. The pressure he applied caused your vision to go white momentarily as he began to stroke quick, deliberate circles around your tender nub. You leaned back in his lap to look into his eyes, seeing that his expression was still animalistic and carnal with desire. He needed to see you cum on his cock. 

“Please...” You whined above him, your tone was pathetic and wanton. “Please, let me cum.” Who was he to deny you when you asked so sweetly?

“Cum for me, baby. Do it. Now.” He spoke to you in his signature lustful low tone. “I need to see you cum.” He continued to rub your center as you bucked into him wildly, pleasure igniting deep within your belly as it spread throughout your entire body. Your orgasm rushed over you like lava exploding out of a volcano.

“Fuck, Kylo!” You screamed as your cunt clenched and spasmed around his leaking member. You ground your hips down into his, milking his needy cock into your pussy. Hearing you scream out his name was all it took for him to follow suit, his hands returning to roughly grasp your thighs. He dug his fingers into the tender flesh as he felt himself begin to climax. 

“Yeah, take my load you fucking whore.” He groaned as he emptied himself inside of you, his cock exploding and spewing his hot seed deep inside.  He moaned as he continued to forcefully move your hips up and down on his lap, jerking and ramming himself into you. He felt his dick continue to twitch and spasm inside of you as he moved in and out, his orgasm lasting several seconds, much longer than it normally would. He came for what seemed like minutes until he finally stilled himself, overstimulation causing him brief pain. 

You fell forward and leaned your nude sweaty body against his clothed torso and rested there, closing your eyes and nuzzling your face into his neck. You greedily took in heavy breaths of his musky scent, so overwhelmed and ecstatic to be able to smell him near you again. Both of you lay heaving against one another, trying to regain your composure and to catch your breath. Kylo’s lips found their way to the wet skin of your neck and he pressed a chaste kiss there, feeling you gasp at the sensation.

Slowly, he reached down and lifted you off of him, his softening member sliding out along with a mixture of your shared fluids. They rushed out and pooled on his lap, smearing all over the front of his already-messy pants. He had a thought in that moment that made him smile devilishly to himself. He was definitely never going to wash these jeans ever again.


	34. Save the Date

Kylo lightly traced his fingers against the exposed skin on your back, causing you to shiver into his touch. You hummed at him and relaxed even further, letting your full weight press against him. His body was radiating heat as you closed your eyes and took in the smell of him, oh how you had missed his smell. You moaned into his shoulder and he chuckled.  

“You’re insatiable, you know that?” His tone was low and warm.

“Don’t flatter yourself, buddy. I’m just smelling you.” He hummed in response and shook his head.

“Weirdo.” He replied.

“So?”

He laughed heartily and you felt his body shake and rumble. God. It was so good to have him back. His body against yours. It was heaven.

“You tricked me, Ben.” You said suddenly. His body trembled at hearing you use his birth name. For some reason it drove him crazy when you did that.

“What do you mean?” He asked, clearly confused. “Tricked you how?”

“You said you weren’t coming home until tomorrow.” You said accusingly.

“Ahhh, yes. I sure did.” He mused.

“So, you tricked me.” You leaned back in his lap to look into his eyes. They were softer now, more relaxed, warm. Less intense. Incredibly beautiful. 

“I wanted to surprise you.” He stated.

“You love surprising me.”

“I enjoy watching you react.” His gaze bore into you with intensity and made your stomach do somersault. You took a deep breath and bit your bottom lip between your teeth. 

“I like it when you watch me.” You spoke breathlessly at him. A million dollar smile broke out across his face. He flipped his head to the side, attempting to brush the stray hairs out of his face without removing his hands from your body. 

You obliged and reached up to brush them to the side. Indulging, you ran your fingers through the rest of it, loving how soft and thick the curls felt against your skin. His eyes fluttered closed and he leaned his head back against the chair. 

“I have a surprise for you for a change.” You said as you continued to massage along his scalp. His eyes opened and peered into yours. “Wait here.” 

You hopped up out of his lap and walked across the living room over to the kitchen. Kylo’s eyes never left you as you moved across the space. You opened a jar sitting on the counter and removed three cookies from it, firmly pressing on the lid when you were done. 

When you began to walk back to him you realized that he was _really_ staring at you. Hungrily taking in your bare form as it moved throughout the room. Your cheeks became flushed immediately, suddenly becoming aware of how open and exposed you were. Kylo licked his lips.

You returned to his lap and climbed back up on top of him, carefully handing him two of the cookies. His eyes lit up as he realized what you were giving him. 

“I made these for you.” You said cheerily as he raised one to his lips. He was smiling with his entire face now. He took a big bite and savored the taste in his mouth, his eyes shining brightly at you as he chewed.

“You got me. I really am surprised.” He said as he swallowed, a grin spreading across his face. You punched him in the arm. “What? You hate cooking.” 

“I do. But for you I’d do anything.” You said joyfully as you took a bite into your own cookie. His heart hummed and felt full and light. He moved onto his second cookie. “These are actually the first cookies I’ve ever made.” His jaw dropped.

“What, you mean like, ever?” You nodded at him as his expression grew into disbelief. “You really are a weirdo...” 

“Fuck off.” You snapped back at him, grinning from ear to ear. “Do you like them?” He nodded as he shoved the last of it into his mouth.

“They’re insanely good. My mom’s recipe?” He asked as he licked a little bit of chocolate off his thumb. You watched his tongue glide over his skin. You nodded and smiled at him.

“She taught me a lot in our time together. A lot about _you_.” You said coyly. Kylo smirked at you.

“Well, nicely done, little one. You’re so thoughtful.” He leaned forward and wrapped his arms around your bare skin once more, pulling your face in close to his. He kissed you on the lips, slow and sensually, dipping his tongue into your mouth. 

You moaned into his kiss as he snaked his arm around to your front...when he grabbed the remaining half of your cookie from you and shoved it into his mouth. He was grinning from ear to ear as he chewed happily. Your jaw dropped and you held your mouth open in disbelief as he began to laugh at you.

“You little shit!” You said as you punched him in the arm again. It didn’t deter him from sporting a shit eating grin across his face as he continued to laugh maniacally at you, swallowing the last of your cookie. “Yeah, your mom told me a lot of things...including how ticklish you are.” Kylo’s eyes went wide as you lunged forward and dug your fingers into his side. 

You began to tickle him and grab at his sides as he squirmed around, desperately trying to escape the torment. You had your full weight on his lap and had him pinned to the chair, there was no where for him to go. You were merciless in your assault, squeezing your legs tightly around him as he writhed around and laughed hysterically, begging you to stop. 

You froze in place when you heard the door open behind you. Fuck. 

“Oh uhhh, hi mother.” Kylo said nervously, reaching quickly for the throw blanket next to the chair. He hastily pulled it around to cover your exposed backside. Blood rushed to your cheeks, you were too mortified to turn around. 

“FUCK!” You whispered to him. “God damn it. Kill me.”

“Sorry for the interruption kiddos, didn’t meant to intrude. I was able to get back into town a lot sooner than I expected.” Slowly, and still traumatized, you turned around in Kylo’s lap to face Leia. She walked over and sat next to you on the sofa. The sofa you had just fingered yourself on. This was absolutely horrible. Somehow, your cheeks burned even harder. Was it possible to die from embarrassment?

“Hi mom.” You said solemnly but she just laughed at you, her expression warm and welcoming. “I’m so sorry,” You began to speak but she cut you off.

“Nonsense. I’m the one who showed up unannounced. My apologies to both of you. But since you’re both here I think it’s time we talked.” She turned to look at you. “Did you tell him yet?” She asked. 

“Uhhh not exactly. He uh, just got here.” You laughed nervously as Leia gave you another hearty chuckle. This was SO AWKWARD. You turned to look at Kylo, his expression was one of worry and bewilderment. 

“Tell me what exactly?” He asked nervously. 

“Well, you know how we talked about eloping when you came home?” He nodded at you. “Your mom and I may or may not have planned an impromptu ceremony for Friday evening.” His eyes went wide as you spoke. “It’ll be small, your mom can officiate the wedding, because of her title. I want to do it right out back, next to the redwoods. I’ve asked John and Daisy to come, they’ll be arriving tomorrow. We can all eat a nice dinner together afterwards. It’ll all be very simple. We can write our own vows. What do you think?” His expression softened as you finished, a smile spread across his face. 

Without missing a beat he said “I think that sounds incredible.” Relief washed over your body as you beamed back at him, your eyes bright and full of light. “I can’t wait.” His tone was genuine and his response to the idea was making your heart sing. 

“Oh Ben, I’m so happy.” You exclaimed as you threw your arms around his neck, pulling him in close to you. He gripped your body tightly against his as he nuzzled his face into your neck. He looked to his mom to see that she was smiling also, but tears were beginning to stream down her face. 

“Mom, what’s wrong?” He asked suddenly. You turned around to look at Leia.

“Nothing at all, my dear son. I’ve never felt more joy in my life.” Kylo’s face lit up as he smiled at his mother, realizing her tears stemmed from overwhelming happiness. “Your father would have loved her.” She said as she gestured over at you. Your heart fluttered and you tensed up, nervous for Kylo’s reaction at her bringing up his dad. Instead, he surprised you. 

“Yeah. He really would have.” He said joyfully. Your cheeks ached from smiling at this point. “Hey, I have a bone to pick with you, actually.” His tone was much more serious as he spoke. “Why the hell did you have to tell her that I’m ticklish.” Both you and Leia burst into laughter in unison, completely amused at his pained reaction. 

Kylo sat and faked annoyance as he watched the two of you, slapped happy, carrying on with the laughter. He couldn’t remember the last time he saw his mom laugh like this.

“I can’t wait to tickle you every day for the rest of our lives.” You said when you could finally keep yourself from hunching over in hysterics. Tears welled in your eyes and you were getting a stomach ache. Leia, was still convulsing, doubled over as she laughed and laughed. 


	35. The Fairytale

Soft, morning light crept into your bedroom as you slowly opened your eyes to take it in. The sound of Kylo shutting the bedroom door behind him is what caused you to stir from your deep and restful slumber. You slept so good the last couple of nights because your bed finally wasn’t empty anymore. Your heart sang as you sat up in bed and lazily stretched your arms above your head. Morning time was your favorite, it meant that for a few moments you could just be a normal and happy person. A person without crippling anxiety. A person who wasn’t on the run. 

You opened your mouth into an obnoxious scream-yawn as you continued you move your limbs around, moving and trying to get your blood flowing. Even if someone was out to get you, you could put it all into the back of your mind, at least for today. Kylo was sitting at the foot of the bed and you noticed that a large tray sat in front of him. 

The tray was full of the most delicious looking food you had ever seen in your life. There was a bowl of fresh berries, sliced bananas, avocado, and plums. You noticed a stack of pancakes and sausages too, with a tiny bottle of maple syrup on the side. And orange juice so vibrant it hurt your eyes. Your face lit up as you took in the sight, realizing at that instant just how hungry you were.

“Breakfast in bed for my babies.” Kylo said softly as he handed you a fork and knife. You blushed at him.  

“This looks incredible, oh my god. Thank you Kylo.” You breathed in deeply and savored the wonderful smells emanating from the tray in front of you. “What’s the occasion?” 

“Don’t think that I need a special occasion to make you breakfast in bed.” You smirked at him, reaching down to take a fat, juicy strawberry into your mouth. “But this particular breakfast is a special treat for you on our wedding day.” A smile emerged on your lips as he spoke, looking deeply into your eyes. “Later today, you’ll be my wife. I almost can’t believe it.” 

You took another bite of the strawberry and a small bit of the juice ran down your chin and he reached over to wipe it with his thumb. He stuck the finger in his mouth and sucked it off, your eyes never left his tongue as he did so. Fuck. He was so hot without even trying. Maybe it was just your hormones but everything he did lately turned you on like crazy. 

“Aren’t you going to eat with me?” You asked as he stood up from the bed.

“I’m afraid not. I have to go, I have errands to run and I need to finish writing my vows. You didn’t really give me a lot of time.” He said sarcastically, giving you a playful wink.

“Please don’t stress yourself out over it, they don’t have to be long. Or anything you don’t want them to be.” You said sincerely as you peered into his eyes. He walked over and sat down next to you on the bed. 

“I know. But I want them to be special so I want to take my time. I’ve never done this before; I’m afraid I don’t know really know what I’m doing.” 

You raised your eyebrows at him, surprised. “Wait, you didn’t exchange vows with your ex?” You asked him. Kylo leaned his shoulder against yours and rested his head against the side of your face. His hair smelled like pine and you breathed in a greedy breath full of it. Your stomach growled but for different reasons this time, reasons not having to do with hunger.

“Nope. Just the regular old standard stuff.” He shrugged. “You know, all that ‘do you take this woman’ nonsense.” You hummed in response. “If she would have asked me, I would have told her no.” You laughed gently.

“God, you really didn’t like her, did you?” He chuckled heartily as he sat back up and turned his body to face yours. “How did you stay married for so long? It’s just wild.” 

“It was easy because we never saw each other.” 

“I remember what you said about it,” you replied, nervously biting your lower lip, “you didn’t like her to travel with you when you were working...” Your voice tailed off as you diverted your gaze to your hands, nervously picking at your fresh manicure. 

Kylo reached his hand out and pulled your chin up, forcing you to meet his gaze. 

“You don’t have a choice, you’re going _everywhere_ with me.” His expression was heavy, his eyes dark with possession and thirst. Your stomach flipped over itself again as he contemplated you. “She is too.” He said as he looked down at your belly. He reached his palm out and rested it against your bare flesh, heat radiated from his palm and into your body. You quivered.

“She?” You said as you looked back up into his eyes. They were now large and glossy, crowded with affection. He nodded at you.

“Don’t ask me how but I just know.” His words cut through you like a knife. Up until this point you actually hadn’t considered one outcome or the other? So many other things had been preoccupying your mind that you hadn’t really gotten a chance to enjoy your pregnancy. Partially because it all still felt so surreal. She. A little girl. You thought about her, a tiny toddler running around the house with curly black hair and freckles on her cheeks. Tears welled in your eyes as you realized just how full your heart was in that moment. Why couldn’t you stop thinking about how it might get ripped away from you any moment?

“I can’t wait to make a family with you, Kylo.” You said as he continued to rub your stomach. He lifted his eyes to stare into yours, a small but serious smile spreading across his face. 

“I’ll always protect both of you, you know that, right?” He said suddenly, almost as if he could sense your apprehension. He removed his hands from your belly and lowered them to his sides. “I’ll do everything I physically can to see him dead, so you can finally know peace.” His eyes were dark and consuming, his face twisted into a gnarled scowl. “I’ll kill that sick fuck if it’s the last thing I do.” Pure hatred and venom dripped from his words. You looked down to see that he was clenching his hands together so tightly that his knuckles were white. 

You reached down and grabbed his hands in yours, forcing him to relinquish his grip and nestled his palms against yours. You looked into his eyes and gazed at him lovingly, touched by his concern and need to take care of you. Slowly, his icy stare melted away and his eyes warmed again as you rubbed your skin against his. You felt his body relax as he slouched slightly where he sat.

“I know you’ll protect us, Kylo.” You began, moving your hands to lace your fingers with his. “I’m kind of an assassin now anyways. Maybe someday I’ll get to protect _you_.” A grin spread across your face as you teased him. You were trying to get a smile out of him and it worked. Slowly, he reciprocated your gesture and grinned back at you, shaking his head. 

“I certainly hope it doesn’t come to that.”

* * *

The train of your dress drug behind you on the floor as you nervously paced around. Daisy was following you as she tried to put the finishing touches on your hair. You closed your eyes and took a deep breath, attempting to calm your nerves. 

“Darling, I’m so sorry but can you please stand still for a moment.” Her voice broke you from your trance as you turned your head to look at her.

“Oh, yes, of course. I’m sorry, I’m all over the place.” You stood still and lowered your hands and pressed them against your stomach, feeling the intricate beading underneath your palms. You didn’t realize how heavy and thick the garment was because you had never worn it for more than a few minutes at a time while getting a fitting. Thank god you weren’t starting to show yet otherwise the dress wouldn’t have fit. 

Daisy approached you with a can of hairspray and carefully doused your head in it, making sure to avoid your eyes. “Don’t be nervous, my love. It’s normal to be anxious beforehand, at least that’s what everyone keeps telling me.” She smiled brightly as you as she stepped back to take a look at her handiwork. “My, you’re breathtaking.” She said as her eyes skimmed over your face and down your figure. “Kylo is a lucky man.” Your cheeks reddened at her compliments. 

“Thank you, Daisy. For everything.” You reached and grabbed her hand in yours. “I’m so glad you could be here, with John. It wouldn’t be the same without you two.” She beamed back at you, stroking the back of your hand with her thumb. 

“I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

Just then, you both turned as you heard the door to the library open slowly. Leia entered the room briskly, smiling brightly as she rested her eyes on you. You gave her a nervous smile back, fidgeting with your hands in front of you.

“Oh my goodness, aren’t you just a vision...” She said as she walked around you, taking in your entire look. “The baby’s breath is a nice touch.” She said, commenting on the small bits of floral that Daisy had secured in your messy updo. 

“That was all her idea.” Said said cheerily, pointing at you.

“Ha, yeah. Thank you. I hope you don’t mind but I decided not to wear the veil, it was a bit too heavy. Also, I was wearing baby’s breath in my hair the first time Kylo and I fu...kissed.” You caught yourself before it was too late. Your mind drifted back to the masquerade, the beautiful lilac gown you had worn, the flowers in your hair, the rooftop, your cunt dripping into Kylo’s mouth as you leaned over the ledge and screamed his name out into the city below...

“Darling, are you alright?” You turned your attention back to her, realizing you had been staring off into space. 

“She’s been like this all day.” Daisy spoke to Leia, concern in her eyes.  

“Honey, I know it can be nerveracking but please try to relax a bit and enjoy yourself. It’ll all be over before you know it, try to savor the experience while you can.” She lifted her hand to brush her thumb gently against your shoulder. You nodded at her, taking in another deep breath and exhaling it slowly. 

Suddenly, all three of you turned to face the door as yet another person began to enter, this time much less gracefully than Leia had. John burst through the door, speaking loudly.

“I’ve got my spare camera batteries, I think we’re good to go.” He said as he entered, still looking down at the device in his hands. He looked up to see all three women staring at him. His eyes went wide when he saw you, his face lit up. He walked over to you slowly, but not before lifting his camera to snap a few candid shots of the three of you standing there.

“Wow...” He said in amazement. “Damn. You look amazing.” You rolled your eyes in amusement as Daisy squealed.

“Doesn’t she???” She asked excitedly, reaching over to hold onto his arm. “Where is Kylo?”  

“He’s outside, waiting. Ready to go.” 

“Okay, good. So are we.” Leia replied, turning once again to face you. John snapped more candid photos as she spoke to you. “Are you ready, kiddo?”  

You lowered your voice to a whisper as you replied to her. “Is he coming?” 

She shook her head. “I guess not.” She replied sadly, her eyes lowering to her feet. She looked back up at you and smiled. “Don’t worry about it dear, all is well. Now let’s get you married!”

The three of you walked out and onto the side porch, John and daisy walked ahead of you and headed towards the backyard. The sun was just setting and cast shades of pink of yellow light across the yard and your skin. You were grateful you were hotblooded otherwise you might have been a little chilly out here. The autumn breeze whirled past you, causing stray strands of your hair to sway.

At some point during the day Leia must have decorated because there were now fairy lights and vases of flowers all around. Hydrangeas, baby’s breath, and Lilly of the valleys were in abundance, as were small tea-light candles guiding a path behind the house. Small lanterns hung from the low hanging tree branches. The faint sound of music whirled in your ears.

“This looks incredible.” You spoke in amazement as you glanced around, taking in the beauty of it all. “It feels like a fairytale.” You guessed that in a lot of ways you and Kylo’s relationship was a lot like a fairytale. You turned to face Leia. “Thank you so much, this means the world to me.” You leaned into her and pulled your arms around her, gripping her tightly against your body.

“I know you’ll make my son happy, I hope that he can make you happy too.” You pulled away from her to see that her eyes were full of moisture.

“Damn it, you can’t cry or I’m going to cry.” You said as you reached up to wipe away a tear that had fallen down her cheek. She lifted her hand and rested it against yours, beaming with pride at you. Her new daughter. 

“Are you ready?” You nodded at her, removing your hand and standing up straight. “Okay, let’s go.” 

Leia grabbed your arm and linked it with hers as the two of you walked across the deck and down onto the grass. Your feet were bare, and the cool evening dew tickled your skin, causing goosebumps to spread all over your body. You walked slowly around the side of the house, following the lit path. The music grew louder.

“Where is that coming from?” You asked as you rounded the house. You looked ahead an immediately noticed a two violin players standing off to the side next to John and Daisy. John was snapping photos of you, meanwhile Daisy’s hands were over her mouth as she excitedly bounced with joy. 

Your gaze then traveled to the center of the scene, to Kylo. He was wearing a tailored dark blue suit with a black dress shirt underneath, his feet bare also. Even in the dim evening light you could see his eyes sparkle at you from across the lawn. His mouth was hanging open as he observed you walking towards him, a smile spread across your face. Your cheeks flushed as all eyes were on you. You hated being the center of attention but maybe this one time you’d let yourself enjoy it.

Slowly, you made your way across the yard until finally you were standing in front of him. His expression had only grown in amazement as you approached him, his mouth hadn’t closed since. Leia removed her arm from yours and moved to stand in front of the both of you. 

Kylo and you faced each other, he gently took your hands into his. He leaned forward and whispered into your ear. 

“That’s Padmé’s dress, my grandmother’s...” He said quietly as you nodded your head at him. “It looks incredible on you.” You shivered at his tone, it was low and sensual. He moved his head back and stared into your eyes and everything else around you faded away. He was smiling so big that you could probably see every single one of his teeth. You couldn’t help but grin like an idiot back at him. You couldn’t believe how sexy he looked, the top button of his shirt undone revealing his smooth, creamy skin underneath. His hair was tousled effortlessly behind his ears, his eyes glistened. 

“Are you ready to start?” Leia asked softly. You both turned to look at her as she spoke. Kylo nodded his head once. She gestured to the violinists and they ended their overture.

“Thank you for joining us today.” She turned to look at Daisy and John who were standing off to her side, each of them still wearing a smile on their faces as they gazed at you and Kylo. 

“Now, lets begi-“ John interrupted her speaking.  

“Wait, who’s that?” He asked suddenly, pointing towards the house. Everyone directed their attention to the deck. There was a man, an older man, walking towards you. He was a man that you recognized from photos.

“Luke?” Kylo whispered, disbelief filtering through his voice. 

* * *

 

Author’s Note:

The [dress](https://s3.amazonaws.com/images.wedding-dress-secret.com/iconic_movie_gowns/star_wars/1.jpg).


	36. Blissed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologizing in advance for how disgustingly cheesy this chapter is.  
> Sorry not sorry.

Kylo turned to face you, bewilderment and confusion plastered across his expression.

“Honey, please, hear me out...” Leia began to speak but you cut her off.

“I invited him.” Kylo eyes widened at you. “I wanted him to be here, for you.” Kylo scoffed at you, clearly annoyed and feeling a little ambushed. He opened his mouth to retort but you interrupted, holding your hand up in front of him.  

“Besides your mom, he's the only family you have left. Please, don’t look at me like that. Don’t be angry with me.” You pleaded with him. His eyes softened slowly as you spoke, your voice low and warm, rich as honey. “Don’t let some stupid disagreement keep you from family, from the ones you love.” He languidly moved his eyes down to your stomach, and then turned his head to look at the man approaching.

“You’re right...” He whispered as his estranged uncle drew closer. Luke was a very relaxed looking man, dressed casually in dark linen pants and Birkenstock sandals. His skin was tanned and rough. Scarred. 

He smiled at the group of you as he approached, walking over to stand next to Daisy and John, nodding his head at Kylo as he moved past him. Kylo simply nodded back, allowing his gaze to fall to the ground. 

Leia didn’t miss a beat as she continued to speak. She recited the lines, commencing the ceremony. Kylo gripped your hands tightly and looked back up into your eyes. You offered a small reassuring smile to him and you felt him relax a bit in your hands. He closed his eyes and took in a deep breath as his mother resumed speaking.

“Now, we will have each of you recite your vows.” She turned to you. “Please begin when you are ready.” John continued snapping photos and you pondered that he must have the world’s largest memory card. 

You released Kylo's hands and reached into the waistband of your dress to withdraw a small piece of paper upon which you had written your professions. Butterflies were constantly zooming around your stomach as you unfolded it and took a deep, deliberate breath into your lungs. You exhaled deeply and tried to keep yourself from bursting into tears. 

“Kylo.” You took in anther slow breath and tried to steady your breathing. Your heart was pounding so loudly you could hear it echo in your ears. “The things I feel for you, for our unborn child, are indescribable with words.” You looked up and back into his eyes to see that they were already welling with tears. Fuck. Okay, you’d have to stick with not looking at him until you were done otherwise there was no way in hell you’d be able to make it through. You continued to speak, slowly. Carefully. 

“The love I feel for you could travel across the vast expanse of galaxies, the universe, and it would never cease to end. When we came together, it felt like I had already known you an eternity. That our souls were connected in this life and the last.”  

Tears began to spill down your cheeks but you didn’t notice them.  

“I know that without a doubt, with you by my side, I can achieve anything. You are everything to me- my love, my family...my home. As unsure as I feel about the rest of the world, the certainty I feel for you and our family is simply unwavering. I love you, Ben.” 

You exhaled a deep breath to see that tears were also running down his cheeks, his eyes large and full of moisture. He was biting his lower lip, surely as an attempt to keep himself from coming undone. He looked at you with such love and warmth that it nearly knocked the wind out of you. 

Without warning he lunged foreword and crashed his lips against yours, reaching up to pull your face in firmly against his. Surprised, you reached forward and grabbed the lapels of his jacket to pull him closer. You heard Daisy and John erupt in laughter behind you as Kylo lovingly pressed his lips against yours. 

“Blimey, mate! There’ll be plenty of time for that bit later!” Daisy exclaimed, causing both of you to break apart from each other, laughter now ringing from your lips as well. 

“So sorry..” He mumbled in a haze as he stepped away from you, his gaze still fiery and passionate as he reached down into his pocket. Leia turned to him now, a huge delightful grin painted across her face. 

“It’s your turn now, Ben.” He nodded at Leia and began to unfold the slip of paper. You saw him draw in a deep breath and then slowly exhale, momentarily closing his eyes before opening them and staring directly at you. Your knees felt wobbly. Your cheeks flushed. You felt like you might pass out. 

It was all so overwhelming, the fact that you were standing here, about to marry the love of your life was an outcome you never would have expected. He began by saying your name, an act which never ceased to turn you to putty instantly.

“My love, my light. My life seems utterly meaningless before you came crashing into it.” You swallowed hard as you watched him shift in place. You could tell he was nervous, that it was difficult to allow himself to be vulnerable, especially around other people. You reached forward and captured his free hand in yours, shooting him a reassuring nod as he began. He swallowed hard.

“You keep me grounded, tethered to this world, the world we’re building together. You help me to see things from an outside perspective, help me see past myself, teach me valuable lessons. You only want what’s best for me and I understand why. I understand your impulse because it is exactly what I feel for you, my little flower.” Tears began to flow down your face again, like a broken faucet spewing water. Thank god you were wearing waterproof mascara. “I want to spend the rest of our days learning together and from one another.” 

A sob racked through your body as you tried to keep yourself from crumpling into a heap to the ground. He looked up at you quickly to make sure you were okay. 

His misty eyes, somehow full of light even as dusk faded to night around you, pierced through you and bore down into your bones. You felt his presence inside of you, you felt him coursing through your veins. He squeezed your hand and you managed to nod at him, urging him to continue.  

“I promise, until my last dying breath, I will always take care of you, of our family. I will hold your hand, in this life and the next. I find solace in knowing that our souls will be joined, bonded, together for all of eternity.” His last words were breathless as he looked up to speak directly to you. “I love you.” He gazed longingly at your face, your cheeks flushed and pink, your lips plush and swollen from chewing and biting at them. You looked like an angel. 

You beamed back at him, your heart so swollen and full you felt as though you might float away. Kylo stuffed the piece of paper back into his pocket and leaned forward, pulling your body into a tight embrace against his. He buried his face in your hair and felt your body relax, almost fully, against his. You could hear Leia sobbing beside you. 

You shivered as he whispered the words again directly into your ear, his hands wrapped firmly around your form. When he finally pulled away from you, he kissed you on the forehead and moved back into place, standing across from you. He captured both of your hands again into his large, warm ones. A cool breeze blew through the air, causing Kylo’s long hair to move gently in the wind. You looked at him in amazement, barely able to contain the elation you felt in that moment. In this life and the next. Together. Forever.  

“That was lovely.” Both of you turned your attention to Leia who had taken a tissue out of her pocket and was dabbing it under her eyes. Standing behind Kylo you could see Daisy, with John’s arms wrapped tightly around her waist as they both watched intently. Luke stood to the side of them and beamed at you, giving you a gentle and knowing nod. You looked back over at Leia. She reached back down into her pocket and fished something tiny out. 

“Now, we will exchange the rings. These rings that will signify the communion, your eternal union.” She gave one of the rings to you, setting it delicately into your palm. “This was Han’s.” You gasped and looked down at the small piece of metal. It was yellow gold, weathered and hammered, clearly having withstood the test of time. “Ben had it resized this morning.”  

You looked over at Kylo who moved his hand to hold it out in front of you. You slowly and gracefully slipped the ring onto his finger, resting your eyes on it and taking in the sight of it on his long, thick finger. It’s looked like it belonged there. Leia handed him the other ring. 

“Now, this one, this ring was my mother’s. It’s been in our family for seven generations.” Your heart was humming. “It’s also been resized.” 

Kylo moved and you held your hand out to him, offering him your ring finger. He carefully slid it down and nestled it against your engagement ring. You looked down at it in amazement, your eyes growing wide. It was white gold, a thin band with diamonds circling the entirety of it. It sparkled unbelievably in the low light, its timeless beauty taking your breath away immediately. It matched your other ring _perfectly_. It was almost eerie.  

You moved your eyes back up to meet a Kylo’s gaze, realizing that he had been studying you intently the entire time. Leia’s voice suddenly roused you from your thoughts.

“And, without further delay, I now pronounce you husband and wife. Ben, you may kiss your bride.” He slowly stepped forward, wrapped one of his arms around to rest on the small of your back, and placed his other hand at the nape of your neck.  

He peered into your eyes for a moment before a sly grin spread across his face. Kylo moved in and pressed his lips firmly against yours, kissing you gently yet hungrily. You immediately melted into his kiss, snaking your hands up to grasp at his chest. Your fairytale. 

Laughter and clapping erupted around you as Daisy, John, Leia, and Luke began to cheer and whistle. The violinists began their orchestral procession, the warm melodic tune filtering through the air. You broke the kiss, pulling back as you could no longer contain your excitement either. You began to laugh too, and squealed when Kylo grabbed into his arms and hoisted you into the air. You were thankful in that moment for John’s obsessive photography, you wanted to remember this night for the rest of your life.  

* * *

You leaned back in your chair and laced your fingers together, placing your hands against your stomach. 

“I’m so full.” You exhaled happily and Kylo smirked at you. The six of you were seated around the dining room table, finishing the wonderful meal Leia and Kylo had prepared for you. You’d had steak with roasted potatoes, an autumn squash soup, and a kale salad with feta, hazelnuts, and farro. No champagne for you though, you were drinking sparkling water. You looked down at the glass and watched the bubbles slowly travel to the top.

“You better leave room for desert.” Leia quipped back at you, a mischievous glimmer in her eye. She winked playfully at you.

Luke was surprisingly talkative during dinner, asking you a plethora of questions, desiring to get to know you better. He and Kylo had also made small talk, but kept their topics light. He was making an effort to reconnect with his uncle, a gesture that delighted you when you realized what he was doing. It felt like growth.

Daisy and John, as usual, were incredibly entertaining with their own input and banter. You looked around the table and sighed with contentment. You were on cloud nine. 

“Hey kid, wanna go have a cigarette with me?” He asked Kylo suddenly, gesturing towards the front door. 

“Sure thing.” He said as he rose from the table. The walked in silence together outside, you gave Kylo a small smile as he slipped outside.  

Leia stood from the table and walked over to the open kitchen, grabbing a stack of small plates off the counter. She carried them over and set them on the table, moving once more towards the kitchen. 

She grabbed a parcel out of the fridge and set it on the counter, carefully untying it and removing its contents. When she reached the table, she set down the most incredible exotic-looking desert you had ever seen. 

“It’s lavender cheesecake.” She said merrily as she took the lid off. The delicious pale purple confection had small edible blossoms and a swirl of cream on top. 

“Oh my GOD.” Daisy exclaimed as she glanced down at it. “Leia! This looks scrumptious.” You looked down at beautiful color, it reminded you of your dress from the masquerade. Your chest ached with bliss and contentedness.

Leia began to cut each of you a slice and divvied it up onto the plates. 

“How far along are you now?” John asked you suddenly.  

“Oh, uhh...tomorrow it’ll be 12 weeks.” You replied. The time had already passed so quickly, you felt like you still had so much to do, to figure out before you gave birth. Your heart was suddenly pounding in your ears. 

Leia walked over and set a slice of cake down in front of you, taking the time to lean forward and press her palm flush against your belly. 

“Grandma Leia loves you.” She hummed sweetly, her face lowered near your stomach. You beamed at her as she released you and walked back over to her seat. 

You continued to chat until Kylo and Luke returned a few minutes later. You tried not to bring attention to the fact that each of their eyes were now a bit more swollen, more red, tear-stained. Luke patted Kylo on the back as he moved to sit back down next to you. You leaned over and whispered quietly into his ear.

“Everything okay?” Kylo turned to face you, his eyes soft and full of emotion. 

“Never been better.” He replied as a smile crept over his face. He slid his arm around your waist and pulled you closer to him as you nestled your head into his neck. 

“Okay, now that you’re both back, I want to give you your wedding present.” Leia spoke as she stood to her feet. She walked over to retrieve her briefcase, pulling a large Manilla envelope from inside. Your eyes followed her as she walked back over to her seat and sat down. 

“I must say, it’s been wonderful having all of us under this roof again. I can’t say that it didn’t hurt me when you didn’t come back here for so many years, Ben. But the truth is that I didn’t either.” She took a deep breath. 

“I stopped coming here when your father died. It didn’t feel like a home anymore. All I could think about were the summers we spent here together as a family, it made me long for those times again.” She turned to look directly at you now. “But, since you arrived here, stayed with my Ben and myself, I can honestly say that it really does feel like a home again. It feels full, of love and light.” 

She reached into the envelope and pulled out a stack of papers. “It only seemed fitting that I pass this place along to you two, so you can also raise your family here, if you so wish.” She handed the papers over to you, your hand shaking as you slowly grabbed them. “Even if you only visit a few times a year, I hope you’ll get to make as many wonderful memories, as we did when Ben was growing up.” 

_What?_  

Confused and utterly bewildered, you looked down at the paper. The top of it read “ _Quitclaim Deed- Transfer of Property._ ” Underneath was the address to the cabin, and underneath that was yours and Kylo’s names. 

Holy shit. 

The house. 

She was giving you the house. Kylo’s grip tightened on your side as you lowered the paper to the table, completely amazed at the gesture and utterly speechless.

“I...Leia, I really don’t know what to say...” You began slowly. She stood from her seat and walked over to you and sat down in the empty chair to your left. 

“You don’t have to say anything at all, my dear. You’re family, now and forever. You’ll always have a place in my heart, in my home, at my table. Congratulations, my children.” She looked up and over at Kylo who was just as shocked by the gesture as you were. She reached over and grabbed her glass of champagne and raised it into the air “I wish you a lifetime of health, wealth, and eternal happiness.” 

Everyone else at the table followed suit, picking up their glasses and raising them above their heads.

“Here, here!” Exclaimed Luke, a toothy smile on his lips. 

You turned to peer into Kylo’s eyes, noticing that your mouth had been hanging open the entire time. A knowing smile crept over his face as he leaned down to capture your lips against his. He took a big gulp and finished the rest of his drink, and then suddenly pulled you up from the table. 

“Thanks for everything but we’re getting out of here. I need some alone time with my wife.” Hearing him say that word caused you to quiver into his touch. They all smiled back at you, John whistled again and everyone erupted in laughter. 

Several minutes later, after you had hastily packed and overnight back, you climbed into the car and fastened your seatbelt. Kylo pulled the car out and started down the long, winding driveway. You turned around in your seat to look at the house behind you, marveling again at its immeasurable beauty, completely flabbergasted that it was _yours_ now. 

“Where are you taking me?” You asked as you turned back to face him. He looked at you, his gaze was now wild and greedy, his eyes dark and crazy with lust. 

“I rented a place near here. A hotel just wouldn’t do.” You hummed as he spoke. “I don’t want to have to be quiet.” You whipped your head forward and leaned back in your seat, shivering as the words slipped from his tongue, your spine tingling at the promise of an unforgettable night. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the cock block, but don’t worry. The next chapter’s going to be really juicy.


	37. A Terrible Idea

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wedding night joys and horrors. This chapter is obscenely long, hope you can hang.
> 
> Love u guys. S novym godom!

The place wasn’t far away at all, just a few minutes down the dirt road. Kylo turned onto a road that traveled higher and higher up into the thick woods that surrounded the property. When you finally approached the cottage you marveled at its simplistic beauty. 

It was quite small, with slatted wooden shingles and a small chimney with smoke peaking out from the back. It was quite dark at this time of night but you were able to make out several gardens surrounding the home. It was quaint and whimsical, with more fairy lights and tiny lanterns lighting the way up into the cottage. 

Kylo walked around and opened your door for you and offered you a hand. You smiled at him and climbed out of the car, leaning on him as he led you up the cobblestone path to the front porch. You noticed about halfway there that there were flower petals strewn about, coating the walkway leading up to the front door. 

“You’re a hopeless romantic.” You said breathlessly, squeezing his arm. 

“Only for you.” He replied softly, turning his head to look down into your eyes. The intensity of his stare made you throb momentarily between your legs, sending a rush of blood up to your cheeks. He could destroy you with just one look. 

When you approached the door he unexpectedly bent over and scooped you up into his arms, carefully hoisting you up off the ground. You giggled loudly at the rush in your belly, looking down to see the train of your dress hanging delicately below you. He fumbled with the lock on the door and finally unlatched it and carried you majestically over the threshold and into the cottage. He pushed the door closed with his foot on the way in.  

The place was small but cozy, with intricate carved wooden designs on all of the pillars and slats in the ceiling. It had an open floor plan, like a studio apartment, with a living area on one side, an alcove with a giant fluffy bed in the back, and an open kitchen right where you walk in. You noticed that there was already a small fire burning in the fireplace, noting how warm and cozy it made the space. Kylo wasted no time as he immediately walked over and tossed you onto the quilted bedspread. 

He slowly removed his jacket and tossed it onto the floor beside the bed. Next he unbuttoned his cufflinks and began to roll his sleeves up, your eyes were glued to him the entire time. You were laser focused on every single one of his movements. 

You felt a familiar fire burning deep within you, but this time it was the most intense it had ever been. You were still riding the waves of euphoria from earlier, every square inch of you tingled, your brain was slathered in endorphins.

Without speaking Kylo grabbed each of your ankles and pulled you down to the edge of the bed, leaning over onto the floor in front of you. 

He grabbed your wrist and inspected it, looking closely at your marking. The brand. Funny, you hadn't even noticed or thought about it in quite some time, it’s negative connotations appearing to be millions of miles away at this moment. 

He gripped your wrist and brought it over to his mouth, placing a wet deliberate kiss on top of the marking. Letting you know that he accepted every part of you. Wholly. Your eyes began to water. 

He pulled your legs out further so that you were right on the edge of the bed. You propped yourself up on your elbows so you could continue to observe his every move, your pupils fully dilated and smattered with unadulterated lust. You could tell that down below your body was already responding to his energy beautifully, a delicious slick building where your thighs met. 

Kylo slowly reached up and pulled the bottom hem of your dress up, painfully slow, as he quietly exposed your bare thighs to the warm air of the room. He still hadn’t spoken a single word, his eyes were serious, determined. Hazy with desire. You trembled under his touch.  

Once he had moved he fabric up your legs to finally reveal your sweet spot underneath, you could immediately see his reaction as he realized what you had on underneath- a lacy, sexy strappy blood red thong that barely covered any of your skin at all. 

You ordered it online from Agent Provocateur when Kylo and you decided to tie the knot once he was done filming, granted you figured you’d be wearing the set underneath a much more casual dress at the courthouse. The contrast of the bright red material and the pale white of the dress made it feel all the more sinful and forbidden. 

His eyes doubled in size as he took in the sight of you in your racy undies, supple and wanton, spread out like a flower before him. Without further hesitation he leaned forward and grabbed the top of your thong in between his teeth, bunching the fabric in his mouth as he slowly worked them down over your thighs. 

The action was so lewd and unexpected that your hips inadvertently bucked up into his face, causing his mouth and nose to momentarily brush against your wanting mound. A deep whine emanated from your throat as he pulled your underwear all of the way off and reached up to grab them out of his mouth. 

He fisted them into his hand and brought them up to his nose, taking in a large greedy breath, closing his eyes to savor the smell which was undoubtedly very apparent given how wet you currently were. A wicked smile spread across his face as he lowered them and shoved them into his back pocket. 

Still, he did not speak and neither did you. The sexual tension in the air was thick, your heart beat wildly in your chest. Smile still plastered across his face, he looked back down to your pussy, now fully exposed and blooming before him. He was able to see your wetness, your readiness for him, a fact which caused even more blood to rush to his hardening member.

He lowered his head and you inhaled deeply, anticipating his movements as he slowly pressed his lips against your right hip bone. It was obvious that he planned on taking his time, his movements languid and deliberate. He was trying to drive you to the brink of sanity and so far it was working. 

Your blood was boiling at this point, it was becoming harder and harder to keep yourself from throwing your hands into his hair and grinding yourself up into his face. A slight moan escaped your lips as he pressed another kiss, this time against your other hip. He palmed at his hardon through the front of his pants, attempting to keep his carnal needs at bay, if only temporarily.

He moved his head down and began to pepper kisses against your flesh, all around your sweet center but never directly on top of it. He moved down to your thighs and began to kiss them, too, taking his time to lick and bite at your soft flesh. 

Your hips bucked again when he took a huge mouthful of your skin into his mouth and sucked on it, harshly. You could tell he was trying to mark you, to make you his. Your walls clenched around nothing. This was torture.

While he sucked on you like candy, his warm rough hands moved to spread your legs even further for him, then moved them down to rest under your ass, hands so large he could easily hold you there in them.  

Finally, he moved his face right above your slit and looked up at you, his expression full of passion, fire, want. He reached to spread your legs open even further, splaying you open before him as if you were both about to engage in some sort of otherworldly prayer. 

He did not break eye contact with you as he lowered his mouth over your pulsating cunt and licked a broad stripe of his tongue against your slit. Your eyes fluttered shut at the overwhelming pleasure, no longer able hold your weight up on your elbows. 

You laid flat on your back and spread yourself open further to him, gasping as he licked another languid swipe across your center. The air was singing in a glorious symphony all around you. 

It felt like a competition at this point- who would talk first? What could he do to you to get you to break the silence? Your eyes rolled into the back of your head as he focused his lips directly around your clit. 

The surge of pleasure that shot through your body made you feel as though you were nearing the brink of your sanity. Still, you were unyielding in your conviction, not letting out even a whisper. You wanted to win.

After teasing you, he really laid it on thick, increasing his pace and lapping at you with delicious fervor. He kept your bucking hips and thighs at bay by sheer force alone, his iron grip held steadfast against your delicate flesh. 

Fingertips pressed so tightly your skin would surely be marked but of course you didn’t care. You _wanted_ him to mark you, to own you, to make you his. The only man you ever trusted enough to give yourself fully. Mind, body, and soul. 

The act of it all, the weight of the evening on your shoulders kept you grounded enough to withstand the onslaught of his sloppy tongue against and inside of your soaking wet center. You concentrated hard on not cumming all over his face, not letting go and screaming his name out.

He realized very quickly the game and what was at stake which only caused him to press on harder. You had to bite your tongue, almost so hard that you drew blood, when he finally pressed one of his fingers inside of you, curling it upwards ever so slightly to silently stroke the rough spot of flesh inside of you. 

He stroked you delicately and did not let up, his actions almost murmuring “ _come on baby, let go_ ” as he flicked his tongue across your hardened bud. 

As stubborn as he was, he would let you win this one time, on the night of your wedding. His voice rolled out of him, dark and deep, almost urgent and demanding. 

“Please, baby. Cum for me.” 

Hearing his voice was all it took for you to completely explode, a tidal wave of ecstasy billowing through your body. “Oh fuck, Ben, yes...” Your uncontrollable scream erupted from deep within. You threw your head back and arched yourself deeper into his mouth as you came, your fingers forcefully gripping at the bedspread beneath you. 

He sucked and licked at your wetness, feeling a rush of it flow out and into his mouth, all the while his two fingers pumped in rhythm in and out of you. 

You were seeing stars at this point, a fact that was only compounded when he didn’t stop sucking on you, even after you had finished orgasming. He continued to eat you, sensitive flesh and all, and did not take heed your begging and whining for him to take pity on you and stop. 

“Please....it’s too much. Please, god, no more...”

His grasp on your body was unwavering, and he continued to hold you exactly where he wanted you while he slowly began to stroke your sweet spot inside. He groaned against your mound and the vibration sent you crashing over the edge again, this time squeezing your thighs together as tightly as you could around Kylo’s head, riding his face with ardor as you rode the extended waves of the most intense orgasm of your life. 

You squeezed your eyes shut as wet, hot tears dripped down the sides of your face. You bucked your hips wildly into him, no longer holding yourself back from screaming and panting like some kind of primal creature. A succubus. 

Your entire body was ignited, every nerve ending on fire as you convulsed and jerked up into his touch. He drank in your essence as if it were integral to his survival, not letting even a drop of you go unsavored. Your body finally stilled beneath him as he finally relinquished his squeeze on your bottom half. 

In a dizzy haze you spoke blissfully into the top of his head that was now laid gently upon your stomach. 

“I won, you talked first.” 

He looked up and into your eyes, a smirk on his lips.

“I let you win...” He replied sweetly, licking his lips to get the last of you from his skin. 

“Thank you.”

“Wife...” You shuddered once again as he whispered that sacred word to you. A word you never imagined would be used to describe you.

“You like it when I call you that, don’t you?” 

You nodded at him shyly as he pulled himself up to his feet and stood above you next to the bed.

“I felt your cunt clench when I said it.” Your eyes fluttered closed, your cheeks once again flushing in embarrassment. “You like being my wife, don’t you?...” You opened your eyes to find that his face was once again dark, consuming, thirsty. 

He reached down and pulled your dress the rest of the way off of you, hiking it over your head. When he saw the matching red lace bra hidden underneath you could see his body tense, his eyes traveling hungrily over your perf mounds that were nestled perfectly inside of it. 

He carefully draped the gown on the back of a nearby chair and returned to you, leaning down on the bed beside you. You reached up and slowly slipped the bra off of you, sensually allowing it to slide from your hand and onto the floor next to the bed.

“Take your clothes off, before you lay down.” You commanded suddenly. The fire crackled in the distance, it’s low flickering light casting wicked shadows across Kylo’s face. “I need to feel your skin on mine. Please.” 

You looked up with him with pleading doe eyes and he immediately complied. He would never deny a request from you when you had a penchant for asking so very sweetly.

You watched as he pulled his button down up over his head in one fluid motion, tossing it onto the nearby chair. You drank in his figure. Tall and hulking above you. Christ he was just so _big_. Imposing on you in the most delicious way. 

He moved his hands down to the fly of his jeans and you found your heart racing at the anticipation. You absentmindedly dropped your hand down to rest on top of your overstimulated clit and glistening labia. You moved timidly, still reeling in the aftermath.

You watched his hands unbutton his slacks, ever so slowly, clearly relishing in the effect it had on you now that he was taking his time. You diverted your gaze back up to his face to see that he too was watching every move you made, every delicious flick and stoke of your pussy.

He shimmied his pants down his legs and let them drop to the floor, pulling his underwear down with them. His massive deprived erection sprang free and bobbed above you, the lighting from the fireplace somehow making it look even more majestic and ethereal than it normally did.

It was swollen, red and angry, _weeping_ before you. It excited you to no end the effect you and your body had on him, even on a physiological level. He wanted you. He _needed_ you. Your heart ached when you noticed the thick drop of precum leak from the tip of his cock and drip down onto the bed. 

He moved his body over and laid down next to you, scooping your trembling form into his arms. You were now facing each other on your sides, your head pressed tightly against his chest as he secured you in his grasp. He reached down and grabbed your thigh and pulled it up to wrap around his waist. 

He held your thigh and ass in his hand, grasping the meat harshly in his grip. You tipped your head back to give him better access to the soft tender flesh of your neck. He continued to massage your thigh while he planted chaste kisses first behind your ear, then traveling down further to your collar bones. Sweat dripped off of his skin and melded with your own, your bodies a divine union.

Your frame acted on its own, responding expertly to his touch, your hips bucking against his. You felt his hardened length brush against your wet folds and you shuddered at the contact. 

Your entire body was on fire again, a deep burning longing to be joined with him in the most intimate way. You felt the fire spreading from your toes on up to your eyeballs. It was consuming you. 

You took control when you reached your hand down and wrapped if against his length, guiding him up into your drenched core. You shifted your hips down against his to bury as much of cock inside of you as possible. He hissed and grabbed your thigh again as you inched down on him, tilting your hips to accommodate the intrusion. 

His head dipped down and rested on your neck as you both exhaled deeply. He was finally buried all of the way inside of you. He groaned at you as you canted your hips against his, both of you holding in a breath. Still laying side by side, he gripped tightly as he shifted and moved himself out of your heavenly folds, focusing intensely on not accidentally unloading himself inside of you right then and there.

“Oh Kylo...” Your lips quivered as you attempted to speak to him as he began to move himself in an out at a slow but steady pace. Your brain was basically mush at this point, unable to formulate any words that were more poignant than “You feel so good.”

“You feel like velvet.” He replied, his voice still rich and dark as he gritted his teeth. “You take daddy’s cock so well. So wet for me.” His breathing was slightly more strained at this point, you moaned and leaned into his touch. You pressed your body tightly against his, craving more friction, more of his skin touching yours. 

You ground your hips roughly down into his and this time he was the one who shuddered against you, his grip tightening ever so roughly, his breathing becoming even more labored. He leaned forward and took the exposed skin of your neck in between his teeth, biting down hard to elicit a reaction from you. And a reaction he received. 

You moaned wildly at the gesture, arching your back further and tilting your hips in a way that gave him the complete access he was seeking. He rutted up into you, still holding your body harshly, exactly where he wanted it. He plunged his throbbing length into you without mercy, all the while you clenched and held onto him for dear life. 

He felt your walls contact around him and he pulled you on top of him, moving to lay down on his back. The sudden change in the angle in which he filled you caused you to cry out exaltation, his name escaping your lips in praise as he grabbed your hips and rammed himself up into you. You rode him wildly, resting your palms flat against his taut chest for support as you bounced your ass up and down on him. 

“Fuck.” He hissed through gritted teeth. “I love fucking my pretty little wife.” He groaned as your walls spasmed around his scorching member. 

He continued his assault, giving you not even a second of reprieve as you ground yourself down against him. He moved one of his hands from your hip and began to rub circles over your bulging clit, causing you to throw your head back in elation, bundles of baby’s breath becoming dislodged and scattered amongst you. 

“Fuck, Kylo...” You leaned down and pressed your body against his, feeling an increasing need to feel as much of him as possible. He reached around and grabbed handfuls of your ass into his hands, gripping you roughly and slamming himself into you. He felt himself beginning to come unraveled. “Ahhh fuck, Kylo....I’m gonna cum...”

You were barely able to make out the words as your climax burst through you, your thighs tightening against his hips. You ground yourself down into him, your pussy walls clenching and spasming around his hard length. 

You felt him shiver under you as he found his own release, slowing his pace to milk himself in and out of you. He groaned deeply and harshly as he emptied himself inside of you, his cock twitching and shooting hot thick ropes of cum inside. He continued to move, feeling you ride out the last waves of your orgasm as your cunt encompassed him heavenly. 

He finally stilled himself, pulling himself out slowly with a hiss as you rested your entire body weight on top of him. You nestled your head into the crook of the neck and listened to his breathing. 

He moved his hands from your ass and and began to dance his fingertips gingerly across your wet skin, a ritual so substantial and necessary to you, that much he knew. He always indulged you, he spoiled you. Your heart was humming. Your eyes were closed, you breathed in his scent deeply, feeling his heart rate begin to slow finally after several minutes of silence.

“I love you.” You whispered, a hefty promise in his ear. 

“I love you too.” He replied after a moment, his body relaxing further beneath you. His fingers still moved across your back, goosebumps now lying in their wake. “I got stuff to make s’mores in the fireplace.” 

Never had more beautiful words been uttered.

* * *

“Hey, what’s that?” Kylo asked as you licked a sticky bit of marshmallow off of your thumb.

“I can’t believe you fucking made these marshmallows from scratch...” You said absentmindedly, attempting to take a greedy bite of the warm treat in your hand. 

“Can’t you hear that?” You turned your attention to Kylo to see a confused expression on his face. 

“What are you talking about?” You silenced yourself and strained your ear to hear a faint, low vibrating. 

“Where is that coming from?” You asked.

“I think it’s coming from your bag.” He relied, pointing to your duffel in the corner.

You handed Kylo your s’more and walked over, pulling the thick quilted bedspread against your body. You rummaged brought the bag and found that the sound was originating from your phone. Except not your cool new iPhone. It was your old, archaic one. 

“How the fuck is this still on? I haven’t charged it in weeks.” You looked over at Kylo in amazement.

“Aren’t you going to answer that?” He asked you with a raised eyebrow. Oh shit. Right. 

“Hello?” 

“Hey, it’s Detective Blake.” Her voice was stern, resolute. Your heart jumped into your throat. 

You knew there was only one reason she’d call you in the middle of the night like this. 

You walked over to the window at the front of the cottage and glanced outside, admiring the way the blanket of flower petals littering the path glowed in the moonlight. 

“Hi.” A small murmur was all you could offer. 

“It’s happening. Tomorrow night.” She exhaled loudly. “I thought you should know.” 

You could now hear your heart beat pound in your ears. 

“Okay, when do we leave?” You asked calmly. Part of you was relieved that this was finally going to be over.  

“What do you mean, ‘we’?” She asked suddenly. “I hope you don’t think I’d ever allow you to put yourself in harms way by coming with us.” She sounded concerned. “Please, stay put.” 

“I’m coming with you.” You stated matter-of-factly. “This isn’t negotiable.” 

“Listen to me. You’re staying here. If I need to have you flagged on the no-fly list then so be it.” She sounded exasperated, tired and anxious for the events that lie ahead of her.

“How is it fair for you take this from me?” You asked incredulously. “I need to know the satisfaction.”

“You’re insane if you think being there means you’d be able to help us. Keeping you safe is the most important thing. Not only would it be dangerous as hell, it’d go against every protocol in the book.” You heard her take a drag of a cigarette. “We can’t jeopardize this investigation. All it takes is one mistake and he could be back out on the streets.” 

You shivered at her words. You didn’t want that at all but you also needed closure more than anything. You wanted to see fear in his eyes for a change, you wanted to look him in the eyes and tell him that he didn’t have any power over you anymore. 

“Okay, fine...” You relented. 

“Hey, I promise we’re going to bring them all in, okay?” She said in her signature sweet reassuring tone. “I’ll call you with an update as soon as I can.” 

“Thank you.” You replied solemnly. “Hey Blake? Be safe out there.” She hummed at you before disconnecting the call. 

Dazed, you slowly lowered your phone to your lap, still perched in the window overlooking the front. Your mind whirled around in your brain at an obscene rate.

You were jarred out of your current thoughts when Kylo reached out and rested his hand on your bare shoulder.

“Is everything okay?” He asked with wide eyes, now able to see how disturbed you were. “Was that Blake?”

“They’re doing it. Tomorrow. She doesn’t want me to go.” 

Kylo slid his arm around your shoulders and pulled you in against his chest. “That’s probably for the best.” He exhaled and planted a kiss on top of your head. 

“Kylo, I _have_ to be there. You understand why. I know you do.”

Kylo swallowed hard and stared down into your eyes as he spoke. “It’s not a good idea.”

You cut him off. 

“I’m going. Are you coming with me or not?” His body tensed as the words rolled out of your mouth. He sighed heavily and cleared his throat, pausing briefly before he finally responded.

“How would we get there?” He replied in a way that made it seem like he didn’t not expect the conversation to continue. 

“There’s a pilot somewhere out there that owes me a favor.” A small knowing smile spread across your lips as you leaned down to rummage in your bag for your address book.


	38. The Pilot

Several hours had passed and you found yourself waiting (not so patiently) at a tiny airstrip on the outskirts of the cabin’s property. It had apparently been there for years, serving as a means of travel for Leia should she need to make an emergency departure on short notice. 

The air out there was crisp, and all around you were dense woods. You looked out into the dark abyss, deep in thought as your mind jumped from one anxiety to the next.

“Do you trust him?” Daisy’s voice rang through the silence. It was the first time anyone had spoken out loud in at least twenty minutes.

“I do.” You replied without hesitating. “I’ve known him for years. Granted, I haven’t seen him in well over a year now. But I know his intentions are good. He’s helped me many, many times.” 

“I bet he has.” Kylo replied spitefully, unable to hide his disdain for your plan and the pilot in his voice. He took a deep breath and cleared his throat. “Sorry, that was uncalled for.”

You walked over to where he was sitting on the ground and plopped down next to him. Daisy scooted in closer to John and he wrapped his arms around her waist as she settled in between his legs. 

They were here to see you off, a fact that was bringing you an immense amount of comfort right now. This must be what it feels like to have _real_ friends. Friends that care about you enough to sit on cold pavement for three hours at five in the morning waiting for a pilot to take you away. 

Your heart swelled as you tried to keep yourself from bursting into tears. You were still riding the waves of emotion of the last 24 hours. It was proving to be difficult.

You had said your goodbyes to Leia who was currently sleeping soundly back inside the house. It’s not like you had told her the truth about where you were going, though. She was under the impression that Kylo was whisking you away on an exotic impromptu honeymoon. How romantic. 

“You’re jealous.” You whispered to him softly as you leaned your head against his shoulder.

“Maybe.” He exhaled deeply before continuing. “He’s seen you naked.” You rolled your eyes at him but he didn’t see. “I don’t feel good about this. I’m worried about you, about the baby.” 

“Don’t worry, I’ll protect you.” You reached around and pulled your pistol out of the holster situated in the back of your jeans. Daisy, who was several feet away and completely engaged in conversation with John, gasped in shock, her eyes growing as big as saucers. 

“Oh Jesus Christ, what the hell?” Kylo blurted out as he leaned away from you. 

“What?” You replied cooly, tucking the weapon into the back of your pants.

“Mother of God. Please, just be careful.” He whispered loudly at you. 

“Kylo, please. Don’t you trust me?” He hesitated, unmoved. “Didn’t I protect myself with this very gun like a month ago? Didn’t I protect them too?” You gestured over to Daisy and John.

He begrudgingly nodded at you, his eyes softening. He let out a deep breath he had been holding in and leaned back onto the pavement on the palms of his hands. He looked up at the vast open sky above.

“I...don’t want to lose you. I can’t lose you.” He exhaled deeply and laid all of the way back onto the ground.

“I understand, and I’m sorry. But, don’t you understand why I need to do this?” This wasn’t about revenge anymore, it was about creating a safe world for your family to thrive and prosper in. He nodded at you, defeated.

“I just wish there was another way.”

“If we had more time we could just drive, but we don’t. This is the only way...” he hummed at you and you moved to lie down beside him, pressing your body against his side. “I need you to relax. And not take him too seriously. He’s a funny guy, I think you guys’ll get along.” 

“Yeah, we have a lot in common.” He quipped back at you. 

“Oh really? Like what?”

He lowered his voice and whispered deep and husky into your ear. 

“You.” 

You shivered as his warm breath brushed against your ear. Kylo turned to face you and pull you into his chest. He quietly twisted pieces of your hair between his fingers as you laid in comfortable silence. The sun was beginning to peak up from the horizon, threatening the break of another new day. You squeezed your eyes shut to keep out the impending intrusion of light.

* * *

You walked into a large, dark room, a space so devoid of light that it appeared to swallow you whole. Your footsteps echoed into the empty hall, the long train of your bright red dress dragging behind you. Ahead of you, appearing out of thin air was _him_. 

He sat on a throne made of jagged, rusty metal, his chin turned upwards, an infinite ray of light shining down on his skin. Illuminating him. Granting him fortitude. The rest of the space was still pitch black, a complete void. 

It was just a statue. _Thank god_.

You stopped in place, marveling at the sight, his form hulking and imposing in front of you. A single piece of carved marble, you admired the sheer detail of it. Every muscle and hair was perfectly replicated, sitting in just the right place. Every hair on your body stood on end. It looked so _real_.

You were frozen, suspended in space and time. Your blood ran cold when you caught a glimpse of a flutter of his eyelashes. But that wasn’t possible, you must have imagined it. 

And then ever so slowly did he turn his head to gaze at you, the sounds of vertebrae audibly cracking and popping. It echoed. Hollow. Just like his eyes. 

“I’ve got you now...” His empty voice rang out to you, but his lips didn’t move.

* * *

You awoke in a panic, sweat had drenched your entire body. When you opened your eyes you saw Kylo staring into them, his gaze one of concern.

“Hey, are you okay?” He said as he gingerly stroked the side of your face. “You were moving a lot in your sleep.” 

Of course. 

It was all just a dream.  

But then, how had it felt so real? The chilling pitch of his voice as it echoed out into the massive room. His imposing presence. The dark energy that radiated from within. His words. _I’ve got you now..._

Your heart pounded against your chest as you sat up in a panic, clutching your stomach. You needed to tell Kylo that you didn’t feel good about this either. You needed to tell him that he was right and it was time to call this whole thing off. 

Kylo moved a reassuring arm to rest around your shoulders and pulled you in close to him. 

“What’s wrong? Please, talk to me. Was it a nightmare?”

Right as you were about to answer you heard it, in the distance. The low rumble of jet engines, thundering in the distance. Mouth open, you looked up into the sky to see the plane quickly approaching. 

There she was, in all her glory. Tallulah is what he called her. The small 10 passenger jet that had taken you many, many miles across this earth. The familiarity you felt in seeing her dance across the sky again eased your tension a bit. You took a deep breath and closed your eyes. 

You can do this.  

He was here and it was time and you supposed there was no going back now. 

You can do this.  

All of you stared up at the aircraft, watching it approach and descend lower and lower as it circled the airstrip.  

You kept repeating the words to yourself, somehow hoping that thinking them enough times would spring them into existence.  

You can do this. 

You moved your eyes back down and looked at Kylo.  

“It was nothing, I’m fine. I promise.” You gave him a weak smile and looked back up into the sky. Your stomach churned with anxiety as he finally landed the plane, coming to a rolling stop about 200 feet away. The sounds were almost deafening. 

You heard the jets finally begin to power down as you stood to your feet, picking up your duffel bag beside you. Kylo quickly grabbed it from you.

“No more lifting for you.” He said as he rested a hand against your stomach.

“Please, take it easy. In general, I mean.” His tone was serious. “Don’t do anything stupid.” You could tell by his words that he was referring to the endeavor that lie ahead of you.

“Okay.” Was all you could say. You would certainly try.

You directed your attention back over to the plane to see the door unlatch and the stairs lower to the ground. Someone emerged, someone you recognized immediately. The pilot. Your pilot. Your ace up your sleeve.

His hair was longer now, something you noticed right away. It was long and curly and kind of unruly but it suited him perfectly. He was now approaching the group of you, removing his sunglasses and placing them on top of his head.  

He always looked so damn cool without even trying. 

As he came closer you could better see he softened look in his eyes. He was staring straight at you as he grew nearer. He walked right up to you and pulled you into a huge hug, gripping his arms tightly around your body and spinning you in the air.

“Kiddo! Christ, it’s so great to see you.” He gently placed you back onto the ground and then immediately went in to shake Kylo’s hand. 

“Hey there, nice to meet you, I’m Kylo.” He said politely. You could tell already that he wasn’t a fan of the pilot. The handshake was firm and lively as he replied. 

“Nice to meet you too. I’m Poe. Poe Dameron.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Omgggg I’ve been waiting for the Poe reveal since I started writing this!


	39. Water Bottles

Poe hoisted the stairs back up into the jet and secured the latch. You felt the pressure in the cabin immediately begin to equalize. Good ‘ol Tallulah. She looked exactly how you remembered her. It was beige hell in here, with polished mahogany trim and gold accents. His clientele was ironically mostly celebrities and the extremely wealthy, making the fact that Kylo was here with you all the more funny.

You were grateful the man you married wasn’t the kind of person to spend exorbitant amounts of money on frivolous chartered jets, instead opting to fly commercial. It was, after all, how the two of you had met. Out of one terrible event grew something life-changing and astonishing. The universe had brought you together. You’d forever be grateful.

You looked up at Kylo and could tell by his posture and body language that he was uncomfortable and on edge. You were trying to ignore the fact that you felt the same exact way. You had to be strong enough for the both of you.

“I need to check on my copilot. Please, make yourself at home.” 

Kylo walked over to set your bags onto the floor while Poe quickly ducked into the cockpit. You settled yourself in one of the seats and secured your seatbelt. Kylo walked over and settled in next to you. He turned to you and rested his chin in his palm on the armrest, sighing deeply and staring at you intently. 

“You’re beautiful.” He murmured as he reached with his other hand to brush strands of hair out of your face. You gently shut your eyes, ready to bask in his praise. 

“You are.” You retorted, crinkling your nose at him as you did. You relaxed your face when you felt his thumb rub across your bottom lip. He delicately stroked the flesh, causing a rush of heat to shoot all through your limbs. You felt him press his lips firmly against yours, his hand moving to tenderly hold the back of your neck. His hands were large and warm and comforted you immediately. Your eyes remained closed, with a small moan escaping your lips as you melted into the kiss.

Just as you felt him suck your bottom lip into his mouth, you heard the door to the cockpit unlatch and pulled your face away from his. 

The pilot smiled at you as he emerged from the front of the plane and walked over and sunk down into the chair opposite you, across the other side of the table that was situated in between. 

“Sorry for the delay, just working out the flight manifest. Don’t worry, we’ll use fake names. I remember your feelings towards anonymity.” He spoke cooly, his eyes never leaving yours. “God, it’s so good to see you again...”

Kylo cleared his throat and shifted miserably in his seat. 

“Thanks for having us.” He said lamely as he shifted his arm to rest around your shoulders. His gaze was nonchalant but directive. Poe raised an eyebrow at him before replying.

“Yeah. No problem, buddy.” You felt Kylo’s body tense at the unintentional antagonization, likely keeping himself from saying something he’d regret. Good call. 

Poe directed his attention back to you. 

“We’re going to take off but I’ll be back, we need to catch up, sweetheart.” You felt Kylo tense again and reached down to quickly squeeze his hand under the table, attempting to deescalate the situation as quickly as possible. You hadn’t ever seen him this on edge and it was making you even more nervous than you already were.

Poe stood hastily and made his way to the front of the plane, returning briefly to give each of you a bottle of ice cold water. 

“Let me know if I can get anything else for you.” He replied with a smile, this time glancing at each of you. He entered the cockpit and secured the door behind him. 

Twisting off the cap, you took a big swig before slowly turning to Kylo only to realize that his gaze was fixed solely on you. You choked on the liquid.

“Thanks for not ripping his head off.” He huffed and rolled his eyes at you. “I could tell you wanted to.” You chugged more of the water.

“You’re welcome.”

“Please, I don’t want this to turn into a pissing contest. You  _have_  me. He doesn’t. Is that enough for you?” You leaned forward and touched your index finger to the tip of his nose, replacing it quickly with your lips. Exasperated and defeated, he took a deep breath and let it out into your face. 

“Yes.” Was all he said. 

“Thank you.” 

Kylo cleared his throat. 

“It’s clear his feelings for you... run deep. How didn’t the two of you ever end up together?” His eyes were glassy with the low light in the cabin reflecting beautifully against them.

“Because, I didn’t love him. And I still don’t.” He hummed at your response. “I didn’t think I was capable of loving someone, or rather, letting my guard down enough to let someone close enough to love them.”

“Until now.” 

“Yes, until now. Until you.” You replied breathlessly, your eyes still never leaving his.

“Well, you could have at least told me he was in love with you.”

“I guess I forgot what a puppy dog he is whenever he’s around me.” You shrugged. “Please don’t be angry. I haven’t seen him in months. I’ve had...other things on my mind. Better things.” You smirked at him, attempting to melt the ice that was currently occupying his face and demeanor.

He didn’t smile back, instead reaching up to run his hands through his luscious dark curls, sighing deeply. He reached down and opened his water, chugging down nearly half the bottle. He leaned back in his seat as the plane pitched forward and began to move, preparing for takeoff. He squeezed his eyes tightly shut and gripped the armrests in his large fists.

You observed him closely, noticing beads of sweat begin to form on his forehead.

He’s afraid of flying. 

Wow. 

He flys all the time and apparently he hates it. Maybe that was attributing to his sour mood? 

You reached down and grabbed his hand in yours and began to stroke him lightly. You felt him relax, but only slightly, against your touch. His eyes remained closed.

Your skin remained on his until you had completely descended. You heard the chime indicating that it was okay to remove your seatbelt and only then did he finally open his eyes.  

They were softer now, less intense. He reached out and rested his hand against your cheek once more, gently stroking the skin beneath his fingers. 

“I’m sorry. I’ll try harder to...go with the flow. Seeing him swoon over you is driving me crazy, though.” He sighed for the millionth time before continuing. “I guess I’m just possessive over you. And I still don’t trust him.”

You closed your eyes and leaned in to his touch, a small smile spreading over your lips. You’d never admit it but having Kylo act so protective and territorial over you was turning you more than ever. But this was the time or the place to indulge in those feelings, so, a sly smile would have to suffice. 

“I love you.” He whispered, almost as if he were afraid to say the words out loud.

“Ben. My beautiful Ben Solo. I love you, too.” 

Finally, a small smile cracked from his lips and you felt your heart sing in your chest. Your head swirled with emotions and unanswered questions, but you were beginning to feel deliciously light and couldn’t be bothered to care about the uneasiness resting in the back of your mind. Your eyelids felt increasingly heavy as you moved to lean back against the seat. 

You gave in and closed them, letting the low hum of the sounds of the cabin around you begin to lull you to sleep. You opened them only once to look over at your lover to realize that he too had already fallen fast asleep. 

Unable to fight it any longer, you closed your eyes for the final time and peacefully drifted off into the dark abyss.

* * *

Cold. God, you were so fucking cold. Goosebumps coated every inch of your body as you moved uncomfortably in place. When you opened your eyes, all you could see was darkness. Consuming darkness. Your hands. They were secured above your head and you were lying flat against some sort of table. A metal table. 

Fuck.

Your instincts kicked in as you began to panic, kicking your legs about only to find that they were secured tightly as well. You struggled against your restraints, attempting to flail your limbs wildly. Your heart rate was increasing, adrenaline shooting through your veins. Suddenly you felt hot, oh so hot, as the panic set in. It was no use, your efforts were to no avail. You attempted to take in a deep breath but your chest was burning.

The last thing you remembered was the plane. Poe’s plane. You fell asleep. The water. Had he drugged you? Why?

Suddenly, the lights in the room switched on and you were immediately blinded, closing your eyes tightly against the intrusion. You heard footsteps, gingerly making their way closer to you until they finally subsided, stopping dangerously close. 

The visitor did not speak or make another sound, only adding to the intense anxiety and fear that was surging through your body currently. 

Calmly, you began to peek your eyes open, allowing them to adjust to the light little by little. You looked up at the visitor, leaning ever so slightly over your secured body on the table. Your blood ran cold, your breath hitched in your throat. Sweat dropped down your forehead and slashed onto the metal below. Time ceased to exist in that moment, the world swirled in suspended animation around you. 

His green eyes pierced right through you.

“I’ve got you now...” He muttered, a mischievous smile stretched over his lips.


	40. Little Bird

**_Ten Years Earlier..._ **

* * *

You wrote one final line in your handmade journal before you closed it and placed safely it back under your mattress. Often you wrote to your mother as if she were still alive. You’d talk to her about your day, about the weather you imagined was happening above the ground. You’d talk to her about the different stitches you had learned or the differences between automatic and semiautomatic assault rifles. Anything to fill the pages, day after day. 

Today had been as uneventful as the last, with four hours of quilting in the morning followed by four hours of cooking and meal prepping in the afternoon. You always rushed back to your quarters as soon as it was acceptable to do so. Being the wife of the person running the show had its perks, the best one being your own room. 

At least being around the other women and girls made the time go by fast throughout the day. Sometimes, if you worked hard and finished your chores early you would get to go to the library and read before supper. You were currently working your way through the _Little House on the Prairie_ series. You often imagined yourself as precarious little Laura, scurrying around the woods, gathering sap to make maple syrup. If only. 

Your daily rituals were the bane of your existence, but you tried to make the most of your current situation. Mother Susan was set to give birth any day now, and the looming excitement of having another new baby around occupied most of your thoughts as of late. You needed all the practice you could get if you were going to be a mother soon like everyone kept telling you. 

Hux has been visiting you nightly for months and only by the graces of God had you not fallen with child yet. You thanked the universe every time your menstrual cycle returned. You imagined that somewhere our there your mother was looking out for you. 

You stood up straight and rested your back against your wooden headboard, straightening your apron as it rest upon your lap. Your head hurt. Your head always hurt. You had tried many times to quiet the thoughts that consumed you but the older you got the harder it became. 

A low, repetitive knock sounded at your door, causing you to snap your attention to the source of the sound. Your stomach dropped as you sat, frozen in place. 

Apprehensively, you walked over to the door and opened it gently, only a crack as to see who was there. But you already knew who was there. Every night at 8 PM without fail. He was there.

He smiled at you through the crack as you opened it, inviting him inside. You forced a smile back at him, happily beckoning him to enter.

“Hello darling.” He murmured as he entered and walked over to the bed. “How was your day?” 

“It was wonderful, sir.” You responded like clockwork, your answer never changing. It was the same answer you gave every day.  

It’s not like you could say “I spent the entire day pondering what a gigantic load of shit all of this is” or “I’ve dreamed of finding a way to escape your clutches.” That wouldn’t do. 

You had to play the part, of course. The happy, dutiful child-bride, ever so grateful to him for picking her up off the streets and saving her life. You owed him so much, right? Maybe if you had been younger when he found you it would have been easier for his bullshit to really take root, but you weren’t so easily programmed. Thankfully.

You weren’t a sheep like the others. You wanted more, and knew that more was out there to be had. You knew that life outside of these walls had so much more to offer than only the death and decay of civilization he was always prattling on about. 

He began to remove his pants, shuffling them down his legs to the ground. Your dinner threatened to resurface. Nausea swept through your body, just like it always did. The inevitably of the evening time made you pray for death most nights. 

You swallowed hard, your back still turned to him. You heard the rest of his clothing drop to the floor and then the dip of the mattress as he climbed on in.

Luckily, he typically left before you went to sleep. Surely he had his rounds to finish, other women’s chambers to invade and desecrate. Other women who would gleefully open their doors and their legs to him. My, what a charmed existence he was living, being worshipped as a god among men. It made you sick. 

“Won’t you join me, dear?” You paused, still stuck where you stood. You screamed internally for your legs to move. Please, just move. This won’t hurt for very long. He loves you. Go to him, before he gets mad again.

Slowly, you turned to face him to see that he had already nestled himself under the quilt and sheets on your bed. It was getting harder and harder to hide your physical repulsion to him, but you mustered the best curtsey and smile you could before you walked over to him. 

Your skin crawled as he watched your every movement, his sickening eyes never leaving your body even for a moment. You unlaced the last of your bodice and allowed your dress to fall to the ground, almost as if it were moving in slow motion. The cold air of the room rushed your skin, causing gooseflesh to spread over it.

The elder women had prepared you, told you that it would get easier. It didn’t.

They told you that you should feel blessed that you were able to be a part of something much bigger than you. They told you how they wished to be in your shoes, the one who was destined to marry him, to be his wife.  

All you could do was smile and nod when in reality you wanted to kick and scream. You wanted to tell them that they could have it all, the marriage and the children, the legacy, the movement. You didn’t want any part in it. 

But it was too late, and you were in too deep. You were surrounded by people whose loyalty lie in someone who only wanted to own you. And that fact in and of itself was absolutely crippling. 

You were alone, and you always would be. 

At least, that’s what he would tell you, when you first began to have doubts. You trusted him and he tried to reassure you. He would tell you over and over that you were nothing without him, without the movement. That being here with him gave your life purpose and that if you were to leave your existence would be meaningless and wasted.  

But you knew that wasn’t true. You learned very quickly what to say to make him happy, the elders happy. You learned quickly how to keep the peace, even if that meant sacrificing every ounce of self respect and hope you had deep inside of you.  

There was no way out. So, you played your part. Like the good little wife you were. You’d bear his children, be the best mother you possibly could, and then hopefully as you got older he’d lose interest in you just like he had with the others. It was the best outcome you could hope for.

And now, as you stood naked and trembling before him, you wished so badly that he’d tire of you now. Not years from now, but right this second. The eager and lustful look in his eyes made your skin crawl. The way he moved the quilt to make space for you next to him in the bed disgusted you on a visceral level.  

In that moment you wished you had a weapon, a means of fighting back. Training at the gun range wasn’t enough, you needed a gun of your own. So that maybe one day you could finally end him, end all of this, end your own suffering too. 

Above all else, you missed your parents. Your family. Your _real_ family.

“Now come here, it’s quite rude to keep me waiting, now isn’t it?” He quipped at you, his head cocked to the side and a sly smile on his lips. “Playing coy, are we?”

You pushed the longing thoughts of your family to the back of your mind as you finally stepped forward, edging your way closer to the bed. You mustered the best smile you could at him, giving him a playful wink that you had worked tirelessly to perfect. A happy Hux was a Hux that left you alone. 

You crawled into the bed next to him, his body heat radiating and nearly smothering you before he even laid a finger on you. 

“I’ve got you now, little bird. I’ve got you...”


	41. Side By Side

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Thanks again for your support. There’s one or two more chapters remaining (if the next one gets too long I’ll probably split it.) There will also be an epilogue after that. Don’t worry, I like for there to be some kind of semblance of closure.
> 
> Thanks for reading :-)

_KILL. KILL. KILL._

_MAIM. MURDER. REVENGE._

You closed your eyes and focused on finding super-human strength to free yourself so you could finish what you came here to do. Pure rage and fire coursed through your veins. Even though your eyes were shut, all you could see was red. 

Your body trembled as you shook in your restraints. You refused to meet his gaze. No amount of mental training could have prepared you for the feelings that would be flooding through you once you were in close proximity to him again. It felt as though the last 10 years hadn’t happened. You were just as angry, disgusted, and terrified as you were the day you ran away from him. 

“Did you miss me, love?” He asked as he lovingly stroked a single finger down the exposed inner flesh of your bicep. “Welcome home.” You shuttered beneath his touch, resisting the urge to recoil in disgust. Home. He and Poe must have brought you back to the compound. 

Poe. 

What the fuck, Poe? How had he gotten involved in all of this? Had he been in on it all along?

The logical side of your brain was keeping you from reacting too recklessly, your weeks of yoga and meditation were paying off. You reminded yourself to stay calm, that he had the upper hand right now. You were the one strapped to the table, tied down and ripe for the picking.

You took in a deep, greedy breath and exhaled before you slowly opened your eyes. His face was mere inches away from yours now, his hot breath dancing across your skin. It smelled like cigarettes. You wanted to vomit.

“Hello, Hux.” Your sure voice echoed through the stark, empty room. 

A pompous smile spread across his face as he moved back to a standing position and rolled forward on the balls of his feet, his posture as straight as an arrow, just as it always was.

“I have been waiting for your return.” He paused. “Granted, I had always hoped it would be under far better circumstances.” He clicked his tongue at you and sighed. 

“Meaning?” You retorted, immediately regretting your quip. You needed to remain level-headed and not let your tongue get the best of you. Hux narrowed his eyes. 

“Meaning, of course, that I assumed you’d come home willingly.” He began to pace around the table, his eyes never leaving yours. “After you had your fun, and once you realized how cold and desolate the world out there was,” he pointed at the ceiling, “I assumed you’d come home to me, to us.” 

He stopped in place and continued to stare at you, but not really in a menacing kind of way. It was more like he was studying you, observing your aged features. The irony of your currently situation was not wasted on you. He sighed again. 

“You’re still as beautiful as the last time I saw you...” The wistful expression in his eyes made your skin crawl. But you had to push past it, you had to play into whatever game he was playing. You had to find a way to get to Kylo, if he was even still alive...

Your heart sank. Kylo. Your last words to him echoed clearly through your mind.

_Ben. My beautiful Ben Solo. I love you, too_.

You grit your teeth and fought back the urge to sob. You had to be strong, strong for him, and strong for the baby too. The baby that Hux could never find out about. You looked hurriedly down at your stomach just to make sure there weren’t any tell-tale signs, sighing in relief when you realized that the swelling of your stomach was barely noticeable. 

You casually looked back up to meet his gaze, his green eyes drilled into you. Your heart pounded in your chest so severely you could feel it in your head. You took in a deep breath and tried to focus on remaining conscious. 

You shifted on the table slightly and realized something grand, something so amazing you felt as though you could cry tears of joy. 

Your gun. 

It was still there, tucked neatly into the holster hidden in the back of your jeans. Relief swept over you as your eyes once again joined his. The silence in the room at this point was deafening and it was becoming ever apparent that he was waiting for some kind of response from you. 

“I never should have left, it was all a huge mistake.” Your voice cracked as you spoke. 

You were going to tell him whatever he needed to hear, whatever you needed to say in order to gain his trust and get him to free your hands. You tried to appear solemn and remorseful with your eyes as you peered up at him, anticipating his next move. His eyes briefly softened.

He walked back over and leaned over you beneath him. His face was empty, his expression impassive. You could swear that you saw moisture accumulating in his eyes.

“I don’t think I believe you, darling.” He moved further over you on the table, his face merely inches from yours. “Maybe you should convince me.”

He leaned forward and harshly pressed his lips flush against yours. You fought your instinct to attack him, instead returning his kiss with full force, lifting your head up to meet him. He shoved his tongue into your mouth and you gladly accepted it, swirling your own around his warm wet mouth. He had never kissed you in such a way before, you realized as he moved his hands to grasp your face to pull it in closer to his. 

You whined against your restraints, struggling to move in them. Your stomach churned acid and you fought back the urge to vomit the contents of your stomach all over his face. He finally pulled away from you to catch his breath, his hands still lingering on your face and neck.

“I’m so glad you’re back with me, right where you belong.” He panted above you, his eyes darkened with desire. He turned his head and yelled towards the thick, steel door. “KEYS!”

Just then, a young man shuffled in, he couldn’t have been more than 16 or 17 years old. He handed Hux a large set of keys and stood dutifully beside him, retrieving an assault rifle that was strapped behind his back. A chill ran through your spine as Hux moved towards your hands. He hesitated before unlocking your shackles.

“I’m going to release you, but I need you to be a good little girl. Can you do that for me?” You nodded sweetly at him and mustered a small, yet polite, smile. 

He smiled back at you, his eyes glistening as he reached down and unhinged the restraints. They dropped loudly onto the concrete floor with a thud. You lowered your arms and rubbed at the sensitive, bruised flesh of your wrists. 

“Oh my little bird, much has happened since you spread your wings and flew away from me.” He leaned back down to capture your lips with his, lifting your body up and off the table to pull it flush against his.

He wrapped his arms around your body and held you close to him, his hands roaming freely along your back. Dear God you hoped his hands wouldn’t travel too far south. You reciprocated his gesture by grabbing at his form as well, wrapping your arms up and around his neck as you wiggled your fingers through his hair. 

The boy remained next to him, his gun drawn. He watched intently as Hux moved his lips to lick down the exposed skin on your neck, taking his time to suck your skin into his mouth and bite it hungrily beneath his teeth. 

You did your best to play your part, pretending that you were just as lust crazed and starving for his affection as he appeared to be for yours. You writhed and moaned into his touch, closing your eyes and taking in his ministrations. 

You opened your eyes and briefly made eye contact with the boy, causing your cheeks to flush. Your body was rife with disgust and anger, it was rolling off you in waves but you somehow managed to keep your cool. You cleared your throat and Hux moved back from you, directing his attention to the boy. 

“You may leave us.”  

The boy nodded and backed out of the room, securing the latch on the outside after he left. Hux turned his attention back to you, your lips and face flushed pink beneath him. He moved down to unlock the shackles containing your feet, gently lowering them to the ground once unlatched. You drew your knees up into your chest and moved to sit sideways on the table, gesturing for him to join you.  

He walked over slowly and hopped up onto the surface, scooting himself as close to you as he possibly could. He leaned his head over and rested it on your shoulder and let out a deep breath. 

“I guess we have a lot to talk about.” You said timidly, shifting uncomfortably on the table.

“I suppose we do.” He sighed again and reached for your hands, pulling them tightly into his. “I understand why you left, why you ran away...” Your breath hitched as he spoke. “You were afraid, and I took you for granted. You trusted me, I was supposed to be your family and I used you like you were one of _them_. But you’re not, and you never were. It took you leaving for me to realize just how much you mean to me. I’m so sorry for letting things get to such a poor place.” 

His voice trailed off as he lifted his head from your shoulder. He stared straight ahead at the grey concrete wall. 

“Our numbers have only grown over the years. I have more faithful followers now than ever before. They are everywhere. They are in Hollywood and at the CIA and in Congress. They follow my orders implicitly, my faithful disciples. All I’ve ever wanted was for you to lead beside me, to lead our people to a better future. You are the only one I want in my bed and by my side. You are still my wife. Together, we can bring about a new world order.” 

He was interrupted when the door was hastily shoved open. You looked behind you to see Poe standing there, an AR-15 gripped tightly in his hands. He didn’t make eye contact with you. 

You wanted to scream out at him. You wanted to ask him how this had happened, how he had gotten wrapped up in all of this. Instead, you said nothing.

“He’s secured in the next room. Ready when you are.” 

Hux nodded at Poe and turned back around, his hands still gripping yours tightly. 

“Imagine my surprise when I found out that you had been traipsing around with my dear old friend, Ben.” You shivered at hearing his name roll off his lips. “I know that you know about our shared adolescence. He filled me in on that earlier, when we spent a little bit of time...catching up.” Hux released your hands and stood from the table as he turned to face you. You tried with every fiber of your being to maintain your composure.

“He swears up and down to me that you’re not involved with each other but I don’t believe that for a second.” He reached out and rested his hand on the side of your face, stroking your cheek gently with the calloused pad of his thumb. “I don’t care what happened in the past, but you will prove your loyalty to me.” Your stomach sunk as he spoke. “I will watch you kill Ben Solo.”

Your vision blurred momentarily, your eyes growing wide as his words echoed in your mind. You heard a hearty laugh from Poe behind you as you emptied your stomach onto the cold, concrete floor in front of you. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Omgggg


	42. One Last Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Get your tissues ready.

The slow, harsh creak of the thick metal door echoed into a vast, dark room. You closed your eyes and focused on our breathing. In through your nose, out through your mouth. Your mind never strayed too far from the weapon hidden on your backside. You didn’t have a plan and you had to be swift. Calculated. You couldn’t afford to make a single mistake.

On the outside, you were composed. You were determined, calm, cool as a cucumber. 

But on the inside your heart was racing.

Your stomach was churning, every cell in your body was aflame. You still felt the after affects of whatever drug Poe had given you earlier. It caused you to feel unstable and dizzy, making it so you lost your footing every few steps. Lucky for you, Hux was there to lead, his cold hand clutching at your shoulder from behind as he led you into the desolate space.

You immediately noticed that the room was much larger than your cell next door, much more vast and freezing cold, almost as if they had intentionally pumped extra AC into it. You vaguely recalled reading something about temperature control being used as a means of torture. You body began to shiver, you decidedly could do nothing to stop the shakes that were currently racking your body, no matter how hard you tried.

Poe stayed near the entrance and latched the door closed as Hux led you to the center of the room. Abruptly, he stopped you in place. 

“Stay right here for a moment.” He whispered in your ear, his breath sending a shiver up your spine. Your stomach burned at this point, you fought back the urge to dry heave once more.

Suddenly, the space flooded with light and you were finally able to see where he had taken you. You held your breath. Just across from you on the other side of the room you saw him, strapped to the wall with large leather straps. His face and body were bloody, some of it dark and old and other spots that were bright red. The sight nearly caused you to fall to your knees and weep.

It was Kylo.

He was bruised, battered...utterly tortured. His body was slack, hanging like a rag doll in his restraints. His eyes were closed and his head hung low towards the ground. Your heart promptly sank in your chest. You could easily deduce that he was already close to death with the amount of blood that littered the floor and his clothing.

“Why?” You managed to speak, finally, but your voice was tiny and barely audible. 

Hux walked around from behind you and stood at your side

“I needed information and he wouldn’t talk. At first, anyway.” Hux’s voice sounded like he was quite pleased of himself, a fact that made your skin crawl further.

“This was more than just gathering information.” You raised your voice, somehow mustering a bit of strength. Your anger was beginning to override your immense fear.

“Perhaps. I wasn’t exactly happy when I found out you had been living with _him_ of all people.” Venom dripped from his words. “Such a golden boy, the boy with all of the opportunities who somehow still found reason to be the dark, brooding sad boy. His inability to recognize his privilege enraged me as a youth. Imagine my disdain when I found that you had been occupying his bed.” He clicked his tongue at you. “I had to let him know who won in the end. I had to let him know that you are mine.” 

You wanted to scream, to cry out to Kylo and tell him how sorry you were that you got him wrapped up in this huge mess. You wanted more than anything to run to him and remove him from his ties, to take down his body and care for him, to get him to safety. Why did it have to be him? Why couldn’t it have been you? If you could take his pain and suffering and make it your own in that moment you would have in a heartbeat.

But in order for this to work, you needed to stay composed. You closed your eyes and exhaled deeply, focusing on the overwhelming joy and relief you would feel once you were able to see the light leave Hux’s eyes. Oh how he would pay for this. You’d make sure of that.

You wanted to rush him, bash his face in with your bare hands, make him cough and spew blood. But instead, you gently grabbed his hand. 

“Thank you...” You whispered out, giving his hand a tight squeeze. He squeezed yours back and pulled you into his arms, wrapping them firmly around your body as he pulled you against his frame. He crashed his mouth against yours, kissing you with intense passion. He pulled at the hair and arched your neck up to receive him, his lips unforgiving as they sucked and licked at your own. You allowed yourself to melt into his kiss, closing your eyes and allowing his assault to continue. 

You heard Poe chuckle by the door and the sound alone caused your blood to boil with rage. You focused hard on not gagging and maintaining your composure as Hux continued to kiss you with fervor. Your back was turned so you unfortunately did not see what happened next. 

Kylo stirred back into consciousness, his limbs jerking against his restraints. The first thing he saw when he slowly opened his eyes was Hux’s hands all over you, his tongue in your mouth. He heard a small moan escape your lips and his stomach dropped. The most shocking part of all was that you appeared to be _enjoying_ the contact. He shuddered and coughed blood onto the floor, the sound causing you to spin around to see his dark, defeated eyes staring back at you. 

Your back to Hux and Poe, you attempted to calm him by facial expression alone, but it didn’t seem to work. The heartbroken look on your face was translated in an entirely different sense to him, his betrayal and defeat plastered all over his face. 

_Please, understand. None of this is real. I’m going to save us. Please trust me._

You tried to convey your feelings through thin air alone, hoping that if you tried hard enough your words would find a way to filter across the room and into his head.

But no. It didn’t work.

His eyes lowered from yours and back down to the floor, and he once again went slack in his straps. Accepting his fate, he closed his eyes, and even though you were far away on the other side of the room you could see the tears that were now streaming down his bruised and stained cheeks.

You felt Hux’s hands slide around your waist and pull you back in close to him, your backside now completely flush against his front. The fact that his skin was in such close proximity to your unborn child made you see red once more. He whispered in your ear.

“My love. You know what you must do.” He moved one of his hands and returned it in front of you, this time holding a pistol. A Glock 19. He raised it and held it up in front of your face. “End this so we can move forward as one.” 

You swallowed hard and slowly reached up to grab the weapon, taking it carefully into your hand. Its weight felt incredibly heavy in your palm, the cool metal pressed firmly against your skin. 

You immediately jumped in place when you heard a loud, screeching siren begin to sound from somewhere in the distance. 

_What?_

You spun around to see that Hux was also staring at the door, at Poe. Just then, you heard a loud pounding at the door. Poe lowered his assault rifle to open the door. A young man ducked his head inside, clearly out of breath.

“We have to evacuate.” He spoke briskly and authoritatively. “They’re here. It’s time to initiate plan Echo Delta. Let’s go.” 

Hux nodded quickly at the man and he fled the room, Poe closed the door quickly behind him.

Turning his attention back to you, Hux hurriedly grabbed your cheeks in his hands as he spoke.

“We’re being raided. We have to go. There’s an escape route at the end of this tunnel, a route that leads to an airstrip several miles away. Please my little bird, don’t be afraid, I’ll protect you.” He must have seen the sheer terror that was painted all over your face. “Hurry, end this so we can leave.” He nodded over at Kylo, who was standing at nearly full attention since the alarm began to sound.

Your stomach sank as you recalled the horrible task at hand. You nodded your head at him and turned to Kylo slowly. The siren continued to sound, the noise so loud it felt as though your head might split in two. The extreme cold in the room caused you shiver once more.

Kylo's eyes moved into your field of vision once more, but they were different now. They were filled with light, however small it was. He wasn’t wincing in pain any longer. He had accepted his fate. Your heart broke in two.

Kylo’s eyes never left yours as you slowly moved the pistol up and aimed it at him, your wrist shaking and convulsing as you attempted to steady the weapon. You walked closer to him, tears were now streaming down your cheeks as well. His eyes softened as you approached closer, a small smile creeped up onto the corners of his lips. 

“DO IT!” Hux yelled from behind you, causing you to jump. “NOW!”

Kylo swallowed hard and tried to speak, but his voice was raspy and barely came out as a whisper. You could hardly hear him over the blaring of the alarm. 

“It’s okay. It’ll all be okay.” He croaked at you. “I love you.”

You closed your eyes at hearing the words escape his lips, the pistol still hung in the air in front of you. Streams of tears soaked through your eyelashes and splashed down your face. You bit your lip to keep yourself from crumpling into a heap onto the floor.

You opened your eyes to stare at Kylo as you moved your pointer finger down to the trigger.

“I’m so sorry...” You whispered breathlessly at him, wishing deeply that you had more time to say the million other things that were flashing through your mind. 

Eyes closed again, you listened hard. You listened for the diminutive sound of Poe shifting from one foot to another, the satisfied sigh of Hux as you moved closer towards Kylo with a gun in his face. You got as close to him as you could, trying to shield his body with your own as much as possible.

And what happened next could have been missed with the blink of an eye.

Like lightening you spun around on your heels while at the same time you were reaching with your free hand down to retrieve the weapon nestled snuggly into the back of your jeans. Everything moved in slow motion. 

Before either of them had time to react you were firing at them, unloading each of your weapons into the air, spraying a line of bullets across the room. You heard Poe fire several rounds into the space but it didn’t stop you from maintaining your assault.  

You continued to fire until all of the ammunition was gone, used up, spent. Smoke filled the air and you looked down at their lifeless bodies crumpled into heaps on the floor. Bright red splatters of liquid sprayed across the tan concrete walls. Brain matter and soft tissue covered nearly every surface. Adrenaline coursed through your veins as you dropped the pistols. They clanged loudly as they made harsh contact with the floor below.

Relief flooded your senses as you dropped to your knees. It felt as though the weight of the world had been removed from your shoulders at that very moment. You collapsed into a pile on the floor as tears streamed out of your face. You heard your name echo through the space. 

“Are you okay?” Kylo squeaked down at your body. You moved back up onto your palms and looked back at him, your eyes wide and full of moisture. You jumped up to your feet and ran to him, throwing your arms around his body, causing him to flinch.

“Fuck, I’m sorry. I forgot.” You softened your touch and tried to take heed of his injuries. You leaned forward and began to plaster kisses across his chest and neck. “I’m so sorry. Are you okay?” He nodded at you slowly.  

A flurry of emotions were flooding your body, you felt the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. You paused a moment to look into Kylo’s eyes and leaned forward onto your tippy toes to plant a long, deliberate kiss onto his lips. His eyes fluttered shut and they did not open. His strength was waning, you needed to act fast. 

You quickly reached up and began to fumble with the leather straps that were holding him in place, trying in that moment to ignore the pale blood-deprived color of his skin. Taking deep breaths, you finally freed one of his arms and moved to the other. 

The alarm continued to sound around you.

When you finally freed him, his body collapsed forward onto yours, no longer able to hold his weight by himself. You stumbled in place but somehow gathered the strength to balance yourself and hold him up, his arms wrapped around your shoulders. 

“Please, don’t let go. Don’t give up...” You pleaded with him, squeezing your eyes shut as you dragged him across the room and over to the door. You dug deep within yourself to keep going, to push through your own anguish to get the two of you out of there, but by the time you reached the other side of the room you felt your energy quickly waning. Dizziness clouded your vision and you lost your footing, falling into a pile onto the floor.  

You tried to move Kylo’s lifeless body off of yours but it was just too heavy. You scooted yourself up to sit against the wall, his body still laid across your lap. You reached down and began to stroke your fingers through his bloodied matted hair. Your breathing became more and more labored and you noticed that your entire body was shaking.

It was just then that you realized you actually hadn’t made it away entirely unscathed. Blood began to pool around your legs, blood you immediately knew was your own. Your right thigh ached and you reached down to feel for the wound. You screamed out as you accidentally dipped your fingers into the holes, the searing white-hot pain clouding your vision momentarily.  

You moved your hands back into Kylo’s hair and leaned your head up against the wall and closed your eyes. Darkness began to creep around you, even with your eyes open, all you could see was pure black. 

“I love you...” You spoke quietly, hoping that maybe he hadn’t left you yet, that maybe the last thing to escape from your lips would be those sacred words you needed so desperately for him to hear. Just one last time.


	43. Awake

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this is it kids. I just want to take a moment to thank each and every one of you that followed along to the end with me. It’s been a wild ride, but the end is here.
> 
> Next chapter will be an epilogue (I will be posting it shortly.) 
> 
> Feedback is appreciated. Please let me know what you think.
> 
> LOVE U GUYS.

_Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep._

Heavy. Unbearable weight. Suffocating.

_“Move.”_ You urged your eyelids to open but they wouldn’t budge. Your entire body weighed down heavily into the thin thighs mattress below you, dense and hulking as stone. You winced and tried with all of your might and then finally, your eyes, they softly fluttered open. 

_Beep. Beep. Beep._

You moved your eyes around the room crazily, your brain attempting to recognize your surroundings. The smell. The dry, cold air. The familiar feeling of tubes and needles jutting out of your arms.

Your eyes locked on the plastic bag of clear liquid that hung above you, dangling and moving ever so gingerly in the air. The robotic rising and falling of your chest. The horrifying plastic tubes shoved down your throat, gagging you as you sprang back to life. _Fuck_.

Panic set in. You couldn’t breathe, you choked and gagged on them as you pulled your hands up to remove them yourself, your body flailing around in hysteria. Your heart was pounding in your chest.

Just then, there were hands. Strong, confident hands that flew in to replace yours, then there was a slow and careful pulling of the material until it finally exited your throat. You sputtered and coughed onto the dark blue blanket beneath you. 

Those same hands came to rest on your shoulders and back, rubbing your flesh delicately as you lay hunched over, eyes closed and attempting to steady your breathing. 

Using the back of your hand to wipe your face, you looked up to see a familiar face staring down at you. Leia.

“Bet you didn’t know I was a medic in the military.” Her eyes sparkled at you, but you couldn’t ignore the puffy and dark skin that surrounded them. 

She continued to rub your back until she was no longer able to contain her excitement for your awakening. Without warning she flung her arms up and wove them around you as she began to wail hysterically, sobbing loudly as she pulled you against her. She sat next to you on the bed and rocked you in her arms as she cried, you could feel her relief rolling off of her in waves. 

Of course, you cried too. Fat, heavy tears flowed down your face.

Your body suddenly felt incredibly light as you finally moved away from her. You were just about to ask her about Kylo when all at once, a nurse ran into the room and over to you on the bed. She yelled out towards the hallway. 

“Doctor! She’s awake!”  

She made her way over to you as Leia moved away to give her room to examine you. She held your shoulders and gestured for you to lay back down against the bed below you. Scanning your body, she checked your IV and felt your pulse between her fingers. Just then, she moved to place the heart rate monitor back on the tip of your finger.

_Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep._

You looked over at Leia and attempted to speak. 

“Where’s Kylo?” You choked out painfully. 

A woman you could only assume was the doctor rushed into the room, her white coat trailing behind her. After a few long strides she was at your bedside, checking you in the same way that nurse just had finished doing. 

“Hi there, I’m Dr. Brooks. Do you know who you are?” You nodded your head and whispered your name out loud, unable to speak with much volume given the residual pain you felt in your throat.

“Good, good. How are you feeling?” She asked you with concern, reaching down to run her hands along your belly. You glanced down to see her hands moving against your bare flesh and your eyes nearly bulged out of your head.

Your stomach. 

It was huge. It jutted out from your midsection, the size of a large ripened watermelon. You heard your heart rate increase on the monitor. 

You suddenly felt very hot, a flash of heat spreading throughout your entire body. Your cheeks flushed and you began to sweat profusely, with beads of it forming almost instantly along your brow.

“Hey now, stay with me.” The doctor spoke to you, reaching down to squeeze your hand tightly in hers. “Take deep breaths for me. In through your nose, out through your mouth. Yes, that’s it.” Her voice was calm and reassuring. “Good, in and out. Just like that.” 

You felt your heart begin to slow and your mind begin to clear a bit. You closed your eyes and focused solely on your breathing.

“How long have I been...gone?” You asked timidly, afraid to hear what her answer might be.

“Four and a half months.” She replied calmly, moving her hands back down to palpate your belly. Your heart jumped up into your throat. Your eyes jerked down to your belly as you felt an incredibly strange sensation. It was an abrupt tightness and pull in your stomach. You looked down and saw it, a small movement from beneath your skin. 

“Looks like baby’s happy that momma is awake.” Dr. Brooks muttered out sweetly as she pulled her hands away from you. “Here, give me your hand.” She guided your fingertips town and pressed them against your warm flesh. You felt it move beneath your touch as your eyes grew large once again, a smile spreading over your face. 

“You’re eight and a half months now.” She spoke and you jolted your eyes back up to hers. “You woke up just in time for the best part.” She winked at you and walked over to the computer on the other side of the room and began typing. 

The nurse walked back around and began to replace the bag of fluids that hung above you. Leia returned to your side and gripped your hand in hers, her fingers tightening around yours. 

“I’m so glad you’re awake, honey.” She whispered at you, her tear-stained eyes twinkled down at you as she moved to plant a kiss to the top of your head. You closed your eyes and tried to process the events that were unfolding around you.

Hux. He was finally dead. You remembered now. The bullets. The silo. You were finally safe.

Relief washed over you as you realized that it was finally all over, no more running away. You had faced your fears head on and somehow you had managed to make it out alive. And because you had been out for so long, you and Kylo were already about to become parents. 

Kylo. Fuck.  

“Where’s Ben?” You spoke suddenly, flinching at the pain radiating from your throat. 

Leia’s eyes grew wide as she looked at you and began to speak. Your heart instantly sank as you prepared yourself for her to utter the words that would irrevocably change the rest of your life. 

“Oh, well, he’s...” She stammered and then it happened suddenly. You heard a commotion at the door, the sound of a tray of coffees tumbling loudly to the floor. The hot black liquid splattered all over the floor and walls.

Your eyes snapped up to find his immediately, and in that moment, time around the two of you stood still. It felt as though the wind had been knocked out of you. There he was. Standing in front of you with a dumbfounded look splayed across his beautiful face. 

He rushed at you and flung himself into the bed with you, his strong arms taking your body up and against his own. You breathed in his scent deeply as you buried your face into his neck, a warm soothed feeling spreading all over your body. You began to sob, unable to control the storm of emotions that was surging through your in that moment.

You were too in shock to notice Detective Blake enter the room behind him to stand over next to Leia. You didn’t know this at the time but she traveled to Oklahoma once a week to visit you in the hospital since you had been in a vegetative state. 

She never gave up hope that you would finally wake someday so she could scold you in person for how idiotic and ludicrous your actions had been. She hoped to be able to thank you someday for your bravery, tell you that because of you, thousands of lives had been saved when they debunked the terrorist attacks The Sons of Old had planned right before they moved on the compound.

There wasn’t a dry eye in the room as they all watched the two of you convulse and collapse into each other’s arms. You snaked your hands up to Kylo’s hair and a shiver ran down your spine as you recalled the last time you had done just that.

You had been afraid it would be the last time. 

But somehow, for some reason, the two of you had triumphed over it all. All of the pain and suffering you had endured throughout your entire life had brought you to this exact moment in time and you couldn’t help but beam at the the beauty and irony of that.


	44. Epilogue

_Four Years Later_

* * *

“Well, what about this one, mommy?”  

Her eyes beamed up at you, so full of love and light. You looked down at the page to see which one she had selected this time. How you loved this game. 

“Well, that particular one was taken by your uncle John, on the night of our wedding.” You studied the image below you. It was black and white, the photo John had snapped when Kylo had lifted you up above the ground after the two of you had exchanged rings. Your beautiful gown dangled below you, your eyes were glued on his. Fairy lights twinkled in the background. Your fairytale.

“Why is daddy lifting you up into the air?” She asked, bewildered at such a thing. You reached up and ran your fingers gently through her dark curly hair, causing her to scoot in more snuggly in your lap. She rested her head against your chest, waiting for your answer. 

“He was very happy.” You spoke breathlessly, remembering the moment as if it were just yesterday. The raw emotions and feelings you felt towards him felt even more intense than they had back then. Your heart was singing.

“He lifted you into the air because he was happy?” She asked, confused.

“Yes.”

“Well that’s just silly.” She began to laugh and then you did too, a hearty chuckle rolling from your tongue. She smiled up at you and you could have died from happiness with how whole her smile made you feel.  

“Yes, well daddy is pretty silly I guess.” You laughed together again, her cheeks growing red as she convulsed in front of you. 

“Do you want to know what the coolest part of this picture is?” You asked her in a lowered voice, widening your eyes in excitement. She nodded eagerly at you as you reached down to touch your fingertip against the photo. “It’s that you’re in the picture too. Here, in my belly.” 

Her eyes doubled in size as she stared down at the image, speechless at your words as soon as they left your mouth.

“Wow...” She murmured as she studied the picture more closely.

Your attention snapped to the door when you heard it creak open. 

“Padme, its time to go. Your grandmother is here.” Kylo ducked his head into the library to see the two of you snuggled up together on one of the leather couches. 

The child leapt from your lap and scrambled over to the door, dragging the photo album along with her.

“I’m gonna show grammy the photo of daddy being silly!” She squealed as she rushed past Kylo and out of the room. You stood and walked over to him, gently taking his hand in yours. He led you out of the library and into the living area where you saw Leia seated on the couch, your daughter perched in her lap. She held the album up to Leia and she feigned excitement over the image, even though she had seen this particular picture many times. 

The two of you walked over and sat on the side across from them, all of you in smiles at seeing Padme exhibit such excitement over something as trivial as a photo album. Having her around really helped you to see things from an entirely different perspective. You could hardly believe the fulfillment you gathered from motherhood.

Kylo moved his hand to rest around your back as he pulled you in tightly against him. 

“I’ll have her back on Sunday.” Leia rated as she moved to gather her things from beside the back door. “You’re more than welcome to visit.” She winked at you, and then at Ben. She had purchased a home right down the road from yours, of course at the urging of you and Kylo. After everything that had happened you needed her to be close. Family was the most important thing to you now. A real family. _Your_ family.  

It was growing.

And it wasn't coincidence that Leia had asked to keep her granddaughter on this particular weekend.

For on this particular weekend, you would tell your husband, the love of your life, that he was going to be a father for the second time. You daydreamed lately about the look in his eyes when you finally broke the news. You could barely contain your excitement.

Padme ran back across the room and throw her arms around your legs, her grip tightened as hard as she could as she squeezed at you. You bent over and scooped her up into your arms, hugging her body close to your chest. Kylo moved in his seat to wrap his arms around the two of you, nearly suffocating you with the intensity of his grip. 

“Daddy, stop...” She was laughing at this point, her tiny giggles echoed around the room. Leia smiled brightly at the sight in front of her.  

“We love you, Padme. Have fun with grammy.” You leaned down and kissed her forehead and just like that, she was gone, barreling back over to her grandmother on the opposite side of the room.

“Love you mommy, love you daddy.” She exclaimed as she darted out of the side door and out onto the deck. 

“Love you guys. See you later.” Leia said before she closed the side door behind her. 

Your attention turned immediately to Kylo as he swiftly moved your hips to rest on top of him. He seated you in his lap and immediately buried his face in your chest, gripping your lower back tightly to press himself against you. He breathed in your scent heavily, rubbing his face and nose against the small area of visible skin above the neckline of your dress.

“It’s been too long...” He breathed at you, his eyes dark and crazed with lust. He rubbed his rough hands against the exposed skin on your back, causing goose flesh to spread across it.

“Yeah, like three days.” You chuckled at him, appreciating his eagerness to get as close as possible to you. 

You moaned as his hands moved up to your shoulders, moving your straps off and exposing your chest to him. He ducked his head down and sucked your hardened bud in between his teeth, sucking harshly at you. You gasped and thrust your chest out, reaching up and gripping the back of his neck in your hands. 

His hands moved to find their place on your hips, holding you in place as he ground up into you. A languid moan escaped your lips as you felt him harden further underneath you, his hardon pressing urgently against your wet panties.  

You reached down in between you to unbuckle his belt and jeans, drawing him into a deep, wet kiss as you did so. His tongue moved along your lips and you opened your mouth to him, accepting his ministrations eagerly. He lapped and sucked on you, his hands never leaving your hips and ass. He kneaded your cheeks in his wide palms as he continued to grind himself into you. 

He shifted in his seat to wrestle his pants and boxers down his legs, his hard length springing free and nestling against you. You could feel his immense arousal as he moaned and then shuddered against your center. Heat radiated from him and into you. You had completely soaked through your underwear at this point, providing a barely-there layer between the two of you.

You moved your hips deliciously low, grinding your spread pussy over his hot, hardened cock underneath you. His hands shot straight to your hips and held you in place, stilling your movements momentarily. You loved how close you could get him to the edge without him even being inside of you yet. 

Your heart beat wildly in your chest as you reached down and moved your pink silk panties to the side. You grabbed his aching, leaking member and pushed it into your folds, guiding him through to your sweet center. His immense length slipped into you with ease, feeling as though he might split you in half at that moment. You groaned and stilled yourself on top of him, allowing your walls to stretch and accommodate to the intrusion.  

You leaned your forehead against his chest, breathing heavily as you began to roll your hips carefully against his.

“Fuck...” He breathed out as he rocked up into you, relishing in the way your heat opened up to perfectly receive him. 

“God, you feel so good inside of me.” You breathed against his neck as his hands moved to position themselves back over your hips. “Like you were meant to be there.” 

He hummed in response as he began to increase the pace at which he pumped in and out of you. The grip of his fingers against your flesh strengthened the faster he began to go. Pretty soon he was plowing up into you, fucking his hard dick into with reckless abandon. 

You ground forward on him, your eyes closed as you focused on the pleasure radiating throughout your entire body. With each pump and grind came delicious friction between his body and your bulging clit. Your walls began to tighten around him as he moved in and out of your soaked folds.

“Fuck, I love your pussy. Pretty baby.” He reaches up and gripped your hair in his hands, pulling your body taut and back to look at him. His pupils were blown, his eyes dark and glowing with passion. He rammed his cock up into you and the sounds of his flesh smacking against yours was only compounding your arousal.

“Cum inside of me, I need it.” You panted at him through hooded eyes, your pleasure reaching the tipping point. You ground wildly into him, chasing your release like your life depended on it. “Please, daddy, I need it...” 

He pulled your body back against him and moved his hands back down under your ass, pulling himself in and out of you a few more times before he finally exploded inside of you. He groaned loudly as he began to milk himself in and out of you, his hips bucking wildly beneath you.  

Feeling his length tighten and twitch inside of you was all it took for you to fall over the edge. You cunt clenched, tightly, around his hot member as he emptied his seed inside of you, his hands still perched tightly under your ass, raising and lowering your body up and down as he spasmed and jerked up into your warm center.

You moaned wildly as you bucked against him, chasing out wage after wave of white-hot pleasure. In that moment you could swear you felt his own pleasure radiating out of him, like a delicious warm melody, it melding together into a beautiful symphony with your own. 

He moaned as he finally stilled himself inside of you, enjoying the feeling of your pussy walls still spasming around him. He reached down and began to stroke your clit, causing you to cry out in pleasure as you rode out the final shockwaves of your orgasm. 

You went slack against his body, completely spent. He dick slid out of you followed by your shared fluids into his lap. You lay like that, against him, breathing heavily for several minutes. His hands moved from your hips and back up to your lower back, pressing your body tightly once again against his. 

“I love you, my little flower...” Your heart sang as the words left his lips.

Feeling more daring than usual, you leaned back and reached down in between the two of you to gather some of the mess onto your fingers. You swiftly raised your hand back up and shoved the fingers into your mouth, licking and sucking hungrily at your shared essence. His hungry eyes never left you as you finished your obscene gesture. 

You immediately felt him begin to harden beneath you. Your eyes went wide when you felt his bulge begun to nudge at your opening. 

“Holy shit...” You statement was cut short as he slid back up inside of you, easily seating himself to the hilt.  

You opened your eyes and looked down into his as you suddenly became overcome with emotion. 

“How did I get so lucky?” You whispered down to him as he slowly began to work himself in and out of your hole. 

“It was meant to be...” He breathed back to you, sheathing himself inside of you once again. You closed your eyes and savored the heat emanating from his form beneath you, the shared love stretching between the two of you was palpable.

“We were meant to be...” You whispered into his ear, the words slipping quietly from your lips and into his ear before he bucked up into you and took the breath directly from your mouth.


End file.
